GF's first lesbian experience

[sinkist2004]

My fiancee has the opportunity this weekend to experience another woman. She wants to, and I know she does (we've talked about this before). She is a little concerned about the age difference (she's 20, the other is 28). Now, she won't do it unless I'm in the room with her to make sure nothing gets out of control and she might want me to video tape it for her. Does anyone have any experience with this?

 

[bisexplicit]

No experience with that, but I do agree that its best to play it safe. I would also warn you that this could potentially be damaging to your relationship (especially since its so serious). However, not all people feel the same way as I do. Good luck.

 

[Eilan]

No experience with that, but I do agree that its best to play it safe. I would also warn you that this could potentially be damaging to your relationship (especially since its so serious). However, not all people feel the same way as I do. Good luck.

I'm inclined to agree with you. This kind of thing isn't for everyone, so tread carefully.

I don't see where the age difference should be that big of a deal, since the encounter is presumably about sex and not necessarily a "relationship" beyond that (unless your fiancée intends to hook up with this woman regularly). But, then, I'm more than a little biased, as my husband is 16 years older than I am.

About videotaping--make sure that the other woman agrees to this, and if she doesn't, respect her wishes. Not everybody want a video of his/her sexual escapades floating around for God-knows-who to see. I'm not saying you'd share the tape with others, but it's been known to happen.

 

[BigM]

Geez, Sinkist, what a stunningly delicious dilemma.

My first thought was: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. After reading a few other posts on the matter, I now feel... exactly the same way. Go for it, my man! This is a time to enjoy life to the fullest (and buy a lottery ticket on the way).

 

[SweetErika]

Are you sure she's as okay with this as you think she is? That she likes, is attracted to, is comfortable with the woman, acts, and ramifications? How does the other woman feel about you being present and possibly taping it?

In my experience, this can bring forth a lot of unanticipated emotions and issues. I agree you should be very careful, especially given the fact that she has some concerns now.

 

[Eilan]

Are you sure she's as okay with this as you think she is?

I was wondering this as well. Is she doing it because SHE wants to, or is she doing it because YOU want her to want to?

 

[Unafraid]

These things are tricky, because for it to come off well, everyone must be on the same page, so to speak.

If everyone can agree on the terms (who's there, what is and isn't ok, etc), then I say go for it.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

We've had some experience with this. She won't truly know how comfortable she is with it until the moment arrives. You really need to let her know that if she get's too uncomfortable then it'll be alright to back out even if the intimacy has already began.

She should not go into it feeling pressured in any way.

You being there isn't a bad idea, and for more reasons than just holding the camera. She may need you to be "the heavy" and back her up if she needs to get out of the situation. Have a predetermined signal that you both know as "stop" if things go askew, like "stop."

If things are going smoothly and she seems at ease with herself and the situation then just let her go with it. Be attentative to her and her bed mate and don't interfere unless you're invited to do so. First times like this one are all about her pleasure FIRST, not yours.

As far as the age difference goes; 8 years? I've been in sexual situations where 30 years turned out to be no age difference at all. Don't sweat 8 years. There might be some "teacher and student" type moments depending on the other woman's experience levels, but those moments are typically a good thing.

I really hope all goes well. Be sure to communicate as much as possible after the event also. But keep in mind, some women need a lot of time to adjust to something like this having happened before they decide if they liked it or not, others feel it was perfectly natural right from the start, and others will decide that now that they've done it once it's out of their system.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

 

[silverwhisper]

that's not a particularly serious age gap, IMHO.

does the older woman know that your fiancee wants you to be present and/or recording the events? it's unclear to me whether that's been addressed either in your post or the responses you've had thus far.

i've been in threeways, but that first one was emotionally a very difficult thing for me in ways i really didn't anticipate.

let us know how it goes?

ed

 

[sinkist2004]

Thanks for the replys folks. I know it's something she wants because I know she has gone through a lot of trouble to do this. I agree with those of you that aren't sure about the ramifications of this. I was laying in bed last night trying to get to sleep and I realized that I don't know if I'm ready for this. She told me that if she doesn't do it this weekend that it will have to wait until the fall, but I think I'd rather wait, to strengthen our relationship before going into this. I was thinking more about what she wanted than about whether I was comfortable with it myself.

edit: the other woman knows I'll be there and is even comfortable with taping it. Believe me, we talked about this for a long time and neither of us want it to happen unless I'm there to make sure she isn't in any danger.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Thanks for the replys folks. I know it's something she wants because I know she has gone through a lot of trouble to do this. I agree with those of you that aren't sure about the ramifications of this. I was laying in bed last night trying to get to sleep and I realized that I don't know if I'm ready for this. She told me that if she doesn't do it this weekend that it will have to wait until the fall, but I think I'd rather wait, to strengthen our relationship before going into this. I was thinking more about what she wanted than about whether I was comfortable with it myself.

Good call. How long have the two of you been together?

 

[sinkist2004]

Good call. How long have the two of you been together?

4 years

 

[silverwhisper]

sinkist: sounds like you're approaching this intelligently, which is definitely a good thing. when you say "i was thinking more about what she wanted than about whether i was comfortable with it myself" that's a good sign, IMV.

ed

 

[Halo_n_horns]

4 years

You've been together four years and you're thinking that you might want to wait and strengthen the relationship? Are there other issues at work here?

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for the replys folks. I know it's something she wants because I know she has gone through a lot of trouble to do this. I agree with those of you that aren't sure about the ramifications of this. I was laying in bed last night trying to get to sleep and I realized that I don't know if I'm ready for this. She told me that if she doesn't do it this weekend that it will have to wait until the fall, but I think I'd rather wait, to strengthen our relationship before going into this. I was thinking more about what she wanted than about whether I was comfortable with it myself.

edit: the other woman knows I'll be there and is even comfortable with taping it. Believe me, we talked about this for a long time and neither of us want it to happen unless I'm there to make sure she isn't in any danger.

I think there can be a huge difference between wanting/going to a lot of trouble for something and feeling really good about it. The safety angle might be something to discuss more, especially if you'd be the only male present or her fears are coming out of not knowing this woman well enough. It sounds like you're on the right track holding off for awhile since you both have concerns. Good luck!

 

[sinkist2004]

I just got done talking to her about this and we've decided to wait. Thanks for talking me through this

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I just got done talking to her about this and we've decided to wait. Thanks for talking me through this

Good decision. Well done.

 

[Eilan]

I just got done talking to her about this and we've decided to wait. Thanks for talking me through this

Sounds like a good idea.

Good luck!

 

[BigM]

I just got done talking to her about this and we've decided to wait. Thanks for talking me through this

As a guy, I have two words, Sinkist: Bum-mer!!

I'll crawl back under my rock now.

 

[tron]

From what you have said you sound like you are going to wait, and that’s good...

I just want to put in my 2 cents. A lot of people think of something like this as a "fun" thing. To see two girls together going at it, etc etc. But would you be ok with sitting in the room filming your fiancé having sex with another man? I don’t really see the difference between the man and the woman partners... it's still a SEXUAL partner... and I know for myself that I would not, in any way, be ok with that. Now you might be ok with it, and you might not see it the way I do, but you have to acknowledge the fact that she might like it "too much" and that will be all she wrote.... so tread softly for you are trading on your dreams.

 

[unfaithful2005]

I really have to commend you for thinking outside of your pants for this because some guys that I know would not let this opportunity fly by. My SO has frequently fantasized about FFM 3some for geez, the past 10 years? Its something that I know gets him really worked up. During sex, we talk as if this was actually happening and it gets him to orgasm faster and stronger.

No matter how long we have fantasized about it or wondered what it would be like to make it a reality, honestly, we are both afraid of the possible consequences. Yes on one hand it could be thrilling, but on the other, it might be opening a pandora's box. Do think this through more carefully because 4 years is a long time to gamble on something you might not be prepared for. Best of luck!

 

[SweetErika]

From what you have said you sound like you are going to wait, and that’s good...

I just want to put in my 2 cents. A lot of people think of something like this as a "fun" thing. To see two girls together going at it, etc etc. But would you be ok with sitting in the room filming your fiancé having sex with another man? I don’t really see the difference between the man and the woman partners... it's still a SEXUAL partner... and I know for myself that I would not, in any way, be ok with that. Now you might be ok with it, and you might not see it the way I do, but you have to acknowledge the fact that she might like it "too much" and that will be all she wrote.... so tread softly for you are trading on your dreams.

I don't agree liking it a lot is necessarily a relationship-ender. You could probably say I liked it "too much," but instead of allowing it to come between us, we capitalized on the opportunity to learn, communicate, and strengthen our relationship...just like we do with every other challenge. Was it difficult and emotional at times? Absolutely, but for us, all of the consequences have been extremely positive.

 

[gee6219]

reply

Talk about 2 cent's worth, but is this not a classic case of men liking the idea of seeing 2 naked women together? They might be enjoying eachother in a great sexual encounter but he is just hoping he might join the action. Ultimately, it's an ego thing if can bed both women irrespective of how much the 2 women enjoyed eachother.. Just a thought and enquiring.....?