Freedom in Punishment?

[bluntforcemama]

I find there is something exceptionally freeing in being punished for something I have done wrong (and I really mean wrong, not playfully wrong). It's as if all the guilt was lifted and the payments were made upon a debt. Sometimes I have done things and wished someone would take me over his knee and tan my hide. Very selfish, really.

 

[esclave_PP]

This isn't selfish at all. Especially for those of us that are painsluts, that pain helps release the hurt, helps to free us of such things as guilt and the pain of displeasing. So not only is this not selfish, it is perfectly normal (well at least in our circles).

Thank you for posting this. I am sure there are others here that feel the same way.

 

[group4570]

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[dolf]

*nodding so hard my head almost falls off*

agreed, taking the punishment removes the feelings of guilt.
xx

 

[graceanne]

I totally agree. There are time when I wish i'd just get a spanking, and get it over with. It's like I've atoned for my 'sin', and can now move on. It's over. finite

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[zukethecuke]

sacramental

The Catholic Church has always included penance as an essential part of reconciliation.

 

[graceanne]

Re: sacramental

The Catholic Church has always included penance as an essential part of reconciliation.

I've actually wondered if that's why I feel the way I do. Intelectually I don't believe that you have to be punished before you can be forgiven. (I'm not catholic by the way.) But I wonder if somewhere in me I feel that I have to atone for sin, or wrong doings, and I don't feel forgiven till I do. *shrugs*

 

[FungiUg]

Well, the Roman Catholics aren't the only religion to include the concept of atonement and repentance through good works. But it's certainly rather critical to their chatechism.

Personally I think it's just a natural part of the human psyche that religion helps deal with. When we do something wrong, we feel that we need a good smack to the head so we can move on.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yes.

While chatting on IM I offended the Dom I met this weekend. Something silly, but it did deserve to be dealt with. And I felt horrible once he pointed out how insulting a joke I made could have been. I was having trouble shaking the bad feeling until he came up with my "punishment". I had to write "The Road Runner kicked Wylie's ass" backwards 100 times. (ssa s'eilyW dekcik rennuR daoR ehT". I cheated and did it once, c/p it until there was 20 , then c/p that 5 times. By the time I was done I was laughing and ok again. In real life most people jsut tell me to get over it and I can't seem to. But having something to do to atone for my insult helped me tremendously. (and it was pretty damn funny to do too )

Hmmmm, me thinks though most D's on finding how you shortcut your online punishment, if realtime especially, would make sure you had a punishment for so doing that would ensure obedience and no more temptation to take the easy way out. http://users.telenet.be/eforum/emoticons4u/mad/011.gif
I know here it would definately not go over well and would be seen as disrespectful. Back on topic though, punishment can be freeing in a physical sense and hopefully is not forgotten quickly or taken lightly. For me it doesn't always free me of the derpression that often closes in when I know I have disappointed and done wrong...that just has to ride itself out.

Catalina http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/crazy/146.gif

 

[xScarletx]

Well, the Roman Catholics aren't the only religion to include the concept of atonement and repentance through good works. But it's certainly rather critical to their chatechism.

Personally I think it's just a natural part of the human psyche that religion helps deal with. When we do something wrong, we feel that we need a good smack to the head so we can move on.

I coulden't agree more.

 

[Justina123]

I think the reason punishment works in this kind of way for me is because, once it is over, I know it is REALLY over, whatever occurred is truly forgotten and forgiven, never to be brought up again.

This is in stark contrast to many non D/s relationships, where if one partner offends the other in some way, oftentimes it is not even discussed, the "offense" simmers in the back of one partner's mind for a long time, and affects that person's thoughts and feelings. Or, if discussed, it takes the form of an accusatory outburst, with an almost automatic defensive reply, and no closure.

That's why I have truly found that my D/s relationship is Soooo good- there is a high level of communication, and any problems are dealt with in ways which were agreed to at the beginning.

justina

 

[graceanne]

I think the reason punishment works in this kind of way for me is because, once it is over, I know it is REALLY over, whatever occurred is truly forgotten and forgiven, never to be brought up again.

This is in stark contrast to many non D/s relationships, where if one partner offends the other in some way, oftentimes it is not even discussed, the "offense" simmers in the back of one partner's mind for a long time, and affects that person's thoughts and feelings. Or, if discussed, it takes the form of an accusatory outburst, with an almost automatic defensive reply, and no closure.

That's why I have truly found that my D/s relationship is Soooo good- there is a high level of communication, and any problems are dealt with in ways which were agreed to at the beginning.

justina

Yeah, you're right. I know that in my friends 'normal' relationships that sometimes they'll have a fight or whatever, and then 'make up'. Since I'm their confidants I know that the fight isn't over, my friends are still mad. Or sometimes they'll bitch that they're getting the cold shoulder or whatever. But with me and K when it's over it's over. For several reasons. In my case it's cause he's disciplined me, he's established his dominance, etc. He can move on. With me it's cause I'm not the type to hold a grudge. lol I'm more interested in keeping this peaceful.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[catalina_francisco]

Oh I know. I honestly expected to have to redo the entire thing plus extra, but he's a bit new to Domming, and didn't specify if had to be done without c/p. (I did get chastized by an online Dom friend already who also threatened to talk to him and give him punishment advice. eeps)

But even though I took a shortcut I was focusing on how rude I'd been while I was doing it. And reading the words and thinking, so I feel it got the point across- but yes next time (if there is one) I'll not cheat. Honest injun.

LOL, well if he didn't specify maybe he will also learn from the experience. The learning never stops IMO.

Catalina http://www.smilies4you.de/content/figuren/a3.gif

 

[zukethecuke]

Re: Re: sacramental

I've actually wondered if that's why I feel the way I do. Intelectually I don't believe that you have to be punished before you can be forgiven. (I'm not catholic by the way.) But I wonder if somewhere in me I feel that I have to atone for sin, or wrong doings, and I don't feel forgiven till I do. *shrugs*

The key phrase is "to atone" which includes, but is not limited to, willingly receiving punishment.

 

[PhoenixPrime01]

With mine I make it very clear at the inception of an BDSM relationship that I dislike punishing and much prefer to reward so that "punishment" isn't confused with erotic painplay and sought in it's place. I explain to mine if pain play is wanted to ask and if it's been earned it will be given.
To be clear, "earned", is by being submissive or being obedient for instance just atypical behavior for a submissive to display to her Dom or Domme in my eyes.

I've found that removes any temptation or desire to disobey to get what's wanted or craved.

I agree that a punishment "ends the issue" and it should.

I also tell mine when the punishment's over, "Now my lil one it's over and fogiven, but not forgotten in case you do it again which will result in a more harsh punishment next time."

I have a slave who has told me that I can't punish her nearly as badly as she mentally punishes herself for being displeasing or disobedient, but that whatever punishment I give her, not painful as she's a painslut, helps her feel "healed and absolved of her error.

And I feel, as said above, it gives a sense of closure to the incident for us both.

 

[esclave_PP]

Originally posted by PhoenixPrime01
With mine I make it very clear at the inception of an BDSM relationship that I dislike punishing and much prefer to reward so that "punishment" isn't confused with erotic painplay and sought in it's place. I explain to mine if pain play is wanted to ask and if it's been earned it will be given.
To be clear, "earned", is by being submissive or being obedient for instance just atypical behavior for a submissive to display to her Dom or Domme in my eyes.

I've found that removes any temptation or desire to disobey to get what's wanted or craved.

I agree that a punishment "ends the issue" and it should.

I also tell mine when the punishment's over, "Now my lil one it's over and fogiven, but not forgotten in case you do it again which will result in a more harsh punishment next time."

I have a slave who has told me that I can't punish her nearly as badly as she mentally punishes herself for being displeasing or disobedient, but that whatever punishment I give her, not painful as she's a painslut, helps her feel "healed and absolved of her error.

And I feel, as said above, it gives a sense of closure to the incident for us both.

I would agree Master Phoenix -- that being disobedient is a very relevant and big problem in the community as a whole. There seems to be so many that act willfully to get a spanking or more. However if a submissive or slave earns that pain play like you said, by being obedient, then I would think the outcome would be one of pleasure for both. To punish really does take it out of the Master or Mistress -- it is both exhausting and draining.