Get g/f more interested...

[drovkin]

Hi all. I'm currently 20 years old, and have a wonderful g/f whom i enjoy spending tons of time with. Here's the thing. How can I get her more interested in sex? Unfortunally, i'm a very horny guy while she's not really that driven. I can usually get her in the mood, and we probably average around 4-5 times a week. But it's 95% me getting her in the mood, and I would like for her to initiate it a little more. She's bought lingerie for special occasions (I even woke up to a birthday blowjob, lemme tell ya, that was a great feeling ), but she doesn't wear them much. What kind of stuff should I look into? Should it be different types of sex? (Tantric, stuff like that) or what? I'm not really experienced, only had sex with 2 other girls, so i don't really have a lot of ideas. Any help would be great. Thanks!

 

[Willing and Unsure]

why dont you try talking to her about this. Dont mention so much that you want more sex, but try and keep things along the lines of you would like to know that she wants to have sex with you. Next time you're together maybe spend some time teasing her, bringing her really close to a climax and then stop (yes I know, torture for you too, but it will most likely make her really want you sooner rather than later). but honestly, talking to her is the best thing. keep the communication lines open. and there could honestly be a problem on her end that she just doesnt konw how to bring up or is afraid to tell you about it. There's a number of different things that could be going on, not to mention that maybe she's just that way.

 

[MistyBluEyes]

I remember being shy and unsure of myself. Seems like forever though. Really, what willing and unsure said is true. I was very shy about telling my partner what I liked, or didn't like, and what I wanted, and I never initiated sex. My partenr teased me like crazy, but wouldn't finish until I let go and told him what I wanted. Once I learned not to be shy about it, I found I like it alot. If she has little experience, she doesn't even know what she likes or doesn't like yet, so have fun, make sure she enjoys every bit of it, and she will come around.

 

[drovkin]

Well, we had a talk about it last night, and these were the results. I didn't mention in the first post, but she's been abused several times when she was younger. Anyway, she said that she doesn't mind it, but she doesn't desire it like I do. I know it's not that she doesn't enjoy it, and I've talked to several of my friends that are girls and they said they were kinda the same way, but at the beginning. And that after a couple of months they were comfortable with it and actually starting desiring it. I've been having sex with my g/f for about 5 months I think...4 or 5 months...so I would think she'd be comfortable with it. I still don't really know what to do about this, cause it's kinda important to me.

 

[MistyBluEyes]

Well, we had a talk about it last night, and these were the results. I didn't mention in the first post, but she's been abused several times when she was younger. Anyway, she said that she doesn't mind it, but she doesn't desire it like I do. I know it's not that she doesn't enjoy it, and I've talked to several of my friends that are girls and they said they were kinda the same way, but at the beginning. And that after a couple of months they were comfortable with it and actually starting desiring it. I've been having sex with my g/f for about 5 months I think...4 or 5 months...so I would think she'd be comfortable with it. I still don't really know what to do about this, cause it's kinda important to me.

When someone has been abused it takes a lot of time. It also takes a lot of patience and understanding on your part. It isn't impossible. I know first hand. You need to show her, how sex should be. Not what it was before. She has to learn that what happened to her was terrible, but if you show a lot of patience and love, and slowly introduce different things to her, see her reaction to it. You can tell when someone really enjoys what you are doing to them, keep doing it. Soon, she will put what happened to her behind her, and look at what can be now. I do know this first hand. I can tell you my story in pm, but not here if you are interested in knowing and how I overcame it. Good luck. Remember, show patience and love and it will be rewarding.

 

[lovechild27]

First, if she has been abused she needs to get counseling. That can really interfere with normal sexual functioning if never dealt with. Second...you have to accept that maybe she just is not all that sexual of a person. Some of us are...some of us arent. You two may not be well suited in that area. Many women have fragile libidos that must be nutured and handled with great care. You cant just run her over like a dump truck with it all. So give her time...offer to help her with counseling. And be willing to accept that this just may be who she is.

 

[MistyBluEyes]

I agree with lovechild.