Girlfriend issues

[Seamus123]

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[shykittyme]

A couple of questions occur to me just to clarify things. One is how old are you, and have you any previous sexual experiences, with actual penetration? Or will this be the first time for you, and is it the first for her? How does she react when you are not able to be successful with the condom? And lastly, what have you done in the past, to pleasure yourself? What, in particular, do you most enjoy when you masturbate? If it is a specific fantasy, or scenario that you think of...you can try using that. Or see if she might be open to a little role-play, although would most likely happen later.. You might want to practice donning the condom several times by yourself,so it becomes a familiar, and comfortable sensation.

I suspect that there are fragments of posts that deal with this around the board somewhere, but I'm not sure that any of this will be collected together in a single topic.

Anyway.

Me and my current girlfriend have been together almost 8 months and, well, it's fantastic. I absolutely adore her and, if I believe her (which I do), she's a wee bit smitten with me.

Obviously one thing leads to another and we find ourselves in the bedroom. I'm not the most confident of guys and my experience previous to this has been somewhat limited: some fooling around with my first girlfriend when I was 17 and a alcohol-fuelled encounter with a girl when I was 19 that almost resulted in us having sex, although we stopped before that point.

The bedroom is quite one-sided at the moment, though. I can give her a damned good orgasm orally - and I'm quite proud of that! - and with my fingers, although we haven't had sex yet. The first time we tried the condom didn't fit me, so the next time we got larger condoms. However, when she was applying the condom I got a little nervous and lost most of my erection.

A similar thing happens when she's giving me a handjob or oral sex. The handjob is good while she goes really fast, but she can't keep this up for a long time because, understandably, her arm begins to hurt. It's very difficult for me to reach orgasm this way, although it can happen with enough perserverence.

Orally, it's a similar issue. She enjoys both giving and recieving oral sex and while I do enjoy her sucking me off I have to admit that there's not much feeling there. She's begun to think that it's her technique. I directed her to the tip of my penis last time and it felt a little better, and in the midst of our last bedroom session she was licking up and down my shaft, my balls, and paying me a lot of attention as opposed to the simple sucking that's gone before. Again, like the fast-paced handjobs, it's better, but still didn't do a huge amount for me.

I have no problem getting hard: I seem to get an erection just from being near her, even if we're just lying in bed watching television. When we start kissing and everything that follows, again, achieving an erection is very easy.

It's just that whenever something begins to happen, I fall a little flat. The act of putting on the condom seems to kill things, and oral sex or a handjob seems to maintain the same situation rather than make it any better for me - and that's if I'm concentrating hard on maintaining my erection.

She did say to me previously to 'stop thinking about it' when she was putting the condom on, but I honestly wasn't thinking about anything - there were no damaging or negative thoughts in my head that would have made me nervous or unable to perform. My head, on the contrary, seemed empty; when I concentrated hard on sexy thoughts involving her then it improved the situation a tiny amount, but it wasn't really enough.

I don't mind, particularly, because I enjoy giving her pleasure and really enjoy making her orgasm in any number of ways. However, I've only had one orgasm from her in the time that we've been in a relationship, so I could see this becoming worse as things go on. Certainly, the situation continuing like this isn't ideal, although I know - from years of being single - that I can't complain. She's an absolute angel and I'm very lucky to have her.

Anyone who has encountered this in the past or has any advice on how to overcome it would be very welcome to contribute. It's not that I have trouble getting an erection, because that comes (pun intended!) very easily. However, when it comes to actually doing anything with it - even if that act is primarily designed to bring me pleasure - I seem to falter.

Again, any help much appreciated, and thank you in advance

 

[SweetErika]

Have you tried putting a drop or two of lube in the very tip of the condom (pinch above/below this before you roll it on) and limiting yourself to masturbating with a condom on?

When she gives you a handjob, are you using plenty of lube, and maybe switching off who does the stimulation? With oral, is she using her mouth on the head and hands on the shaft and balls?

Have you tried combining any type of play with prostate stimulation from fingers (I prefer gloved, but that might just be me) or a toy?

Overall, this sounds like a confidence/mental problem to me. I'd suggest treating each time like a new event (that is, don't anticipate any problems, and if they happen, force yourself to move on and try again) and increasing your mental stimulation/distracting yourself. Maybe look at some hot porn or read a couple of great stories before you get together, then get your head into fantasy while you're intimate. It might be something where you do this a few times and then find out you don't need the fantasy/distraction anymore, or maybe you're just a guy who does need it - either way is perfectly fine and healthy.

Also, should you encounter difficulty, take a short breather to let your nerves desensitize and your mind refocus on your most arousing thoughts. In my experience, this really helps and continuing to go when I'm just not getting there just makes matters worse.

You'll get there. You just have to relax, be creative and stop thinking/worrying about it (I know you said you're not, but it's clear there's at least some subconscious thought/worry).

 

[Digital_Divide]

I can sympathize with you completely. I went through the same issues with my first girlfriend.

I loved her to death and nothing in the world made me happy than pleasing her in bed, she also felt the same about me.

But, no matter what it was almost impossible for me to have an orgasm when receiving oral or during sex. After we got closer I managed to cum a few times from oral but I still can not every time. Do not get me wrong it feels fantastic it is just that I can not get over that edge to orgasm from it.

I have come to accept that it is just how I am built. Over the years I have learned how to make myself cum from certain stimulations so I can sort of control my orgasms. Its better than sitting there with her wondering whats going on.

Upside is I can go for a few hours if I want. Blue balls suck though

 

[wildehafer]

You're not alone there.

Orally I have to put in a mental effort that would launch a space shuttle to get off. My current gf has only gotten me off twice with her mouth. It's her technique to some extent, but oral isn't a huge turn on for me anyway. It's nice, but not a climax thing.

I have gotten her off with vaginal penetration. Rare, true and there were special circumstances at the time. I can generally get her off with anal penetration though.

She does however adore my oral on her. That she gets off on big time. And it sets up the subsequent fuck session all the better. A post orgasmic pussy is just divine!

Condoms? Same problem. I go flat. It's a mental thing.

 

[kimbernee]

Not so much girlfriend issues as your issues and it sounds like she's given you good advice herself. You're going to have to relax and see if, once you get more comfortable, this will get easier for you. Some guys have trouble their whole lives and some guys find that once they've done it once or twice with a given woman the whole problem goes away.

She could put the condom on you with her mouth. Done right, it shouldn't take more than a second and should feel good. She puts a drop of lube in the tip, then puts the tip between her lips, puts her lips against your cock, then slides down, pushing the condom down as she goes. It might take her a couple tries to learn the technique but then you'll both enjoy it. I unroll one or two rolls with my fingers to loosen it up and make sure I've got it rolling the right way before I put the lube in.

Otherwise, just relax and enjoy. Concentrate on what parts you like whether you're getting off or not and get yourself off after she leaves (or with her watching). Learn to live in your own skin.

 

[tqm189]

I unroll one or two rolls with my fingers to loosen it up and make sure I've got it rolling the right way before I put the lube in.

 

[subwannabe]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned masturbation yet. Getting yourself off can actually lead to these problems because you not only get used to a tight grip but you control the motions. Someone else comes along and their pussies and mouths just don't have the tight grip that your hand does, nor does the other person use the same motions that you do. Stop masturbating or getting hand jobs from her altogether for a couple of months. Then go witout sex at all for about two weeks and then let her give you a bj. I'm not guaranteeing success but this can help you get down the road you want to go.

I use mental stimulation on myself during all kinds of sex to control my orgasms. I often just love the feel for long periods and then when I want to cum I start thinking or fantasizing about something which really excites me and poof - there I go. It puts me over the edge at the time of my choosing, such as these instances during a blow job or other times where she is in physical control but I am in pyschological control. However, it also helps for her to get verbal turning me on as well to help put me over the edge.

Technique can also be an issue. A woman can use one technique on a guy and it works well and then when she uses that same technique on a different guy, it doesn't work. I guess the same can be said for the other way around too.

 

[Seamus123]

Thank you all for the informative replies! It's good to know that I'm not on my own here and that plenty of people have had similar experiences.

I guess it's the combination of me being shy and whatever unconscious thoughts are floating around in my head. Like I said, I'm not purposely thinking of anything negative but, well, it just happens anyway.

Hopefully, time will cure it. That, and familiarity.

Any more thoughts are welcome, of course

 

[manim]

I understand somewhat. I've been with my wife for 26 years (married for 19 years) and I still can't come when getting a blowjob from her. I've been able to do it only twice in that time.

One thing that helps me enjoy it more is when we are in the 69 position with her on top.. I love that and seeing her over my face and her motion showing me how much she enjoys it really helps me to concentrat on her rather than me.

 

[Aizen]

Maybe you're somewhat like me..though I dont endure the same problems as things progress I find that the time just before actual sex is the most gratifying especially when its the first few times..Seeing women in very revealing but not nude clothing..or just plain clothing but in a sexual setting is a turn on..it's like a feeling of damn shes so hot and I know she wants it I can't wait to see what she looks like under those clothes. But once you reach that point its not as great as the anticipation leading up to it Haha

Still good and causes no problems for me when I reach that point..but it could be different for you as you've said just laying on a bed next to her can give you an erection.

Maybe..if shes rather open minded about things (Though it woulden't take anyone too open minded for this..it may just sound like a odd request to them..is why you want them to be open to the idea) you could try asking her not to get completly naked next time you guys are going to have sex..to leave on her undergarments (well preferablly some sexy ones obviously) and when it comes to oral have her give you a blowjob while wearing a thong and a bra that accentuates (sorry about spelling) her cleavage without actually showing you the nipples..if you are indeed like I suspect that might help

And as far as intercourse goes you could just pull the panties to the side and enter that way.

Never know..its simple so it's worth a shot...sorry about how long this comment is I kind of rambled.

and as for her pleasure the garments can be adjusted or removed when her turn comes.

 

[Seamus123]

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[bytor2112]

send her to me you faggot. i will come in her mouth in no time once she starts sucking me off.

 

[Phobos0815]

send her to me you faggot. i will come in her mouth in no time once she starts sucking me off.

Yeah, I'm quite sure bout that...
I bet you come the very moment she gets out of her panties....

 

[bytor2112]

Yeah, I'm quite sure bout that...
I bet you come the very moment she gets out of her panties....

probably...but then i'll be good to go a few more times a give the skank a right proper fucking

 

[Seamus123]

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[Seamus123]

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[ImOnIt]

If you're not physically fit, get active (non sexually). Walk daily.

And if anxiety is the issue, i dont think posting here would help, because your might reinforce the anxiety by thinking about it again to write for us.

Maybe keep pleasuring her when you put the condom on, or keep kissing or something like that. Having sex doesnt have to mean you stop making out like you were right before.

Be activel in taking care of your health. Eat. Exercise. Let go of your stress.

 

[Aeruditica]

I might be wrong on this, but there might be more than just performance anxiety issues in play here. I think it might be worth talking to a therapist possibly. Your doctor should be able to give you a reference.

I am NOT suggesting that there is anything wrong with you. I doubt that it is physical, it seems more like a mental block to me. Our brains are curious things and something in your past may have rooted itself in there and may be blocking your normal urges. It could be something completely innocuous that you saw, or read, or experienced. Obviously, it has nothing to do with your girlfriend. I think a good sex therapist might be able to help you define what is bothering you.

 

[SnowVixen]

Instead of "having sex," why not just ask if she'll lay on top of you a few times with you inside her? Just snuggle that way.

Chances are you'll begin to feel quite a bit more comfortable, and hopefully sex will happen naturally.

 

[tonight5020]

Thank you all for the informative replies! It's good to know that I'm not on my own here and that plenty of people have had similar experiences.

I guess it's the combination of me being shy and whatever unconscious thoughts are floating around in my head. Like I said, I'm not purposely thinking of anything negative but, well, it just happens anyway.

Hopefully, time will cure it. That, and familiarity.

Any more thoughts are welcome, of course

I think you should talk to each other heart to heart, and tell her your feeling. If you love each other deeply,she will aspect you and pay attention to your words. Maybe you didn't do well in some aspect, so i suggest you buy some gifts for her, i believe that she will very happy and you will happier when you are together, have a try!!



Best wishes!!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Regardless of techniques, condoms and how often you masturbate, this is now becoming a mental block for you. It's very common, to the point where GPs will assume it's a question of mind over matter until proven otherwise. It's easy to say 'don't think about it' but of course you're going to.

As temporary measures, to maybe give you a couple of positive experiences to build on, you could try these extra sensitive condoms and even a couple of herbal little blue pills. They're legal and no prescription is required. You could consider whether your girlfriend would get some form of hormonal contraceptive (pill, injection or implant) and thus render condoms a moot issue.

I know it's not ideal to suggest cheating like this but IME it's the quickest and arguably most effective way to get past a mental block like yours. You won't become dependent on viagra for performance, you'll just get a short cut to some much needed experience and self confidence.

That's my suggestion anyway. This issue is causing you real problems now and 'mind over matter' is always a total catch 22.

You should not take these pills if you have any cardiac or vascular problems or high blood pressure. If you take any regular medication, check that there's no chance of interaction.

 

[Aeruditica]

tonight5020...
You are spamming, and you need to knock it off. I saw you do this on another thread as well. Go peddle elsewhere.