Friends you haven't seen for a while?

[Guest]

 

[lizaveta]

I've done this four times in the last decade; two were amazing, and two were very difficult.

In the first, we had only been apart a couple of years but he couldn't understand the direction my life had taken, and couldn't get past that in the conversation. You see, I chose to get married and move halfway across the country rather than pursue my PhD. I guess he thought I "gave it all up for some guy," and couldn't stop talking about how I had "ruined [my] life."

The second ended up being a confession of her undying love. See paragraph above about my having a husband. Oh, and I'm straight. Awkward to say the least.

But the other two were wonderful! I happened to be in Atlanta for a trade show a few years ago and I knew an old friend of mine lived in the area, so I looked him up. We went to lunch, which turned into an all-day thing including dinner with his wife and kids, and now we talk on the phone two or three times a month. Yes, we've both changed, but it's easy to see each other for what we are now as opposed to how we used to be, and we connect very well on this level.

The fourth was actually a man I almost married. We were trying to set a wedding date when I met my husband-to-be -- and he met the woman who would become his wife! Obviously it was a difficult breakup, because we did love each other but suddenly were faced with Mr. and Ms. Right. We hadn't spoken in years but remembered each other fondly, so when we ran into each other at a wedding a couple of years ago it wasn't as awkward as it could have been. From there, we started emailing each other periodically, and our friendship grew in a whole new way.

My advice would be to come prepared to reminisce, but also to remember that he is partly a stranger to you. Getting to know him again now might be a wonderful experience, or it might be more difficult, but viewing him as a separate person from the one you knew will definitely be the key.

Good luck, and have fun!

 

[Guest]

 

[oddity83]

Saw my ex gitlfriend from three and half years ago, didn't say anything to me, she just flipped me off, guesse she is still mad a dumped her, kinda funny since she has a kid now, and I am guessing that was hubby she was with, she got what wanted some where else.

 

[devils_daughter]

I saw a friend last year that I hadn't seen for about 6 years and it went great, but it turned sour when we promised to keep in touch and after two calls and starting a couple of convos over msn, she never bothered to return the favour and so I stopped initiating contact to leave the ball in her court and haven't spoken to her since. As for meeting an ex....I think I'd probably be arrested if I acted the way I'd like if I saw my ex, last I checked assault was still a crime.

 

[Eilan]

Having four little ones at home affects how often I get out of the house to see anyone!

I don't see that many people from my past (as in high school), and, frankly, I prefer it that way. An incident on the day of my high-school graduation left me with a pretty bad taste in my mouth. With few exceptions, the friends that I made in college are the ones with whom I'm still in regular contact.

Back in June, I had lunch with one of my oldest friends. We've been friends since we were five, and she was my maid of honor when my ex and I were married. Our lives have gone in totally different directions, yet when we sat down and started talking, it was like nothing have changed. I don't think that I could do this with just anyone, though.

My husband went to his 30-year reunion last month. He seemed to have no trouble picking up where he left off, but I think that's just a reflection of how his personality differs from mine.

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

There have been several reunions, and I have had no desire to go because these two friends were in a different grade and wouldn't be there.

My class would be having our 15th year reunion in 2006--if someone had the gumption to organize one. If we've had a reunion, neither my ex nor I was informed.

I'd only want to see one or two people from my class, but, at any rate, I'd be going to the reunion for the entertainment value. I'm a catty bitch that way.

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

I remember one guy telling a good friend of mine "....well you wouldn't know that, you're not educated". After a few incidents like that I just felt I didn't need to see these poeple anymore.

My mom said that when she went to her five-year reunion, the college grads wouldn't associate with those who hadn't gone to college. She decided not to go back for a while.

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

That's interesting.

I remember when I was in my late 20s, I used to get pissed off because I had friends without a college degree that were making more money than me. It doesn't mean much to me these days.

My husband, at the job he just retired from, was making more money than a lot of college-educated folk in our area, but it has to do with the fact that he was a state employee with 27 years at his job, and we live in a high-poverty area where a lot of jobs just don't pay well. He won't allow people to try to make him feel inferior because he didn't go to college.

These days, eveyone makes more money than I do, but that's okay. I'm sure that some of my classmates would consider me a failure because I went through college and grad school and then decided to stay home and raise my kids. Fuck 'em.

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

Fuck 'em is right.

There's a place for me if I decide to go back to work. I could teach evening classes, but then I'd miss my girls' soccer games. I could teach day classes, but then I won't be able to volunteer at the kids' school.

My husband and I did the math, and because of what my job pays, it would probably cost us money if I worked. I don't see the point of working just to pay for child care when I can stay home, do the job myself, and know that it's done right. If I HAD to work, that would be another story.

Hell, even my mom has mentioned (not to me, of course,) that it's a shame for all my education to go to waste. Guess I don't see it that way. *shrugs*

 

[Guest]

 

[oxphocker]

Last year I ran into someone I hadn't seen in over 10 years...after about a 3-4 hour conversation...I had my first one night stand

 

[togitc]

I got a call from a friend the other day. I haven't spoken to this guy in a long time, 3 years at the very least. It was awkward and kind of sad.

The best advice I can give is to be honest. If you can tell within the first five minutes that you and this person have nothing in common, don't bother. Simply go with the, it was nice to see you, and have lunch. Nothing stops conversation like food in your mouth.

Or you could do like I did, unplug the phone for an hour and hope he doesn't call back.