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You asked for comments, so here it is: If your wife is happy to have sex with you and does not see her not orgasming as a problem nor thinks that she is missing out, then it's not a problem and it’s most certainly not your problem. Therefore, forget about it and you should just continue enjoy having sex with her without making her not-orgasming an issue.We'll start with the basics: Happily married, strictly hetero couple. Him: several partners, pre nuptials. Her: several partners as well.
Both in good shape physically, no issues with the plumbing.
The problem: In all the years we've been together, she's never had an orgasm. She's been close (she thinks) and enjoys sex as much as I do (maybe more), but she can never quite get there. She doesn't think she's ever had one, with any partner or by herself (she doesn't and didn't masturbate - I know, I know, hard to believe. But if you knew her, you'd know she's not lying.). I've tried different techniques, vibrators, porn.... and not with the explicit "goal" of getting her off. She loves oral (giving and receiving) and is up for just about everything except multiple partners. Now, she doesn't see it as a problem, per se, because she enjoys the sex and doesn't feel like she's missing anything - I think it's actually something I want more for her than she does herself. I feel like she just needs to have that first one and then it will just happen. Thinking about how powerful and strong my own are, I just want her to experience some too!
Hoping for some thoughts, suggestions, techniques. Comments/criticism welcome too.
We'll start with the basics: Happily married, strictly hetero couple. Him: several partners, pre nuptials. Her: several partners as well.
Both in good shape physically, no issues with the plumbing.
The problem: In all the years we've been together, she's never had an orgasm. She's been close (she thinks) and enjoys sex as much as I do (maybe more), but she can never quite get there. She doesn't think she's ever had one, with any partner or by herself (she doesn't and didn't masturbate - I know, I know, hard to believe. But if you knew her, you'd know she's not lying.). I've tried different techniques, vibrators, porn.... and not with the explicit "goal" of getting her off. She loves oral (giving and receiving) and is up for just about everything except multiple partners. Now, she doesn't see it as a problem, per se, because she enjoys the sex and doesn't feel like she's missing anything - I think it's actually something I want more for her than she does herself. I feel like she just needs to have that first one and then it will just happen. Thinking about how powerful and strong my own are, I just want her to experience some too!
Hoping for some thoughts, suggestions, techniques. Comments/criticism welcome too.
Anti depressants play into this in a huge way. My wife’s experience with not being to cross the line when we were dating and early in our marriage was, she was on an AD’s. They switch off certain neuro-receptors and I’m sure sexual ones get jumbled.I can't imagine sex being thought of as great if I couldn't orgasm. I've only known one women who talked abt not being able to orgasm. At the time I thought it was kind of weird that she thought that I would know more about orgasms than she did. (I also couldn't imagine anyone not being able to orgasm). I was around 26 and she was around 50. (She was dating my bf's father). She was distraught. I sensed the issue had more to do with something beyond sharing advice because it sounded like she had tried everything she could think of.
I've experienced one period of time when I couldn't orgasm. I had started taking an anti-depressant. I thought of stopping the AD, which a lot of people do. I faced a choice, stop the AD or continue. I chose to continue and fought like hell for abt a month to orgasm until I finally achieved breakthrough.
Finally this tells it like it really is. Why do some men assume they know everything.You asked for comments, so here it is: If your wife is happy to have sex with you and does not see her not orgasming as a problem nor thinks that she is missing out, then it's not a problem and it’s most certainly not your problem. Therefore, forget about it and you should just continue enjoy having sex with her without making her not-orgasming an issue.
If you make it about you--and you indicate that it's something that you want, not her, so it is about you and not her--then that's a sure-fire way for her never to reach an orgasm, if she so chooses to explore that route. Instead of asking for techniques or suggestions or trying to ‘get her there’, how about enjoying the experience and moments and what works for the both of you, and if it comes, it comes (pun sort of intended).
By the way, you telling her (or us) that she 'just needs to have her first one' is a bit condescending, a touch mansplaining, and a tad rude. She knows what works for her, not you. She certainly does not need a man, regardless if said man is her husband, tell her what she needs or is missing out. She knows what she needs or wants, and it sounds like she has no problem communicating it with you and trust that she will keep on communicating. Just sayin'.
Sometimes we have to unlearn some of what society has taught us...Finally this tells it like it really is. Why do some men assume they know everything.
I'm actually not assuming I know everything, hence my question. I'm thinking that that first orgasm would be like a breakthrough moment, nothing more. And "mansplaining"? Please. Talk about "assuming"; I'm not telling my wife how to have an orgasm, or that I think that she should, I'd just really like for it to happen - nothing more, and for the most part, I've actually kept that desire to myself. I appreciate the responses from those who took my question in the spirit in which it was presented.Finally this tells it like it really is. Why do some men assume they know everything.
Right so why is it a problem.I'm actually not assuming I know everything, hence my question. I'm thinking that that first orgasm would be like a breakthrough moment, nothing more. And "mansplaining"? Please. Talk about "assuming"; I'm not telling my wife how to have an orgasm, or that I think that she should, I'd just really like for it to happen - nothing more, and for the most part, I've actually kept that desire to myself. I appreciate the responses from those who took my question in the spirit in which it was presented.
She may need some specific exercise like Kegel's to first know what to expect. Isolating the internal muscles that contract when she experiences orgasm may help her share with you what she needs to get there. Research Kegel exercise. That being said, if she doesn't see it as a problem, she may view the research as pressure.We'll start with the basics: Happily married, strictly hetero couple. Him: several partners, pre nuptials. Her: several partners as well.
Both in good shape physically, no issues with the plumbing.
The problem: In all the years we've been together, she's never had an orgasm. She's been close (she thinks) and enjoys sex as much as I do (maybe more), but she can never quite get there. She doesn't think she's ever had one, with any partner or by herself (she doesn't and didn't masturbate - I know, I know, hard to believe. But if you knew her, you'd know she's not lying.). I've tried different techniques, vibrators, porn.... and not with the explicit "goal" of getting her off. She loves oral (giving and receiving) and is up for just about everything except multiple partners. Now, she doesn't see it as a problem, per se, because she enjoys the sex and doesn't feel like she's missing anything - I think it's actually something I want more for her than she does herself. I feel like she just needs to have that first one and then it will just happen. Thinking about how powerful and strong my own are, I just want her to experience some too!
Hoping for some thoughts, suggestions, techniques. Comments/criticism welcome too.
Thanks Casey! I appreciated your "suggestions"!You asked for suggestions…. If you just want to hear suggestions you agree with then I give up. Good luck.
I never pressured her.Understandable. A climax is the ultimate to men and is a problem if not achieved. However for a woman an orgasm is a much more complex accomplishment. Some women can orgasm easily, others not so much but either way it is possible she seems to be satisfied with your sex life. Why ruin a good thing by pressuring her to try to do something that may not come natural to her?