Getting back into the swing

[galaxygoddess]

Hello, my name is Galaxygoddess, or GG if you please. I used to write all the time, then chaos happened and I stopped.

It's been 10 years since I've posted under this name, and I would like a little feedback on my most recent posting.

"I can't get no... relief" is posted under Humor and Satire, as it is largely meant to be kind of funny.

https://www.literotica.com/s/cant-get-no-relief


I'm hoping that I can start writing and posting again on the regular. I have been running a fanfic under thatawfulwowporno but I want to be writing new original works and only posting to "For the Whored" at another time.

Thank you for your time ^.^

 

[yowser]

It has been some time since you posted and no one has responded. I'll give it a crack, and as unfamiliar with your earlier work, this will be a 'blind' review, maybe better than 'double blind'. Mostly, welcome back.

Overall, a good read, I liked your characters who had quirks and conflicted motivations. Mechanics were good and clear, appreciated the humor and movement.

Tangent: loved your ferrets. By coincidence, I have a ferret image coming up in a future story, so I appreciate their use as a literary device. Charles II reputedly patronisingly referred to the members of the Royal Society (which his funds founded) as 'my ferrets'.

Your line "Is that a ferret in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?" was splendid.

I had trouble in the first dozen paragraphs keeping your characters straight, needed a scorecard (or maybe better, just a visual description to act as a 'tag' or lifeline to keep everyone clear in my head, although eventually everyone got straightened out.) An uncle who wasn't an uncle? Some confusion.

Some transitions were awkward, again visual descriptions of place might have helped.

Some puzzling events (ferret bit his crotch? By the pool? How did they get there, had no idea they were anywhere around.)

Ending was odd and disorienting, probably could have tied things up a bit more efficiently.

But overall, a funny and entertaining read. I hope you continue.

 

[galaxygoddess]

Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it.

Transitions are something I struggle with, so it's always good to get feedback on those. I may be trapped in a tv watcher's world, where transitions are just a change in scenery, so I'll try to work on them more.

As for the ending, I actually wrote several of them out, and went with the one I thought was the funniest.

I knew the scene with the ferret biting his crotch was going to be awkward to write, and I tried to make it as clear as possible. I did not think about adding a "oh the door must have been left open" or some other way for the ferret to have escaped to the pool area.

I'll try to be clearer when setting up my people list. I know things in my head may not have translated to the paper well.

Thank you, I greatly appreciate the feedback. I hope my next piece is a little better.

 

[CarnalLusts]

Well done!

I too have been away from writing for some time. Life takes it various twists and turn and all I can do is just try to hold tight and not fall of this crazy ride.

I loved your story - well done! It was fun and entertaining.

- I feel the intro could have provided some additional background on Tillie and Jackson. Was she always attracted to him growing up and now that she was older she could act on those desires?

- I agree with the previous feedback from yowser, the scene transitions were abrupt.

+ Characters seemed real and the dialog flowed naturally - didn't seem forced.

+ Humor was well done and written into the story. As far as the ferret being out by the pool, in a short story like this I don't think you need to provide background or details on all the characters or objects in the story. However, for the main characters (Tillie and Jackson) yes some additional background would be good (see comment above).

+ I liked the ending.

I look forward to reading more. All the best!