Giving Head and Submissiveness

[MWMBi]

Rant On...

Is it me or am I not understanding something??

What is it about giving head that is considered submissive? I get the impression that for some, getting head, and not giving in return is a sign of dominance..
What's up with that BS?


I guess one should state up front that they considere giving/receiving a mutually enjoyable experience and that if you want to play that "I don't give head because I'm not some bitch" then I guess you need to go else where...

Am I misunderstanding something??

Thanks....
Rant Off

 

[trask9]

Rant On...

Is it me or am I not understanding something??

What is it about giving head that is considered submissive? I get the impression that for some, getting head, and not giving in return is a sign of dominance..
What's up with that BS?


I guess one should state up front that they considere giving/receiving a mutually enjoyable experience and that if you want to play that "I don't give head because I'm not some bitch" then I guess you need to go else where...

Am I misunderstanding something??

Thanks....
Rant Off

I am sure some would thing it is a sign of submissiveness and it can be if
on of the partners is Dominate and the other is a sub. I am a bi married
male and I like submissive men, I am very attracted to slutty submissive
guys and women as well. Has nothing to do with reciprocation which I
enjoy also. Your right , whats uup with that BS.
TJ

 

[chun_gong]

~~~snip~~~
What is it about giving head that is considered submissive? I get the impression that for some, getting head, and not giving in return is a sign of dominance..
~~~snip~~~

I'm a chick, lol, so I'm probably not who you are looking to answer this question. But, I had a discussion with someone just the other day about something very similar...

(Hey everybody - before I get lambasted please realize that I am speaking in over generalized terms. No, these aren't concrete rules... they are abstract ideas, based on opinion. )

Our thoughts were that for anal sex "Tops" were givers & "bottoms" were receivers, because their orifice was being offered up.

Then, applying the same logic to giving head... whose orifice is again being offered up? Answer: the "bottom/submissive" person. Leaving the "Top" to be the the one with their c@ck being sucked.

(Although one may enjoy the pleasures of receiving anal sex AND giving head) The "Top" can be viewed as getting their way and that they control the situation - to a certain degree.

*shrug* Just some food for thought...

j

(please let me know if my font is too big or too small... long story)

 

[none2_none2]

Before I settled down, I did a lot of prowling around. I was always upfront about what I liked: fucking men that turned me on with a lot of affection and foreplay leading up to it. I didn't do much oral for several reasons the main one being that I didn't want to send the wrong message that j/o or oral would be an acceptable substitute for anal. For me if anal wasn't an option with the individual, I was better off skipping the encounter all together. To me it would be like a straight man being with a fridgid woman.

I wouldn't call cock suckers passive. Obviously, you have to judge the individual. I found many of them quite agressive, and i had plenty of teath marks and hickeys to show for it.

I can go down on someone, but since I'm really not into penises there has to be a reason I'm doing it other than there is a penis in front of my face. Normally that reason is because I love the man behind the equipment. Even under that circumstance, I still would rather be playing with the guy's ass.

It may sound as if I just wanted to get MY rocks off and not the other guy, but that wasn't the case. I was always willing to forgo my own orgasm if my partner got off prior to me. (That is to say, for many guys once they get off during being fucked, the fucking sensation no longer gives them any pleasure [best case scenerio] or right down painful [worst case] .)

 

[briar_rose]

i definately think its a scenario based thing with whether blowjobs are an act of submission. The thing that comes personally to mind with me is that, the one down there sucking, can do A LOT of damage if they wanted (bite and rip..) so in that way, i always feel the one giving the blow job is in control. THey can stop, slow, tease as much as they want, but again this is just one scenario

 

[emap]

As near as i can tell, the guys your talking about who won't give head because they aren't some bitch, are only using that as an excuse to not give head.

They are either, religious and see this as a sin so giving pleasure makes it worse or makes it a sin. I know I know really stupid thought but there are people like that, I had a short lived boyfriend like that, had me suck on him everytime we got together, but would never go down on me because it's not procreating.


Or they aren't actually bi or gay, they just want to cum and don't care where they do it. These are actually the worse types because these actually are the ones who will beat on you if you do it different than they want or whatever.

Not to say all of them do, or that the religious ones don't either, but generally speaking the guys who just want to cum are the ones who tend toward getting violent.

 

[naughtyeddie]

i enjoy giving more than recieving, that is my main attraction to bisexualality. i dont see it as submissive in the slightest bit

 

[redneckgirl]

I'm a bi female, so maybe you don't want me answering this, but here's my opinion anyway. I do not go down on my husband unless he's going down on me and I do not go down on my girl unless she's going down on me. That's just the way it is. Although I like to give more than receive, it's the thought that counts. Sometimes I want to go down and don't want it in return, but it makes me feel better if they at least try to.

 

[DeviantMarine]

Like others above, I'm not sure I'm the right one to be posting on here, but here goes anyway, take it or leave it.

I guess you'd probably call me bi-curious, as I've never sucked cock or had mine sucked by another man.. but the thought of both get me going.. big time (just ask my babygirl).

I believe the situation dictates whether the one giving the blowjob is submissive or not.. for instance, if the one giving is being (or playing) reluctant, and the one receiving is "forcing" them to do it, then it's more submissive. If the one giving just wants the other guy's cock in his mouth, drops to his knees and starts sucking... well, I guess I don't see that as submissive.

Personal opinion.

 

[Meat Whistler]

MWMBi - I understand and agree, but I also think it can depend on how it is done. For instance, is the intent to degrade someone or is it to provide pleasure (solely) and/or show love? I agree with Briar Rose's assessment of things; however, I don't think most people feel the way he/she does.

i definately think its a scenario based thing with whether blowjobs are an act of submission. The thing that comes personally to mind with me is that, the one down there sucking, can do A LOT of damage if they wanted (bite and rip..) so in that way, i always feel the one giving the blow job is in control. THey can stop, slow, tease as much as they want, but again this is just one scenario

I completely agree, but I don't think most people see it that way.

 

[inferiormale]

suck it!

I have always felt that giving head was a submissive act. The one sucking is the one whose body is being entered and who may end up ingesting the other's bodily fluids. The term "cocksucker" is usually used in a derogatory sense of portraying someone as being weak and exploitable. The phrase "Why don't you suck my dick?" is usually used in a context of humiliating and establishing dominance over someone.

But I can see how sucking can be seen as a dominant act. It all depends on the context of the situation I guess.

Good question

IM
(cocksucker)

 

[craupadine_girl]

Not from the GLBT perspective, but my $.02:

It's not the act itself that's submissive, it's the situation. If I'm giving him head because I want to enjoy his reaction and make him squirm (and cum) it makes me feel powerful. Sort of like "look what I can do!" On the other hand if he's got a firm grip on my hair and he's fucking my mouth, then I feel submissive. It's not the blowjob, it's the circumstances.

 

[Never]

MWMBi:
"Rant On...

Is it me or am I not understanding something??

What is it about giving head that is considered submissive? I get the impression that for some, getting head, and not giving in return is a sign of dominance..
What's up with that BS?"

SERIOUSLY! How dare they have a different view of a sexual act than you do, especially one you enjoy. Who the hell told them they were allowed to have opinions?

"I guess one should state up front that they considere giving/receiving a mutually enjoyable experience and that if you want to play that "I don't give head because I'm not some bitch" then I guess you need to go else where..."

Holy crap, not only do they dare to have a different opinion than yours but now they refuse to do something *you* like because they find it degrading? I hope you kicked that cocksucker to the curb. I mean, if he refuses to suck you off, he obviously has no worth to you.

 

[rjp44]

I don't think that everything needs a "label". I enjoy being with another, no matter if male or female. I love to please, and if that makes me submissive, so be it. I don't think many of us can be put into any one specific slot. Just enjoy what comes our way.

 

[ars_amatoria]

I've always seen it as a dominance/submission thing, and when with a male lover, I tend to want one or the other, depending on how I'm feeling on that d/s spectrum. My regular FB and I play this aspect of it up-- the bottom is usually on his knees and the top is standing, holding the bottom's head by the ears or the hair, lightly at first, then more forcefully as the top nears orgasm and starts fucking the bottom's mouth. Because we're flexible in who plays what role, there's no sense that we're stuck in either role-- and when we both want the same thing, we tend to wind up 69ing.

Sometimes we'll emphasize the d/s aspect of it even more by putting a collar and leash and/or handcuffs on the bottom, but usually only when the bottom asks for them.

Hell, now I'm horny.

 

[ironass]

My two cents:

Not from the GLBT perspective, but my $.02:

It's not the act itself that's submissive, it's the situation. If I'm giving him head because I want to enjoy his reaction and make him squirm (and cum) it makes me feel powerful. Sort of like "look what I can do!" On the other hand if he's got a firm grip on my hair and he's fucking my mouth, then I feel submissive. It's not the blowjob, it's the circumstances.

I like this, it pretty much sums up my thoughts on it as well. Though, a friend of mine, years ago when I was coming out said to never forget, no matter how much "contempt" the "top" shows for me (I've blown a few "straight" guys), I'm still the one with the power. After all, I've got his most prized possession right between my teeth. CHOMP!!

By the way, I'm new here. Hey all.

 

[rjp44]

I like this, it pretty much sums up my thoughts on it as well. Though, a friend of mine, years ago when I was coming out said to never forget, no matter how much "contempt" the "top" shows for me (I've blown a few "straight" guys), I'm still the one with the power. After all, I've got his most prized possession right between my teeth. CHOMP!!

By the way, I'm new here. Hey all.

Welcome to the forum ironass.

 

[ironass]

Welcome to the forum ironass.

Hey, thanks.

 

[LoboBoy]

I have always felt that giving head was a submissive act. The one sucking is the one whose body is being entered and who may end up ingesting the other's bodily fluids. The term "cocksucker" is usually used in a derogatory sense of portraying someone as being weak and exploitable. The phrase "Why don't you suck my dick?" is usually used in a context of humiliating and establishing dominance over someone.

But I can see how sucking can be seen as a dominant act. It all depends on the context of the situation I guess.

Good question

IM
(cocksucker)

I guess I always thought of giving head as submissive too. But my partner has convinced me otherwise. I like giving head...ok I love it. BUT he has a serious oral fetish...it's his number one fantasy while I might fantasise about fucking or being fucked.

Talking with him I now understand that whether it's sub or not is in the mind of the person doing it. As far as he is concerned, taking someone to oral heights and having them lay back while he services them and gives pleasure is actually an ACTIVE role. And when you think about it, of course it is!

The guy receiving may think he has some guy down there being submissive while he gets serviced, but the guy giving head can also be thinking he has some guy lying there submissive while he works his magic and goes nuts, losing himself in the pleasure he gets from doing it.

I have to admit I never thought of myself as submissive when I used to be with girls and loved going down on them. I loved that a lot of guys would never lose themselves in cunnalingus the way I did. I sort of went into a trace giving pleasure and feeling so good doing it.
….that’s a different life time ago now lol.

 

[deluxe3000]

who cares?

who cares about the labelling of whether it's submissive or dominant? if you like doing it, then do it. if you don't, then don't.

basically, if you're into the person you're with then you want him or her to feel as good as possible generally and that includes pleasing him or her sexually. right?

i guess that it can be argued either way that the person is 'giving' head or that the person is sucking a dick because that's just what he or she really wants to do.

 

[neonflux]

With a respectful nod to and acknowledgement of others' contributions to this thread (which I like very much because it's stimulated such a complex discussion...

In my own experience, submission isn't degrading when it's accepted or given as a gift. I love both receiving and giving oral sex with/from both women and men. For me, it creates a level of intimacy that few sexual acts can equal. Now, if I am forced to "give head" either physically or through psychological guilt trips/bullying, and I truly don't want to do so, that is inherently degrading because it isn't consensual and exhibits an extreme lack of respect on the part of the person who is forcing me...

Some questions that arose for me as I read through these posts:

Isn't some form of power play at work in every sexual encounter and doesn't this usually involve some fluidity, even when the power roles are more formalized as in a D/s relationship or encounter?

Why is submission so often seen as degrading? And why do we so rarely view submission as a powerful gift rather than a sign of powerlessness?

What specifically makes an act submissive in some circumstances and Dominant in others? (I know some folks have already addressed this.)

Are the same power dynamics evident in M-M, M-F, F-M, and F-F acts of oral sex? Is dominance or submission during oral sex more likely to be part of some of these relationships than others? Why or why not?

And isn't it great being queer? How often do you think that they have these discussions on the general boards???

xo, Neon

 

[rjp44]

With a respectful nod to and acknowledgement of others' contributions to this thread (which I like very much because it's stimulated such a complex discussion...

In my own experience, submission isn't degrading when it's accepted or given as a gift. I love both receiving and giving oral sex with/from both women and men. For me, it creates a level of intimacy that few sexual acts can equal. Now, if I am forced to "give head" either physically or through psychological guilt trips/bullying, and I truly don't want to do so, that is inherently degrading because it isn't consensual and exhibits an extreme lack of respect on the part of the person who is forcing me...

Some questions that arose for me as I read through these posts:

Isn't some form of power play at work in every sexual encounter and doesn't this usually involve some fluidity, even when the power roles are more formalized as in a D/s relationship or encounter?

Why is submission so often seen as degrading? And why do we so rarely view submission as a powerful gift rather than a sign of powerlessness?

What specifically makes an act submissive in some circumstances and Dominant in others? (I know some folks have already addressed this.)

Are the same power dynamics evident in M-M, M-F, F-M, and F-F acts of oral sex? Is dominance or submission during oral sex more likely to be part of some of these relationships than others? Why or why not?

And isn't it great being queer? How often do you think that they have these discussions on the general boards???

xo, Neon

I agree with you neon, I enjoy being active or passive in oral sex with both men and women. I don't look at it as being sub or dom though. I simply see it as being the top or the bottom in that specific time frame. And the roles can switch at any time. Giving the other person pleasure is to give them a gift, and I like getting gifts too.

Don't think the GB would see what we see in this thread....they are too busy sucking on lemons.

Yes it is great to be "queer". I like having the best of both worlds

 

[bimori]

who cares about the labelling of whether it's submissive or dominant? if you like doing it, then do it. if you don't, then don't.

basically, if you're into the person you're with then you want him or her to feel as good as possible generally and that includes pleasing him or her sexually. right?

i guess that it can be argued either way that the person is 'giving' head or that the person is sucking a dick because that's just what he or she really wants to do.

I'm with you I say forget the labels . If love like it who cares about control . Its about pleasure , not power .

 

[blankcanvas]

"....Why is submission so often seen as degrading?"

That's an interesting point. I think about submission and how women use it to thier advantage. Inherently the female tends to be more submissive. Not my choice of females... but on average AND in America, most women come across as submissive - Don't nail me for this stereotype, I like my women independent and strong. But I get out of my world, I see our society and how it acts.

Within that submission is more power. Women run the world, they get the men to do whatever. It's obvious, but they do it by submitting and I, being a dumb boy, don't totally understand how that works out. I'm curious how submissive behavior wins. It works with water and it works with women, I wonder if it works with international diplomacy as well?

As for it being see as degrading, I think that has to do with America's gung-ho attitude towards everything. Rah, Go, Charge!! That's what is cool here. So if you're being submissive, you're seen as that person who is allowing others to walk over them. And that appears weak. And in here weakness is seen as being inferior.

Although doesn't that christian bible say stuff about the meek shall inherit the earth? So maybe I'll just be meek and submissive and I'll end up with all the gold and the goodies.

 

[eroticspank]

Depends

Just like several other people said on here it depends. I wanted to write on here because this struck a thread in me and my experience with my ex wife.

She did not like to give me head when she was on her knees and I was standing up. She felt it was too submissive and did not like it, hence everytime she did give me head I felt she was thinking about how submissive the scene was etc.

Sure enough after we got divorced I met a lady who loved to give me head in the exact same position on her knees. She was into domination and she would lick and kiss my dick until it was harder than steel, then tease me some more eventually making me beg her to let me cum!! That really changed my view of what was submissive and what is not!

I really believe she could have been fully tied up on the bed and if I let her take over control in my mind.....submitting to her mentally....she could still be the Dom and it does not matter the physical scene we are in!

ES