Funniest Negative Comments?

[Zootonius]

Lipstick on a mirror or piece of paper used to write a love letter is a trope in romance fiction. Lipstick stains on a handkerchief or neck can be shown as evidence of a hookup. I myself have used lipstick marks on a woman’s thighs to indicate another woman has recently given her oral pleasure.

Kinda like the blonde hair trope
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/c1/a6/42/c1a642a29f2534710b144d505e0cb36a--jane-goodall-far-side-comics.jpg

 

[onehitwanda]

Kinda like the blonde hair trope

hey, don't knock it.

"Here, let me get your coat. Shall I police it for my hairs, just in case?"

She laughed at that - a warm, deliciously throaty chuckle. "It's not worth the effort; there's little I could do right now to sink lower in Freya's opinion of me. If your hair is on my coat I'll take it as a good-luck charm and keep it as a ward against evil."

 

[Zootonius]

hey, don't knock it.

But when it’s in between your SO’s teeth…

 

[onehitwanda]

But when it’s in between your SO’s teeth…

hey, oral hygiene is important- you must never overlook flossing

 

[Zootonius]

hey, oral hygiene is important- you must never overlook flossing

A coworker once told me

If you are what you eat, I’d be my wife.

 

[djrip]

hey, don't knock it.

 

[mirafrida]

Lipstick on a mirror or piece of paper used to write a love letter is a trope in romance fiction. Lipstick stains on a handkerchief or neck can be shown as evidence of a hookup. I myself have used lipstick marks on a woman’s thighs to indicate another woman has recently given her oral pleasure.

I used lipstick on the collar to tip the wife off to her husband's likely infidelity once.
As she put it when she confronted him, "Are we that much of a cliche?!"
I dithered over whether it was just too hackneyed, but ultimately decided it worked...

 

[Euphony]

I dithered over whether it was just too hackneyed, but ultimately decided it worked...

I can see why the consideration but im instances when people likely aren't their best selves, someone dipping into a cliche can work or even be a positive.

If the rest of the context could support "snark" or other shading, feels like you might actually have cliche positive.

 

[MyBareTorso]

Sadly, I don’t have anything worthy of answering my own question. For those who do have a funny/bewildering/oddball comment to share, please do.
I’ve seen a couple in unrelated threads but would love to read some more…

I received the feedback "Beyond sick" for my story "Oz Beach Boy Fulfils Xmas Wish" (https://www.literotica.com/s/oz-beach-boy-fulfils-xmas-wish), in which my exhibitionist MC strips and jerks for a 19 year old virgin dying of cancer. I found it funny because I'd actually intended the story to be kinda sweet. Also, considering some of the wild content on Literotica, I thought it was pretty actually tame too!

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

Despite what I say above, I got a classic Loving Wives comment from that brave soul Anonymous today.

This was on Harper’s Reckoning:



Not backing into an assessment of the story based on their homophobia whatsoever of course.

How dare I pollute his pristine heterosexual world with my deviancy. I’m chastened.

I am coming round to the opinion that a significant minority of LW is also just anti-sex. Which is a bit odd given the nature of the site.

Em

he got your youthful appearance and attitude. Too bad he is such narisher idyat to get what you're doing. BDSM can be in any story, and if he's that homophobic that even lesbians don't turn him on, he's a pure putz.

 

[Devinter]

I'm proud to say that I am now part of the "angry about pubic hair" commenter gang. Note that I made no mention of it in the story at all, and certainly didn't say that the lady was clean-shaven or something like that.

" Three rating, where is the pussy hair????? Stubble and razor burn is just plain sick!!! when you do not describe a hairy mound, that is all your audience is left infer!!!! 35 stories listed, and you DON'T know any better than that!!! "

... I suppose, after listing so many stories, I really should have known about this one reader's particular kink and catered to him, eh?

 

[djrip]

I'm proud to say that I am now part of the "angry about pubic hair" commenter gang. Note that I made no mention of it in the story at all, and certainly didn't say that the lady was clean-shaven or something like that.

" Three rating, where is the pussy hair????? Stubble and razor burn is just plain sick!!! when you do not describe a hairy mound, that is all your audience is left infer!!!! 35 stories listed, and you DON'T know any better than that!!! "

... I suppose, after listing so many stories, I really should have known about this one reader's particular kink and catered to him, eh?

 

[Zootonius]

I'm proud to say that I am now part of the "angry about pubic hair" commenter gang. Note that I made no mention of it in the story at all, and certainly didn't say that the lady was clean-shaven or something like that.

" Three rating, where is the pussy hair????? Stubble and razor burn is just plain sick!!! when you do not describe a hairy mound, that is all your audience is left infer!!!! 35 stories listed, and you DON'T know any better than that!!! "

... I suppose, after listing so many stories, I really should have known about this one reader's particular kink and catered to him, eh?

That may be a first, complaining about NOT describing pubic hair details!

 

[NoTalentHack]

I just received this through the feedback system, from an anonymous sender and not obviously related to any story.

I'm drunk? Go fuck yourself.

 

[Zootonius]

So my mom/son incest story come out. Even I find the subject kinky and I'm writing in the genre. Yet there's always one commenter who hope he breeds mom and her friend.

Then there's the one complaining about the lack of romance... in an incest story.

 

[intim8]

"a bit tooooooo much on the overly descriptive sex acts."

This was on a deliberately over the top romp of a story. One that had Santa Clause saying things like "Ho ho Hoooly fuck!" and talking about how much he and his race of Elves loved human pussy. One where a girl came so hard it literally almost killed innocent bystanders.

Commenter must have misspelled readersdigest.com and came here instead.

It was actually a very positive comment, just with a funny caveat within it.

Edit: just realized it's the story linked in my sig. So you can go read it right now. Go on, click it...

 

[Zootonius]

"a bit tooooooo much on the overly descriptive sex acts."

I'd be so tempted to respond, Sir, this is Literotica, not the New Yorker.

 

[intim8]

Sir, this is Literotica, not the New Yorker.

The New Yanker maybe?

 

[Devinter]

Well.. I took a screenshot of this one just to clearly demonstrate how much "space" he needed. He's sure making a lot of incorrect assumptions. (For clarification, it's a mom/son incest story and there's no vaginal penetration, only butt stuff. That's why he's so angry.)

 

[djrip]

Well.. I took a screenshot of this one just to clearly demonstrate how much "space" he needed. He's sure making a lot of incorrect assumptions. (For clarification, it's a mom/son incest story and there's no vaginal penetration, only butt stuff. That's why he's so angry.)

View attachment 2294699

Anonybush? I think so!

 

[Zootonius]

Well.. I took a screenshot of this one just to clearly demonstrate how much "space" he needed. He's sure making a lot of incorrect assumptions. (For clarification, it's a mom/son incest story and there's no vaginal penetration, only butt stuff. That's why he's so angry.)

View attachment 2294699

And I thought I got odd comments. Nothing is more believable then someone saying 'I am a psychiatrist,' by saying it IN ALL CAPS! And always finish up with lots of exclamation marks!

 

[AG31]

I don't know if this will come across. Maybe you have to be there reading the story. But it opens with a lot of sort of tongue in cheek uses of the word "perfect."

He looked around his spacious, sparely furnished, perfect office. One of the perfect things was the large picture window overlooking the park across the street, just now leafing out for spring. Another perfect thing was the executive bathroom, roomy enough for a closet and shower.
.
.
.

Masculine hair in all the right places, and in none of the wrong places. The suit he put on was, of course, perfect.

Then, 4 Lit pages later it closes with a sort of tender observation about having soup and cheese sandwiches and reading in bed.

"Do you have tomato soup? And cheese for grilled cheese?"
"I do. But you don't have a book."
"Yes, I do. I've got one book at my place and a different one at yours. I read them concurrently."
"Then we have a plan. We'll walk, OK?"
"Sounds perfect to me."

The feedback was:

I think your ideas are really good, but you're let down by your writing. Sorry for being so critical.
What I mean is that you repeat words. Perfect and perfect, for example.

To add to the humor, this is the only negative comment this story has ever gotten for the writing. It's gotten other negative comments, for sure, but never for the writing.

 

[Zootonius]

I recently got a comment complaining about the unbelievability that a guy with a good paying job would buy his younger sister a used economy car.

 

[luv2custrip]

“Boring. Would be much hotter if MC as also female and did a foursome with two men. Male PoV is so BORING.”

Other than those minor plot points do you think she liked it?

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

In my case, an editor suggested I always mention birth control in my stories. I’ve never had anyone raise the issue either way other than her. But it made sense for me as a smart writer interested in promoting safer sex.

No funny reader comments, but I did get beat up pretty badly on one or two stories about condoms, safe sex, etc, to the point I added this as an authors note at the beginning of a story I knew would egregiously violate those expectations:

And finally, there are somethings like STDs, wearing breast forms with adhesive, and preparation for anal sex, that are very real and require our attention. We all know that, so I’m not wasting your time with a detailed description of an enema every time someone gets fucked, ok?
Good, glad we’re on the same page.