From a distance...

[Droogie15]

lol, that song comes to mind when i wrote that subject, my mom used to play it on saturday mornings, when i was a child, while i played video games in my room. anyway...ill move along as this thread has nothing to do with that.

i have a sex slave whom i met online. she lives a state away from me and weve been together at a distance for about a year and a half now (shes been my slave officially for about 8 months). anyway, weve had a few arguments here and there and shes a very good girl most of the time but ive posted this thread to ask you guys if you have any ideas/thoughts on how distant punishment should be enacted and even what sorts of punishments would be most effective? keep in mind, im not asking this to hear a bunch of kinky variations on how my slave can force ice cubes up her own ass, lol, so if you think its impossible to punish from a distance then just tell me so. ill keep my eye on this thread and will appreciate any responses i get. Thanks!

 

[FungiUg]

It's not impossible to punish from a distance. Just takes some creativity. And of course, the willingness of your submissive to fill out the requirements for the punishment.

The key thing to remember about punishment is that what really makes it work is your submissive's knowledge that she has displeased you! So a punishment can be anything really, so long as it allows her to feel that displeasure.

Some suggestions:

Standing in a corner, nose to the wall, not allowed to move -- for 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Variations are with skirt/dress pinned up at the back to expose naked butt, wearing heels at the time, having to balance something on her head.

Writing lines.

Orgasm denial -- playing with herself every hour (half hour, fifteen minutes, depending on how mean you are feeling) to the point of orgasm, but not giving her permission to cum. Over the space of a day, this can be very effective!

I'm sure others will post other suggestions.

 

[catalina_francisco]

The key thing to remember about punishment is that what really makes them work is your submissive's knowledge that she has displeased you! So a punishment can be anything really, so long as it allows her to feel that displeasure.

That is brilliantly put FungiUg, agree with you full heartedly.

Francisco.

 

[MissTaken]

Spin off of fungiug:

Standing close to the wall with a coin between her nose and the wall. If it drops, she is to add time to her punishment.

Orgasm denial. While having phone sex, hang up without warning with the understanding she isn't to orgasm without your permission. to the gal who gave me that idea!

Making the punishment fit the crime?

Well, look at what she has done that displeases you and act accordingly. If she has, for example, talked with someone on the net without your permission, limit or take away internet time.

Reading and studying? Is there an area of her background or education that is lacking? For example: if you are a history buff and she doesn't know a lot about history, have her research a topic and write a report for you. This can be gruelling.

Using internet chat rooms of even the Cafe: If there is a time when the punishment needs to involve, for example, your flirting with other submissives, do so on line with her observing.

For serious things, sometimes ignoring her for a period of time works. It can drive the point home that being with you is a privilege, not a right and that you are in control. (I hate that and would only use it in the most dire of circumstances!)

Think about the things you would do in real time and then, try to modify them long distance.

Of course, any of this only works if she is following through. Long distance relationships really test the trust between two individuals.

 

[serijules]

JMHO, but ignoring or purposely flirting with another in front of a sub isn't a punishment, it is complete disrespect for her as a partner and a person. Even in the most dire of circumstances. If you are at that point, release would be the best option. Just my opinion though, I respect that others might not agree and use ignoring as an effective punishment...I just know it would never be something used on me.

Anyhow, my relationship with my Domme is long distance. She keeps a list of my misdeeds and assigns them a punishment at the time they are earned. I might get a self-punishment of sorts right then as well, but it also earns a check on the list. By the time we get together, that list can be quite intimidating, and after a few checks on it, I usually think twice about disobeying her. Last time it added up to hundreds of strokes with implements I absolutely hate, so....it was effective seeing how this time I have less marks...so far...

Self-spanking, self-punishments...are effective if not done constantly. I know many people that are in LDR that use self-spanking near daily, and I feel it looses any and all effect that it can have. I have to do a punishment like this once in a while, and it is effective because it gets the point across that she is disappointed enough to resort to that measure to get her point across to me. That is the part that is the punishment.

Writing lines, essays, removal of prevlidges (this one is particularily effective with me), creative use of icyhot, nipple clamps...the list and ways really is limited only by your imagination and knowledge of your sub and what will be effective for him or her.

 

[Singularity]

Long Distance Punishments

I have used many of the suggestions listed above, and have a few more to add:

My favorite variant of "corner time" is to require her to kneel in presentation position with her hands behind her neck, while she is blindfolded, and set a specific time limit for her, that she has to estimate without any outside aids to help gauge the passage of time. Not being able to see and tell how long it has been can really heighten the senses and elongate the percieved duration of the punishment. If she guesses too short, well, that is cause for another punishment.

I also like to have her balance a long-stemmed rose across her nipples when she does this punishment sometimes, too. Having the thorns pressing lightly into her titflesh and nipples can be wildly distracting. Like having an itch and not being permitted to scratch it.

For those submissives who can stand a bit of public exposure and humiliation, I will sometimes send her out to by some new body jewelry or a new anal plug or somesuch thing and demand that she tell the person at the shop that she is buying this because her owner required it of her - and that she go to the dressing rom after the purchase and put it on and wear it out of the shop.


Singularity

 

[Ebonyfire]

Just My opinion

I do not believe in punishment in the first place. If a sub does not want to obey me, He has a choice. Obey or don't let the door hit his ass on the way out.

I do not worry about what I cannot possibly control.
I do not live with my subs either, so I am careful to give orders that will be obeyed without question. In short, I do not give many orders long distance.

IMHO, punishment meted out in a long term relationship is nonproductive.

YMMV
your mileage may vary

 

[Etoile]

Re: Just My opinion

I do not believe in punishment in the first place. If a sub does not want to obey me, He has a choice. Obey or don't let the door hit his ass on the way out.

I do not worry about what I cannot possibly control.
I do not live with my subs either, so I am careful to give orders that will be obeyed without question. In short, I do not give many orders long distance.

IMHO, punishment meted out in a long term relationship is nonproductive.

YMMV
your mileage may vary

Interesting - I think your views are less common in the community at large. I've known of many who take pleasure in punishing a sub for accidental or uncontrolled disobeyance - in many cases it's not an issue of the sub not wanting to obey, but rather being unable to perform the task (sometimes because the top wants them to fail so they can inflict punishment!). I haven't heard a viewpoint like yours before, thank you for sharing it.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Re: Just My opinion

I do not believe in punishment in the first place. If a sub does not want to obey me, He has a choice. Obey or don't let the door hit his ass on the way out.

I do not worry about what I cannot possibly control.
I do not live with my subs either, so I am careful to give orders that will be obeyed without question. In short, I do not give many orders long distance.

IMHO, punishment meted out in a long term relationship is nonproductive.

YMMV
your mileage may vary

This is pretty much where I am with Sir. I am expected to serve Him. Period. If I can't do that, it's time to find another Dominant. On a couple of rare occasions, I overstepped my boundaries and I needed a reminder of my place. I was punished; He ignored me--completely, while we were in the same room together. After some time of that, I was sufficiently chastised....I cannot bear to be ignored by Him. It's was a much worse punishment than any whipping, etc.

However, the point I was trying to make here is that He doesn't need the excuse of discipline to take the crop, flogger, paddle, or whatever to me. It's just His preference. I don't have to play the SAM and disobey just to get a whipping. I have permission to ask for one. Of course, whether I get one or not, again, is His preference.

Bottom line is, I serve Him to the best of my abilities all the time. He doesn't see any point in creating a bunch of ridiculous tasks for me to "fail" at just so He can whip my ass. It's already His and He can whip it any time LOL. Like Eb says, if I can't serve Him like He wants, I should hit the door. She's right. It should be a win-win situation for both parties.

~anelize

 

[catalina_francisco]

IMO it is actually more common to not punish much. If there is desire from the dominant part to deal out some pain there is no need for a reason. The sub will just have to undergo it.

If the sub needs to break a rule or be disobedient to get pain, it actually goes against the whole intention of punishment. Punishment is supposed yo be corrective not enjoyable.

If the sub needs pain it is far more common that they ask for it, and then of course it depends on the mood of the Dom/me if they get it.

Francisco.

 

[Netzach]

I'm very easy, very reasonable, to the point of ridiculous, maybe, but it works for me.

If I want to beat my sub, I do it. I'm reasonable, too, if he has compelling reasons why it's not a good time for it or doesn't want to be beaten, I'll respect that as best I can.

If he's not doing something right I tell him.

We have a rational adult-to-adult conversation. I don't know why a lot of Doms don't meet subs on this level first and foremost.

If he wants to feel catharsis, he can not do it again, I'm not going to set up some kind of elaborate game wherein he can rid himself of guilt.

If it's a huge consistent, endemic problem, the relationship's not working, there's a lack of respect, and yes, he can not let the door hit his ass on the way out.

 

[Droogie15]

its great to get so many responses in such a short amount of time, i really appreciate the warm welcome. i think ill show my little girl this post and see what she thinks of the power of this community and all the fun things she and i will have to do in the future, thanks to your help .

 

[s'lara]

i tried hard not to be in a position to be willfully disobedient. It was important for me, and immensely satisfying to receive orders/commands and carry them out. That was the core of my own submission ... serving. Well, i had to make room for the masochism too and that takes up quite a bit of core space.

However, things happened that went against an order and the end result was punishment. I've said it in the past ... if i stepped out of line, i expected to be called on it. Long distance punishments are rough simply because you know you can get away without doing it, but that hideous guilt ... the "bad sub, oh you little liar" guilt creeps up hard and fast. Nothing feels better than completing a punishment, sight unseen and feeling chest thumping proud because you carried it out and can say you did without feeling like an imposter. To my way of thinking, that is the best. No hand, eye or presence intimidating you into completing your task ... just the simple need and desire to do it because the Dominant commanded it.

lara

 

[WriterDom]

I find the whole online domination a little like fantasy baseball. It's fun for a while, but after a few years it kinda loses its appeal. If there was a need for punishment, it would have to wait for a face to face. And if you are too far away, or married, or in prison, then find someone else to punch your submissive buttons.

But to answer your question, I guess I would have them go in the backyard or a field and videotape themselves digging a hole for 2 hours, and then filling up and sending me the tape. I guess I'm the trust, but verify, kind of guy.