Guilt trip

[bisexplicit]

Can anyone give a good explanation/definition of a guilt trip - a way to explain to someone how what they do causes someone to feel guilty.

 

[Ezzy]

Can anyone give a good explanation/definition of a guilt trip - a way to explain to someone how what they do causes someone to feel guilty.

2 entries found for guilt trip.
guilt trip
n. Informal

A usually prolonged feeling of guilt or culpability.


Idiom:
lay a guilt trip on

To make or try to make (someone) feel guilty.


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Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

guilt trip

n : remorse caused by feeling responsible for some offence [syn: guilt, guilty conscience, guilt feelings]

Source: WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University

 

[Recidiva]

Guilt trip is when someone enforces an idea about something you didn't do or something you did do, and how you hurt them with it.

Sometimes the person is pre-emptively forgiving and understanding or blaming before you get to say your side of it, or no listening to your side or reasons at all. They just know exactly how everything went and how it should have gone, and they're telling you. No negotiation or understanding. Just a laundry list of blame.

 

[Carnevil9]

YOU: I'm sorry, but I just don't have time today to come over and help you clip your toenails.

YOUR COUSIN: That's okay. I didn't donate that kidney to you to make you feel obligated or anything. We're family. Go play with your friends.

YOU: Grrrr.... I'm on my way.

 

[bisexplicit]

Perhaps theres a better way I can ask...

I can identify his behaviors as causing a "guilt trip" and he argues "no, thats just how I'm feeling, or how I see the situation."

Is there anyway I can explain to him how it is one?

 

[Carnevil9]

In all seriousness, if YOU are the one feeling the guilt, you should ask yourself if you truly are guilty of something. If not, tell him to go fuck himself. If yes, then it might be time to atone for it......Carney

 

[bisexplicit]

In all seriousness, if YOU are the one feeling the guilt, you should ask yourself if you truly are guilty of something. If not, tell him to go fuck himself. If yes, then it might be time to atone for it......Carney

No, I'm not guilty of anything the majority of the time. And, as much as I just want to say fuck off...Well, thats not practical or helpful in a relationship.

 

[silverwhisper]

bi: so call it emotional blackmail and use it back, sweetie.

ed

 

[EJFan]

bi: so call it emotional blackmail and use it back, sweetie.

ed

i think this is a great definition but i can't recommend using it back... rarely do things work out when couples tit-for-tat crap like that.

if i were in that situation, i'd tell my SO that what they're doing is causing a huge emotional strain on the relationship because i'm constantly on the lookout for anything that might make them "use" a guilt trip against me. that, in turn, makes me want to bend over backward to keep them happy and that, consequently, creates a false reality that isn't supportive of a loving relationship.

in short, guilt trips will ruin the degree of trust and mutual contentment that a relationship needs to succeed... and they're VERY childish... emblematic of a short sighted, sophomoric, emotionally stunted person.

 

[silverwhisper]

EJ: i have reason to believe this is the only method guaranteed to illustrate why it's wrong. look particularly at your last sentence.

ed

 

[LadyJeanne]

It's the long-suffering, I'm always put upon/getting hurt by your failures, but I'll suck-it-up because that's how it always is attitude (although, of course, they don't suck it up quiety and without Big Sighs).

 

[Cathleen]

While no one can make us feel something we don't want, there are definitely attempts at manipulation, some successful some not. I'd address these experiences with your SO. Keep the focus on "I/Me".

"When you do X, it makes me feel Y. I read it as ____ and my reaction is usually ____. If you need/want something it is more effective for me if you're more clear." Blah, blah.

Men and women have different vocabularies. You might think making his favorite dessert tells him "I love you" and he might think changing the oil in your car says the same to you. Unless you both have the playbook there will be miscommunications. I think those can lead to manipulations.

Maybe checking in with yourself when you're feeling those guilt trip emotions and work your way backwards to the source will help you see their origin and a place you two can discuss. I know for me when I let a behavior or two 'go' I'll find myself reacting to the next thing inappropriately. If I address things more quickly I don't get off track.

 

[EJFan]

EJ: i have reason to believe this is the only method guaranteed to illustrate why it's wrong. look particularly at your last sentence.

ed

i guess it depends on the person. i just don't think that someone who habitually guilt trips others will pick up on this... but i could be very wrong. it might work though. my fear would be that it would further destroy the relationship rather than strengthen it.

 

[silverwhisper]

i think that if this is habitual behavior on the part of one person, the relationship's been damaged pretty heavily already.

ed

 

[EJFan]

i think that if this is habitual behavior on the part of one person, the relationship's been damaged pretty heavily already.

ed

i think this relationship is damaged pretty heavily (based solely on past posts) regardless of this issue. sorry, but that's how i feel using the limited information i have. i hope i'm wrong, but if i'm right then i hope there's stress-free happiness in the future.

 

[silverwhisper]

EJ: hey, quite frankly, i hope that she listens to you, not me. she normally doesn't listen to her big brother anyway...darned younger siblings... :>

[gives bi a big hug]

ed

 

[Guest]

 

[bisexplicit]

Thanks for the advice, everyone.

I don't think it exactly helps, but I'll see.