get over the ex

[footlongish]

Actually, there is no better way to get over someone than by jumping into bed with someone new and having a 3 day fuckfest. Trust me. Especially if you are both going through the same thing and you are both sensitive enough to listen and console the other. No, it won't result in a relationship, but its a great crutch until you get on your feet again. Think of it as like a patch for someone trying to quit smoking. Or giving the puppy dog a clock so he doesn't miss his mothers heart beat.

There is nothing like laying in the arms of another woman and making love to her to restore ones confidence and self esteem. At the end of the three days you'll probably question some of the things you thought about your Ex.

But that is like an advanced technique to deal with break ups. And don't lecture me about it being a bad thing, because I think way more people than me have done it !

And there is nothing wrong with doing a little window shopping at this point. You don't want a relationship yet, but it bolsters the ego to see there is hope of happiness with someone else.

 

[789nk]

You are right on the money. Two issues, loosing her, and feeling like I will never find anyone else. If I could find someone else that is gorgeous, smart, nice, great cook, liked animals, and wanted to be with me, I wouldn't feel so depressed.

Yes I had fun before I met her,and it didn't bother me to be single. But now I don't want to go back to that. I really liked being in a relationship, hell I thought I was pretty good at the whole thing. She had a big family that I was starting to get close to, I was even in her brothers wedding. Now thats gone too. I still see her brothers once in a while but it just feels akward. Anyway I used to work all the time, but now the bills are paid and I have the time to enjoy life, but no one to spend it with.

 

[footlongish]

Just take one step at a time, 789. Go have a good cry today and say good bye to her. The rest will take care of itself in time. Man, do I sound like a woman or what ?!

You can deal with finding another partner later. Trust me, you will find one. I've felt exactly like you are feeling right now and every time it works out for the better. Especially if you use the time when you are single to get better at meeting women and dating. Being single is a real opportunity. We'll help you make the best of it.

err.. was she your first love ?

 

[789nk]

It has been over between us for allmost 10 monthes. We saw each other as friends some and I hoped that it would somehow workout. It was just the other day that she told me that she is seeing someone new. At that point I knew I had to give up hope of it working with us. I honestly don't no if I ready on not, but I'd love to find someone to go out with and see how it goes.

 

[789nk]

She was the first one that I really thought was "the one". I have never felt that way about anyone before. There was just something so special about her. I'm not one to fall in love that easy, and just can't beleive it didn't work out. I don't trust my own instincts anymore.

 

[Trombonus]

I can relate, I still have strong feelings for my ex who I split with three years ago. I've seen other girls since then, but I thought about her the whole time too. Even so, I still believe that there's someone out there for me. One day you'll meet someone that'll blow you away. I think what makes things bad is isolating yourself. The best thing to do is to go out with friends, and surround yourself with people who care about you. I also try and keep a positive attitude through everything that happens. Remember, every experience has a positive that can be gained from it. Instead of focussing on the negative, look for the positive things in your life and hang on to those thoughts. I still miss my ex, and I do feel lonely since I'm on summer vacation and haven't seen my friends in a long time, but I still feel good, because it's not worth getting upset about. Once you realize that, you'll feel much better.

Good luck to you!

 

[KravMaga]

Don't talk to her anymore. Its over. Cut off all contact. If she won't do it, you have to because you will waste the next several years of your life yearning for her when there is no chance of having a good relationship anymore. She might be leading you to believe there is a chance, but she is probably just using you as a backstop in case her next relationship doesn't work. Don't let her do that to you.

No more contact. Period. You know what it does to you.

Having been in the same position as you, I wholeheartedly agree with the foot-man. Ditch the bitch, work your way through the times of pain. You will emerge out the other side in a few months better than you were before.

 

[footlongish]

"We saw each other as friends some and I hoped that it would somehow workout. It was just the other day that she told me that she is seeing someone new."

What really happened there is you kept longing for her as a relationship partner and she led you on while she got involved in the other relationship. I know it hurts to hear that. I'm sorry to have to say it. But that is what happened.

"I honestly don't no if I ready on not, but I'd love to find someone to go out with and see how it goes."

You will, in time. Remember those steps I discussed about 10 posts ago ? Have you found someone to talk about all this with ? Have you made a few friends to replace the friend she was ? Work on those.

"She was the first one that I really thought was "the one". I have never felt that way about anyone before. There was just something so special about her. I'm not one to fall in love that easy, and just can't beleive it didn't work out. I don't trust my own instincts anymore."

We've all been there. The first one is always the hardest. You'll trust yourself and another woman again. Would you believe that other women might have treated you better than your Ex did ? Yep. Some women are really beautiful lovers. They give and give, not just in the sex sense of it, but in other ways. And you can trust them.

 

[footlongish]

"I joined one of the internet dating sites a couple of monthes ago. The results were not to good. Guess thats why I feel that I'm not going to meet anyone else. I think I have so much to offer but... I keep thinking there must be something wrong with me. Everyone else seems to find someone without any problem."

First of all, not everyone finds someone and it certainly takes all of us some effort to find the "right" person. It probably the same for everyone, so don't beat yourself up about it. Beautiful people might have an easier time, but they are usually shallow and attract other beautiful people, so they get what they deserve. hehehehe

It takes a bit to get the hang of Internet dating. There is like an unwritten code and such. Don't just expect to sit there and get PMs. Send out some and get some conversation going. The dates will follow. Also, what you write in your profile is very important. Don't beat yourself up about a lack of initial success.

I doubt there is anything wrong with you. Everyone goes through what you are going through when they break up with someone. You may have a worse case of it because you hung around hoping for 10 months. I guarantee you that if you put 10 months of effort into finding someone new, you will. And by effort, I mean getting out of the house and actually initiating contact with women. Good dates don't happen by accident.

 

[789nk]

"Getting out of the house and initiating contact with women" I seem to really suck at that. I agree with you that is what I should be doing. It was easy in high school when you were around girls all the time, but at this point in my life I don't where to start. I live in small town USA so there is not a lot going on anyway. My friends are all married. I'm not into sitting in some bar all night by myself. I gota do something besides sitting around here feeling sorry for myself though.

 

[footlongish]

I'm busy tonight. Can we tackle meeting people/women later or tomorrow ?

 

[789nk]

sounds good,thanks

 

[human_male]

"Getting out of the house and initiating contact with women" I seem to really suck at that. I agree with you that is what I should be doing. It was easy in high school when you were around girls all the time, but at this point in my life I don't where to start. I live in small town USA so there is not a lot going on anyway. My friends are all married. I'm not into sitting in some bar all night by myself. I gota do something besides sitting around here feeling sorry for myself though.

I know what that's like. It seems if you're not in an active social group or an environment like school you're screwed really, because how are you supposed to meet people? People keep telling me to join a book club, because they'll be women there (apparently they like to read) and I suppose it's worth a try. Find anything that you have an interest in and see if there's a social scene in your area.

You'd have to be lucky to get anywhere with those singles sites I think. You could ask the ex if she has any single friends. Ha ha. The time to have done that was when she first broke up with you. "I don't think we should see each other any more." "Oh ok. Are any of your friends single by any chance?"

 

[Apollonia_K]

Just take one step at a time, 789. Go have a good cry today and say good bye to her. The rest will take care of itself in time. Man, do I sound like a woman or what ?!

You can deal with finding another partner later. Trust me, you will find one. I've felt exactly like you are feeling right now and every time it works out for the better. Especially if you use the time when you are single to get better at meeting women and dating. Being single is a real opportunity. We'll help you make the best of it.

err.. was she your first love ?

Ok, the problem you guys are dealing with here is not funny, and I'm not laughing at it as I'm in a similar circumstance...I'm laughing at foot's post. Actually you do sound like a woman here. I don't think that's a bad thing. What's funny is that I was reading your last post and thinking I really wanted to apply for the "therapist" job for 789 but didn't say it because it sounded too much like a "guy". I don't think that's a bad thing either, just thought it was too funny we were both thinking the same thing.

Ok, I'm sorry you guys go back to giving advice (that btw, I'm listening to) and I'll go back to lurking.....

 

[Dirty_dave25]

I haven’t really red through the whole of the post, but I thought id add my 2p’s worth.

I have used this and I have suggested to others to use it as it worked well. Also my mates who have tried it were surprised it worked also.

I found getting over an ex for me was a pain staking struggle. In my experience I have found 2 things that work the best.

A) Is to get all the pain over and done with as soon as possible. E.G, ask her if she has a new man, know some facts about her and him… it sucks and hurts real bad. But surprisingly the pain is short lived and once you have been hurt its pretty hard to get hurt again. (but it depends on how mentally strong the person is!)


B) Now this method sounds really silly and worthless but it does actually work. The next time your feeling frisky (if at all possible!! Try and get ur self in the mood!) when you masturbate try thinking about your Ex and someone else having sex. It sounds strange to do this, but subconsciously you only know how your Ex has sex because of the experiences you had with here, therefore your subconscious mind pictures you and your memories, yet your conscious mind thinks of it as someone else. After a while you will begin to get used to the feeling and you will see the ties start to break.

Depending on what type of person you are though depends on what method to use. I do have more ways of getting over an ex. But its more of a spiritual type way where you learn to break away the ties of enery you both have over each other. (but that’s deep and this aint the place to go that deep. I wouldn’t ant to get slated, I have a funy feeling im going to already!)

I hope you manage to accomplish what you want and get your life back together. Im sure many of us sympathise with you!! Good luck.

Dave

 

[Apollonia_K]

B) Now this method sounds really silly and worthless but it does actually work. The next time your feeling frisky (if at all possible!! Try and get ur self in the mood!) when you masturbate try thinking about your Ex and someone else having sex. It sounds strange to do this, but subconsciously you only know how your Ex has sex because of the experiences you had with here, therefore your subconscious mind pictures you and your memories, yet your conscious mind thinks of it as someone else. After a while you will begin to get used to the feeling and you will see the ties start to break.

Dave

I actually don't think this sounds silly and worthless at all..in fact I've done this unknowingly, as watching him with someone else was a fantasy we had used together before....being alone though and not sharing the fantasy with the other person...looking at it now, I think you're right. It helped break my emotional ties to my ex. Man, it's very bright in here from that lightbulb that just went on!

Hey Dave, maybe you could write a self-help book and make a lot of money!

 

[Apollonia_K]

Depending on what type of person you are though depends on what method to use.

Dave

Oh No! I should really read a whole post before I go commenting on it. Now I'm wondering if Dave is a trained Counselor or something and now knows what kind of person I am by what method works for me!!!

 

[Dirty_dave25]

Oh No! I should really read a whole post before I go commenting on it. Now I'm wondering if Dave is a trained Counselor or something and now knows what kind of person I am by what method works for me!!!

No seriously im no psychoanalyst!! Lol

Im just a person who has had a lot of experience in many things in a short lived life who analyses things too much. (bit of a deep thinker!!) but some where some how I manage to give good advice at times! Lol

Now I was tempted to say something and tease what type of person you are but….. dam that light bulb for witty comments just blew!

But thanks for your post. Its nice to know and be reassured theres method to my madness!

D

 

[Apollonia_K]

No seriously im no psychoanalyst!! Lol

Im just a person who has had a lot of experience in many things in a short lived life who analyses things too much. (bit of a deep thinker!!) but some where some how I manage to give good advice at times! Lol

Now I was tempted to say something and tease what type of person you are but….. dam that light bulb for witty comments just blew!

But thanks for your post. Its nice to know and be reassured theres method to my madness!

D

You can always post when the light bulb comes back on ...LOL

 

[footlongish]

"I'm laughing at foot's post. Actually you do sound like a woman here."

Actually, I've come to realize that I've been in a crappy relationship for such a long time that I've become a lot more woman like, ie sensitive as part of an over compensating behavior. I kind of realized it before, but now people are agreeing with me. Pretty scary. I still have a cock. I need to assert it and let a woman be the sensitive one. But enough about me.

 

[footlongish]

OK... meeting someone new. I'm probably the last person to be giving this sort of advice because I'm not a player or a hustler and I haven't "picked up" a woman for a long time, BUT... I seem to be able to meet women. I'm not bragging or anyting. I'm sure there are men that are a lot better at it than me. But here is what I do.

I just be me. I go to a public place and I strike up conversations about common things. No "Hey baby..." stuff. And most of the conversations I let die or she lets die and thats OK. But every once in a while the conversation gets extended. And we talk for a while or share a chuckle or a smile and then I just keep it going.

I've done this in a supermarket. I've done it roller blading. I did it after church once. I've done it on the Internet. The only thing about doing this is you aren't sure if she likes you as a friend or understands you are looking at her romantically, so I make sure I clarify that before I spend a lot of time with here. My favorite line is "So whats your story ? Are you in a relationship, are you seeing someone, what ?" It saves me from asking her out and getting the I'm already in a relationship line. And I get to find her status without telling her I'm pretty interested in her. And once we clarify that she is single, and we have a good conversation going, its usually natural that we meet up again.

Now.. the small town part. I grew up in a small town. Everyone knows everyone. Choices are limited. Your "failures" are telecasted with gossip. I think you need to change your venue. How far are you from a city ? I hated dating in a small town.

 

[Apollonia_K]

"I'm laughing at foot's post. Actually you do sound like a woman here."

Actually, I've come to realize that I've been in a crappy relationship for such a long time that I've become a lot more woman like, ie sensitive as part of an over compensating behavior. I kind of realized it before, but now people are agreeing with me. Pretty scary. I still have a cock. I need to assert it and let a woman be the sensitive one. But enough about me.

Oh foot...I hope I haven't stuck My foot in my mouth. I surely wasn't questioning the existence of any of your male parts. I was laughing with you, not at you. I was just teasing with you.

 

[footlongish]

I know you were just teasing me, Apollonia_K. No harm, no foul. Besides, I said it first ! I've learned a lot about myself here on Lit.

But beware... I'm going to get more assertive with my cock ! <chuckle>

 

[Apollonia_K]

I think I'm going to use this line...

My favorite line is "So whats your story ? Are you in a relationship, are you seeing someone, what ?"

On a guy that was my "friend with benefits" from over 20 years ago. He saw me on classmates.com and e-mailed me which turned into us talking on the phone for the past few months. I've been wanting to know the answer but didn't know how to ask without sounding like I was on the hunt...this line is perfect I think...Thanks

 

[Apollonia_K]

I know you were just teasing me, Apollonia_K. No harm, no foul. Besides, I said it first ! I've learned a lot about myself here on Lit.

But beware... I'm going to get more assertive with my cock ! <chuckle>

I'm glad you didn't take offense. I know what you mean, I've been here only a short time and I've learned some things already.

YOU beware...If you get more assertive with your cock, you may find a female that won't let go of you LOL