I have just spent the evening with a few friends, one of whom I am very interested romantically, we have maintained a friednship for many years but have always been flirty, whats the best way to transition the friendship into something romantic?
Friendship transition
- Thread starter ClubIrish
- Start date
depends on how good of friends you are
best option is to try and get them drunk, see how they respond to your come ons, cause if they rebuke you, you can always say you were drunk, and things will be ok.
I personally dont have any close friends that are girls, so i keep it open to hit and hook up with any of the ones i have that i am "friends" with. but i'd never want to move something from being a close friend to something more, cause i'd be afraid of losing the friendship.
best option is to try and get them drunk, see how they respond to your come ons, cause if they rebuke you, you can always say you were drunk, and things will be ok.
I personally dont have any close friends that are girls, so i keep it open to hit and hook up with any of the ones i have that i am "friends" with. but i'd never want to move something from being a close friend to something more, cause i'd be afraid of losing the friendship.
Lust Engine
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Eagle70 said:
Oh c'mon...get off of that silly idea of getting somebody drunk to get an honest answer! That's ridiculous!
Is that any way to treat a friendship?? Getting someone drunk does not assure truth & honesty and seems like a cheap way of getting out of the responsibility that it takes to engage in a more meaningful relationship. Quit using alcohol as an emotional escape hatch.If you're afraid to step across that line to make a good friendship into a more meaningful relationship, what kind of coward are you?? It takes guts, courage, commitment, trust & a sense of risk in order to step it up to the NEXT level. Yes you might lose that friendship but weigh that against the possibility of gaining a true love.
Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Getting drunk... sheesh!
Whatever happened to honesty & speaking from the heart??
PinkOrchid
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In my own defense...
I'm 20. Theres very FEW ways to have a "heart to heart" talk with the girls i know. Maybe in about 5 or 6 years from now, the girls i know will HAVE that maturity, but i'm not willing to loose a friendship over trying to achieve "something more". I just wont do it.
The whole "lets get drunk and see what happens" idea was never one meant to be taken seriously, but i've seen plenty of relationships appear out of drunken hook ups. once again, i'm 20. its something that happens. and believe me, i've made passes at girls i've had a thing for that i've been friends with when i was drunk, but its all been ok, cause i wasnt in my right mind at the time.
Honesty and speaking from the heart mean NOTHING to 20 year olds.
I'm 20. Theres very FEW ways to have a "heart to heart" talk with the girls i know. Maybe in about 5 or 6 years from now, the girls i know will HAVE that maturity, but i'm not willing to loose a friendship over trying to achieve "something more". I just wont do it.
The whole "lets get drunk and see what happens" idea was never one meant to be taken seriously, but i've seen plenty of relationships appear out of drunken hook ups. once again, i'm 20. its something that happens. and believe me, i've made passes at girls i've had a thing for that i've been friends with when i was drunk, but its all been ok, cause i wasnt in my right mind at the time.
Honesty and speaking from the heart mean NOTHING to 20 year olds.
Lust Engine
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Eagle70 said:
I guess at what age is okay to start a mature relationship?? Using that number is a crutch as to why YOU might not want to start a realtionship. Some people I've known have been HAPPILY married since they were 19. To each their own but to offer up the statement that 20 year olds have no emotional depth might be true of you.
Why wait for the girls to mature? I think maturity starts with you first before anything else.
Believe me, emotion is not something i have a problem with. emotional depth? as stupid as this sounds, i've got tons of it. But look at the world we live in. Go around to any college campus. And find me girls with that maturity.
Which is why the only serious relationships i've had are with women who're at least 4 years older than me. Cause girls my age suck. But saying that i use age as a crutch is just downright insulting. Go hang out with some 20 year olds, and then report back to me.
Which is why the only serious relationships i've had are with women who're at least 4 years older than me. Cause girls my age suck. But saying that i use age as a crutch is just downright insulting. Go hang out with some 20 year olds, and then report back to me.
Noor
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I think attempting to get a woman drunk is a bad idea. It wouldn't work with me, I don't drink and I hold people responsible for their actions whether they are drunk or not.
If you want a mature responsible 20 yr woman then act that way, be responsible and mature yourself. At 20, I usually found men more immature than women.
You could ask the object of your desire the same question you asked us, see how she answers and do what she says. Otherwise just tell her outright.
If you want a mature responsible 20 yr woman then act that way, be responsible and mature yourself. At 20, I usually found men more immature than women.
You could ask the object of your desire the same question you asked us, see how she answers and do what she says. Otherwise just tell her outright.
UC_Gav
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You cant hide behind your age. I was 18 when i asked my best friend what she really thought of me and i was stone cold sober. She turned me down but were both 20 now and still best friends.
As for saying girls our age arent mature......where have you been looking. If your going for the 'fake' girls that consider make up and flashing flesh more than getting a job or an education etc then yeah, you are meeting immature girls. Probably cos your going after the ones wearing the smallest items of clothing and showing off as much as possible. Girls in a group too can be immature and exciteable but if you would sit down alone and talk to them theyre just as mature as anyone ull ever meet and probably alot more mature than you.
Sorry if this sounds a little harsh and insulting but this is a subject i can relate with.
As for saying girls our age arent mature......where have you been looking. If your going for the 'fake' girls that consider make up and flashing flesh more than getting a job or an education etc then yeah, you are meeting immature girls. Probably cos your going after the ones wearing the smallest items of clothing and showing off as much as possible. Girls in a group too can be immature and exciteable but if you would sit down alone and talk to them theyre just as mature as anyone ull ever meet and probably alot more mature than you.
Sorry if this sounds a little harsh and insulting but this is a subject i can relate with.
UC_Gav said:
Harsh to say the least
Whole reason i'm even making any stink about this is that i'm generally getting bagged on for throwing out an option, and then getting attack about the kinda girls i go for. dude, believe me, i'm not gonna be fronted by any skank thats half the girl my last girlfriend is, because she's fuckin wearing something revealing and she's wearing a backpack or something. fuck that shit. Maybe its the fact that i didnt have any contact with girls during highschool, at my all boys private school, or maybe its just cause its the truth around here, but most girls our age, notice, i say MOST, not all, are fucking idiots. I know maybe 3 or 4 girls our age i actually can hold a pretty good conversation with. Maybe i hang out with the wrong crowd, i dunno. But thats been my lifes observations. You cant bag on me for something i've lived through. Noone can.
ChemE_student
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Life observation:
I'm 22, meaning I was 20 not so long ago. All of my good female friends make excellent grades, are involved in community service and campus events, and have helped each other through more hard times than most. None of us (not one of my good female friends) are in serious relationships, and not because of lack of dates. We recognize that we are still young, and that neither we nor the guys we might date are likely to know what we'll be doing in five years. Not one of us is a moron.
Again, that's my life observation.
I'm 22, meaning I was 20 not so long ago. All of my good female friends make excellent grades, are involved in community service and campus events, and have helped each other through more hard times than most. None of us (not one of my good female friends) are in serious relationships, and not because of lack of dates. We recognize that we are still young, and that neither we nor the guys we might date are likely to know what we'll be doing in five years. Not one of us is a moron.
Again, that's my life observation.
For the love of God, i'm just saying that most of the girls i have encountered in my life are idiots. Not ALL girls, just the ones I know. I'm glad that there ARE women my age out there that are better than the ones i've come into contact with. But all i've had to deal with are shallow, idiotic, and just fucking foolish. Dosent mean that ALL girls are like this. Christ, since when did this become an attack on me?
Sorry the people i know arent as spectactular as the ones you all do. Maybe i've gotta move outta Boston.
Sorry the people i know arent as spectactular as the ones you all do. Maybe i've gotta move outta Boston.
blueeyedevil
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I'm 22, and I'm kind of going through the same thing. But I realize how great of a girl she is and I don't want to mess up our friendship. She knows how I feel about her and she knows the ball's in her court. It's up to her. You should do the same and just be honest with her. You might be surprised at what she might say.
Lust Engine
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Easy there Eagle...
Let's not blow a gasket here trying to defend yourself. Understand that you did toss out the first idea of using alcohol as a way to determine if a relationship could proceed beyond friendship. While I'm no prude with people using alcohol, understand that it can also have a negative effect too. Understand why some of us pounced on you for your suggestion of alcohol to get to the truth, please. Whether you meant it in jest or not, it didn't come across that way.
Next you claimed some young people didn't have emotional depth. Obviously some people here challenged you on that. No one is doubting your observations, but please state them as YOUR experiences. I can honestly say that I see several instances where you've invited the audience to find girls with maturity. Well... no offense but I see the people saying that they've found some in their travels.
Don't take offense to people disagreeing with you. I understand that you might not have found anyone yet but to state broad generalizations is courting the wrath of some of the Lit community.
I understand that there are some very immature folks at that age but then there are immature people at every age. What matters the most is that people can communicate honestly, openly & without biases or anger... whether it be in an attempt to find true love or not.
Let's not blow a gasket here trying to defend yourself. Understand that you did toss out the first idea of using alcohol as a way to determine if a relationship could proceed beyond friendship. While I'm no prude with people using alcohol, understand that it can also have a negative effect too. Understand why some of us pounced on you for your suggestion of alcohol to get to the truth, please. Whether you meant it in jest or not, it didn't come across that way.
Next you claimed some young people didn't have emotional depth. Obviously some people here challenged you on that. No one is doubting your observations, but please state them as YOUR experiences. I can honestly say that I see several instances where you've invited the audience to find girls with maturity. Well... no offense but I see the people saying that they've found some in their travels.
Don't take offense to people disagreeing with you. I understand that you might not have found anyone yet but to state broad generalizations is courting the wrath of some of the Lit community.
I understand that there are some very immature folks at that age but then there are immature people at every age. What matters the most is that people can communicate honestly, openly & without biases or anger... whether it be in an attempt to find true love or not.
Savage_lover
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just ask her but dont tell her its about her. say hi look, I have this friend of mine that I am interested in beyond friendship and dont know what to do, or how to go about it. then ask her how she would react if she was in the same situation and then you tell her or not depending on her answer.
Eolithic
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Drinking, Sex & Friends
I may regret this, but several comments.
1) In the real world, getting women inebriated is the number one way to get a one night hook-up. Just about any guy who does play the field a bit knows it, and denial is ridiculous. Sometimes I'm not sure whether this is a porn board or a Baptist ministers convention.
2) The key to getting laid with inebriated women (if sex is your only objective) is to be able to handle rejection well -- because it usually doesn't work when evaluated on a per woman basis. On a per evening or per weekend basis it can work just fine, so long as you try, try, try again. Basic guy knowledge.
3) Because of 2) above, trying 1) on a woman friend is a totally stupid thing to do. She will see what you are doing. She may very well end the friendship. And she may turn you down, when a more respectful approach would have worked.
4) I think Eagle70 said what he said, because as he freely admitted in his first post -- he has no woman friends. I have lots of woman friends and the reason why is that I see them as friends who I care about and enjoy -- not as potential fucks.
That said, sure, I have occasionally ended up in bed with female friends. I've never once taken the "get her drunk as part of a seduction scheme" approach. Nor do I push, nor do I ask friends out on dates. No elaborate subterfuges or "tests". Just spend time with her. Watch her eyes. Watch her body language. See how often she wants to see you, and under what circumstances. Be sensitive, make sure you are not projecting your own desires, and *listen*very carefully -- and if she is thinking of you in that way, you will pick up on it.
I may regret this, but several comments.
1) In the real world, getting women inebriated is the number one way to get a one night hook-up. Just about any guy who does play the field a bit knows it, and denial is ridiculous. Sometimes I'm not sure whether this is a porn board or a Baptist ministers convention.
2) The key to getting laid with inebriated women (if sex is your only objective) is to be able to handle rejection well -- because it usually doesn't work when evaluated on a per woman basis. On a per evening or per weekend basis it can work just fine, so long as you try, try, try again. Basic guy knowledge.
3) Because of 2) above, trying 1) on a woman friend is a totally stupid thing to do. She will see what you are doing. She may very well end the friendship. And she may turn you down, when a more respectful approach would have worked.
4) I think Eagle70 said what he said, because as he freely admitted in his first post -- he has no woman friends. I have lots of woman friends and the reason why is that I see them as friends who I care about and enjoy -- not as potential fucks.
That said, sure, I have occasionally ended up in bed with female friends. I've never once taken the "get her drunk as part of a seduction scheme" approach. Nor do I push, nor do I ask friends out on dates. No elaborate subterfuges or "tests". Just spend time with her. Watch her eyes. Watch her body language. See how often she wants to see you, and under what circumstances. Be sensitive, make sure you are not projecting your own desires, and *listen*very carefully -- and if she is thinking of you in that way, you will pick up on it.
Getting off topic...
Wow. This thread has gotten a bit heated... It appears to me that we've gotten away from the original question and are having a debate on two side issues:
1) The existence (or lack) of 20 yr old women with maturity and emotional depth.
2) The advisability of using alcohol (and the subsequent drunkeness) to introduce the idea of dating a friend.
On the first issue, I suspect most of us will agree that, regardless of age, there are women (and men) both with and without maturity and emotional depth. Eagle70 has been unfortunate enough to meet only the latter. There are other threads more suited to ways to meet the former, and I urge all those interested to seek those threads out.
On the second issue, Eolithic makes a good point-- alcohol is a time-proven method to get laid. The morality and medical acceptability of that method is an individual choice and, again, is beyond the scope of the original question.
ClubIrish originally asked "Whats the best way to transition the friendship into something romantic?" While it might work to ask her about it while drunk, you can see that there is a lot of debate over whether or not that's a good idea. My recommendation is to treat it similar to other times you want to ask someone out. Evaluate how she responds to you when you're together. You said she's flirty-- does that mean smiling at you? lots of eye contact? sexual innuendo? ocassionally brushing up against you or otherwise touching you? Those are all good signs she might be interested. That brings you to the next step.
Ask her out for a one-on-one ocassion. Coffee, studying, concert, whatever. Pick something you know you both have in common. If she balks, ease off; don't force it. Ask a second time a while later (measured in days). If she says no again, let it go. Accept just being friends. A soft approach is unlikely to damage the friendship.
I'm currently dating a good friend from college. For years we were just friends, but always stayed in touch despite dating others, graduating, moving, etc. Recently we began seeing each other romantically. Yes, at first we were both scared of risking the friendship, but we both wanted to try. Several months later we are both happier than we have ever been in our lives. Neither of us would trade what we have now for anything in the world. The fact that we were friends for so long before only strengthens our relationship. I hope you have a similar experience.
Wow. This thread has gotten a bit heated... It appears to me that we've gotten away from the original question and are having a debate on two side issues:
1) The existence (or lack) of 20 yr old women with maturity and emotional depth.
2) The advisability of using alcohol (and the subsequent drunkeness) to introduce the idea of dating a friend.
On the first issue, I suspect most of us will agree that, regardless of age, there are women (and men) both with and without maturity and emotional depth. Eagle70 has been unfortunate enough to meet only the latter. There are other threads more suited to ways to meet the former, and I urge all those interested to seek those threads out.
On the second issue, Eolithic makes a good point-- alcohol is a time-proven method to get laid. The morality and medical acceptability of that method is an individual choice and, again, is beyond the scope of the original question.
ClubIrish originally asked "Whats the best way to transition the friendship into something romantic?" While it might work to ask her about it while drunk, you can see that there is a lot of debate over whether or not that's a good idea. My recommendation is to treat it similar to other times you want to ask someone out. Evaluate how she responds to you when you're together. You said she's flirty-- does that mean smiling at you? lots of eye contact? sexual innuendo? ocassionally brushing up against you or otherwise touching you? Those are all good signs she might be interested. That brings you to the next step.
Ask her out for a one-on-one ocassion. Coffee, studying, concert, whatever. Pick something you know you both have in common. If she balks, ease off; don't force it. Ask a second time a while later (measured in days). If she says no again, let it go. Accept just being friends. A soft approach is unlikely to damage the friendship.
I'm currently dating a good friend from college. For years we were just friends, but always stayed in touch despite dating others, graduating, moving, etc. Recently we began seeing each other romantically. Yes, at first we were both scared of risking the friendship, but we both wanted to try. Several months later we are both happier than we have ever been in our lives. Neither of us would trade what we have now for anything in the world. The fact that we were friends for so long before only strengthens our relationship. I hope you have a similar experience.
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SexyGiggles
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Re: Getting off topic...
I wasn't too sure at first if I wanted to risk losing the friendship, but I'm so glad I decided to go for it...dating a good friend can be so incredibly wonderful...so scary and so exhilerating, all at the same time...
Remember the original question: "Whats the best way to transition the friendship into something romantic?" Do you want to get laid or do you want something romantic?DuckLover said:
Don't forget that many women feel more comfortable and open with their friends, and are therefore more willing to flirt openly with them, even if it is just that, flirting.
It has been the most wonderful time in my life so far. I only wish everyone could be as happy as we are.
I wasn't too sure at first if I wanted to risk losing the friendship, but I'm so glad I decided to go for it...dating a good friend can be so incredibly wonderful...so scary and so exhilerating, all at the same time... Similar threads
