... Get Your Spouse to Admit to Cheating

[PierceDe]

This question is especially for those who have managed to get the confession!

It's rarely a matter of walking in on them naked...
Say he/she hasn't admitted it yet. How is it done? What if there isn't much evidence? What's the best timing? The best approach? What if they deflect or throw the accusation back at you?

What about when it happened a long time ago? What if it was only once? There are so many confounding factors.

In my novel the husband confronts his wife with her fling app profile, he only looked for upon seeing too many ads related to it in her 1st language. Smoking gun. What are some other real life confession-getters?! If you don't have any of your own, what about people you know...

 

[Sarmad_bi]

if my wife cheated on me...I would first ask why she is cheating?
if it is love/hate issue then I think we need to work out why she does not love me any more and what we could do
But if she cheat just to have some pleasure, then I will be more understanding and to be hones I would ask for more juicy details.
I might show some discomfort and anger, but inside I will be turned on so much.

 

[curioustxn]

This question is especially for those who have managed to get the confession!

It's rarely a matter of walking in on them naked...
Say he/she hasn't admitted it yet. How is it done? What if there isn't much evidence? What's the best timing? The best approach? What if they deflect or throw the accusation back at you?

What about when it happened a long time ago? What if it was only once? There are so many confounding factors.

In my novel the husband confronts his wife with her fling app profile, he only looked for upon seeing too many ads related to it in her 1st language. Smoking gun. What are some other real life confession-getters?! If you don't have any of your own, what about people you know...

Most women are afraid if they confess an affair, it will end their marriage. If you want a woman to confess her cheating, she is more likely to do so if she thinks hearing about her sexual adventures, (while intimate with her), turns you on. Keep in mind, getting a woman to confess takes a tremendous amount of trust on her part, and that takes time and patience.

 

[PierceDe]

Most women are afraid if they confess an affair, it will end their marriage. If you want a woman to confess her cheating, she is more likely to do so if she thinks hearing about her sexual adventures, (while intimate with her), turns you on. Keep in mind, getting a woman to confess takes a tremendous amount of trust on her part, and that takes time and patience.

Would it be helpful to drop it "If you ever cheated on me I would just want to know, I wouldn't divorce you because of it." and "It's not too late the tell the truth about an affair or fling until the spouse finds out on their own." ??

 

[curioustxn]

Would it be helpful to drop it "If you ever cheated on me I would just want to know, I wouldn't divorce you because of it." and "It's not too late the tell the truth about an affair or fling until the spouse finds out on their own." ??

If it were me, I think it might be better to encourage her to share stories about sexual relationships *before* they met. (Those confessions are less risky on her part), and let those confessions evolve into more recent sexual adventures. Telling a woman that she can trust you, doesn't mean she will. A woman needs to *see* trust build in real time. Her trust will build as she sees her man get aroused by her stories.

 

[PierceDe]

So far I've got the hypothetical if it were me guys (who are great, I'm one of you). What about people who have gotten a confession IRL?

 

[curioustxn]

So far I've got the hypothetical if it were me guys (who are great, I'm one of you). What about people who have gotten a confession IRL?

I'm not sure what answer(s) you are looking for, but since you mentioned *your novel*, I will assume you are looking for information to make your story believable.

When a man discovers his wife is cheating, usually he will react in known ways:

1. He may be tired of his wife, and see her infidelity as a way to get out of his marriage.

2. He may be hurt/humiliated to the point that he can't overcome his anger, and divorce her.

or

3. Even though hurt and angry, he may find the mental image of his wife in bed with another man arousing.

The first two scenarios are common, and would make a very short and boring story; however, if a man finds the mental image of his lovely wife taking the hard cock of another man arousing, his desire to be aroused by her infidelity can overcome his hurt/humiliation.

If he is insecure about his own masculinity, his marriage might evolve, (or devolve, depending on your point of view), into a cuckold marriage. However, cuckold stories can be short and repetitive.

If a man is a bit devious and manipulative, once he overcomes his anger and humiliation, he may focus on his arousal at this new development in his marriage, and decide to groom, (manipulate), his wife into a new sexual experience for himself. This scenario can have endless possibilities.

 

[PierceDe]

I'm not sure what answer(s) you are looking for, but since you mentioned *your novel*, I will assume you are looking for information to make your story believable.

When a man discovers his wife is cheating, usually he will react in known ways:

1. He may be tired of his wife, and see her infidelity as a way to get out of his marriage.

2. He may be hurt/humiliated to the point that he can't overcome his anger, and divorce her.

or

3. Even though hurt and angry, he may find the mental image of his wife in bed with another man arousing.

The first two scenarios are common, and would make a very short and boring story; however, if a man finds the mental image of his lovely wife taking the hard cock of another man arousing, his desire to be aroused by her infidelity can overcome his hurt/humiliation.

If he is insecure about his own masculinity, his marriage might evolve, (or devolve, depending on your point of view), into a cuckold marriage. However, cuckold stories can be short and repetitive.

If a man is a bit devious and manipulative, once he overcomes his anger and humiliation, he may focus on his arousal at this new development in his marriage, and decide to groom, (manipulate), his wife into a new sexual experience for himself. This scenario can have endless possibilities.

Thank you,

There is the novel-craft. I would like to hear how real men got the confession. I talked to another friendly poster/author here at Literotica who essentially got the confession immediately afterward and without having to catch her in it... and they didn't divorce at all but started a kind of open-with-rules marriage. Great real life input, but I wonder how it has gone for others.

And then of course there is the personal importance beyond my writing. I wonder if my wife has ever cheated, and then I wonder if she would ever admit it without me catching her red-handed.

I tend to agree with your 3 typical reactions. I think the no-divorce route is way more common than we might grasp. I think a lot more cheating spouses would let it out if they knew how unlikely it was their spouse would LEAVE. I spoke with another fella some months ago who had a drunken "mistake" and told his wife immediately sure she was going to pack up and file. Instead she told him since he had only cheated once and was straightforward in letting her know, she would pick the time and place to reciprocally cheat on him only once and then tell him. (major boner hearing that, btw).
So there are myriad ways the cheated-on-spouse reacts. But back to my question; how do these confessions happen!?

 

[curioustxn]

I talked to another friendly poster/author here at Literotica who essentially got the confession immediately afterward and without having to catch her in it... and they didn't divorce at all but started a kind of open-with-rules marriage.

When a divorce happens, it blows-up life for all parties involved. (Property settlement, anger on the part of both, children, if involved, choosing one parent over the other, etc.) When cheating occurs, most mature couples find a way to work it out instead of having to start their life over from scratch.

 

[LearningToLove]

Thank you,

There is the novel-craft. I would like to hear how real men got the confession. I talked to another friendly poster/author here at Literotica who essentially got the confession immediately afterward and without having to catch her in it... and they didn't divorce at all but started a kind of open-with-rules marriage. Great real life input, but I wonder how it has gone for others.

And then of course there is the personal importance beyond my writing. I wonder if my wife has ever cheated, and then I wonder if she would ever admit it without me catching her red-handed.

I tend to agree with your 3 typical reactions. I think the no-divorce route is way more common than we might grasp. I think a lot more cheating spouses would let it out if they knew how unlikely it was their spouse would LEAVE. I spoke with another fella some months ago who had a drunken "mistake" and told his wife immediately sure she was going to pack up and file. Instead she told him since he had only cheated once and was straightforward in letting her know, she would pick the time and place to reciprocally cheat on him only once and then tell him. (major boner hearing that, btw).
So there are myriad ways the cheated-on-spouse reacts. But back to my question; how do these confessions happen!?

Speaking from the ex-husband point of view, the first time I found out anything was finding a poem in her purse she had recently written about an intimate encounter. This wasn't enough. I began watching her pattern of life, then when it went outside that pattern, pay closer attention. Now-a-days, that's easier with find friends, or texts at odd times, or texts when she didn't expect we would be together.

For me, it was a cumulative and overwhelming amount of evidence I got before I ever confronted her. Then when I did, I presented one obvious, that I knew she would deflect, then another, again a weaker deflection, then all the rest, all at once, one after another, printed on paper, notation of copy 1/3 intentionally printed on the cover page as I handed her the stack of evidence along with all the stories I got from each of her friends, each of whom knew only a small part of her story, as she was trying to look like the "good guy" to each of them. Now, had this happened to the "now" me, I would have taken Sun Tsu's advice from "The Art of War" and given her a way out. I didn't. I cornered her so hard that she had a breakdown right in front of me and I let it happen with not a little bit of satisfaction that the ruse was over. We didn't last long after that.

Thank you,

There is the novel-craft. I would like to hear how real men got the confession. I talked to another friendly poster/author here at Literotica who essentially got the confession immediately afterward and without having to catch her in it... and they didn't divorce at all but started a kind of open-with-rules marriage. Great real life input, but I wonder how it has gone for others.

And then of course there is the personal importance beyond my writing. I wonder if my wife has ever cheated, and then I wonder if she would ever admit it without me catching her red-handed.

I tend to agree with your 3 typical reactions. I think the no-divorce route is way more common than we might grasp. I think a lot more cheating spouses would let it out if they knew how unlikely it was their spouse would LEAVE. I spoke with another fella some months ago who had a drunken "mistake" and told his wife immediately sure she was going to pack up and file. Instead she told him since he had only cheated once and was straightforward in letting her know, she would pick the time and place to reciprocally cheat on him only once and then tell him. (major boner hearing that, btw).
So there are myriad ways the cheated-on-spouse reacts. But back to my question; how do these confessions happen!?

Speaking from the ex-husband point of view, the first time I found out anything was finding a poem in her purse she had recently written about an intimate encounter. This wasn't enough. I began watching her pattern of life, then when it went outside that pattern, pay closer attention. Now-a-days, that's easier with find friends, or texts at odd times, or texts when she didn't expect we would be together.

For me, it was a cumulative and overwhelming amount of evidence I got before I ever confronted her. Then when I did, I presented one obvious, that I knew she would deflect, then another, again a weaker deflection, then all the rest, all at once, one after another, printed on paper, notation of copy 1/3 intentionally printed on the cover page as I handed her the stack of evidence along with all the stories I got from each of her friends, each of whom knew only a small part of her story, as she was trying to look like the "good guy" to each of them. Now, had this happened to the "now" me, I would have taken Sun Tsu's advice from "The Art of War" and given her a way out. I didn't. I cornered her so hard that she had a breakdown right in front of me and I let it happen with not a little bit of satisfaction that the ruse was over, and all her friends knew how she had manipulated them. We didn't last long after that. She lost most of her friends too. We separated, waiting on a divorce and the final coup de gras was I had a fun fling with one of her friends.

 

[LearningToLove]

Thank you,

There is the novel-craft. I would like to hear how real men got the confession. I talked to another friendly poster/author here at Literotica who essentially got the confession immediately afterward and without having to catch her in it... and they didn't divorce at all but started a kind of open-with-rules marriage. Great real life input, but I wonder how it has gone for others.

And then of course there is the personal importance beyond my writing. I wonder if my wife has ever cheated, and then I wonder if she would ever admit it without me catching her red-handed.

I tend to agree with your 3 typical reactions. I think the no-divorce route is way more common than we might grasp. I think a lot more cheating spouses would let it out if they knew how unlikely it was their spouse would LEAVE. I spoke with another fella some months ago who had a drunken "mistake" and told his wife immediately sure she was going to pack up and file. Instead she told him since he had only cheated once and was straightforward in letting her know, she would pick the time and place to reciprocally cheat on him only once and then tell him. (major boner hearing that, btw).
So there are myriad ways the cheated-on-spouse reacts. But back to my question; how do these confessions happen!?

Speaking from the ex-husband point of view, the first time I found out anything was finding a poem in her purse she had recently written about an intimate encounter. This wasn't enough. I began watching her pattern of life, then when it went outside that pattern, pay closer attention. Now-a-days, that's easier with find friends, or texts at odd times, or texts when she didn't expect we would be together.

For me, it was a cumulative and overwhelming amount of evidence I got before I ever confronted her. Then when I did, I presented one obvious, that I knew she would deflect, then another, again a weaker deflection, then all the rest, all at once, one after another, printed on paper, notation of copy 1/3 intentionally printed on the cover page as I handed her the stack of evidence along with all the stories I got from each of her friends, each of whom knew only a small part of her story, as she was trying to look like the "good guy" to each of them. Now, had this happened to the "now" me, I would have taken Sun Tsu's advice from "The Art of War" and given her a way out. I didn't. I cornered her so hard that she had a breakdown right in front of me and I let it happen with not a little bit of satisfaction that the ruse was over, and all her friends knew how she had manipulated them. We didn't last long after that. She lost most of her friends too. We separated, waiting on a divorce and the final coup de gras was I had a fun fling with one of her friends.

 

[PierceDe]

Speaking from the ex-husband point of view, the first time I found out anything was finding a poem in her purse she had recently written about an intimate encounter. This wasn't enough. I began watching her pattern of life, then when it went outside that pattern, pay closer attention. Now-a-days, that's easier with find friends, or texts at odd times, or texts when she didn't expect we would be together.

For me, it was a cumulative and overwhelming amount of evidence I got before I ever confronted her. Then when I did, I presented one obvious, that I knew she would deflect, then another, again a weaker deflection, then all the rest, all at once, one after another, printed on paper, notation of copy 1/3 intentionally printed on the cover page as I handed her the stack of evidence along with all the stories I got from each of her friends, each of whom knew only a small part of her story, as she was trying to look like the "good guy" to each of them. Now, had this happened to the "now" me, I would have taken Sun Tsu's advice from "The Art of War" and given her a way out. I didn't. I cornered her so hard that she had a breakdown right in front of me and I let it happen with not a little bit of satisfaction that the ruse was over, and all her friends knew how she had manipulated them. We didn't last long after that. She lost most of her friends too. We separated, waiting on a divorce and the final coup de gras was I had a fun fling with one of her friends.

I have so many questions.

How long had she cheated? How many paramours? Who? How did she hide it? What was each piece of evidence you had?

 

[LearningToLove]

I have so many questions.

How long had she cheated? How many paramours? Who? How did she hide it? What was each piece of evidence you had?

The first was right BEFORE we married and continued shortly afterwards...I suspect a pregnancy with him as she did get an abortion. This specific one was the poem I found. I did confront her and she blew it off, as she does write a lot, and I had read it all and knew her. I followed her a couple of times but did not go in. When I redressed the poem and other pieces, she admitted it, and it ended I think more because he was a black man and her family would have disowned her (yes, quite racist parents).

The second was more devastating because it went on, openly, for several months with a person she was doing a show with (acting). This one was worse because she took fantasies we had talked about doing things onstage afterhours, and did them with him. When she lost her job, and he wasn't employed, it finally ended. I was quite...codependent at that time.

The third almost confirmed but she would slide around the conversation was when I joined the Army and was in Ca for a year for language training. I was spending so much time studying that I failed to notice all her usual signs. I ended up NOT pressing that one because she flew home for the holidays and one of my buddies wives and I hooked up for my last ten days before I could join her. I figured she had all the fun, so could I.

The final CONFIRMED was from someone online. We were playing the original Diablo when it came out. The internet was new, and we had our very first computer. It started as online gaming, then moving offline to chat programs (where I was able to archive all chats without her knowing). I didn't trust her much at this point but I was trying my best. She still did her worst, then eventually he flew her out of state to meet her. He was several years younger than her, and it was doomed to fail from the start, but there was another friend out there as well...Damn...you really can't make this shit up. Her other friend from the game was a professional dominatrix, and she spent some time with her too. I never asked details abut that.

Things ended when she started playing Everquest and met another guy and things were looking "promising." I came home from being in the field in the army for a couple of weeks and she was packed up and gone.

That covers the insanity of that first marriage.
Married now for 23 years and no trust issues as both of us had been cheated on.

 

[LearningToLove]

The first was right BEFORE we married and continued shortly afterwards...I suspect a pregnancy with him as she did get an abortion. This specific one was the poem I found. I did confront her and she blew it off, as she does write a lot, and I had read it all and knew her. I followed her a couple of times but did not go in. When I redressed the poem and other pieces, she admitted it, and it ended I think more because he was a black man and her family would have disowned her (yes, quite racist parents).

The second was more devastating because it went on, openly, for several months with a person she was doing a show with (acting). This one was worse because she took fantasies we had talked about doing things onstage afterhours, and did them with him. When she lost her job, and he wasn't employed, it finally ended. I was quite...codependent at that time.

The third almost confirmed but she would slide around the conversation was when I joined the Army and was in Ca for a year for language training. I was spending so much time studying that I failed to notice all her usual signs. I ended up NOT pressing that one because she flew home for the holidays and one of my buddies wives and I hooked up for my last ten days before I could join her. I figured she had all the fun, so could I.

The final CONFIRMED was from someone online. We were playing the original Diablo when it came out. The internet was new, and we had our very first computer. It started as online gaming, then moving offline to chat programs (where I was able to archive all chats without her knowing). I didn't trust her much at this point but I was trying my best. She still did her worst, then eventually he flew her out of state to meet her. He was several years younger than her, and it was doomed to fail from the start, but there was another friend out there as well...Damn...you really can't make this shit up. Her other friend from the game was a professional dominatrix, and she spent some time with her too. I never asked details abut that.

Things ended when she started playing Everquest and met another guy and things were looking "promising." I came home from being in the field in the army for a couple of weeks and she was packed up and gone.

That covers the insanity of that first marriage.
Married now for 23 years and no trust issues as both of us had been cheated on.

Probably the best part was after she left, when talking to all her military friends, found out how many lies she had been telling about me. They got to know the real me and i ended up in a short very sexual relationship with one of those friends.

 

[PierceDe]

The first was right BEFORE we married and continued shortly afterwards...I suspect a pregnancy with him as she did get an abortion. This specific one was the poem I found. I did confront her and she blew it off, as she does write a lot, and I had read it all and knew her. I followed her a couple of times but did not go in. When I redressed the poem and other pieces, she admitted it, and it ended I think more because he was a black man and her family would have disowned her (yes, quite racist parents).

The second was more devastating because it went on, openly, for several months with a person she was doing a show with (acting). This one was worse because she took fantasies we had talked about doing things onstage afterhours, and did them with him. When she lost her job, and he wasn't employed, it finally ended. I was quite...codependent at that time.

The third almost confirmed but she would slide around the conversation was when I joined the Army and was in Ca for a year for language training. I was spending so much time studying that I failed to notice all her usual signs. I ended up NOT pressing that one because she flew home for the holidays and one of my buddies wives and I hooked up for my last ten days before I could join her. I figured she had all the fun, so could I.

The final CONFIRMED was from someone online. We were playing the original Diablo when it came out. The internet was new, and we had our very first computer. It started as online gaming, then moving offline to chat programs (where I was able to archive all chats without her knowing). I didn't trust her much at this point but I was trying my best. She still did her worst, then eventually he flew her out of state to meet her. He was several years younger than her, and it was doomed to fail from the start, but there was another friend out there as well...Damn...you really can't make this shit up. Her other friend from the game was a professional dominatrix, and she spent some time with her too. I never asked details abut that.

Things ended when she started playing Everquest and met another guy and things were looking "promising." I came home from being in the field in the army for a couple of weeks and she was packed up and gone.

That covers the insanity of that first marriage.
Married now for 23 years and no trust issues as both of us had been cheated on.

That is the kind of chaos, but to a much worse degree, that I had with an ex-gf. You gave me flashbacks. The whole finding out things in pieces is the trauma of it.

Not to be pessimistic about your newfound happiness, as I am often pessimistic generally, but do you think that experience had hardened you to a repeat, do you fear a repeat, or do you ever get suspicious with the new, better wife?

 

[LearningToLove]

That is the kind of chaos, but to a much worse degree, that I had with an ex-gf. You gave me flashbacks. The whole finding out things in pieces is the trauma of it.

Not to be pessimistic about your newfound happiness, as I am often pessimistic generally, but do you think that experience had hardened you to a repeat, do you fear a repeat, or do you ever get suspicious with the new, better wife?

That is a good question. We both know the classic signs and periodically, we have thought we saw them. But we also have trust and can ask the other. It isn’t easy all the time, but we do trust. It was a hard thing to gain in the first place. We were both very open and honest early on about the importance of trust and how we were both cheated on. I think the best solution is open communication, sharing the painful memories, and allowing the barriers to be down with the other.

 

[LearningToLove]

The funny part is we struggled at times with trust. It manifested in strange ways like her having fantasies about me with, say, the babysitter (even though we never had one!). When I deployed she tried to tell me to get it when I needed it, but don’t get attached. I said no, and when she was convinced I meant it, she said she gave me a chance, now if something happened it would be over.

For me it manifested in writing erotic stories—a combination of her past and her fake current adventures. I have probably a hundred in my folder. Some span 150 word.doc pages. Some are short, finding that exploration wasn’t something I got into.

I feel the other aspect I insisted on from the beginning was we didn’t go to bed angry with the other. No sleeping on the couch. We would come to SOME resolution on a topic before going to bed.

We love each other. We aren’t perfect, but we are happy. Hope that helps and contributed to your ideas.

 

[PierceDe]

The funny part is we struggled at times with trust. It manifested in strange ways like her having fantasies about me with, say, the babysitter (even though we never had one!). When I deployed she tried to tell me to get it when I needed it, but don’t get attached. I said no, and when she was convinced I meant it, she said she gave me a chance, now if something happened it would be over.

For me it manifested in writing erotic stories—a combination of her past and her fake current adventures. I have probably a hundred in my folder. Some span 150 word.doc pages. Some are short, finding that exploration wasn’t something I got into.

I feel the other aspect I insisted on from the beginning was we didn’t go to bed angry with the other. No sleeping on the couch. We would come to SOME resolution on a topic before going to bed.

We love each other. We aren’t perfect, but we are happy. Hope that helps and contributed to your ideas.

Certainly.

So have you posted a story on literotica?