Getting enough?

[Dakoop]

I apologize if I'm touching on a topic that has been covered already.

I'm curious if there are others who may be in a similar situation. I wouldn't consider myself a sex-a-holic, but I need to take care of business several times a day. My wife and I were very active and adventurous before we had children. We had some very wild and satisfying sex then. Since our kids came along she just doesn't seem to have the interest or drive like she used to. I on the other hand continue to want to be as active as we were before. I can get it up and going at a drop of a hat. even if I'm tired or sick, one look or remark anytime of the day or night and I'm hard as a rock. When we do make love it's always good and I'm able to get her to orgasm multiple times (5 to 6 times or more in succession when using my tongue). It can be very tender at times, and wild others, and we always spend time together afterwards. But then it could be weeks before we do it again.

I work out regularly, I always have so I'm in great shape so that's not the issue. I think a lot of it has to with work and parental pressures. We have talked about it many times and I've tried recommending different ideas and activities for her to relieve some stress and take her mind off of work. Exercising and sex work for me. She feels that everything needs to be in order before she's relaxed enough to fool around. I try not to push the issue too much because that seems to stress her out more. I've tried not saying anything at all but then we end up not doing anything for weeks (or longer) and I end up taking care of myself, but that only goes so far. I mean, I fantasize about all kinds of situations involving other women...with & without my wife. I just seem to constantly be ready to go. I recently picked up a toy at an adult shop and surprised here with it two weeks ago. She was initially eager to try it out and we had some great fun with it. But since then the same pattern seems to have emerged. I'm not actively seeking an encounter, but I have to admit it's crossed my mind many times.


I'm just curious if any one else has been in a similar situation? What did you do to work through it...or around it?

Thanks,
Dakoop

 

[strawberryangel]

I apologize if I'm touching on a topic that has been covered already.

I'm curious if there are others who may be in a similar situation. I wouldn't consider myself a sex-a-holic, but I need to take care of business several times a day. My wife and I were very active and adventurous before we had children. We had some very wild and satisfying sex then. Since our kids came along she just doesn't seem to have the interest or drive like she used to. I on the other hand continue to want to be as active as we were before. I can get it up and going at a drop of a hat. even if I'm tired or sick, one look or remark anytime of the day or night and I'm hard as a rock. When we do make love it's always good and I'm able to get her to orgasm multiple times (5 to 6 times or more in succession when using my tongue). It can be very tender at times, and wild others, and we always spend time together afterwards. But then it could be weeks before we do it again.

I work out regularly, I always have so I'm in great shape so that's not the issue. I think a lot of it has to with work and parental pressures. We have talked about it many times and I've tried recommending different ideas and activities for her to relieve some stress and take her mind off of work. Exercising and sex work for me. She feels that everything needs to be in order before she's relaxed enough to fool around. I try not to push the issue too much because that seems to stress her out more. I've tried not saying anything at all but then we end up not doing anything for weeks (or longer) and I end up taking care of myself, but that only goes so far. I mean, I fantasize about all kinds of situations involving other women...with & without my wife. I just seem to constantly be ready to go. I recently picked up a toy at an adult shop and surprised here with it two weeks ago. She was initially eager to try it out and we had some great fun with it. But since then the same pattern seems to have emerged. I'm not actively seeking an encounter, but I have to admit it's crossed my mind many times.


I'm just curious if any one else has been in a similar situation? What did you do to work through it...or around it?

Thanks,
Dakoop

My husband and I were in a similar situation. I was the wife you have there. It isn't something I could put into words my lack of labido. It was very hard for him. He bought me a toy a few years ago and I got mad at him. Eventually I began experimenting with it as he encouraged me. The issue of sex was a key point always.

I worked to a point of discovering my sexuality again. The kids are getting older. The most important thing is to talk...be there, and be faithful. Things will work out. We now live by a 21 week diet.. We believe that to keep in shape we strive for sex 21 times a week. We are have come damn close to that number and have had fun trying. Now I love my toy and have almost broke it. lol It was never a personal issue to my husband but mental thing with me.

Above all, be patient (while I know it is very hard) and keep talking and trying. Kids always get in the way of fun time....but keep trying to make time for it. Exchange love notes, find new ways to begin foreplay during the regular day. Good luck to you both!!!

 

[Sensual Man 05]

I think too it's important to keep the romance in the sex. I have found myself at times almost taking the availability of sex for granted. So you wind up skipping the small things that get her in the mood — flirtation, flowers, etc. Try to wake up each day as if it were the first time you ever saw her. Try to fall in love with her again every morning. Treat her the way you treated her at the beginning of the relationship. Well that's my two cents. Hope you don't mind.

 

[Dakoop]

My husband and I were in a similar situation. I was the wife you have there. It isn't something I could put into words my lack of labido. It was very hard for him. He bought me a toy a few years ago and I got mad at him. Eventually I began experimenting with it as he encouraged me. The issue of sex was a key point always.

I worked to a point of discovering my sexuality again. The kids are getting older. The most important thing is to talk...be there, and be faithful. Things will work out. We now live by a 21 week diet.. We believe that to keep in shape we strive for sex 21 times a week. We are have come damn close to that number and have had fun trying. Now I love my toy and have almost broke it. lol It was never a personal issue to my husband but mental thing with me.

Above all, be patient (while I know it is very hard) and keep talking and trying. Kids always get in the way of fun time....but keep trying to make time for it. Exchange love notes, find new ways to begin foreplay during the regular day. Good luck to you both!!!

Thank you for your advice SA. My situation does sound similar to your own. When my wife does let go it's always great sex. I think she just has a hard time pushing stressful issues that crop up in her career out of her mind. And you are very correct, kids have a knack for popping up at inopportune moments.

After bringing the toy home we have begun talking more about sex again and what turns us both on. We spend a lot of time holding and caressing each other at night as well. The frequency hasn't changed yet but I'm hopeful it will....but as I said earlier, I'm trying not to push the issue too much. Just working on it and letting things develop as they may.

Now, 21 times a week is a goal to work for!! You go SA!!

Treat her the way you treated her at the beginning of the relationship. Well that's my two cents. Hope you don't mind.

SM 05, I don't mind at all.

I agree, romance is very important. We try to touch and kiss as often as we can. That can be difficult until we can get the kids down for the night. We are in our 30's and have been married for 14 years. We still talk and try to spend as much time with each other as we can. I will admit that I haven't given her flowers and written poetry for her as much as I did before we were married. I would say another goal to work for is in order.

Dakoop

 

[BadBombshellBabe]

boy...does YOUR story ever sound familiar!!!

in my situation, however, my husband seems to be the one disinterested in sex...but says it's me. it's not, though. he's always too tired, stressed, pissed off, asleep...whatever. it odesn't mateer...the point is that we go as long as
3+ months too regularly.

21 times in a week!!! good heavens, that's more sex than i get in an entire year!!!! lol

you GO, StrawberryAngel!!!

i'll definitely have to keep an eye on this thread to see what advice is offered!!

 

[thewantonscribe]

Same thing

I am the female half in the similar situation. He has the libido of a teenage boy, thank God, but also the patience. We have been married 17 years abd have had four pregnancies resulting in three children at home. Our first born died after 30 days on life support but I digress.

It was hard for me to make the transition between Mom and wife/lover. We had many fights about me being too tired and not interested by the time the kids were asleep for the night. I always got mad because he got mad that we hadn' had sex. That still continues to be an issue. Its the anger that upsets me as though I do it deliberately. He takes his sexual gratification very seriously and I am not the type of person to punish him by with holding it.

Our solution has been to talk, and talk and talk some more. We also make time every other week on his pay weekends to go out, sans children, just us. So at least twice a month we go on a date so to speak. We also got into swinging and go to a club once a month though we get greater satifaction from having sex with each other there and being naked then actually with other people.

My involvement with this site and the erotic writing has been a real bonus too. It has helped me in giving him the dirty talk he wanted. It also provides me with added stimulation and setting the mood. It is good to know that others have very similar thoughts and that you are not alone.

Let me just say thanks to all the writers that have taken the steps to post. You are doing a good thing for those of us who can be stimulated by reading -- THANK YOU!

Don't know if any of this helps but this is our situation.

 

[Dakoop]

boy...does YOUR story ever sound familiar!!!

in my situation, however, my husband seems to be the one disinterested in sex...but says it's me. it's not, though. he's always too tired, stressed, pissed off, asleep...whatever. it odesn't mateer...the point is that we go as long as
3+ months too regularly.

I just don't understand (but I'm trying) being disinterested in sex. It doesn't matter what mood I'm or or how tired or stressed out I might be, I can get going anytime. My wife even knows that if she wakes up in the middle of the night and she's feeling horney, all she has to do is start caressing certain areas and I'll be awake and ready for her. Unfortunaltly as I've already stated, she hasn't taken advantage of that fact much in recent years. I can't say we've gone longer then 3 months, but probably not too far off at times.

DK

PS: Reading some of the stories on this forum makes things better....and worse. Some great reading.

 

[Dakoop]

....It was hard for me to make the transition between Mom and wife/lover. We had many fights about me being too tired and not interested by the time the kids were asleep for the night. I always got mad because he got mad that we hadn' had sex. That still continues to be an issue. Its the anger that upsets me as though I do it deliberately. He takes his sexual gratification very seriously and I am not the type of person to punish him by with holding it.

Your point about being able to transition between your different life roles makes sense. I do think that is part of my wife is working through. Career/mother/wife. We don't fight much about it. And she doesn't offer to placate me, and I don't get into it if I think she's not into it so it can be a while at times.

Our solution has been to talk, and talk and talk some more. We also make time every other week on his pay weekends to go out, sans children, just us. So at least twice a month we go on a date so to speak. We also got into swinging and go to a club once a month though we get greater satifaction from having sex with each other there and being naked then actually with other people.

We have been trying to make more time for each other to talk and just be together. We do need to work on getting out more as a couple. We haven't been involved in swinging but there was a point where my wife considered letting another woman join us. It was a fantasy of hers and I was into it as well but it didn't pan out.

I agree with you that the stories on this site can be very helpful stimulating conversation (among other things ) about topics we may not have discussed before. basically helping open new lines of comminication.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

DK

 

[thewantonscribe]

Your welcome

I have learned in many areas of my life that sharing helps a lot. Just finding out you are not the only one in that situation takes a lot of the stress out of it. Finding out that more than likely it is not "you" personally and that others are in the same boat so to speak. I relieves the feeling that maybe you are crazy and have done something wrong.

Taking time for ourselves seemed selfish at first. After all we are the ones that started a family so why should someone else be burdened with our children. We have learned the hard way that even parents need to recharge. Just get away together even if its only for an 1 or 2 at first. Go out and have a special dinner even if its a picnic in the park or something. Just something you two want to do together. Going away for a weekend is a great thing too. Something about being alone makes you feel naughty again. Role playing is fun too -- letting go and pretending to be someone else is even a good escape. Because if you are not you then you don't have your worries lol.

Whoever said marriage takes work was right. It can't always be easy. There's always a challenge somewhere. Its just how you approach the challenge that makes the difference. Even Dr. Phil has said that children can't always come first or the marriage will suffer. Unfortunately thats a conclusion she may have to see for herself.

I wish you the best of luck. I am by no means an expect just been around the block a few times lol. It is a comfort to me to know that there are others out there with similar issues. It never hurts to get a different perspective.

 

[jupija]

Getting Enough (Not) Thread

Its often the case that one partner is not sexually calibrated to the other partner. It is often very difficult. In my case, my w lost all interest in sex years ago. With the loss of physical intimacy a lot of emotional intimacy goes too. That's the point isn't it? So attention shifts to literature or friendships or intimacy elsewhere. A few nights ago while shifting radio stations between NPR and Air America and Coast to Coast AM I happened upon Dr. Laura (thats L a u r a) giving a peptalk to a young wife: You are meant for pleasure, you say you are too tired, but you are wrecking your relationship. Just put on something sexy, forget about your fatigue (or other excuses) and have a great time. Perhaps not everyone who should have heard that, did! (I think men can have pleasure too, LOL).

 

[BadBombshellBabe]

I just don't understand (but I'm trying) being disinterested in sex. It doesn't matter what mood I'm or or how tired or stressed out I might be, I can get going anytime. My wife even knows that if she wakes up in the middle of the night and she's feeling horney, all she has to do is start caressing certain areas and I'll be awake and ready for her. Unfortunaltly as I've already stated, she hasn't taken advantage of that fact much in recent years. I can't say we've gone longer then 3 months, but probably not too far off at times.

DK

PS: Reading some of the stories on this forum makes things better....and worse. Some great reading.

i don't have a problem understanding being disinterested in sex at times. nor is it hard to understand that we don't always feel aroused at the same time. i happen to believe that both partners are equally responsible to initiate sex...and more importantly to take turns ravaging and devouring and making the other feel like he/she is the love of their life...

i think that if each doesn't regularly do something to make the other feel desired, action in the bedroom won't be initiated...not even in the middle of the night.

and of course i'm only expressing my opinion...i'm not suggesting that this is the case in your relationship.