Friend of Mine Is Gay....

[SEVERUSMAX]

....but he has trouble accepting it. It's obvious that he is gay, given his lack of interest in women and only in men. However, I won't say his name. I was wondering if you could think of anything to add to what I am advising him, which is to open up and give it a try?

 

[symbolicflame]

I just say be there to be his friend and an ear to listen to when he needs it. I know that when I came out, most supported it, but I had the one or two that were really there (and still are) to listen to me. I had once gone to a very strict church and so had a lot trouble accepting myself, and they helped. for you, for being such a good friend and be a supporter.

I had a minister (After I came out and she knew I was gay) tell me that "God don't make no mistakes" and if he is having trouble accepting maybe you can tell him that. Just a thought.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Thank you for that. He's a new friend, but I really feel badly that it is such an issue for him. I wish that I could help him more.

I already missed a chance to help a woman once with that same issue, except that she didn't say anything about it. I could just sense it. Her being a co-worker and a Jehovah's Witness complicated things.

 

[LoboBoy]

Just leave it. It's really no one's business except his own. Be there as a friend but don't pressure the guy. If he's having a hard time with it then let him come to terms with it in his own time. What's your rush for him? There's no age limit for coming out.

I have 2 younger friends in the same basket as your friend. I know they are gay but shit...I got married and had 2 kids before I came to terms with it so I'm hardly about to pressure them.

The only help you need to give, is to let him know you'll his friend and be there for support no matter what. Other than that, I think you should back off a bit.

 

[CJontherocks]

Agreed. I often feel like I have to fix others' problems for them. Just one of my many shortcomings, I guess. We feel so helpless when a friend is in pain and we have the answer to their relief... at least in our minds.

But most times it's just enough to be a friend with whom they can talk freely... the friend they feel so comfortable with, they know they can say anything and not be judged or "fixed." Eventually, they'll come to their own solution. Sometimes you can help them work things out by just being a sounding board. Sometimes you can help them by letting them know when they're doing something totally absurd. They won't always choose the road you would choose... but you'll always be there to pick them up if they fall.

That's the kind of friend I want. (It would also be nice if he or she was bi and hot )

 

[John Doe]

Ah yes, the anonymous and ubiquitous "friend".

 

[Wolfman1982]

Ah yes, the anonymous and ubiquitous "friend".

Aaaaah so you think the "friend" is really SEVERUSMAX himself ? then I must say sorry mate, but I think SEVERUSMAX is not gay, in fact if I have read corect then SEVERUSMAX is bi, in some way. And you are wrong again

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Indeed. I am bisexual. And, for the record, I am only advising him still because he keeps asking for advice. He keeps pushing me for my opinions, so I have shared it with him. I have not given him unsolicited counsel. Just thought that I have cleared that up.

In the case of the JW friend, she clearly wished to remain in complete denial, so I allowed her to do so. It was her choice, albeit prompted by her beliefs. Sadly, I believe that she has resorted to permanent celibacy to repress her feelings. But I can't force her to come out of the closet.

 

[Samuelx]

If you have a friend who is gay, be supportive. That's the best you can do.