Funny Quotes

[Animal_Mutha]

Auctioneer: "Where are you from?"
Josephus: "Ethiopia"
Auctioneer: "What part?"
Josephus: "125th Street."

History of the World Part 1

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Achoo: [standing by a creek] "Look, Robin, you don't have to do this. I mean, this ain't exactly the Mississipi. I'm on one side, I'm on the other side. I'm on the east bank, I'm on the west bank. It's not that critical."

Men in Tights

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Robin Hood: "[Robin and Achoo are fight the sherif of Rottinghams men] Watch my back!"
Achoo: "[Achoo litarlly leans over and looks at his back as a guard punches him twice in the back] Your back just got punched twice."
Robin Hood: "Thank You!"

Men in Tights

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Prince John: "What can you tell me about Robin of Locksley?"
Latrine: "Robin of Locksley? Robin of Locksley? Hmm, let me see."
[starts cooking up a potion in her cauldron]
Latrine: "Raven's egg! Blood of a hen! A little more blood, yes! Eyeballs of a crocodile! Testicles of a newt! I bet he's a transsexual now! Robin of Locksley is handsome and brave. He seeks to regain his family's honor. Little sod could be trouble."
Prince John: "Are you certain?"
Latrine: "Certain? You want certain, hire yourself a witch! Me, I'm just your cook."
[serves contents of the cauldron]
Latrine: "Here, eat that."

Men in Tights

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Angry Villager: "There must be another way of doing the credits."
Fire Marshal: "That's right. Every time they make a Robin Hood movie, they burn our village down!"

Men in Tights

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Achoo: [after Blinkin catches an arrow] "Blinkin! How did you do that?"
Blinkin: "I heard that coming a mile away."
Robin Hood: "Right-o, Blinkin, very good."
Blinkin: "Pardon? Who's talking?"

Men in Tights

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Sheriff of Rottingham: [taking off his leather glove and slapping Robin with it] "I challenge you to a duel."
Robin Hood: [picking an iron gauntlet up from the dinner table and smacking Rottingham across the face with it, knocking him down] "I accept!"

Men in Tights

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Sheriff of Rottingham: "I was angry at you before Locksley, but now I'm really pissed off!"
Achoo: "Pissed off? If I was that close to a horse's wiener I'd be worrying about being pissed on!"

Men in Tights

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Achoo: "Blinkin - what's the fastest way to reach the villagers?"
Blinkin: "Why don't we fox them?"
Achoo: "Fox them!"

Men in Tights

 

[Animal_Mutha]

[preparing to ravish Maid Marian]
Sheriff of Rottingham: "A chastity belt! That's going to chafe my willy!"

Men in Tights

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Guard: "Robin of Locksley, where is your king?"
Robin Hood: "King? King? And which King might that be? King Richard? King Louis? King Kong? Larry King?"

Men in Tights

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Igor, help me with the bags."
Igor: [Imitating Groucho Marx] "Soitenly. You take the blonde, I'll take the one in the turban."
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "I was talking about the luggage."

Young Frankenstein

 

[Animal_Mutha]

after failing to bring the creature to life]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Nothing."
Inga: "Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry."
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "No. No. Be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace."
[starts beating up the creature]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Son of a bitch! Bastard! I'll get you for this! What did you do to me? What did you do to me."
Inga: "Stop it! Stop that! Stop it! You'll kill him!"
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "I don't want to live. I do not want to live."
Igor: "Quiet dignity and grace."
[rolls eyes]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Oh... mama..."

Young Frankenstein

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Well, dear, are you ready?"
Inga: "Yes, Doctor."
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Elevate me."
Inga: "Now? Right here?"
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Yes, yes, raise the platform."
Inga: "Oh. Ze platform. Oh, zat, yah, yah... yes."

Young Frankenstein

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Love is the only thing that can save this poor creature, and I am going to convince him that he is loved even at the cost of my own life. No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door."
Inga: "Yes, Doctor."
Igor: "Nice working with ya."
[Dr. Frederick Frankenstein goes into the room with The Monster. The Monster wakes up]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!"

Young Frankenstein

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Igor: "Wait Master, it might be dangerous... you go first."

Young Frankenstein

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump."
Igor: "What hump?"

Young Frankenstein

 

[Animal_Mutha]

[after sex with The Monster]
Elizabeth: "Oh. Where you going?... Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Oh... I think I love him."

Young Frankenstein

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged."
Inga: "His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size."
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Exactly."
Inga: "He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker."
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "That goes without saying."
Inga: "Voof."
Igor: "He's going to be very popular."

Young Frankenstein

 

[Animal_Mutha]

Igor: "Dr. Frankenstein..."
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: ""Fronkensteen.""
Igor: "You're putting me on."
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen.""
Igor: "Do you also say "Froaderick"?"
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "No...”Frederick.""
Igor: "Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?"
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronkensteen.""
Igor: "I see."
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "You must be Igor."
[He pronounces it ee-gor]
Igor: "No, it's pronounced "eye-gor.""
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "But they told me it was "ee-gor.""
Igor: "Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?"

Young Frankenstein

 

[Animal_Mutha]

[Dr. Frankenstein leans in for a kiss]
Elizabeth: "Taffeta, darling."
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Taffeta, sweetheart."
Elizabeth: "[pulling away] No, the dress is taffeta. It wrinkles so easily."

Young Frankenstein

 

[Animal_Mutha]

"Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"..."
God, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

 

[Animal_Mutha]

"Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here!"
Woman, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

 

[Animal_Mutha]

"He is packing it in and packing it up And sneaking away and buggering up And chickening out and pissing off home, Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge."
Minstrel singing, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

 

[Animal_Mutha]

"Well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite."
King Arthur, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"