Free Parking

[LdyOnyx]

No feedback...No opinions...Just a space for anything you feel like writing...I'll start it off by quoting a very talented writer indeed..

"Take this moment Mary Jane, and be selfish.
Worry not about the cars that go by.

Cause all that matters Mary Jane is your freedom.
So keep warm my dear; Keep dry...."

-Alanis Morrsette's "Mary Jane"

Have some fun...good night.

LdyOnyx

 

[Star At Sunrise]

(Parks himself, opens a beer and Chee-tos.) Ahhhhhh...


FREE PARKING

Open your eyes
throw the windows wide

Jump in your car
swing the door

Pull into my parking spot
yank on your brake

Walk up the stairs
with a brown paper bag

Pour the wine
toast a toast

Share a moment
watch a movie

Laugh with the music
talk of future dreams

Plan for the next
wave goodbye

Hey!

Come over again anytime!
The parking is free!

 

[Cordelia]

For lack of a better place to put this...

UNSOUNDWAVES

There are no violins on the moon;
and no nightingales.
The purpose of innocence
remains to be discovered
in the splintered remnants of peanut-butter memories.
So, take my hand while there's still time.
We can't compete with mediocrity.
And, screaming,
the wounded secret provides an anticlimax
for some galactic drama.
And the sandman is waiting under the marquee;
but that isn't my name in lights.
I saw a cloud move like this once,
unnaturally,
like a stream of my thoughts.
I hurry to catch up with you.
You tell me I write nothing like Dylan Thomas.
Unknowingly, you've stuck a grudge
somewhere between my shoulders,
and white things seep into my line of vision.
I wish I had your purpleness back
because you're listening to me now,
and I wish I had more to say.

Well, Dylan Thomas could never write like me.


**************************************

Star at Sunrise: excellent sentiment!


Cordelia

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Cordelia, that is superb! One of those poems I really want to comment on but can't find a weak thing about. Congrats.

I love
I saw a cloud move like this once,
unnaturally,
like a stream of my thoughts.

 

[karmadog]

I like it too, but I what do you think about 'celestial drama' instead of a galactic one.

I liked the grudge stuck between the narrator's shoulders. That's a terrific place to hold one.

 

[Cordelia]

Thanks Lauren and karmadog <blushing furiously>

I am still nervous about posting here...but it's getting easier <exhales>

I like your suggestion karmadog. I'm gonna post it with that change.

A thousand thanks,

Cordelia.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Honestly, I prefer galactic over celestial. Either would work, but I like to tone that galactic lends to the whole poem and celestial is one of those words we hear so much more in poetry than in real life...

And you're welcome, Cord. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Rybka]

I Liked It Too!

UNSOUNDWAVES

There are no violins on the moon;
and no nightingales.
The purpose of innocence
remains to be discovered
in the splintered remnants of peanut-butter memories.
So, take my hand while there's still time.
We can't compete with mediocrity.
And, screaming,
the wounded secret provides an anticlimax
for some galactic drama.
And the sandman is waiting under the marquee;
but that isn't my name in lights.
I saw a cloud move like this once,
unnaturally,
like a stream of my thoughts.
I hurry to catch up with you.
You tell me I write nothing like Dylan Thomas.
Unknowingly, you've stuck a grudge
somewhere between my shoulders,
and white things seep into my line of vision.
I wish I had your purpleness back
because you're listening to me now,
and I wish I had more to say.

Well, Dylan Thomas could never write like me.


**************************************

Star at Sunrise: excellent sentiment!


Cordelia

It is the best of all the new poems posted today, and there are several other good ones.

I just wonder how "peanut-butter" splinters? But perhaps you were going for that unusual juxtaposition, or would "peanut-brittle" work?


Regards,                       Rybka

 

[karmadog]

Celestial is, IMO, better because it echoes screaming secret some sandman. I like the wave like feeling that those sounds impart to the poem. I think it gives a little extra oomph to the title's reference to waves espeecially juxtaposed with 'unsound'.

 

[Guest]

Re: I Liked It Too!

I just wonder how "peanut-butter" splinters? But perhaps you were going for that unusual juxtaposition, or would "peanut-brittle" work?


Regards,                       Rybka

Rybka -

It is the memories that were splintered, not the peanut butter.

Lauren & karmadog -

And I changed it to "celestial" because it sounds (unsounds?) better when read aloud. That is usually how I make final decisions about specific words -- roll them on my tongue a bit.

Thanks!

Cordelia

 

[_Land]

Hey star where ya been, havnt seen ya much lately
miss ya


_Land

(Parks himself, opens a beer and Chee-tos.) Ahhhhhh...


FREE PARKING

Open your eyes
throw the windows wide

Jump in your car
swing the door

Pull into my parking spot
yank on your brake

Walk up the stairs
with a brown paper bag

Pour the wine
toast a toast

Share a moment
watch a movie

Laugh with the music
talk of future dreams

Plan for the next
wave goodbye

Hey!

Come over again anytime!
The parking is free!

 

[Angeline]

The Circuit

It's Saturday night on the circuit
cars kiss bumpers like locked braces
in a rowdy flotilla of teenaged angst
parading west on State Street then
turning left to Warren and circling back

Boy cars are loud obnoxious dudewagons
fueled by friendship, beer, and possibilty
they leer shine-faced from open windows
they catcall, they guffaw the clumsy joy of
first freedom the signposts of their elbows
poking ribs the tires spinning on hormones

The radio screeches I'm a Girl Watcher horns
and someone screams "Shutup Sharkey,"
then silence then "Dork!" then laughter
explodes and the cars inch stop inch stop

My, my, my

Girls cars come in two models raucus
big hair boychasers wink and mug and
giggle triumph across vinyl seats
passing hairspray, gum, and Marlboros
while sleek hail mary godgirls watch
from corners of eyes in Charming Shoppe
peter pan collars they finger crosses they
exchange glances flip hair they are
floating majestic stoic at once a part of
and above the steamy streetrod scene

After these fireworks the endgame
is disappointingly quiet played out in
rocking shadows cornered behind the
hulk of Sears and across from these
incongruously juxtaposed emporiums
of hometown gustatory nirvana:

Mr. Peanut and Texas Weiner

Well, both gone now they're all gone
now it's a ghost town but listen and
you might hear a fading laugh or
look past what your eyes can see
to the mirage of silly twin gods guarding

America's last lost age of innocence.

 

[HomerPindar]

Ang, YOU ROCK!

Two lines just kicked ass here (IMnsHO):

cars kiss bumpers like locked braces

&

Boy cars are loud obnoxious dudewagons

dudewagons!! but, like, dude, I dont have a wagon...
anways, loved those two lines, for describing teenage hanging out with the absurdity of teenage elements

But, as if that wasnt enough, another element caught my eye:

hulk of Sears and across from these
&
now it's a ghost town but listen and

one of my habits is reading a line with a pause at the end, whether there is a period there or not. silly, in light of the way poetry plays with this, but there you go. Now, both of these lines have words, "and" and "but" that also work as pauses, but in this case in the middle of the line.... suchas:

hulk of Sears, and across from these

while the coma isn't there, I still hit ands, buts, and such with that pause as if it were. This (and by all means ang, take credit if I'm wrong) makes like a back beat to the line... course, themusic reference fits most all of your poetry

HomerPindar

 

[Angeline]

Line Breaks

You and Lauren are going to beat that bad line break habit outta me I just know it! Thank you for pointing it out, dude. (Oh, it was a compliment, yes I meant to do that. I did. Really.)

P.S. IMnsHO ns= nonsignificant, nonsmoking, nonsequitor, no sale?

 

[karmadog]

Thank you, Ange! I can now call my dorky station wagon a cool dude wagon. Wait a minute, that doesn't quite sound right either. I'll call it a babewagon, maybe calling it so will make it so. Girls will chase the babewagon down the street begging just to sit in the fold down rear seat! And, if they're lucky, I'll let them sit in the front and play with the AM radio.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I think unorthodox line breaks can do wonders for a poem, Angie. They can play with the words and focus the reader's attention in the truly important aspects of the poem et al, not to mention the rhythmic advantages. I'll never try to break that habit out of you. I do think you need to really think about it when you do it, though. You play with the breaks intuitively, it seems, and sometimes they lack some coherence.

Of course I don't really know what I'm talking about, put that never stopped me before.

 

[Angeline]

Karmadude

Thank you, Ange! I can now call my dorky station wagon a cool dude wagon.

OMG that was YOU in the station wagon?

 

[Angeline]

I really hate it when you're right Hynde!

incoherently yours,

A.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

No you don't

 

[Angeline]

Keep it up, Lauren....

only 97 posts till I can give myself a title. What should I pick? (Since you so snidely pointed out to me that "Complex Unfathomable Beastie" is too many letters, I'm at a loss.) I've never been titled before. Maybe Sir Paul McCartney? Or is that one taken?

 

[Lauren Hynde]

LOL I was thinking about that too! (the upcoming title, not the Sir Paul McCartney thingy )

I don't know, we'll have to brainstorm one of these days. You can take mine if you want to. It suits you far better.

 

[Angeline]

I dunno

I kinda like the Sir Paul thing. Wanna be Sir Elton?

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Er... no.

 

[HomerPindar]

IMnsHO

In My not so Humble Opinion.

If my opinion was truely humble, I'd probably not give it so often...

HomerPindar