Friends!!!!

[Lovepotion69]

OK, sorry but this is just to let off steam....

So I was home in Sweden the other weekend. Met up with two friends. We all discussed my friend's coming wedding, and I asked if the fourth girl in the gang was coming. The twins said she probably won't due to summer job. We all find that a bit sad as it would be so nice to have the whole gang there.

Then I call my friend who's getting married, and she agreed it was a shame the fourth one wasn't coming over to England, but we all understood the circumstances. We'll just miss her.

Then I email her, and said we'd love to have her there, and has she spoken to the people she'll be working with about perhaps being able to take three days off work? Perhaps if she told them that it was her very close friend's wedding that came without notification (due to her fiance's cancer diagnose), perhaps they'll say it'll be fine. The may understand she'd liked to be there. If not, well, ok that's fine.

Today I hear from a third party that apparently this girl ranted about that my email made her feel like I was accusing her for not coming to the wedding!!! And that she felt like I was telling her that oh, you're not caring enough about the wedding to take three days off work. She said she felt like a crook.

I NEVER SAID THAT!!!! It was a short light-hearted email where I just curiously asked if she had spoken to them, and I assumed (wrongfully?) that she'd love to be for the wedding. Of course if she can't she can't. It's just that we'd love to have her there!

Did I do something wrong here that I can't see????

 

[perks]

sometimes, friends that feel guilty read subtext that isn't meant to be implied.

I'd try to suck this one up or else you're going to add stress to your your friend's wedding, and possibly lose a friend if the situation escalates.

Write her a short e-mail telling her you didn't mean to insinuate anything, just that you were going to miss her, you didn't mean to make her feel guilty or to imply she didn't care. Then tell her you apologise if she felt that. Remind her that you love her and miss her.

That's what I would do, anyway.
perks

 

[weed]

It's just miscommunication

I agree with Perky...you can fix it

 

[Lovepotion69]

sometimes, friends that feel guilty read subtext that isn't meant to be implied.

I'd try to suck this one up or else you're going to add stress to your your friend's wedding, and possibly lose a friend if the situation escalates.

Write her a short e-mail telling her you didn't mean to insinuate anything, just that you were going to miss her, you didn't mean to make her feel guilty or to imply she didn't care. Then tell her you apologise if she felt that. Remind her that you love her and miss her.

That's what I would do, anyway.
perks

Well, I just have this weird feeling that something's not right with her either. Her emails have been very short lately, and nobody hardly ever hears from her. When we do she sends mass emails, not very personal ones. And it's always superficial, like about the weather. I'm worried about her too. I tried calling one night, but got the answer machine and she never replied to my call.

She also was supposed to go to visit my friend in Devon, but never mentioned it to me. I felt quite hurt as she has to come by via London. Couldn't she at least drop a note saying "Hi, coming to visit friend, would love to meet up for a coffee, but my schedule doesn't permit it. Would have been nice to see you though!"???

I have a feeling something's going on, and I'm trying to figure it all out...

 

[perks]

maybe there was some subtext to your original e-mail, but it had nothing to do with the wedding.

It sound like you're feeling without her and are offended that she doesn't feel the same way.

It reminds me of when my father tells me that my mother misses me.

Instead of doing these quote unquote "light" e-mails, why don't you just lay it on the table? What's the point of not saying what you really want to say?

Tell her you miss her, you want to spend time with her, you can't. You don't want to exacerbate the situation but you want to let her know that the bottom line is you miss her, and you'd like to do something about that to fix it, not to make it worse.

 

[AzureAngel]

It's really bothersome when people read more into what you're saying than what you're actually saying. Very much so, but there's not a lot you can do about it, other than being as straightforward as possible. Sometimes, though, it's hard to know when to lay on the tact and when to be extremely blunt. *Chuckles a bit.* Wish there were some foolproof way to go about things, but you can only really control yourself.

As to your suspicions that something's up, do as Perky said and be direct about it. It can be difficult, but it's often quite worthwhile, as I've had to recently do with my friends.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Did I do something wrong here that I can't see????

Only if you don't ask her what you're asking here. Communication is the key.