His_kitty
Reborn into kitty
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2002
- Posts
- 5,263
*Disclaimer - this is a vent of my frustrations over the past few days*
2002 Was quite possibly the worse year of my life.
On Mother’s Day my husband and I separated. His temper got the better of him one too many times that evening, except this time he let go in front of our ten year old son. I had warned him repeatedly that I wouldn’t stand for our child to see those behaviors as I had to when I was a child. Unfortunately he was/is unable to control himself and he came unglued over something that was actually really trivial - I knew he’d been quietly building himself up into a rage for days -
That night I asked him to leave, and thankfully he did. The next few months were very hard but we got through them okay. My son missed his father and I allowed him (the ex) very lenient visitation because he is the most important person in our lives. I knew that nothing was ever going to be the same, that the family he’d known all his life, was over. So I tried everything to keep some normalcy. He went to his fathers every weekend from Friday after school until Sunday night, occasionally staying so that his father drove him to school the following day. I never restricted phone calls or activities that our son was in, always giving him the schedules of those so that he could be in attendance as well. He actually was more of a participant in our child’s life more than he had been before Mother’s Day.
Most already know that our home burned down on Christmas night. We literally lost everything. Everything that I, or my mother, had ever saved from my own childhood was in the home. Everything that my son had saved, cherished, played with and loved was lost.
Two months prior I had packed up the ex’s belongings and handed them over, with the exception of some baseball cards he’d had since he himself was a child and a few misc. tools in our basement. All of the furniture was either mine or my sons (the ex had admitted this to me during a meeting we’d had in September concerning our joint assets ) given to us as gifts in one fashion or another.
After the fire he sat across my mothers dining room, as we tried to list the contents of the home to give to our insurance agent, took my hand in his and said that the insurance check for the contents was rightfully mine. That he was going to sign it over to me. I told him that at least $2000 was actually his, because he had lost the baseball card collection and those few items, he repeated no.. that he didn’t want it. It was to be ours because we’d lost it all.
I was surprised by this. In the months after our separation he’d closed joint savings accounts, emptied most of the money from our checking account and took out most of the contents from our safe deposit box we’d held jointly. I admit I was naive. I didn’t fight hard enough. But I had been through so much and I just didn’t have it in me anymore to fight.
Tuesday morning we set off to the bank that held the loan on our mortgage. On the ride he asked me what I thought we should do about the monies left over after our home and property were paid off. Surprised by this I said, “Well since it was both of our home, the deed is in both of our names.. we of course will split it.”
He got very quiet before telling me how he’d gotten up and gone to work for the past 8 years (as long as we’d own the home) and how his paycheck had paid the payment every month on it. My response was , so? I had stayed at home raising our son, taking care of the house.. just as we had agreed that I would do when we married and had a child. Just as he continued wanting me to do after our son was in school. I did work outside of the home for a period of a year but he’d made that almost impossible. Complaining and making me feel as though I was neglecting our son. I ended up quitting. But six months later, after he complained about our money situation, I offered to go back to work and he said flat out he’d divorce me if I did.
Does my staying at home and raising our child, taking care of everyone’s needs not qualify as contributing to our family? Apparently that’s his belief now.
He said that he was giving me the insurance money for the contents of the home. Giving me I asked. I didn't suddenly win the lottery or come into an inheritance. This money is coming in because of a horrible fire that was beyond my control.
I’m not going to get into the amounts of the money involved, other than to say that by most peoples standards they are not much. The amount between the two insurance policies differs by only a thousand and five hundred in my favor. But what little there is would give myself and my son a down payment on another home. Which is my ex’s argument. That the amount left over after we pay off the bank would give him a start. I don’t think I’m a greedy woman, but I need to protect my rights, not to mention my child’s.
After he told me that he thought he deserved that insurance check I was in tears. I don’t know why I was so shocked really, but I was. I never imagined that the check for the actual dwelling would be in question, I worried that he’d try and go after the check containing the money for half the contents. Even though morally he had no claims.
So I informed him that I would be getting a lawyer and I’d let a judge decide who gets what. I might end up getting less than I would if I just went along with him, but something in me can’t not fight, which is out of my character. I always just walk away from fights unless I feel a friend of mine or God forbid my son, needs my words to protect them.
Sorry for taking up bandwidth but I needed to just get this off my chest.
So my question to ya'll ... know any ruthless divorce attorney's in West Virginia? lol
2002 Was quite possibly the worse year of my life.
On Mother’s Day my husband and I separated. His temper got the better of him one too many times that evening, except this time he let go in front of our ten year old son. I had warned him repeatedly that I wouldn’t stand for our child to see those behaviors as I had to when I was a child. Unfortunately he was/is unable to control himself and he came unglued over something that was actually really trivial - I knew he’d been quietly building himself up into a rage for days -
That night I asked him to leave, and thankfully he did. The next few months were very hard but we got through them okay. My son missed his father and I allowed him (the ex) very lenient visitation because he is the most important person in our lives. I knew that nothing was ever going to be the same, that the family he’d known all his life, was over. So I tried everything to keep some normalcy. He went to his fathers every weekend from Friday after school until Sunday night, occasionally staying so that his father drove him to school the following day. I never restricted phone calls or activities that our son was in, always giving him the schedules of those so that he could be in attendance as well. He actually was more of a participant in our child’s life more than he had been before Mother’s Day.
Most already know that our home burned down on Christmas night. We literally lost everything. Everything that I, or my mother, had ever saved from my own childhood was in the home. Everything that my son had saved, cherished, played with and loved was lost.
Two months prior I had packed up the ex’s belongings and handed them over, with the exception of some baseball cards he’d had since he himself was a child and a few misc. tools in our basement. All of the furniture was either mine or my sons (the ex had admitted this to me during a meeting we’d had in September concerning our joint assets ) given to us as gifts in one fashion or another.
After the fire he sat across my mothers dining room, as we tried to list the contents of the home to give to our insurance agent, took my hand in his and said that the insurance check for the contents was rightfully mine. That he was going to sign it over to me. I told him that at least $2000 was actually his, because he had lost the baseball card collection and those few items, he repeated no.. that he didn’t want it. It was to be ours because we’d lost it all.
I was surprised by this. In the months after our separation he’d closed joint savings accounts, emptied most of the money from our checking account and took out most of the contents from our safe deposit box we’d held jointly. I admit I was naive. I didn’t fight hard enough. But I had been through so much and I just didn’t have it in me anymore to fight.
Tuesday morning we set off to the bank that held the loan on our mortgage. On the ride he asked me what I thought we should do about the monies left over after our home and property were paid off. Surprised by this I said, “Well since it was both of our home, the deed is in both of our names.. we of course will split it.”
He got very quiet before telling me how he’d gotten up and gone to work for the past 8 years (as long as we’d own the home) and how his paycheck had paid the payment every month on it. My response was , so? I had stayed at home raising our son, taking care of the house.. just as we had agreed that I would do when we married and had a child. Just as he continued wanting me to do after our son was in school. I did work outside of the home for a period of a year but he’d made that almost impossible. Complaining and making me feel as though I was neglecting our son. I ended up quitting. But six months later, after he complained about our money situation, I offered to go back to work and he said flat out he’d divorce me if I did.
Does my staying at home and raising our child, taking care of everyone’s needs not qualify as contributing to our family? Apparently that’s his belief now.
He said that he was giving me the insurance money for the contents of the home. Giving me I asked. I didn't suddenly win the lottery or come into an inheritance. This money is coming in because of a horrible fire that was beyond my control.
I’m not going to get into the amounts of the money involved, other than to say that by most peoples standards they are not much. The amount between the two insurance policies differs by only a thousand and five hundred in my favor. But what little there is would give myself and my son a down payment on another home. Which is my ex’s argument. That the amount left over after we pay off the bank would give him a start. I don’t think I’m a greedy woman, but I need to protect my rights, not to mention my child’s.
After he told me that he thought he deserved that insurance check I was in tears. I don’t know why I was so shocked really, but I was. I never imagined that the check for the actual dwelling would be in question, I worried that he’d try and go after the check containing the money for half the contents. Even though morally he had no claims.
So I informed him that I would be getting a lawyer and I’d let a judge decide who gets what. I might end up getting less than I would if I just went along with him, but something in me can’t not fight, which is out of my character. I always just walk away from fights unless I feel a friend of mine or God forbid my son, needs my words to protect them.
Sorry for taking up bandwidth but I needed to just get this off my chest.
So my question to ya'll ... know any ruthless divorce attorney's in West Virginia? lol
thanks Jimmie
