Gay Adoption: Issues to consider and experiences

[MissTaken]

I thought I would start a thread to discuss those things that a couple might need to consider before adopting. This wouldn't be a thread to discuss whether or not we think gay adoption is right, acceptable or in the child's best interests. I believe most of us here do believe that is the case.

However, have you considered adopting?

Have you adopted?

What sorts of experiences would you draw upon when parenting and what sorts of advice might you offer someone considering adoption?

 

[Bitchslapper]

As far as that last sentence, I can't really think why it would be any different for a same-sex couple then anyone else.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

I've considered adoption.

As a teacher in the "inner city" I've seen so many of my students in foster homes and in the system. Part of me questions why I should have a child of my own when I can help a child who really needs me. I know of one particular child who's a great kid, but who did nothing other than be born to a parent who abused him, and he's kind of spiralling out of control. With a loving and understanding parent(s) he would have a real chance. Right now he's in a group home and I worry a lot about him. If I were in the right situation, I might even consider fostering/adopting him myself...but I'm 25 and trying to move into a studio, not a two bedroom.

 

[MissTaken]

As far as that last sentence, I can't really think why it would be any different for a same-sex couple then anyone else.

Adoption, whether same sex or het parents, does offer much opportunity for discussion.

Now, in my own experience, there are issues surrounding gay adoption that do not present themselves in heterosexual families.


For example, one friend of mine taught her children that they had two mommies. That is very cool, but then , found that the absence of a male in the household was having an effect on her son. Not an insurmountable problem and not specific to same sex parenting. I have run into similar issues as a single mom, explaining why our family is different and finding ways to ensure that my children have positive male role models in their life.

Also, there remain legal issues in many states. In this state, a gay couple may not adopt, but can circumvent that law by having one or the other partner actually legally adopt the child. So, what happens if the legally responsible (adoptive) parent dies?

How would someone plan for that happenstance?

I don't know what the legal POV is and maybe others who are interested in gay adoption would be interested in learning more.

So, I guess that is where I was going when this thread topic occurred to me.

Any takers on this discussion?

 

[MissTaken]

I've considered adoption.

As a teacher in the "inner city" I've seen so many of my students in foster homes and in the system. Part of me questions why I should have a child of my own when I can help a child who really needs me. I know of one particular child who's a great kid, but who did nothing other than be born to a parent who abused him, and he's kind of spiralling out of control. With a loving and understanding parent(s) he would have a real chance. Right now he's in a group home and I worry a lot about him. If I were in the right situation, I might even consider fostering/adopting him myself...but I'm 25 and trying to move into a studio, not a two bedroom.

Yes, it is difficult feeling an observer in such a situation. But remember, children need homes and parents, but also teachers who take an interest in them. I am a social worker and long ago realized that the impact I may make on someone may be only an iota over the course of a child's life, but if it is something I said or did that made him put the gun away, drop the needle or whatever, that is good stuff. In fact, if all I can do is help a child know someone cares and they are worthwhile, I am doing what I can and something he or she needs badly.

 

[Bitchslapper]

Adoption, whether same sex or het parents, does offer much opportunity for discussion.

Now, in my own experience, there are issues surrounding gay adoption that do not present themselves in heterosexual families.


For example, one friend of mine taught her children that they had two mommies. That is very cool, but then , found that the absence of a male in the household was having an effect on her son. Not an insurmountable problem and not specific to same sex parenting. I have run into similar issues as a single mom, explaining why our family is different and finding ways to ensure that my children have positive male role models in their life.

Also, there remain legal issues in many states. In this state, a gay couple may not adopt, but can circumvent that law by having one or the other partner actually legally adopt the child. So, what happens if the legally responsible (adoptive) parent dies?

How would someone plan for that happenstance?

I don't know what the legal POV is and maybe others who are interested in gay adoption would be interested in learning more.

So, I guess that is where I was going when this thread topic occurred to me.

Any takers on this discussion?

Uh, okaaay...aside from the fact that you said there are issues exclusive to gays who adopt, and followed it with a story about an issue that is common to many different kinds of families...

It seems to me that the last part of your post (the sentecne I was refering to, the part asking about experiences or parenting advice) can apply to anyone.

 

[MissTaken]

Uh, okaaay...aside from the fact that you said there are issues exclusive to gays who adopt, followed by a story about an isue that is common to many different kinds of families...

It seems to me that the last part of your post (the sentecne I was refering to, the part asking about experiences or parenting advice) can apply to anyone.

Well, there are issues exclusive to gay adoption.

I could write an essay but would much prefer a discussion from teh point of view of those with experience beyond my professional experience.



And the second scenario was exclusive to gays.

 

[Bitchslapper]

Yes, but the second scenario was also a technical issue, completely seperate from the actual parenting. I don't deny there are issues exclusive to gay adoption (as there are to other forms of adoption), but my question still stands. What about the parenting is exclusive?