God! I'm so not ready for this!

[SubmissiveDove5]

Sorry to keep wining, but other than the wall, I've got no one to let my emotions out.

Out of the blue last week, I got three different men interested in me at bondage.com. They're all forty-five and over, which may sound a bit old for me, but I have always been interested in older men. Well, I talk to one on the phone tonight, and now I so do not want to get involved with him! I'm very attracted to voices, and this guy's voice just doesn't make me quiver. And what is this? The minute I get on the phone with him, he immediately starts talking about sex! Chris didn't do that to me! We became friends first (or at least I thought we did). He just makes me feel like such a slut! Please, I don't mean that in any way to be offensive, but I'm not anything even remotely close to a slut. I've never had sex period! Whatever happened to being friends first? As far as the voice goes, the only voice I want to hear is Chris'!

I thought I was emotionally stable again the other day, but I was wrong. I put on the radio, heard a song and broke out in tears. Why does he matter so much to me? Why couldn't he at least have have given us a chance! I'm just letting the tears flow again. I have a good mind to get a flight to Oregon and show up at his front door.

 

[Vixandra]

Hey Dove.

First- if you're not interested in his pervy domlyness then you're not interested. Tell him so and move on. (See sub does not=doormat posts, lol)
Next- if you don't want to be/feel slutty, then don't let anyone or yourself make you feel that way.
You may want to put off finding a serious S/O for a bit, give your wounds time to heal, give yourself time to get back your equilimbrium (sp) before you jump back in the saddle.

I can understand crying over a song heard- if DH is stateside and I'm here, no one can play "Canon in D" around me- I get all teary and softly sad. Even if he is with me, I get almost teary.
Nothing wrong with that (okay so it may look/sound a bit silly but so is the word aardvark and ppl still use that).

Please don't hop a flight anywhere right now. It would not help matters. Sadly- he doesn't seem to want you, for whatever his reasons. Its hard but you have to accept this, Dove, and move on.
Let yourself heal, make some new friends, catch up on your reading/writting/model making/hobbies, etc.
Get your mind off the situation for a while, you know?

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Thanks Vix, I know your right... I will definitely tell this guy that I'm not interested in him. I mean, he asked me if I've ever been collared! I told him I didn't know what my opinion about that was. Quite frankly, when the time comes, I want a wedding ring and commitment, not a collar. I know the collar is supposed to simbolize something similar to the wedding ring, but in my mind, nothing takes tthe place of the ring.

Don't worry, I won't be hopping on any planes anytime soon. It's just a fantasy. Even if I was bound and determined, no one would bring me to the air port.

I should catch up on my reading. Everytime I think about turning the tape player on, I always end up just staying put though.

 

[Betticus]

That really sucks. The sad thing is that a lot of "men"? out there just want to get laid. They care nothing about the best part of the relationship. The emotional part and the closeness.

For me, I have no problem irl with completely dominating other men (nonsexually) but with women I tend to be very kind and generous. I'm having to learn to be more dominant with women as none of them seem to respect me or appreciate what I have to offer until some other guy tries to step in and gets completely humiliated for it.

You and I are stuck kinda in the same boat except that I did meet a cool girl in this forum but there is a damn ocean in the way.

Keep your chin up, when you least expect it then what you need will drop into your lap.

 

[heckle]

Just keep in mind that you are the one who has the power. You are the one who allows something to happen. While I have not used any type of BDSM personals, I know people who have. Most of the people on the sites/services are just looking for sex. It is not easy finding someone who you can mesh with and feel comfortable with in a vanilla relationship. If you take into account the dynamics of a BDSM relationship, it is just that much more difficult. Just keep your head about you and make smart decesions for yourself. I understand that you just recently went through a seperation and you may still be confused about it. Do not just jump at the first chance to fill a gap. Take your time, you may even consider not looking for someone else. Perhaps let it just happen. Everything in life happens for a reason. If your just looking for other folks in the area to connect with who are in the lifestyle just to talk or associate, look for a local munch or something. Not sure what part of RI your in but we live in Southeastern CT and attend Munches in the Hartford CT area.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Thanks, I will try my best to get a hold of myself. The weird thing about the situation is that my ad on bondage.com was asking for a sister sub, something like I put on the personals here. I just think it's a little convenient that these three guys were lurking around the same time, and I hadn't even officially settled things with Chris yet, which it looks like I'll be sending him a letter rather than calling him. It's true that all these guys are looking for is sex. The guy I spoke to on the phone last night started fantasizing about what he'd do to me if I were there right away, and it was so rough! I don't like rough stuff, never did, doesn't turn me on in the least. Then the other guy from DC asked me if I could come to Washington to "tend to his needs" I know this is part of it all, but my god, it's like "slow down!"

Anyway, feeling a bit better today. Of course, it's daytime. Let's see how I am tonight?

 

[Bandit58]

*sigh* even in a "nilla" setting people expect too much way too soon

After I left my husband, I spent time online chatting to people on ICQ. The number of men who expected me to cyber with them after a couple of lines of conversation I like to get to know someone before I get sexual with them, online or otherwise. It made me extremely uncomfortable to even type it let alone get on the phone with someone I just met......

I guess I was experimenting at that time because I don't have the need to cyber anymore, I've gotten it out of my system (though it is good practice if I ever decide to write any stories for Lit )

 

[rosco rathbone]

Never had sex period eh?

Perhaps you should try normal intercourse before moving up to power-exchange sex.

 

[s'lara]

Never had sex period eh?

Perhaps you should try normal intercourse before moving up to power-exchange sex.

Good point.

Your re line says it all SD5. i wish you luck.

lara

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

I've cybered online a few times, and I can honestly say it did absolutely nothing for me, well except for the first time with Chris.

That's true, I should have regular sex the first time, but I've been waiting ten years to feel that tingly sensation. Before this past winter, I had no idea what it was. I thought it was just something all teenagers felt when they first stated having boyfriends, etc. I have had a few regular relationships, and I felt absolutely nothing.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I don't know how many heartbreaks you have endured at the ripe age of what... 25? But I can promise you that you are in for many more. And from many different people than just a romantic interest.

As hard as it is to see now, heartbreak is what enables us to learn and grow and to become better people. For instance, my children have given me a heartbreak or two and it made me a better parent in the long run for having lived through them.


Heartbreak is the bittersweetness of life and what makes it all the more valueable to live it.

 

[fallon2]

Everybody Listening??

Raed what Richard just said!

 

[fallon2]

READ What Richard Just Said. Sorry about the "raed" !

 

[fallon2]

Sorry!

Read what Desert Rosae said. Too much medication in my system!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Sorry!

Read what Desert Rosae said. Too much medication in my system!

No... it's not the medication.


It's all about ME!!!! and the effect I have on people....




uh huh... LOL

 

[Marquis]

I'm so confused.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Thanks adr. I don't know if it's ever made me stronger because after a breakup, I tend to get controlling and paranoid...with men who are interested that is. I really try to control things...I suppose after getting your heart broken that would be a natural defense mechanism, but it drives me insane, lol.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Thanks adr. I don't know if it's ever made me stronger because after a breakup, I tend to get controlling and paranoid...with men who are interested that is. I really try to control things...I suppose after getting your heart broken that would be a natural defense mechanism, but it drives me insane, lol.

You're going to find that as you live, so do you change. And how you react to something now, won't be how you react to it next year or how you might have reacted to it 3 years ago.

It's normal to shut down some when you have been hurt. We all do it. I still do it. But one thing I have discovered is that life is simply too short to shut out people and opportunities because some one at some time broke my heart. I don't want to miss anything... I don't want to let opportunities to pass me by... I don't want to regret things that I could've had control over. I want all those people in my life because they enrich it for me.

Start by looking for friends, not lovers. Nothing is better than a lover who is your best friend, too. It's as old as the hills... but a solid friendship is what a lasting love affair is based on.


And now, I'm about to make myself puke... too many platitudes for one day from me. LOL