Happily married?

[cricketbug]

my 3 1/2 cents!

I have a happy marriage sure we have our moments but overall I wouldn't change anything.

He's my best friend and we tell each other everything.

We also work hard to keep each other happy.

We don't take each other for granted and are both flexible and open minded.

Cherrylips... couldn't agree with you more m'friend. Have known my hubby since we were 17 and we've been together 4 years, married for 3. he's my best friend, confidante, lover, etc. etc. etc.

However, we do have our disagreements but the one thing we do that I never did with my ex-fiance' is TALK. hubby and I talk ... a lot. Yes, we do have our tiffs, but who doesn't.

Hell, we've even been talking about having kids more lately...

 

[WynEternal]

Wow that's really great, Old. Nice three legs too.

I'm married, and can say that the good times do outweigh the bad. We're still discovering what it is that brought us together and it's been wonderful.

 

[lilpriss]

Ok, so all the happy married people are just content to be quiet about it...

Thank you so much for all the replies, I guess it's true the louder we bitch the more response we get...

Therefore those who are happy in their life... marriage... job whatever don't say much , there's no reason to gripe.

I Think I'll write it down that when I'm happy I'll shout it to the world!!!

but no one likes a braggard...

Oh well I'm happy at this moment and for no particular reason, How's that for shouting??

 

[SlyFox]

A Happy Marriage

I'll have to echo what so many others have said on this thread. My wife and I have been very happily married for almost 20 years and lived together for 4 years before that. What's our secret? We started out from the very beginning with what can only be described as an "open relationship". Either of us has always been free to be with and do what we want to with whomever - as long as it's done completely above board and with the full knowledge and approval of the other. But you know what? Rarely has either one of us taken advantage of that "freedom"... Sure, we "play" with other couples and singles from time to time, but almost always together as a couple. Even if one or the other of us meets someone we think we'd like to have a relationship with - sexual or not - we share that with the other to always be sure that they are ok with that. Hasn't happened often but we both know we can if it does happen.

Robert Heinlein wrote in "Time Enough For Love (© 1973):

"...a warning that marriage was not easy, not to be entered into lightly, because there would be troubles they must face together, grave troubles that would require the courage of the Cowardly Lion, the wisdom of the Scarecrow, the loving heart of the Tin Woodsman, and the indomitable gallantry of Dorothy."

Works for us...

SlyFox & LadyHawke

 

[ExtacyCouple]

According to my wife I am very happy......just kidding!! We have been married for almost 10 years and been together for 15 and I would consider myself very happy. We met when she was 16 and I was 18 so we are a total oddity and beating all the odds. We just have a ton of fun together and I think that is what it is all about. Not only do you have to love the one you are with, you have to like them too. You see so many couples that it is purely obvious that they just don't like each other any more. They were probably very much in love and still love each other very much but just can't stand each other. That won't work. I think that is where people start feeling trapped, when they have to go home and spend time with somebody that they just don't like being around.

I think that there are some personality traits in people that will prevent them from ever being happy in a marriage. Very jealous people or very controlling people. They are better off just owning a dog. It will never stray and it will sit on comand.

As for me though, I just consider myself incredibly lucky to have found the perfect person. My wife is my greatest friend, a truly amazing lover, and an incredible mother to our children. And best of all.....she puts up with me.

 

[horatio]

My wife and I have been married for 22 years. We dated for 2 years before that. She turned me down for marriage twice before accepting. We have 2 beautiful daughters (youngest a soph. in high school). She's a great person with a heart the size of Texas. She has some issues with sex involving religion and her youth. Sex is pretty much just missionary and infrequent. Putting up with me qualifies her for sainthood, though. I'm nowhere near being a saint. I don't drink because her father was an alcoholic, now recovered. I'm an eppileptic and that has caused her to freak out a couple of times. The medication also causes some mood swings at times. Things are never perfect for anybody at all times. We have our ups and downs. Most of them are my fault. Will we make it forever? Who knows? Over the years I have learned to take things a day at a time, a situation at a time. Experience has lead to patience. The one thing that I know more than anything else is that I can't imagine life without her, good or bad. We have become a part of each other. We'll just have to see what tomorrow brings. And then the next day.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Marriage. Bah. An outmoded insitution designed to enforce property rights & keep women chaste and under the control of a husband once they left their families.
Now a feverently embraced home for the equally obscene and outmoded concept of monogamy.
Both ideas go against reason, emotion, and biology.
No wonder they both fail so often and so many are miserable in them.

As for "trapped" people feel that way because society "expects" them to be married and in some jobs and positions advancement for one umarried is tough. Plus divorce generally favors women to a man's detriment, and we DO actually care about the kids who will be (most of the time) cruelly ripped from us if we flee an awful siutation.

IMHO, of course


And yeah, I'm bitter, but it doesn't make my comments invaid.......There's a saying from the "Principia Discordia": "Do not discount the truth of these teachings because I am mad; I am mad because they are TRUE."

I agree with James. And woman are tricked into thinking that its too there benefit, when its really designed to the advantage of men. But.... its still good to know that some people who are married are happy. Any relationship takes lots of work, and its great to see people who are working at it instead of just throwing in the towel becuase the hormones have settled down or whatever. I think thats commendable.

 

[James G 5]

I agree with James. And woman are tricked into thinking that its too there benefit, when its really designed to the advantage of men. But.... its still good to know that some people who are married are happy. Any relationship takes lots of work, and its great to see people who are working at it instead of just throwing in the towel becuase the hormones have settled down or whatever. I think thats commendable.

Heck, I'm just happy someone agreed with me at all for once LOL

 

[Azalea]

Hubby and I have been very happily married for over 25 years, but the sex has recently gone way up in frequency. I have experienced some sort of "awakening" of my libido after years of being almost totally shut down to pleasure. Why my mind is suddenly allowing my body to play is not completely clear to me, but our marriage has gotten even better.
Just an example of what I mean: in the past two weeks we have made love at least once a day, and I am able to come with oral stimulation two or three times during the same lovemaking session. Hubby seems to have an increasing joy in oral sex, which I approve of heartily!
I am curious about exploring some bdsm role-playing with him, but am a bit shy about asking. That is the main reason I joined this forum...to learn a bit and try to work up the courage.

 

[lilpriss]

Azaelea I say YOU GO GIRL!!

You'll be amazed at the fun that can be had.

Thanks so much everyone for responding.

 

[horatio]

Azaela

Coould you please talk to my wife? Maybe you could tell her what you are eating or drinking? Maybe you could breath into a cloth, I could hold it up to her nose while she sleeps, and she could catch whatever it is that you have now. Please, pretty please. I'm begging you. Give me a break here. Whatever it is that is different, good for you. I'll bet your husband agrees with me,too.

 

[Mstrskey]

I would have to say I'm happy

and that my husband is as well. We've been together for 14 years will renew our wedding vows at our 10 year anniversay in May.
I know that in all honesty we are the exception to the rule. I was only 19 when I got married, he was 21 and I was pregnant with 3 months of our wedding date. Everyone was sure we were going to fail, to fall flat on our faces but 10 years later here we are still going strong.

Sure we've had our moments. I think every marriage does, but in the end our love for each other outweighed whatever drama and bullshit was causing the anger between us.
I think the secret to our success was some advice- albeit cheesy advice- that my grandfather gave me on my wedding day. He said " Never let the sun set on your anger,don't be to proud to say your sorry, and always remember to say I love you." We've stuck to that. When we fight we always make sure the arguement is resolved before either one of us leaves. Sure its a bitch sometimes, but it's better to deal with it then vs. letting a silly dispute bleed into another day. When we're wrong we admit it. When we need space we ask for it. In other words we communicate about everything with each other. In ten years I have never gone a day without him telling me he loves me and vice versa.
Another pivitol key is that like SlyFox and his wife we have an open and understanding relationship. We are free to explore and learn and grow, but almost always that is something we want to do together!!

My husband is my lover, my friend, my shrink, my workout buddy, my partner in life!!! I can't imagine a day without him in it even when he makes me want to wring his neck.

Recently we attended the second marriage of our best friend. We were all seated at the head table talking and our friend leaned into us and asked if since we were the longest married couple there if we had any words of wisdom for them. I will never forget what my husband said to him. He said,
" yeah, wake up every morning, look at each other and remind yourselves how lucky you are that there's someone out there who knows everything there is to know about you, loves you anyway and thinks you're worth all the pain you'll put each other through because they know in the end the good times will always outweigh the bad. If you can honestly do that every morning you've got it in the bag!"

 

[anniya]

I have to say that I am happily married... We have our disagreements at times-- usually silly ones.. But, You'll have that sometimes!
Our two year anniversary is in just a few days! March 3rd!

 

[horatio]

anniya

May I be the first to say congratulations for your on your second wedding aniversary. May you have many more.

 

[ExtacyCouple]

Re: I would have to say I'm happy

and that my husband is as well. We've been together for 14 years will renew our wedding vows at our 10 year anniversay in May.
I know that in all honesty we are the exception to the rule. I was only 19 when I got married, he was 21 and I was pregnant with 3 months of our wedding date. Everyone was sure we were going to fail, to fall flat on our faces but 10 years later here we are still going strong.

Sure we've had our moments. I think every marriage does, but in the end our love for each other outweighed whatever drama and bullshit was causing the anger between us.
I think the secret to our success was some advice- albeit cheesy advice- that my grandfather gave me on my wedding day. He said " Never let the sun set on your anger,don't be to proud to say your sorry, and always remember to say I love you." We've stuck to that. When we fight we always make sure the arguement is resolved before either one of us leaves. Sure its a bitch sometimes, but it's better to deal with it then vs. letting a silly dispute bleed into another day. When we're wrong we admit it. When we need space we ask for it. In other words we communicate about everything with each other. In ten years I have never gone a day without him telling me he loves me and vice versa.
Another pivitol key is that like SlyFox and his wife we have an open and understanding relationship. We are free to explore and learn and grow, but almost always that is something we want to do together!!

My husband is my lover, my friend, my shrink, my workout buddy, my partner in life!!! I can't imagine a day without him in it even when he makes me want to wring his neck.

Recently we attended the second marriage of our best friend. We were all seated at the head table talking and our friend leaned into us and asked if since we were the longest married couple there if we had any words of wisdom for them. I will never forget what my husband said to him. He said,
" yeah, wake up every morning, look at each other and remind yourselves how lucky you are that there's someone out there who knows everything there is to know about you, loves you anyway and thinks you're worth all the pain you'll put each other through because they know in the end the good times will always outweigh the bad. If you can honestly do that every morning you've got it in the bag!"

You sound alot like us, she was only 16 when we met and I was 18. Nobody ever thought it would last but we are beating all the odds. We will be celebrating 10 years of marriage and 15 years together this year.

 

[Azalea]

Re: Azaela

Coould you please talk to my wife? Maybe you could tell her what you are eating or drinking? Maybe you could breath into a cloth, I could hold it up to her nose while she sleeps, and she could catch whatever it is that you have now. Please, pretty please. I'm begging you. Give me a break here. Whatever it is that is different, good for you. I'll bet your husband agrees with me,too.

Horatio, I wish I could transfer some kind of vibes to her! It is a mystery to me why my body has suddenly opened up to so much pleasure, but I am not questioning it too closely!!
Hubby seems pretty happy.

 

[RoughPlay]

I'm so over hearing about people who are miserable with marriage... what the hell happens??

Who is happily married and what do you do to keep it going strong?

I'm single and it seems that every guy I date is damned and determined NOT to get married because they don't want to get TRAPPED or they don't want to be miserable... blablabla

I want some inspiration here.

Hi lilpriss

I have been married for almost twelve years. I'd say we are fairly
happy but with room for improvement. I would give the following
advice to any couple starting a marriage or long term relationship.
I apologise if any of this sounds 'preachy', its intended to be
sincere.


She should make him feel special and important and give him plenty
of attention.

She should give him great sex particularly the things he likes to
do the most. If he likes porn or any other form of stimulation she
should encourage this. If at all possible she should never say no to
anything.

She should be warm, affectionate, cheerful, enthusiastic, eager to please.

She should make her self as attractive, confident and sexy as she can.

She should keep him reasonably feed and watered.


He should love her and make her feel special, desired, cherished,
valued, sexy, important.

He should be warm, affectionate, tender, caring, kind, considerate,
respectful.

He should regularly :-
Buy her flowers.
Help her put on her coat.
Open doors for her.
Make her meals.
Bring her breakfast in bed.
Talk to her and listen to her.
Share intimate thoughts.
Help with the children.
Come up behind her in the kitchen, run his hands over her body and
nibble along the back of her neck.
Compliment her face, hair, body and clothes.
Give her massages.
Ravish her.
Hold her on the sofa.
Touch her arms, back and legs with tenderness and affection.
Pat her on the head.
Show appreciation for her cooking meals, bending over, looking
after the kids, etc.


They should both do these things throughout their marriage and not
just for the first year or two while they have the 'head over heels'
feeling. They should not use children or any other excuse to not bother
to do these things adequately.

If one partner fails to do their part sufficiently then the other
partner will start to feel neglected and will start to give less
causing the first partner to feel neglected so they give even less
and so on in a downward spiral until the marriage is ruined.

 

[ronster]

I'll get yelled at for this- but it is true

Hello,

As I have been reading I see you have gotten some good perspectives and advise and then again there are some IDIOTS in every crowd.

I think lots of what has been said here is true but I also think that your question begins with somewhat of a faulty premise.

I believe that is the reason you are getting so many opposing opinions as why these people are "Happy" (i.e. same interests/different interests). The faulty premise (or maybe just a more focused question) Is it HAPPINESS that we are talking about or is it a SUCCESSFUL marriage that we, as people, want?

I think most of the people who respond positively about their marriage would tell you it is not always "HAPPY" Happiness is a very fleeting thing and really, when compared to other things, is not all it is cracked up to be. Not to say it is bad it just isn't that deep. And I don't mean to spilt hairs or over analyze the words but I do think this is a very distinct difference.

Do we really want to be happy? Of course we do. But is it a realistic expectation to be happy all the time? Of course not. So what I think we are saying is that we want successful marriages, marriages that are stronger than the UNHAPPY THINGS life brings with it (or we create for ourselves, but that is another subject.)

So then what makes a marriage successful? Well I don't know if I am a good source or not. I've been married 3 times. But alas the third time was the charm. We've been married for 11 years and I would say we are generally happy even though our life has had its share of unhappiness. What I do believe is, we are successful. So maybe I would be a case study for what is different this time. I will share what I think that is and close this book until others can respond.


The difference in this marriage, and I think many of those who have positively responded might agree, is COMMITMENT. In the years we have been married neither of us has ever really considered an alternative to sticking it out. Now I would add that nothing HUGE has occurred that would justify either of us from breaking the commitment we made to each other (i.e. violence cheating etc., there are individuals that have a very good reason to consider ending marriages.) But we made a deal and if we have integrity we will stand by that deal. I could give you plenty of reasons why my wife or I COULD pack it in, but we don't. There is something about the security of that commitment that allows us to be who we are and to know we are loved. Today it is just too easy to throw it all away. But what if you knew that, no matter what, your spouse would not leave you (I don't mean you have license to do whatever you want) but that the worst thing that could happen is, let say what ever you do they can do it too.

Wouldn't that give you freedom to be you? And if you knew you had to work it out, wouldn't you? I believe it is that "working it out" that has made my marriage a success. But if I would have thought, "well if it doesn't work I can always get a divorce", wouldn't that be like living on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop? Where is the security in that? How could that be happiness?

Security in knowing that each of you are going to live up to your end of the deal and that there is grace and forgiveness when one of you drops the ball and the other one needs to pick up the slack and carry both ends of the deal. That to me seems to be A key if not THEE key to a successful marriage.


Well I'll shut up know and look for other replies.

P.S. I can't imagine anyone whose ever witnessed a successful marriage really believing that marriage is designed to benefit one over the other. I'm sure many marriage do but a successful marriage provides both partners a great deal of joy, but that joy is not free, it costs both partners dearly and it is worth it.

 

[RomanHans]

How about this...

Here's a link to something relevant to this thread that I posted on the GB

Marital Infidelity and Marital Bliss

The original article I cite is here:

Infidelity: Some Friendly Advice

In it, the author being interviewed claims that she did a study where 56 percent of men who admitted to having an affair claimed that they were 'happily married.'

The author has some other interesting theories...like that on-line relationships outside of marriage are more damaging than traditional, physical affairs, b/c the cheating partner is sharing emotions with their on-line partner, not just lust...

Any comments?

Roman

 

[lilpriss]

This is the first time I've looked here in a few days...

Nice thought provoking replies indeed.

Happy... succesful... call it what you will. I think we all get the gist. You can't be happy long, anyway, when ther is no joy.

Anyhoo, it is good to see so many who are commited and loving.

 

[Amfig]

First marriage lasted over 10 years. Happy part of the time, not happy part of the time. Divorced. Five years later, married number 2. Happy part of the time. Miserable most of the time. Four years later married No. 3. Been happy for almost ten years now.

Figured some things out. Had no need to be married. Whether I was happy or not had a whole lot more to do with me that whether I was married.

I think this marriage works mostly because we are still and love and are both deeply commited to it.

 

[James G 5]

First marriage lasted over 10 years. Happy part of the time, not happy part of the time. Divorced. Five years later, married number 2. Happy part of the time. Miserable most of the time. Four years later married No. 3. Been happy for almost ten years now.

Figured some things out. Had no need to be married. Whether I was happy or not had a whole lot more to do with me that whether I was married.

I think this marriage works mostly because we are still and love and are both deeply commited to it.

Why'd you feel the need to get married the first 2 times?
If there was no need, why do it again?
Just curious

 

[Amfig]

By the time I figured out I had no need to do it, the first two times were a done deal. The third time it was all about the lady I married. I wanted to marry her. Wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Dated and played with a bunch of other women during that period and had no desire to keep any of them for long.

Lady I married the third time, I had known forever. She was my best friend. Still is. Probably the only person on earth I would or could have married. Felt confident that life would be better with her than with anyone else. And it has been.

 

[James G 5]

By the time I figured out I had no need to do it, the first two times were a done deal. The third time it was all about the lady I married. I wanted to marry her. Wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Dated and played with a bunch of other women during that period and had no desire to keep any of them for long.

Lady I married the third time, I had known forever. She was my best friend. Still is. Probably the only person on earth I would or could have married. Felt confident that life would be better with her than with anyone else. And it has been.

But if you felt that way.why take the step of marriage
You didnt need the piece of paper to prove your feelings

 

[Amfig]

But if you felt that way.why take the step of marriage
You didnt need the piece of paper to prove your feelings

always nice thing to share those feelings with friends. Invite them over. Have a party. Something we both wanted to do. Just started talking about it and did it.

Happens all the time. Friends of ours had lived together 11 years. Good relationship. Got married. didn't mess things up. They felt like they wanted to do it. Had some parties. Invited some friends.