Friends with Benefit's and one night stands.

[christian1971]

I had a one night stand several months ago, was going to be a friends with benefit's but we lived to far from each other.

Had sex with a Co-worker and she wants it to be a friends with benefit's maybe lead into a more serious one. Actually going to have sex tomorrow making plans now for a DAY of fucking and sucking.

My questions is:

What do you perfer anyone?

 

[Guest]

 

[Norajane]

Careful in starting physical and romantic relationships with co-workers. If you end up not being friends later, with benefits or otherwise, then you end up with a bad situation at work.

Friends with benefits doesn't make a lot of sense to me - it's like saying, yeah I like you enough (or I'm horny enough) to fuck you but not to have a real romantic relationship with you.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Careful in starting physical and romantic relationships with co-workers. If you end up not being friends later, with benefits or otherwise, then you end up with a bad situation at work.

Friends with benefits doesn't make a lot of sense to me - it's like saying, yeah I like you enough (or I'm horny enough) to fuck you but not to have a real romantic relationship with you.

Actually, I think of it as "I like you, and I want to fuck you, but we are just not compatible romantically". Just my own thought on it. Then again, I am very liberal in terms of sexuality.

 

[Guest]

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I tend to think of it more like "we can fuck any time we both feel like it but don't have any responsibilities toward each other".

Boy, an unplanned pregnancy would really screw things up, wouldn't it?

Or you could think of it as a project that you could work together on and even have some fun and rewards. Haven't you ever tackled something difficult with a friend?

 

[Norajane]

Or you could think of it as a project that you could work together on and even have some fun and rewards. Haven't you ever tackled something difficult with a friend?

Project? It's incomplete as a project. Sex is about way more than the phsyical, so in FWB, you miss out on all the emotional and romantic intimacy that goes along with sex - one of the BEST parts of having sex, IMO.

 

[SweetErika]

I've had a one night stand, and multiple FWB, and don't prefer either. They were fun at times, but the novelty wore off quickly and was replaced by an internal struggle because I wanted the emotional connection and relationship. My longest FWB relationship morphed into love in a few months, which sent both of us on a rollercoaster of emotions, primarily because we wanted to be together, but the circumstances didn't allow a solid relationship.

Finally, I realized I was hurting/cheating myself, and started seeking the connection I needed. That's worked out well for years, and I have no plans for sex without established feelings in the future.

Scaly brings up an excellent point about pregnancy and the like. It's no guarantee, but both need to figure out how to guard against it and what they're going to do if it occurs before any clothes come off.

 

[Guest]

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Project? It's incomplete as a project. Sex is about way more than the phsyical, so in FWB, you miss out on all the emotional and romantic intimacy that goes along with sex - one of the BEST parts of having sex, IMO.

That just depends on the person. Some people compartmentalize. Some automatically attach love and sex. Depends on that person's essential attitude and world-view. I was particularly thinking of friends raising a child together as a project. After all, that's often what happens with divorce, anyway. Why not skip the unpleasant pain and anger and go straight to working together on raising a child?

 

[ickle_stace]

I've had two one night stands, first one was intentional, i wanted to know what it was like, the 2nd was with a guy who pretended to want me so he could use me. although the 2nd guy was too big for me, loads of pain (and blood *blushing*) and so i was kinda glad i didn't have to go through that again!

I've had 1 friends with benefits that i've slept with, a couple of others that i've done nothing more than use hands with. the latter 2 were easier to not get attached to, the one i slept with was harder, but we're still friends, without the sex now.

I always wanted emotion and a proper relationship, but 3 years of being single makes you feel like you're wasting your life waiting for someone to come along and care about you. I guess I've never walked into loving relationships as easy as other people seem to

 

[Guest]

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

This I disagree with. I believe that in most cases divorce is the result of two people no longer being compatible and/or no longer wanting to be compatible that once thought they were....the marriage had at least some emotional value at the beginning. I don't believe there are many marriages that start with an emotional attachment level of zero. There may be some, but i don't believe there are too many.

Then, when a couple loses that emotion between them but stay together because they have kids, there is much more potential for an atmosphere of animosity. I don't think kids growing up in the "project" home would be in the same boat. Some might actually be better off than those in living in a home with a soured relationship.

Basicly, I think this is too broad an area to generalize.

That's one way to look at it.

 

[agibean]

Actually, I think of it as "I like you, and I want to fuck you, but we are just not compatible romantically". Just my own thought on it. Then again, I am very liberal in terms of sexuality.

That is how my friend and I saw things several years back. We continued on for the better part of two years this way. No attachments, no complications, but damn, the sex was good! I learned a lot from that guy. As long as we both knew where we stood it wasn't a problem.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

That is how my friend and I saw things several years back. We continued on for the better part of two years this way. No attachments, no complications, but damn, the sex was good! I learned a lot from that guy. As long as we both knew where we stood it wasn't a problem.

Ah, a voice of sanity!

 

[christian1971]

The Friend with Benefit

I can understand where many of you are coming from with being careful and all, and it's like you all said. Yes I LOVED the sex the first time she slept over it was a weekend and we had sex all night and when we woke up.

I really didn't intend it to be a Friend with benefit's at first, I wanted a relationship but when the date was over and I drove her home there wasn't that feeling. But now that so far we are Friends with Benefits and she see's no problem with it and we enjoy the sex HEy we are going to have our fun. I mean maybe it will grow more and we will go beyond what we have now.

Our plans for tomorrow is ALL SEX and what positions we will do and try! Most of the idea's and fun is really coming from her. Reading all these books on SEX and oral sex on how to please your mate.

 

[siren319]

perfect

Actually, I think of it as "I like you, and I want to fuck you, but we are just not compatible romantically". Just my own thought on it. Then again, I am very liberal in terms of sexuality.

FWB only works out if both people really feel this way, but that is such a great way to put it.

 

[Norajane]

I can understand where many of you are coming from with being careful and all, and it's like you all said. Yes I LOVED the sex the first time she slept over it was a weekend and we had sex all night and when we woke up.

I really didn't intend it to be a Friend with benefit's at first, I wanted a relationship but when the date was over and I drove her home there wasn't that feeling. But now that so far we are Friends with Benefits and she see's no problem with it and we enjoy the sex HEy we are going to have our fun. I mean maybe it will grow more and we will go beyond what we have now.

Our plans for tomorrow is ALL SEX and what positions we will do and try! Most of the idea's and fun is really coming from her. Reading all these books on SEX and oral sex on how to please your mate.

See, this is exactly how things get ugly. You start out wanting a relationship, it doesn't seem to be in the cards, but hey, let's have our fun, and maybe it will turn into something....and then someone gets hurt because one wants it to turn into a relationship and one does not, but you've already gotten deeply involved by then...

And, are you really friends who now have sex or fuck buddies? Do you know the difference? Will you be upset when she start dating someone else? Willl you be jealous if she fucks other people?

 

[Bandit58]

I had a male friend who is married. We were friends with benefits for a few months. It evolved because he was bi and so was I and we could talk to each other about it with no hassles - we both lived in the same small rural area and had no one else to share feelings and such. We have known each other since we were kids.

It ended when I moved to Australia and it remains a secret to this day (Gil knows)

 

[christian1971]

See, this is exactly how things get ugly. You start out wanting a relationship, it doesn't seem to be in the cards, but hey, let's have our fun, and maybe it will turn into something....and then someone gets hurt because one wants it to turn into a relationship and one does not, but you've already gotten deeply involved by then...

And, are you really friends who now have sex or fuck buddies? Do you know the difference? Will you be upset when she start dating someone else? Willl you be jealous if she fucks other people?

To me it wouldn't matter if she had someone else, I think it would upset her more if I where to date someone else. She's already given me that impression that she feels that way.

 

[Eilan]

Been there, done both.

I have a tough time separating love and sex. I've tried it, and I've been successful, but it just doesn't feel right to me.

Other people's mileage may vary.

 

[glynndah]

With 2 exceptions, all my sexual encounters have been one-night stands.

 

[wicked woman]

This I disagree with. I believe that in most cases divorce is the result of two people no longer being compatible and/or no longer wanting to be compatible that once thought they were....the marriage had at least some emotional value at the beginning. I don't believe there are many marriages that start with an emotional attachment level of zero. There may be some, but i don't believe there are too many.

Then, when a couple loses that emotion between them but stay together because they have kids, there is much more potential for an atmosphere of animosity. I don't think kids growing up in the "project" home would be in the same boat. Some might actually be better off than those in living in a home with a soured relationship.

Basicly, I think this is too broad an area to generalize.

Scaly I'm assuming from the part I've made bold that you think there is no emotional attachment between friends with benefits. To me the fact that there are emotional attachments is part of what distinguishes a friend with benefit from a fuck buddy. I have an emotional attachment with my platonic friends...why wouldn't I have one with a friend with benefits? It may even be love...but love of a friend...not a romantic love.

 

[Guest]

 

[wicked woman]

I think you are right in what I was assuming and what you are saying. In fact I was thinking about this last night. I think I was putting FWB and fuck buddies in the smae category....I guess to me they are the same or very closely similar.

From my experience, emotion has helped create the most satisfying sex. But I was also thinking that probably most sex has emotion involved...it's just that the emotion doesn't always have to be love. I'll have to think about this more.

Anyone else care to offer some thought on emotion other than love during sex?

They are very different to me...one has an emphasis on 'friends' the other on 'fuck'ing.

I agree with you that sex is much better with emotion. As for the emotion...are there not different kinds of love? In my experience onr of them is possible here.

Anyways, will be interested to hear what you have to say after you've had a chance to give it some more thought.