Girl Talk

[EJFan]

over the years i've read a lot of articles (on various topics) and i constantly see references to the fact that women talk with each other about their boyfriends/husbands/SO's. this doesn't surprise me but after seeing it mentioned so many times i'm curious what these conversations are like.

ladies: who has had these types of conversations? with what regularity? in how much detail?

guys: does this matter to you? is there anything you'd rather they didn't discuss? do you ever do/say anything because you know she'll share it with her friends?

edit to add: do you ever share these conversations with your SO?

 

[bareman]

good question...

have always wondered that myself...hmmm

 

[bobsgirl]

It happens a lot, EJ. Women are just talkers. We love to share ideas, problems, joys, sorrows... Not necessarily to reach some kind of solution, and men love to solve things. I talk to other women when I just want to rant or vent. If I talked to my husband or a male friend, they would immediately try to give me solutions. I may not want solutions. I usually want understanding and sympathy.

When I talk about the lovely B it's usually because he's pissed me off or hurt my feelings or done something utterly incomprehensible that I just don't get. It sounds kinda bad, but if he's done something good or nice, I'm not as likely to bring it up.

And how explicit? It depends on the friendship. Some I would open up to completely, but for example, I won't be talking to my mother about sex problems any time soon.

I've noticed that women talk a lot about feelings, and men don't. Is this true? I'd venture to say that B has never discussed emotions with his best friends.

 

[EJFan]

I've noticed that women talk a lot about feelings, and men don't. Is this true? I'd venture to say that B has never discussed emotions with his best friends.

i think that tends to be true. as with all things, there are exceptions.

it's interesting though. you'd think a guy who's comfortable talking about his emotions would be more attractive to a woman because of that. maybe that's true sometimes but i believe that men who are TOO emotionally open actually turn women off. it's a very delicate balance.

ummm... and why DON'T you talk to your mother about sex. you might be able to give her some great ideas!

 

[tanyachrs]

I discuss my relationships but rarely get into the nitty-gritty of sexual details. General stuff like how often, whether he's any good or not, the size of his dick (if worth commenting on), but not much more than that.

 

[EJFan]

I discuss my relationships but rarely get into the nitty-gritty of sexual details. General stuff like how often, whether he's any good or not, the size of his dick (if worth commenting on), but not much more than that.

this is interesting. these types of conversations are exactly why i started the thread. there's nothing wrong with talking with other women about these things. do you think that we feel objectified when you discuss us in this way? would you? (i don't mean those questions to sound like a challenge/argument... just curious)

 

[bobsgirl]

i think that tends to be true. as with all things, there are exceptions.

it's interesting though. you'd think a guy who's comfortable talking about his emotions would be more attractive to a woman because of that. maybe that's true sometimes but i believe that men who are TOO emotionally open actually turn women off. it's a very delicate balance.

ummm... and why DON'T you talk to your mother about sex. you might be able to give her some great ideas!

Ummm... NO! My mother doesn't know about sex. She never had sex. She doesn't think I have sex (well, that part's kinda true ).

 

[bobsgirl]

this is interesting. these types of conversations are exactly why i started the thread. there's nothing wrong with talking with other women about these things. do you think that we feel objectified when you discuss us in this way? would you? (i don't mean those questions to sound like a challenge/argument... just curious)

I don't know-- do you feel objectified? I know when I have conversations like this, we don't talk about disembodied body parts. It's more the whole person. I can't ever remember talking about B in terms of body parts.

Would I feel objectified? Double standard at work here... Yeah, I probably would a little. But I'd also be flattered, if the comments were positive.

Maybe I'm a little bit of prude, but I just don't have a whole lot of really explicit conversations about my sex life. I've had very explicit conversations about sex in general, but I'm not real chatty about my personal business.

 

[tanyachrs]

this is interesting. these types of conversations are exactly why i started the thread. there's nothing wrong with talking with other women about these things. do you think that we feel objectified when you discuss us in this way? would you? (i don't mean those questions to sound like a challenge/argument... just curious)

No, it's not a matter of being objectified. It's "too much information" sometimes and embarrassment other times. Interesting because right now I'd really like to talk to a friend about a situation with a guy and anal sex but don't know if I can. Whether or not my friends engage in anal sex is something I don't know. I don't think they'd react badly if I brought it up but it would take a big gulp of air (and maybe a margarita or two) before I did.

 

[midwestyankee]

What's an emotion? I think I may have had one in 1986 (f***ing Mets!) but I'm not positive.

 

[bobsgirl]

What's an emotion? I think I may have had one in 1986 (f***ing Mets!) but I'm not positive.

I rest my case.

 

[M's girl]

I'm quite comfortable talking about sex and relationships but I don't tell all, not (even?) to my closest friend, and not just like that. It depends also on the situation. If she needs my opinion, view or experience to figure out something for herself, for her situation, I would be more open I guess. Still there are things that are between M and me and nobody elses business.

I suppose it's the general stuff that I talk about most. I will joke about things (of our relationship and sexlife) but not too often and never to hurt M. If I have a problem with M I will more likely keep it to myself. There are a few somewhat more intimate details that other people know but they all know different bits and pieces, so to speak.

I think I know M threats this sort of information the same way. I don't mind if he talks to his best friend about our sexlife, as long as it's the positive stuff. I don't mind if he talks about our relationship and problems we have as long as it's kept between M and not just anybody. I also hope he comes to me with those problems first, but can understand how he wants and needs to hear another man's point of view. Or another woman's even I guess. If it helps us....

 

[yoshimitsu]

guys: does this matter to you? is there anything you'd rather they didn't discuss? do you ever do/say anything because you know she'll share it with her friends?

edit to add: do you ever share these conversations with your SO?

I would be fine with them sharing with others anything they are sharing with me.
When I get unhappy is when friends know stuff I don't or should.
I wish more women were into having completely open conversations with me.
I am fine with simalar conversations with men but as a couple people have said they don't generally give me what I am looking for.
I am really starting to realize that in general I much prefer the company of women. There are some cool guys I like to hang out with but give me the choice of hanging with some bros at the bar or hanging out with a few cool girls and I would take the girls pretty much every time.

 

[cloudy]

I would be fine with them sharing with others anything they are sharing with me.
When I get unhappy is when friends know stuff I don't or should.
I wish more women were into having completely open conversations with me.
I am fine with simalar conversations with men but as a couple people have said they don't generally give me what I am looking for.
I am really starting to realize that in general I much prefer the company of women. There are some cool guys I like to hang out with but give me the choice of hanging with some bros at the bar or hanging out with a few cool girls and I would take the girls pretty much every time.

see....I'm just the opposite.

I have a few close women friends, but I find women, as a whole (there are certainly exceptions) to be petty and catty, and spiteful as hell.

If I want to have fun, relax, and completely be myself, I'll hang out with my SO and his buddies (who, luckily, look at me as "one of the guys").

 

[yoshimitsu]

see....I'm just the opposite.

I have a few close women friends, but I find women, as a whole (there are certainly exceptions) to be petty and catty, and spiteful as hell.

If I want to have fun, relax, and completely be myself, I'll hang out with my SO and his buddies (who, luckily, look at me as "one of the guys").

Yeah I know a few girls who tend to hang out with and feel more comfortable with guys.
It's pretty interesting.
Does that make us transmentallygendered or something?

 

[Willing and Unsure]

When it comes to relationship stuff and girl talk, that's usually where I share about some of the little things that are making me happy about the person I'm with. It's not often that I share details about anything sexual. Normally girl talk, at least for me, could be about anything and everything.

 

[yoshimitsu]

it's interesting though. you'd think a guy who's comfortable talking about his emotions would be more attractive to a woman because of that. maybe that's true sometimes but i believe that men who are TOO emotionally open actually turn women off. it's a very delicate balance.

I would like to hear some opinions on this from some women. Is it true?
I am confident it is for a majority of women.
Of course I am not interested in a majority of women.

 

[EJFan]

I am really starting to realize that in general I much prefer the company of women. There are some cool guys I like to hang out with but give me the choice of hanging with some bros at the bar or hanging out with a few cool girls and I would take the girls pretty much every time.

i've been like that for a long time too... ever since highschool i've always had more female friends than male (or at least have been emotionally closer to women than men). i'm not sure why that is but i'm sure not gonna argue with it.

 

[yoshimitsu]

Willing and insecure
Your AV is overwhelmingly cute

 

[EJFan]

I would like to hear some opinions on this from some women. Is it true?
I am confident it is for a majority of women.
Of course I am not interested in a majority of women.

i'll let the ladies chime in but i think the turn-off comes from a subconscious desire to have a man who's an emotional rock so that he can be a foundation for her. i think it's one of those biologically wired things that women sometimes aren't even aware of. just a guess.

 

[yoshimitsu]

i've been like that for a long time too... ever since highschool i've always had more female friends than male (or at least have been emotionally closer to women than men). i'm not sure why that is but i'm sure not gonna argue with it.

Ha ha
You're transmentallygendered too
We should ask for our own section in the forum

 

[EJFan]

Ha ha
You're transmentallygendered too
We should ask for our own section in the forum

TMG anyone?

for me it's like i'm the stereotypical, requisite gay guy friend... 'cept i'm straight.

 

[Muirin]

Well the thing about the emotional or over emotional guys is a turn off for me because they are a bigger sissy then i am. I enjoy a guy that's a hard ass on the outside and a sweet romantic, loving guy on the inside. Emotions seem to scare off SOME women because, if they're like myself, they are more of a tomboy, but that's just from my side, some girls actually like the emotional guys.

As for talking with girls, i talk about anything. Whether it be sex, life, annoyances, etc. I don't have very many girl friends, but i do talk to them about my sex life and vise versa. We get new ideas and thoughts on it. We are just so comfortable with others knowing our sex life that we don't care who hears it. It just all depends on the woman and how comfortable she is with talking about sex. I do have some girlfriends that don't talk about it and that's fine with me. so yeah

 

[Hotat21]

yes, women talk to each other. I used to talk to people all the time when I was with my ex. But it was usually if he did something stupid (which he did often) And I know that this is a sterrotype and I'm not meaning to offend anyone, but if a guy is VERy emotional, we tend to think he's gay. And yes, there are straigh guys that are emotional and gay guys who aren't emotional.

 

[Mazuri]

I don't have the long, detailed conversations that you describe with anyone but my hubby. I'm normally a private person anyway and it just feels odd to talk about such intimate details with someone so wholly unrelated to either of us. A close friend, to me, is still not someone who needs to know that kind of thing.

If I talk about sex with friends, it's either in general terms (the pros/cons/etc of a certain position/act) or specific to me only (I've been researching A, what do you think?).

I try not to talk specifics as concerning my sex life as I know I would be embarrassed/upset with hubby if he did that to me. He knows about Lit and what I've posted here, so he knows of a few things I've said, but for the most part I keep it between us.

In general, though, I don't talk about sex to females. I've found most women want to only discuss how great/horrible their current lover is, not discuss the subject at hand. If the conversation turns to the pros/cons of anal sex, I can have that conversation with my male friends. I can not have that conversation with female friends without someone using the "anal" part to launch into a tirade about how she doesn't like anal because her SO is an ass and no way she's screwing him right now.