Get my vanilla boyfriend into kink

[Asterexvan]

Hey everyone,
Sorry if this has been posted, point me in the right direction if so. I"m very kinky, I like bondage, sensory deprivation, sadism and masochism, and most of the offshoots. My boyfriend however is VERY vanilla. About the only thing we have found is he likes when I beg, and that was discovered on accident one time when I started begging him to bite me harder. For halloween I had already planned on wearing the sexy school girl outfit, which is as far as I can tell his only 'fetish' (for lack of a better word) and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to perhaps introduce some of my interests into the bedroom. So what I"m asking you guys is for tips or advice on how to do this.

Thanks,
Aster

 

[TypicalDeviant]

Sit him down and talk to him about it. Ask him what his turn-ons are, tell him yours. Tell him that you'd like to slowly explore some kinkier bedroom activities.

Do NOT spring kink on him in the middle of getting it on. If you're lucky, you'll be into it; if you're unlucky you'll ruin the mood, scare him, and maybe start a fight.

I've gotten my fiancee into some kinkier things simply by saying "hey, I'd like to try X sometime, how does that sound do you?"

Good luck!

 

[Asterexvan]

Thank you TypicalDeviant. I have tried speaking to him about it. And we have talked, he is well aware of the things I enjoy. But for some reason sex for him is more of a spontaneous thing rather than something one actually thinks about in advance. Rather than enjoying the experience he sees it as something that just 'feels' good, which completely lacks any of the sensuality I enjoy. I only just found that out though, so maybe things will change as we make an effort to understand one another.

 

[TypicalDeviant]

So he likes it spontaneous, and he knows what you like... has he said he'd be willing to try it? If he said "yes", then I think it'd be okay to "spring" some of the things on him. Start gradually, maybe a pair of handcuffs or some light spanking. See how he reacts and take it from there.

 

[Asterexvan]

Ah, the problem with me trying to do that is I tend to be more submissive and masochistic lol. Hence the resultant begging to be bitten. I might just have to wait and see how Halloween goes and take it from there.

 

[DominaDoll]

Hmmm...

Maybe you could try having some light play toys out in the bedroom, like cuffs and a blind fold and ask him if he will tie you up and make love to you? And, since he likes begging, you could try that? Once he sees your response to that type of play and how turned on you get, he'll probably get really turned on himself and equate the bondage with something very sexy and hot.

Good luck!

 

[Mr.G]

Hoboy

You're 21 so I'm assuming he's not much older. Good luck. Don't expect too much from him at that age. Unless he is a born perv guys don't start thinking that way until they're in their 40's ...maybe 80's!! Take it slow and act MORE turned on than you may actually be. If he sees you that turned on he may tune in but it's doubtful.

Looking back I had a couple of g/fs who liked to be spanked and when I was young and reetarded the idea of hurting any of them turned me right off. Then something went DING in my head and now I LIKE to whack those gorgeous cheeks. I hafta laugh now ... AT young guys who have a HOT wee wench saying "I WANT you to tie me up, blind fold me. Spank me. Fuck me. Do ANYTHING you want to me." and he WON'T. HarrdeeHAR. I can tell you right now that when he's MY age he's gonna be looking back and thinking "I musta bin reetarded." yup!

Too much estrogen in the coffee cups these days? I dunno but when young guys wake up and try some of this stuff then sex is a HOLE lot more fun.

 

[subwannabe]

I guess I'm going to suggest a different option:

Get a new boyfriend.

 

[silverwhisper]

aster: have you tried reading lit stories together? does he read lit on his own? if so, what? maybe you should try that approach?


subwannabe: that's a fairly pointless suggestion. she specifically asked how to get him into kink.

even if you have some fantastically well-reasoned argument about why trying to get someone who's vanilla into kink, don't you think it would be helpful to share that fantastically well-reasoned argument if you're going to fail to engage the question posed by the OP?

ed

 

[BBW_Goddess_Anna]

Thank you TypicalDeviant. I have tried speaking to him about it. And we have talked, he is well aware of the things I enjoy. But for some reason sex for him is more of a spontaneous thing rather than something one actually thinks about in advance. Rather than enjoying the experience he sees it as something that just 'feels' good, which completely lacks any of the sensuality I enjoy. I only just found that out though, so maybe things will change as we make an effort to understand one another.

My ex bf was like that. If it wasn't spontaneous, it was pointless to him. One night he did tie me up and treated me somewhat aggressively, spanking, slight forcing and all that. He asked me afterwards if that was what I wanted. I was like YES! YES! It never happened again. Not that this is at all the same situation. My ex had a very low sex drive compared to mine.
The main thing is stress to him how you rally want to try new things and make sure he understands how important it is to you. It is really hard to change someone sexually, but if he feels more a part of the decision making on the types of sex? I agree with another poster on reading some Lit stories together that may reflect your interests to open up more line of communication. Porn also works too, but isn't always as effective. Some BDSM porn could scare a vanilla minded person!

 

[TypicalDeviant]

A thought just occurred to me; next time you talk to him about what you'd like in bed, he'll say "You know I like it spontaneous, blah blah blah".

Tell him that's fine and that you like spontenaity, but that you also want a few other things. Tell him that now he knows in advance and can make it part of a spontaneous love session.

You have just as much a right to be loved on how you want as he does. If he loves and respects you (or at least cares about pleasing his girlfriend) he'll do what needs to be done.

 

[satindesire]

Being submissive does not equal you thinking he's going to read your mind. He can't. You have to talk about it, openly and often, and explain why and what you want until he understands. Asking for it just a few times over the course of a year or two isn't going to make it sink into his head.

It is not a dominant trait to ask for what you want, and expect some effort on his part. It does not make you LESS SUBMISSIVE to bring up that you want to try XYZ.

 

[Asterexvan]

Thank you so much everyone.

In reply to Mr. G he is 29 so not a lot older, but a little lol.

And as for everyone else. I have talked to him a little more; today in fact. I brought up some questions about his tastes, and he's always told me he's a little bit of an exhibitionist so today I explained to him why I always say I'm not, when in fact I"m a closet one. In the sense that going out in public I'm not blatant with my sexuality but do enjoy things deemed 'inappropriate' even if I"m the only one to know them. And tomorrow I'll probably bring up some of the bondage/ begging things that turn me on.

Also if anyone knows any good stories on Lit that I could either point him to or read to/with him let me know.

 

[rthnck]

Taking the submissive lead

Well first I'll recommend my story Submissive Heights and then I'll offer my suggestion that sometimes men need a little push to get past their own ideas of how sex is supposed to be and open up to what you hope sex will be. Personally I don't have that problem

So without knowing your BF it's hard to know how he will react but my suggestion is to tie yourself naked to your bed. Pretty easy for the first three ties. Slide a blindfold over your eyes, slip your last hand through a slip knot and call your BF. If the sight of a naked blindfolded and spreadeagled woman, tied to a bed doesn't do the trick, I think it's a lost cause. Good luck.