Frustrated.....

[njlauren]

I'm an independent myself but, I have to say that scientific facts are scientific facts. That doesn't mean that creationism is the only answer (obviously they are dead wrong in several areas) and it doesn't mean that the big bang theory is the only answer either. Even though the big bang theory is the most plausible current explanation for what happened 13-14 billion years ago you're right in that it hasn't been completely proven. Also, let's say for the sake of arguement that the big bang theory was proven 100%. That doesn't mean that there is no God. It doesn't even mean that that's when the universe actually started. Even according to the BBT there was a single blob of ultra dense material before the big bang and it has also been theorized that we have a big bang followed by an implosion followed by yet another big bang over and over again throughout eternal time. I can't ever comprehend why the two sides keep arguing that it has to be one or the other. Why can't there be a God, the big bang theory, and evolution, all at the same time? Even as far as evolution goes, there can be a God and he can even be responsible for humankind to some degree as it has never been proven that every living thing's ultimate ancestor is an Amoeba (but even if it was it still doesn't mean there is no God). But, evolution, at least to some degree, is a scientifically proven fact. It's hard to take anyone seriously when they deny absolute facts.

Subwannabe-
You are dead spot on, and the answer is it doesn't. Despite their medieval foolishness, the Catholic Church, for example, has no trouble with evolution and the Big Bang came out of a monk, and most mainstream faiths have no trouble with scientific explanations of how things happen (interesting,the RC initially resisted evolution, but not for what people might think, it was because they were afraid of what did in fact happen, social darwinism, where the powerful and well off argued that their wealth or power was due to them being 'socially evolved' and those power 'unevolved', which is crapola (though sadly it is being revived in recent decades, where those poor or down on their luck are 'undeserving poor' while the rich are somehow 'different', 'better' and so forth, or worse, the religious right with their 'prosperity gospel' (like the evangelical preacher I caught on tv, saying Jesus was having a good spot of fun with his statement about a rich man going to heaven being harder then putting a camel through the eye of a needle).

The people who have trouble with the big bang or evolution are not rational people, they are people who read an almost 3000 year old tale in Genesis (that has two versions that are different in two different areas of Genesis) and believe it to be literal truth, they are people who believe what a not all that bright 16th century Bishop presented as fact, it is people who read the words but don't understand the meaning (Joseph Campbell put it best, he said fundamentalists walk into a restaurant, see steak on the menu and eat the menu).

The universe is an incredible place, there are things like entanglement where two particles once together can be split apart, and if you interact with one particle that causes a quantum state change, the second particle, no matter how far away (light years, doesn't matter), changes quantum state mirroring its twin,simultaneously.

 

[njlauren]

Well see, there ya go using logic. Stop it. You'll annoy the uber liberals and the extremists.

What's the Einstein quote? "Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind."

I realize I am using it slightly out of context, but you get the point. It's mind numbing to me that people think religion and science are mutually exclusive. Your post was excellent and the way things should be viewed.

It's funny to me when people say such absolutes regarding some things in science. Man made global warming (not to open up a can of worms) is another. I'm not out to say it is or it isn't a fact. But it is baffling to me how people are so certain how things happened thousands and millions of years ago regarding global temperature and the like. Our scientific method is not infallible. There is a lot that goes in to this kind of conjecture.

Or the study done in Australia counting the number of stars in the universe and coming up with the number 70 sextillion. Wtf is that?

Just because a scientist says it, doesn't make it true. Some of the things scientists try to prove are just beyond their ability. But that doesn't stop them from giving an answer and promoting it as fact.

While I agree with most of your post, your last line is a classic example of the lie told often enough becomes truth, and I am referring to the statement, not science. Science never claimed to be God, but there is a funny thing in science, it is self correcting. A scientist can claim anything as truth, but unlike a religious leader like the Pope, they cannot declare it infallible dogma. To quote Richard Feynman, the great physicist, science begins, progresses and end with a question and its history is full of fits and starts, things that seemed to be true but weren't, theories that exploded, and so forth. One of the things science rests on is that when you have a theory you have to back it, none of the crap like infallibility in the church that happens because the Pope and Magisterium say it is so. Theory is not conjecture in science, despite what the religious right tries to claim, theory in science means that what is proposed has serious backing. Either there is experimental data that backs up the theory, or something predicted by the theory (like, for example, light being bent by gravity predicted by Einstein's general theory of relativity was proven in an eclipse in 1916 by measuring the shift of light as it passed around the moon). Two chemists in the early 90's claimed to have done fusion in a beaker, everyone was all atwitter about it, but it failed because it couldn't be recreated and they later figured out it was sloppy work. A team at CERN claimed that they measured a neutrino going faster then C, the speed of light, turned out to be experimental error and was caught by other scientists. On the other hand, guy proved Fermat's last theorem in math, his work was validated by thousands of mathematicians, and none could find a hole in his work.....science has a check and balance, something religion does not have.

As far as Global warming goes, all I have to say is despite all the hoopla, every day more and more of the skeptics have come around and accept the idea of man made global warming as fact, most recently, a skeptic who had been hired by Charles Koch, turned around and said he could no longer deny the fact that global warming was a real phenomenon and it wasn't primarily natural........there are a lot more switching from being skeptics to saying they think it is true, to the other way.

 

[njlauren]

To get back to the original thread:

Whatever the cause, sexual compatibility is a major issue in relationships, it isn't 'no big deal'. I have lived a good part of my life relationship where my spouse had been shut down sexually, where to her sex was no big deal, and it was incredibly difficult in a lot of ways to keep going forward when one partner needs things sexually and the other doesn't at all, or in a different way. I think it is worth trying to bring him around, suggest different things, find ways to open him up (his attitude towards things like sex toys and such is not all that common these days, it is amazing to hear of that in a younger person),maybe suggest couple's counseling with a sex therapist, but please don't discount the power of sexuality. You wouldn't be posting something on an internet board if it wasn't bothering you.........THere are couples who are relatively sexless who are happy with it, there are people who are different then their spouse who find ways to make it work, as I did (not with other people, had a rich fantasy life), but it isn't something that can easily be ignored.

 

[SweetErika]

Speaking of that, is anyone else wondering what happened to the OP?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Speaking of that, is anyone else wondering what happened to the OP?

I think the original poster has been stoned to death by the Catholic church for her beliefs in gravity.

 

[subwannabe]

I think the OP read the thread but I'm not really sure what her take on it was. We either talked a little sense into her or she chose to put her head in the sand. I wish her the best. I didn't consider this a thread hijack because I don't believe she ever made a post after #1 and when we "hijacked" the thread it had pretty much run it's course.

 

[Lord Pmann]

But I think if I argue my points some more the other side will agree with me. I just have to use condescending tone and rhetoric.

 

[tenchikoi]

I'm still here. Just been reading all the replies and the amusing hi-jack comments. He and I are still together and the wedding will be in early spring. I'm just not willing to toss out all the work we've put into our relationship over this one issue. It can and will get resolved somehow. It's all part of learning how to be a couple. We do have a lot of work to do on our communication and learning to express our emotions honestly. But we're going to be ok. I've learned a lot from all the comments and have been thinking over them for a while. I showed this topic to him and he agrees that we both have some issues to work out. We're slowly growing closer and strengthening our trust in each. Thank you for all your helpful comments.

 

[subwannabe]

That's good that the two of you shared the comments. Maybe there is hope afterall. That's pretty good communication right there.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I'm just not willing to toss out all the work we've put into our relationship over this one issue. It can and will get resolved somehow. It's all part of learning how to be a couple.

Statements like this make me a bit concerned. Resolved somehow seems to make me think that you are under the impression it will work itself out. Nothing in marriage works itself out.

How long have you dated?

 

[tenchikoi]

Statements like this make me a bit concerned. Resolved somehow seems to make me think that you are under the impression it will work itself out. Nothing in marriage works itself out.

How long have you dated?

Nothing in life just works out. It's going to take a lot of hard work from both of us to make this better. Neither of us is willing to just give up.

 

[njlauren]

It does take a lot of hard work, and you are at least at an important place, where you both seem to realize that. When one or both people think 'it will just work itself out', the end result is usually nothing get done.

If both of you are willing, I highly recommend seeking out a relationship counselor....it doesn't have to be about sex per se, but rather in learning how to communicate with one another, getting the tools that make communications happen, and better. I have been through a lot in my relationship, a lot of life changes, difficult issues, and the biggest gift that comes from therapy and counseling is simply learning how to communicate while sifting through the crap that gets in the way, perceptions, a perceptions, 'rose colored glasses', 'dark colored glasses' and so forth

 

[Chelynn]

Frustrated

I"m frustrated as hell. I've never really been single until now so all of this is new and the partner I spent over 11 yrs did nothing for me sexually. No kissing, touching, playing, orgasm, nothing. Well he made me very insecure and I haven't been able to please myself either so it's been difficult. I've never cheated on any man I've been with, wore sexy clothes, flirted or taken pics until now and I'm finding it very interesting but I'm still scared to meet men. I have little sexual experience but am very interested and open to trying new things. Well my problem is I still can't orgasm, the few I've been w/haven't done much to help that either but I need one so bad. I stay horny all the time, I hurt and am miserable and I don't know what to do.

 

[SweetErika]

I"m frustrated as hell. I've never really been single until now so all of this is new and the partner I spent over 11 yrs did nothing for me sexually. No kissing, touching, playing, orgasm, nothing. Well he made me very insecure and I haven't been able to please myself either so it's been difficult. I've never cheated on any man I've been with, wore sexy clothes, flirted or taken pics until now and I'm finding it very interesting but I'm still scared to meet men. I have little sexual experience but am very interested and open to trying new things. Well my problem is I still can't orgasm, the few I've been w/haven't done much to help that either but I need one so bad. I stay horny all the time, I hurt and am miserable and I don't know what to do.

You should probably post a new thread here in How To if you're seeking advice.

However, to get to the point, it sounds like you've got a lot going on that likely would best be sorted out with the help of a good therapist. Additionally, I'd suggest putting meeting men on hold until you're in a better place - in a similar post in this thread, you said you've been taking pictures and you met a man who you then found out was married/attached and unavailable. You may regret doing those types of things down the line, once you have your own issues sorted out.

I'm not clear on why you're having trouble with masturbation and orgasm, but in addition to getting therapy, you might consider getting yourself a Hitachi Magic Wand w/ at least the blue vinyl g-spot attachment and exploring with that.

 

[njlauren]

I"m frustrated as hell. I've never really been single until now so all of this is new and the partner I spent over 11 yrs did nothing for me sexually. No kissing, touching, playing, orgasm, nothing. Well he made me very insecure and I haven't been able to please myself either so it's been difficult. I've never cheated on any man I've been with, wore sexy clothes, flirted or taken pics until now and I'm finding it very interesting but I'm still scared to meet men. I have little sexual experience but am very interested and open to trying new things. Well my problem is I still can't orgasm, the few I've been w/haven't done much to help that either but I need one so bad. I stay horny all the time, I hurt and am miserable and I don't know what to do.

I like Erica's response a lot, and especially about not pushing too hard with meeting men. Outside of a physiological reason (which you should talk about with an Gyn, to make sure everything is okay physically), the biggest thing I think you need is to find out what works for you. Women aren't a one size fits all kind of thing and one of the things you need to find for yourself is what you need. You already stated you needed things you didn't get with your last relationship, cuddling, foreplay, touch, etc and that is a start......a therapist trained in issues of sexuality could help as well, there may be emotional reasons why you can't reach orgasm, anything from coming from a background where sex is 'dirty' to trauma to frankly being so frustrated the body kind of gives up.....but it may be as simple as finding out what works for you, too. Might be wise to explore physically as Erica said, then see where you are, then take the next steps

I think one of the biggest skills to all this is, to no one's big surprise I am sure, communicating what you need when you do find someone. Yeah, there are jerky guys out there, who see only themselves, but a lot of guys are quite honestly well meaning but clueless on sex, and most of them IME are willing to listen and learn if you simply tell them what works and doesn't. Part of the art is learning to do it in such a way as you don't hurt their ego (i.e instead of saying "ya know, what you do for me doesn't do it", maybe "Honey, I love having sex with you, but I think we really can hit the moon if we try x, y or z", or simply in lovemaking, say "honey, I would love for you to kiss me all over" or "honey, could you nibble on my nipples, it makes me so hot".....unless they are weird, most guys would react well to being guided like that, least that is my take....