Collar Girls - feedback / suggestions

[AgentDoiron]

I'm looking for feedback and suggestions on my 'Collar Girls' series.

The most recent entry is:
Collar Girls - Rosie's Bar
https://literotica.com/s/collar-girls-rosies-bar
Category: Science Fiction / Fantasy
My name: Agent Doiron

The collar girls stories started with 'Jessica's Choices'. The intent was to write a story where mind control and pokegirl style capture could be consensual. From there, I ended up writing two more stories, 'Jessica's Decision' and 'Jessica's Ending'.

Now, I have a whole bunch of ideas for stories that could exist in the same world. The intent of Rosie's Bar is to show the different directions the concept can go.

I am interested in feedback on what I've written. I'm also interested in suggestions on story direction. I'll write what inspires me, and politely ignore suggestions that don't interest me.

Thank you in advance.

 

[LucyAnneThorn]

I like the characters and multiple conflicts that emerged in Rosie's Bar, and none of them necessarily is a different direction, just all facets of an intriguing world. Definitely a good base to spin a whole novel from, and I'd love to see all the threads you threw out weave together into a bigger something. They way I see it, you could set Cassie (she's already in the middle of things and has a mentor at hand) on a hero's journey, with a large and it seems mostly female supporting cast that each have their own difficulties. The ideas you mention at the end of the story, like train-the-trainer, elemental evolution etc. can all very well be chapters or subplots in a novel's arc. You already hinted at the antagonist(s), you've got a bunch of mysteries going, now you only need to align the individual arcs, like White Adder's secret and the priestess, Tabby's escape and finding her role under Cassie's tutelage, November Liberty's ascension and sacrifice(?), Rosie making shady deals with carnal involvement to avoid the faithful, and how everything needs to tie together to culminate in the big reveal and final standoff.

 

[AgentDoiron]

I like the characters and multiple conflicts that emerged in Rosie's Bar, and none of them necessarily is a different direction, just all facets of an intriguing world. Definitely a good base to spin a whole novel from, and I'd love to see all the threads you threw out weave together into a bigger something. They way I see it, you could set Cassie (she's already in the middle of things and has a mentor at hand) on a hero's journey, with a large and it seems mostly female supporting cast that each have their own difficulties. The ideas you mention at the end of the story, like train-the-trainer, elemental evolution etc. can all very well be chapters or subplots in a novel's arc. You already hinted at the antagonist(s), you've got a bunch of mysteries going, now you only need to align the individual arcs, like White Adder's secret and the priestess, Tabby's escape and finding her role under Cassie's tutelage, November Liberty's ascension and sacrifice(?), Rosie making shady deals with carnal involvement to avoid the faithful, and how everything needs to tie together to culminate in the big reveal and final standoff.

I'm glad you liked the concept.

I think my intent is to write a few more short stories, flesh out the world, before committing to a novel length project. My question is which aspects of the world are most interesting / need more fleshing out.

Thank you