Gifts?

[WildRose40DDD]

Question to other subs?
Would you consider it a red flag if someone you agreed to meet sent you gifts? For example, flowers at work? $200 so you could buy yourself something nice? Especially something nice to wear when you meet.
I have talked with a friend, who happens to be a Dom and he says that I need to beware.

You always have such good advice, hope you can help!

 

[Kajira Callista]

Question to other subs?
Would you consider it a red flag if someone you agreed to meet sent you gifts? For example, flowers at work? $200 so you could buy yourself something nice? Especially something nice to wear when you meet.
I have talked with a friend, who happens to be a Dom and he says that I need to beware.

You always have such good advice, hope you can help!

How well do you know him? Does he want you to feel good when you meet and thats why? What were the other gifts for...special occasions?

 

[Krinaia]

There was a thread started in the past few days that is along these lines and may be helpful to you...

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=214420

 

[catalina_francisco]

In today's world caution is always good in almost, if not all, situations. That being said though, I do not think the gifts you describe are particularly threatening, huge, or unusual. I have come to learn there are many Doms who are generous in a variety of ways, none of which entail ulterior motives, just who they are as people. Often you will find they do similar things for friends or people they know are in need, who they may never have met or intend to. Today's world has begun to regard anyone with thoughtful and honest intentions as suspect which is sad when it is just an act of a caring soul.

Catalina http://www.smilies4you.de/content/wspezial/a14.gif

 

[hurtme]

since i'm not particularly wealthy, I tend to look on even a small gift as a big deal...but for some people, they have problem with a gift of a couple hundred dollars...sometimes, people just like to see others smile...when I had a awesome job, I was known to buy my friends dinner on a regular basis, or trinkets, or whatever...just because I enjoyed it...

 

[bunny bondage]

Today's world has begun to regard anyone with thoughtful and honest intentions as suspect which is sad when it is just an act of a caring soul.

this is true, but sometimes it's very difficult to distinguish the well-wishers from the sickos. they both exist and both exhibit some of the same signs. i do wish things were different, that a good deed could be done unquestioned.

 

[hurtme]

I try to do good things for people when I can, without them knowing. Not only does it make me feel better, but somehow, I am hoping the good karma will hit at some point (soon)...I put change in meters that are about to expire, whenever i happen to be somewhere where they have them, I use to start collections at work for families who had lost everything due to a fire, or serious illness or death...I also do those stupid little things that don't really seem to mean much, but maybe, just maybe, they will give me a warm glowy feeling at pull me out of a shitty mood...like let people with only an item go in front of me at the checkout line...I smile at people who give me dirty looks because i am an evil devil worshipper baby killer (or so they think) instead of sneering...giving someone the extra change when they realize they are a quarter or 50 cents short for the cost of their cup of coffee. Blah, enough of all this do gooding, I had better sht up or someone might think I am not such a heartless bitch...after all, I do have a rep to protect...

 

[WildRose40DDD]

Thanks!

Well I did meet with him. Still not sure about the whole money and gifts thing. We went to dinner and he paid. Then he wanted to go to Target and I said ok, I picked up a couple things I needed in addition to him getting what he wanted, and he insisted on paying for everything. And when we stopped for gas, he paid for gas for my car too. Then he left me another $100 bill when he left.
As for the gifts he sent ahead of time:$200, pair of safety handcuffs, ball gag, silk scarf and treats for my dogs. Oh and flowers at work on the day we met.
Maybe I am just suspicious cause I am not used to anyone treating me nice, spending money on me. That and it seems like so much money to me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Thanks!

Well I did meet with him. Still not sure about the whole money and gifts thing. We went to dinner and he paid. Then he wanted to go to Target and I said ok, I picked up a couple things I needed in addition to him getting what he wanted, and he insisted on paying for everything. And when we stopped for gas, he paid for gas for my car too. Then he left me another $100 bill when he left.
As for the gifts he sent ahead of time:$200, pair of safety handcuffs, ball gag, silk scarf and treats for my dogs. Oh and flowers at work on the day we met.
Maybe I am just suspicious cause I am not used to anyone treating me nice, spending money on me. That and it seems like so much money to me.

Enjoy it until you have reason to not. That may never happen as this may just be his way. As long as you do not lay yourself open to abuse or danger by agreeing to meet alone in some out of the way place before you know him well, or you feel compelled to repay him. If he ever expresses he feels that appropriate, it is his problem not yours as he has not told you up front their is a cost. There are still nice people who as hurtme says, get joy out of giving, and I think it is just as bad to punish them because of the more evil minded, as it is for people to use such ways to gain a hold over someone. They can only have that hold if you allow them too by feeling it is their right and your obligation. Accept in the manner it appears the gifts are given.

Catalina http://www.smilies4you.de/content/wspezial/weihtiere005.gif

 

[WildRose40DDD]

Thanks!

Thanks everyone
I am new out here, but I know why I belong, because of the great people. Thanks for the great advice. Maybe I am being cynical. Will try to accept graciously.

 

[sabersedge]

Gifts

Flowers I used to give on a first meeting. I have stopped that long ago. It was not appreciated.

If it is a regular first time date where I asked her out in the nilla sense absolutely not.

Online, you usually get to know the person before you meet them. Your feelings and interest are stronger and I have given them a small gift when we first met. I did mail a woman panties to wear when we met the first time and she did wear them. I would never do this on a regular type first meeting.

 

[NCShin]

Re: Thanks!

Well I did meet with him. Still not sure about the whole money and gifts thing. We went to dinner and he paid. Then he wanted to go to Target and I said ok, I picked up a couple things I needed in addition to him getting what he wanted, and he insisted on paying for everything. And when we stopped for gas, he paid for gas for my car too. Then he left me another $100 bill when he left.
As for the gifts he sent ahead of time:$200, pair of safety handcuffs, ball gag, silk scarf and treats for my dogs. Oh and flowers at work on the day we met.
Maybe I am just suspicious cause I am not used to anyone treating me nice, spending money on me. That and it seems like so much money to me.

The cash is what would have me worried. Gifts are one thing, but cold hard cash is another in my opinion.

If you are uncomfortable with it, you should talk to him about it. Gauge his response carefully. See what he has to say, and the way he says it.

 

[WildRose40DDD]

Talk

I talked to him a bit on the subject, especially with Christmas coming. He seems to understand that I am not heavy into having material items. But his thoughts are basically that it is his money to what he likes with, and that if he wants to give/spend on me, I should graciously accept.

 

[Netzach]

Cold hard cash makes a wonderful present. It gives you latitude to do things you want. Sometimes you need it.

If you feel like you are being "bought" that's a red flag there. Are you being pressured? Do you sense any quid-pro-quo here?

If you can genuinely take the guy at face value when he says he just likes spending on you, then there's no reason to object to it.

 

[Blackethorne]

I think I would consider how much this guy makes in a year. People who are making 100 thou a year don't see 100 bucks in the same light as a person making 25 thou. If he's driving a Ferrari I wouldn't sweat the dough. If he's driving a Pinto you might see a yellow light.

 

[FungiUg]

I guess that would be my suspicion as well -- the thought that he is "buying you." That may be part of his "taking dominance" in the role of "provider". (Male ego/psyche -- strong male provides for female kind of thing.)

On the other hand, if you know what is going on and are otherwise comfortable with him and where the relationship is going, then I guess just learn to accept the gifts graciously.

 

[Princessintrng]

Gifts

Some people who make good money do enjoy spending it on others. I am uncomfortable with gifts myself, but I do enjoy buying things for other people and if one of my friends is having some financial hardship, I like to give them the money to help out. If he is in a position to give it and he isn't trying to buy you or your feelings, then I see nothing wrong with it. Of course if you are like me and are not comfortable with someone giving you gifts, then maybe you can explain that to him.

Hope it all goes well for you.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have given gifts in the past to the women I have courted, and have given them money if they needed it. IMO there is nothing wrong with giving gifts and nothing wrong with accepting them.

There needs to be one rule very clear from the beginning, a gift is just a gift, nothing else; accepting a gift does not indicate a debt and giving a gift does not allocate any rights.

If a Dom wants to have a sub wear certain kinds of clothes or wants her to have certain kinds of equipment that the sub cannot afford, then it is up to the Dom to provide for such. To expect from a sub that they spend money which they might not have is irresponsible of the Dom and to me a clear red flag.

Francisco.

 

[NCShin]

I have given gifts in the past to the women I have courted, and have given them money if they needed it. IMO there is nothing wrong with giving gifts and nothing wrong with accepting them.

There needs to be one rule very clear from the beginning, a gift is just a gift, nothing else; accepting a gift does not indicate a debt and giving a gift does not allocate any rights.

If a Dom wants to have a sub wear certain kinds of clothes or wants her to have certain kinds of equipment that the sub cannot afford, then it is up to the Dom to provide for such. To expect from a sub that they spend money which they might not have is irresponsible of the Dom and to me a clear red flag.

Francisco.

I can see this, but if it was me, and I was giving money to buy a certain item, I'd surely specify what that item was.

I suppose I might feel differently if I made 100k per year, but I personally see gifts of cash to be poor taste.

If I try to put myself in her place I'd think he was trying to buy me in one way or another. I wouldn't like it, thus I dont' think I'd ever put myself or her in that situation.

That isn't to say I havne't given women money for one reason or another. It has always been for a specific purpose though. IE. I rented movies on PPV and paid the cable bill that month.