Glory Hole, Masturbation story feedback

[dlake]

Hey everyone. I recently wrote a sequel to a story I wrote a while back. The original was about two best friends that begin masturbating together. This new one is about a trip to an adult bookstore by one of the guys, a masturbation session with the two, and introduces some new characters as well. I'm planning on another story that delves deeper into their respective personalities, and follows up on what I set up with this new story. It's been a while since I wrote anything like this, and I'm still learning the ropes, so to speak. Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks!

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=468370

 

[Experiencedguy]

This is really pretty good. It is going to be interesting to see where you take this story. For my part, I'd like to see gay/lesbian/incest/group (I mean, you hint at all of these in this story), but you are the writer, so do what you want with it. Let us know when you have more.

 

[bwallard]

I don't believe his naivete. It feels contrived. Once the story's rolling though, it's engaging. If it was for me, I'd ask you to work on the opening so that I'm not thinking "This is going to start soon." Start it at the start, or maybe a bit after. I really don't care about how he parks his bike. For me, that's a bad start. And the tease with the giggling women needs some carry through.

Just a hunch. I'm a terrible writer and know how hard it is. Keep at it.

I have some friends who tell me I write crap and how it is crap. I appreciate their comment, but I don't always follow.

So it is in this spirit that I say what I'm saying. I'm too drunk to work on my own stuff so I'm on here reading others'.

Thanks for your work.

 

[dlake]

Is it alright to post a draft in this forum before submitting it? I think it might allow some critiques to occur before finalizing the story. Thanks.