Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

[Guest]

As I don't feel comfortable talking with my friends about this experience, I thought I'd post it here. I am a regular poster, but don't want my name attached for reasons that don't really matter to the general population.

Anyway. I met a man and I liked him and I hadn't known him all that long when we decided to get physical with each other. I was nervous as hell because I'm extremely careful with my body. I felt my concerns had all been taken care of, so I took a chance. It only happened once and we didn't go all that far (oral sex and he didn't cum in my mouth) So, I hadn't talked with him much since and I figured he was just really busy, which he has been. Although I had a bad feeling about it considering how much we had been talking and he was just as busy. So we finally hooked up again on the phone and I asked: When am I going to see you again? To which the reply was, I'm not sure. I'm still thinking things over. I think I want someone more experienced in sex, I'm not sure I want to take the time to teach someone what they need to know...I'm past that and I'm not sure your kinky enough for me. I still want to be friends, I promise you that...as I feel we have a lot in common.

I feel like shit. I'm old enough now that most people in my peer group have had a lot of sex, I haven't. I felt it was the right thing to do to not have been with every guy who asked. I wanted to take things slow.

Now I have guilt, I hate guilt. What do I do?

 

[sexy-girl]

in my opinion the guys a moron (sorry if that offends you) but gee that is such a crappy thing to do ... dont feel guilty you've done nothing wrong whatsoever ... some guys will say they dont want a girl that has "too much sexual experience" ive never heard of one saying not enough though ... i think if any guy weighs the whole realationship on something like this hes a idiot ... your better off seeking someone that will appreciate you for who you are

dont rush into doing things just because of ONE moron wait and do things when your ready ... your perfect and theres nothing so precious as meeting a wonderful lover and exploring your sexual desires with someone you trust and wish to go forward with ... dont just change who you are because of this one guy


P.S : *HUGS*

 

[Isolde]

I know it's been said a thousand times before but having multiple partners can lead to health problems and even death.

You are right and he is a creep. Drop him, get rid of him and your guilt as well. Go on and you will find someone that appreciates you for who you are...not the number of times you have had sex in the past.

sexy girl is right....and I applaude you for your decision to take things slow and to choose your partners carefully.

 

[MinkSoul]

Guilty?... about what?

not being kinky enough?

you had a bit of fun... then the guy gave you the "I still want to be friends" kiss off... sounds like his loss to me...

for someone who thinks of himself as kinky he doesn't seem to have much of an imagination.... he could have come up with a better "C'ya" line.... Sheesh...

i know your hurting right now, i'm not making light of that fact... i'm sorry that it hurts... (sometimes life Really Sucks.... don't it?)

all i'm saying is...


.......the guy's a dick.... lose his phone number...

 

[Guest]

Thank you. I went for it because I felt it was safe and I thought he would be patient. He was very patient that particular night. I was attracted to him and lust took over. I've watied so long and the need to be touched and held sometimes is just overwhelming. I'm just feeling very stupid and bad. How will I know when it's the right man?

 

[Guest]

I know it's been said a thousand times before but having multiple partners can lead to health problems and even death.

This is exactly why I don't fool around.

 

[Mustang Sally]

How will I know when it's the right man?

I'm having plenty of man troubles myself, at the moment, so I'm probably not qualified to answer that question, but here's what I think.

You'll never know for sure. All you really have to figure out is whether he's worth the risk of getting hurt, and if the answer is "yes", then go for it and see where it goes.

There's no surefire method of avoiding hurt except avoiding risks. That might be safe, but it's really not very much fun. You'll miss out on a lot of good stuff if you do that.

 

[MinkSoul]

i can't remember who said this but....

*sombody* once said...


"We make all the truly important dicisions in life without enough information"

meaning.... you won't know if it was the right choice until after you make it...

i'm not saying (typing?) this to scare you.... just be aware of it...

like i said..... sometimes life Really Sucks...

if you really need a hug... let me know.... let's see how far i can streach my arms...

 

[shark zen]

as to the incident that occurred with the man - the woman - and the misplaced desire.

..i am amazed how in this day and this time people have real deep problems in expressing their needs to be sensual.....

it has been my own personal experience in understanding that if an individual refuses to be honest and open to their own desires - then how the hell can that individual even begin to relate to another person's desires......

why has the temple called 'sensuality' become so violated and so confusing by the fears of many who can not be honest and do the self exploration that is reqired ----


why must the tendency always lean towards guilt and fear and disdainess for the feelings that an individual feels and possess:

why is there the fear of what goes on within - perhaps this is the real nature
of the problem living in a fucking culture that has no need to do the personal
homework and it is all about the pleasing of others time and time eternal.....

where are the places to go when one needs to look within = and why does the cyber realm lack this gathering (inside the chat zones are filled with tea
chatters and poseurs who post their pics to say:'.....look at me and give me
praise to the highest..........).


what is needed is not the usual ass advice of he is such a stupid guy or how could you be led by such a stupid guy or the stupid guy used you foolish girl and i would never allow that to happen to me ---- this is advise that comes from narrowminded morons who are afraid themselves to look and see....


what is needed is for you to understand truly your desires:

and what is lacking is a forum whereby the self can be examined .......



thank you.


.g

 

[sexy-girl]

Shark Zen im not sure what you mean exactly you seem to use alot of words to say very little


but i think i disagree with you what is the rush to understand desires and sexual wants ... let them come natrually and unforced with someone you can relate with and share the experience with


confused there is alot of touble in finding someone that will be right and wont hurt you ... you just have to use your instinct and hope that your right you seem very level headed dont change just because of this guy because he is stupid

 

[MinkSoul]

Say What?

i didn't say it hasen't happened to me.... it has...

didn't say she was stupid eather.... didn't say it.... didn't think it...

all i said was.....

.......Don't waste your time on a dick(head)..... that path is a dead end...

i didn't know you needed a special place for self examination..... i thought you could do it as needed..... when needed..... where needed...


..... but.... that's just me...

 

[Guest]

Re: i can't remember who said this but....

if you really need a hug... let me know.... let's see how far i can streach my arms...

Yes, I do need a hug. I just want to be held for awhile until I stop feeling so stupid, bad, and guilty.

 

[MinkSoul]

*Streeeeeeach*


OhMy.... i feel like the Rubber Band Man...

HUGGG

Oh.... and we can stop with the "stupid" talk now..... ok?


You ain't.... what's his name just might be.... but the Karma will catch up with him.... it always does...

 

[willfulbrat]

*Giving confused a long hug.*

I'm sorry that that happened to you. Just chalk it up to a learning experience, move on, and don't feel guilty.

As for finding the right person, I would suggest giving the next one ample opportunity to show that he truly cares about you. Men can be very sweet when the libido is in high gear, and it can sometimes make us think they care more than they do.

 

[shark zen]

much words means i am not reacting with a knee jerk sexy -girl....

... i am always amazed to the simple fact that people actually believe that it is the responsiblity of others to show kindness and gentleness and not to take the time to understand that you draw as you are ------



that confused not really understanding her own desires wandered into a beehive of problems and we are all to say in great unison -

he is a dick head --- he is a dick head...........

in simple words then for the 'literate challenged':


if a person wanders into the deep waters and has not shown to themselves the ability to take on deeper waters then drowns - i am not going to blame the cruel waters that took their life but i am going to say that they needed to
understand their strengths and their weaknesses.

i grow tired and a bit wary to this brilliant belief that one must pass the blame
to others when the responsibility to know thy self is found within......


that to become so 'empathetic' blinds one to the truth -

confused needs to understand that she must understand what she needs and not 'give in' as many who are viewing her situation seems to be doing...


and even to make this very simple sexy girl:




god help those who help themselves.........



.g

 

[Guest]

*Streeeeeeach*


OhMy.... i feel like the Rubber Band Man...

HUGGG

Oh.... and we can stop with the "stupid" talk now..... ok?


You ain't.... what's his name just might be.... but the Karma will catch up with him.... it always does...

Thank you for the hug and I'll stop with the "stupid" talk now. I'm just beating the hell out of myself today, realizing full well it won't change what's already happened.

"Men can be very sweet when the libido is in high gear, and it can sometimes make us think they care more than they do." I agree with that statement from Willful, I just wish I could tell when that's all it is.

Have you all fallen for this kind of thing before?

 

[Guest]

Re: much words means i am not reacting with a knee jerk sexy -girl....

confused needs to understand that she must understand what she needs and not 'give in' as many who are viewing her situation seems to be doing...

I do understand what I need and what I want and from all indications it looked ok. We seemed to be wanting the same things. I took a chance, I take full responsiblity for that.

I'm feeling badly and I posted this thread because I want empathy and that may be shallow or needy or even pathetic. I feel the need to know that I'm not alone and that I'm not the first person to do something like this. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

 

[shark zen]

here is something confused.......

when my five year olf daughter was three years old - she told me that she was being molested by her mother's boyfriend -


and when she told me i looked her in the eyes and told her:

'....this has happened to show you how not to be cruel nor mean....'


and i held her and together her and i have marched through all of the shit:


and as her father and as a man - it is about stepping forth and it is about understanding that one must press forth and learn and not be blinded by
ignorance -


or fear.




.g

 

[MinkSoul]

um.... can we stop with the "pathetic" talk too?

Your a Warm caring human being...

Your injured... sounds like the wound is still bleeding a bit also...


give your self some time to heal before second guessing yourself...

when you break an arm you don't try to use it again right away....


Your heart got broke... let it rest for a couple of days...

 

[sexy-girl]

sometimes its the simple things people need ... dont have to feel bad that sometimes you need someone to say its not your fault hes an asshole ... maybe its a knee jerk reaction to do that ... but doesnt mean its wrong ... anyway this is confused thread not mine or shark zen's

 

[shark zen]

and after the storm has passed.......

looking you in the eye and saying confused:


'.... this is to tell you that you are to be more .... that you are to know yourself
as complete and as true as you need to know yourself...........

this is why this has happened............'



.g

 

[Problem Child]

And now the pablum spreads to a new threads.

We have lost containment folks.

 

[morninggirl5]

Re: here is something confused.......

We've lost something.

And apparently some of us have lost their humanity.



Jackass.

 

[willfulbrat]

"Men can be very sweet when the libido is in high gear, and it can sometimes make us think they care more than they do." I agree with that statement from Willful, I just wish I could tell when that's all it is.

Have you all fallen for this kind of thing before?

Sure, I've been burned before. Experience makes us wiser, though. Don't regret you're mistakes. Mistakes are learning experiences. No sense in feeling guilty, just forgive yourself and remember that you won't have to make that mistake again.

As for knowing when... that's hard to say. It's much easier if you've known a person for a long time. I would just suggest moving very cautiously and slowly at the beginning of any relationship.

 

[Guest]

Thank You

Thank you for all your words of advice today and the hugs. I'm feeling better tonight and more in control of my emotions. I took a chance and it didn't work out. I learned some things and will do things differently next time.