Happily Married, Sexually Unfulfilled

[tinman69s]

New to Lit but was intrigued by this thread. I have not read through it all...very long. Lots of folks searching for answers...me too! I just greet everyday with a smile and enjoy those who pass through my life and hope they enjoy the time spent around me.

Welcome to our little corner of the universe!!!! (I must say--I sure do like your screenname!) You will probably find this one of the best places on the internet to talk and vent, and be taken for who you are. We try very hard not to judge peole, as we all have our own problems and sometimes need to vent !!! Well, jump on in and vent on us. We can take it! And you will always be welcome here!

 

[tinman69s]

Since I was away for some time... and have many messages to answer, I'll start with this one. It is true I sometimes appear as "antagonist", it is something I cannot avoid easily. One of my strongest weaknesses is my incapacity to agree with people.

There is one thing I can say in my favour... that english is not my first language, so I can sometimes say something I don't really mean without noticing. But in this case I have to apologise with many, because I understand it is not easy to bear my way of talking. I like to push people with opposite of what they think, to show you can see things in a different way. But sometimes I do it in a too aggressive way, and that's not good.

I don't think just ignoring me is a solution. I prefer if people tell me when I'm passing the limit of decent speaking, so I can try to better myself. I tend to be intransigent and extreme... but even if it seems so, I never judge people. I have nothing to hide and I fear nothing, so feel free to contradict me as much as you wish. Please remember there is a big difference between what a person thinks and understands, and what can be written with words on a forum.

I like this thread because we all someway have something in common, even if in very different ways. And everyone is here with a special attitude. Usually I was not so sharp, and I see my last messages were a little out of place here.

Thank you for reading that. I'll try to be softer in my comments in the future.

Keiron, I apologize if I mistook your meaning. I try not to be confrontational on here, because it is very difficult to interpret meaning sometimes from type.
I will try to be more careful hereafter!

 

[SecretLove69]

New to Lit but was intrigued by this thread. I have not read through it all...very long. Lots of folks searching for answers...me too! I just greet everyday with a smile and enjoy those who pass through my life and hope they enjoy the time spent around me.

Hi Desire
Nice to meet a fellow searcher. This is a great thread with lots of helpful people (I'm not sure I'm one of the helpful ones but I'll listen and offer hugs if you need them).

It's still amazing to me that without ever meeting anyone here in person - I feel they have all touched my heart without ever touching my hand.

 

[Keiron99]

I'm sorry too Keiron. It is always difficult to get intent and inflection when just reading words. Can we chalk it up to misunderstanding and start fresh?
*extends hand and offers hug*

After spending 15 years into online discussions I know much too well misunderstandings are one of the most common things in that communities. But still didn't learn to be more careful..

***huge hug***


btw... is it your..er.. village.. that on your homepage? Full of snow and cats?

 

[SecretLove69]

But still didn't learn to be more careful..

***huge hug***


btw... is it your..er.. village.. that on your homepage? Full of snow and cats?

Hey sweets, we're all learning and we're all unique and special that's what makes this world so grand.
"Life is mysterious - So don't take it to serious"

Alas, no that background is just wishful thinking. My home is a lot less idyllic and I guess if I were to actually choose I would pick a place in much warmer climes. But it does have a romantic quality about it that really appeals to me.
None of the cats pictured are mine either but I do love the kitties. I have 3 here at home who keep me sane (well, for the most part anyway)
for my new friend

 

[Scarlett1979]

So much thinking to do...(sorry, this is long)

I'm not saying this is the right thing or even the smart thing to do, but I will admit that I tend to push the problems in my marriage to the side and choose to focus on the positive things we have going in our lives, instead.

This morning, however, started everything on a bad note and has succeeded in taking over my mind all day. I have so many questions and so few answers.

We slept in pretty late this morning, so my husband woke me up by telling me to go make us lunch. He was joking...please don't think I really married a jerk. Anywho, so I responded by grabbing his hand and sliding it up under my t-shirt & onto my boob & told him he had to put out first. I guess I expected him to at least laugh...but no. He simply didn't respond. He pulled his hand out, rolled onto his back, and changed the subject. Never commented on what I said/did.

It's not like this is the first time something like this has happened, so I'm not shocked or even especially hurt. But it made me incredibly sad, and for the first time ever I can't shake this feeling that there really isn't hope for us to turn a new leaf. Every year I get myself psyched up, thinking THIS will be the year it happens. THIS will be the year when I can figure out what's missing and create the atmosphere he needs to become intimate with me again.

And every year the same thing happens, but somehow I've kept believing year after year that it would change. But today...after this morning...I don't know what happened, but I can't stop thinking about it and how unrealistic it is of me to believe it will change. Whether it's me or him or a combination of both, I finally believe this is simply the way it's going to be from here on out.

I have so many questions...so few answers. SO MUCH thinking to do. It just makes my heart heavy and makes me wish I could shake this sadness and go back to believing. It might not have been right, but it was comforting.

 

[tinman69s]

I'm not saying this is the right thing or even the smart thing to do, but I will admit that I tend to push the problems in my marriage to the side and choose to focus on the positive things we have going in our lives, instead.

This morning, however, started everything on a bad note and has succeeded in taking over my mind all day. I have so many questions and so few answers.

We slept in pretty late this morning, so my husband woke me up by telling me to go make us lunch. He was joking...please don't think I really married a jerk. Anywho, so I responded by grabbing his hand and sliding it up under my t-shirt & onto my boob & told him he had to put out first. I guess I expected him to at least laugh...but no. He simply didn't respond. He pulled his hand out, rolled onto his back, and changed the subject. Never commented on what I said/did.

It's not like this is the first time something like this has happened, so I'm not shocked or even especially hurt. But it made me incredibly sad, and for the first time ever I can't shake this feeling that there really isn't hope for us to turn a new leaf. Every year I get myself psyched up, thinking THIS will be the year it happens. THIS will be the year when I can figure out what's missing and create the atmosphere he needs to become intimate with me again.

And every year the same thing happens, but somehow I've kept believing year after year that it would change. But today...after this morning...I don't know what happened, but I can't stop thinking about it and how unrealistic it is of me to believe it will change. Whether it's me or him or a combination of both, I finally believe this is simply the way it's going to be from here on out.

I have so many questions...so few answers. SO MUCH thinking to do. It just makes my heart heavy and makes me wish I could shake this sadness and go back to believing. It might not have been right, but it was comforting.

Scarlett, That is one sad story! But you said it yourself...It has been there for a while and you just wanted to keep trying and believeing that it would change with time. I'm truly sorry that it didn't work out that way for you.
But I have to tell you that if i had someone grab my hand and shove it up under her tshirt to rest on her breast....she is not going to get away from me for a while!!!
But you are in the right place to vent your frustrations hon. All of us here are in that boat with you. So just open up and let it flow girl! We don't judge. We only offer our experiences and what we have learned. Maybe together we can find an answer!!

 

[DimplesCharlie]

Good Afternoon

Appears there was planty of activity on the thread over the weekend. Very interesting posts.

Made it though the weekend inspite of a rocky start. The intimacy issues is becoming the source of frustration, tension and heated discussions which result in more frustration more frequently. But so far the positives of the relationship far outweigh the negatives so on we go.

hopefully this will be a good week, for all

~C~

 

[cyikac1986]

Here's hoping that everyone is home, safe and sound...especially those living in the areas affected by the snow and ice storms plaguing the midwest and Atlantic region

 

[tinman69s]

Here's hoping that everyone is home, safe and sound...especially those living in the areas affected by the snow and ice storms plaguing the midwest and Atlantic region

Yeah, I second that!!!

And when the spring thaw comes round, ya'll might want to think about moving SOUTH!!!!!!!!

 

[SimpleGifts]

Do you have a sexless marriage?

A friend directed me to this rather interesting survey:

http://www.passionatemarriage.com/ca_sexless_survey.shtml

The co-authors of the site seem to have some interesting ideas on how to try to "revive" sex in a marriage...of course, with the caveat that it takes two to tango.

Personally, I scored on the low end of this category:

30-35 points: Sex is asleep and needs a wake-up call. You and your partner are still having sex, but it is often superficial and perfunctory. Now is the time to bring your sex vibrantly alive. If things stay as they are, you might continue to have sex-but you may not care. Rather than buying new lingerie or watching sex films together, try changing your typical sexual routine (discussed more in "Tips") by revealing a previously hidden sexual side of yourself. Do something that takes some courage and earns your own respect. Amaze yourself, and you could end up with amazing sex!

Food for thought.

SG

 

[cyikac1986]

Just wanted to wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day.......

 

[DimplesCharlie]

A friend directed me to this rather interesting survey:

http://www.passionatemarriage.com/ca_sexless_survey.shtml

The co-authors of the site seem to have some interesting ideas on how to try to "revive" sex in a marriage...of course, with the caveat that it takes two to tango.

Personally, I scored on the low end of this category:

30-35 points: Sex is asleep and needs a wake-up call. You and your partner are still having sex, but it is often superficial and perfunctory. Now is the time to bring your sex vibrantly alive. If things stay as they are, you might continue to have sex-but you may not care. Rather than buying new lingerie or watching sex films together, try changing your typical sexual routine (discussed more in "Tips") by revealing a previously hidden sexual side of yourself. Do something that takes some courage and earns your own respect. Amaze yourself, and you could end up with amazing sex!

Food for thought.

SG

SG: Happy Valentines Day ((((((SG)))))) x24

Interesting survey. Took it and well, score was about where I thought it might be. It was lower than yours, but it was in the upper end of the range, if that is any consolation. And the beat goes on!!

Enjoy the day

~Chuck~

 

[SecretLove69]

Food for thought.

SG

Really didn't need a survey to tell me the result but it was interesting to put a number on it.

12 for the man with whom I'm confined

47 for the man for whom I exist

.....and long is the winter of my discontent but a thaw is coming I feel.

Thanks SG for the survey.

 

[eyeretinaeye]

One has to keep trying, even if you know that the result might be as the last time. It's when you stop trying to respond or get your SO to respond that you might as well find yourself a lover besides your hand or toys'. Have had all three and none are as much fun as getting a response. Still using the last two and trying to get a response ............

 

[gcstudly]

Thanks for the link to the survey, but it told me what I knew already:

YOUR SCORE IS: 12

10-20 points: Sex is dead. Unless you're happy with your life as it is, you need to put serious time and effort into jump-starting the intimate side of your relationship. It's possible to revive your sexual connection, but you need to do something to "shock" it back to life again.

{Actually I'm surprised the score was *that* high....}

 

[SecretLove69]

One has to keep trying, even if you know that the result might be as the last time. It's when you stop trying to respond or get your SO to respond that you might as well find yourself a lover besides your hand or toys'. Have had all three and none are as much fun as getting a response. Still using the last two and trying to get a response ............

Random thoughts:
Because it's just sooooo much fun beating a dead horse??
That dog won't hunt but let's keep dragging his sorry ass out into the woods.
Keep turning on the switch and then figure out the bulb is never gonna light again - HEY, guess what - time for a new lightbulb.

 

[tinman69s]

Random thoughts:
Because it's just sooooo much fun beating a dead horse??
That dog won't hunt but let's keep dragging his sorry ass out into the woods.
Keep turning on the switch and then figure out the bulb is never gonna light again - HEY, guess what - time for a new lightbulb.

I sure do like the way you think honey child!!!

 

[tinman69s]

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL THE SWEETHEARTS ON HERE!!![/I]
x12 TO ALL THE LADIES

 

[SecretLove69]

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL THE SWEETHEARTS ON HERE!!![/I]
x12 TO ALL THE LADIES

And something special for TM for being a gentleman and a gentle man with a heart of gold.

http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q281/Diane1759A/022.gif​

 

[zammius]

Random thoughts:
Because it's just sooooo much fun beating a dead horse??
That dog won't hunt but let's keep dragging his sorry ass out into the woods.
Keep turning on the switch and then figure out the bulb is never gonna light again - HEY, guess what - time for a new lightbulb.

darlin you can flip my switch any time....

 

[ltnsfr007]

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL THE SWEETHEARTS ON HERE!!![/I]
x12 TO ALL THE LADIES

x 24 for anyone that posted on here on V-Day.

Wishing U the best

 

[spankableBelle]

*slips in and leaves 's for all those here*

 

[Dsireme]

Someone just told me about this thread. Looks like a lot of other are in the same situation as me.

I took the passionate marriage survey and got a 31.

 

[SecretLove69]

darlin you can flip my switch any time....

Oh Zammi - you're easy. You don't have an off switch.
Here's a little something to go with the sentence under your name....
http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q281/Diane1759A/36-1.jpg