Forum Etiquette

[Honey123]

I sent a pretty half-assed PM to one person and received a very polite, short reply. I then thought about it for about an hour, sent a second one, and got another very polite, very short reply.

So I think I'm done for the time being. :> Poor soul must be wondering who the hell the weirdo is!

But I'm also having a pretty good time talking to all the people here. I've gotten several very nice PMs of my own and I'm all silly about it.

LOL...I PM people or they PM me and then we go a round or two ~ depends on if you click with that person or not I guess...

 

[entitled]

Yay for PM's!

Just not PMS

 

[English Lady]

Just not PMS

Amen sista!

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I doubt he thinks you're a weirdo. You seem kind of cute.

 

[tolyk]

Why oh why, in the wild, wild world of sport could I not see that your name was Malachite ink. I've spent minutes on end trying different east european inflections in trying to pronounce it. Thanks Aurora, for pointing out the obvious.

PMs in response to threads are a good way to go as introduction, I think everyone I've ever PMed on here has been after that fashion.

Except that one time I propositioned The completely out of the blue and we started writing real letters to each other in red ink and then we met on Paddington station and we just knew that we were.. oops. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

Interestingly, your thoughts on being mistaken or misunderstood when reading words on a screen is something that dogs me constantly. I rarely get PMs and I think it's because I come across as very aloof or at least unwilling, to entertain friendships for any amount of time. That and the fact that I keep forgetting I have mail to answer almost as soon as I close the session.

I've also been told I'm scary and intimidating.

That plus the inescapable fact that I always manage to turn anything I type into a diatribe about me, me, me.

and no smilies either.

Hadn't noticed any of that

 

[TheEarl]

Except that one time I propositioned The completely out of the blue and we started writing real letters to each other in red ink and then we met on Paddington station and we just knew that we were.. oops. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

Careful sweetheart.

Mal: If it helps, you've come off as a fun person to talk to over the PM's I've exchanged with you.

The Earl

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Besides, mal, if you tease the boys in here good enough, they'll send you sessy stories in their PM's - stories featuring hot mm-lovin'!

 

[Guest]

Besides, mal, if you tease the boys in here good enough, they'll send you sessy stories in their PM's - stories featuring hot mm-lovin'!

Now THERE is a goal for which to strive.

 

[Guest]

Careful sweetheart.

Mal: If it helps, you've come off as a fun person to talk to over the PM's I've exchanged with you.

The Earl

Earl, I can ALWAYS use a compliment. Thank you

 

[Guest]

A Note of Thanks

To everyone who responded to me today with kindness, humor, wisdom and encouragement, I give a heartfelt thank you. Not only have I learned a great deal about forum etiquette from watching all of you in action, but I had a lovely time, some very nice conversations, and a few glimpses into myself. If only I could reach far enough to give each of you hug...at least through the magic of the virtual world, I can tell you I'm thinking about it.

Again, thank you.

 

[Honey123]

Do this mean this thread is dead???

 

[gauchecritic]

Do this mean this thread is dead???

Yes, yes it does.

 

[Honey123]

Yes, yes it does.

damn, that sucks..

 

[Guest]

Ain't Neccessarily So

Well, it doesn't HAVE to die. There's bound to be another question to be asked.

For example, suppose one DOES send a PM and the particular recipient responds in a a reasonably positive way, and you respond, but then the other person delays or does not respond...how many days should go by before before you send another PM? Or should you?

Is it like the telephone morning after rules?

 

[Honey123]

Well, it doesn't HAVE to die. There's bound to be another question to be asked.

For example, suppose one DOES send a PM and the particular recipient responds in a a reasonably positive way, and you respond, but then the other person delays or does not respond...how many days should go by before before you send another PM? Or should you?

Is it like the telephone morning after rules?

I try to respond as quickly as I can, since I don't like my PM's to go by the wayside...but there are times that PM's are sent back and forth and then I have to leave work and can't respond until the next day...

Unless the person really insulted you, I think it's rude to not respond. It should be made clear in the previous PM that you don't want to be bothered...

 

[Guest]

I am, no doubt, going to phrase this badly and verbously, being all extemporaneous and shit, but here goes. Forgive me my convolutedness, typos, and split infinitives.

I'm fairly new to the forums and have found them complex and interesting on many levels. I read posts, explore threads, and check out profiles. I stick in my two cents here and there as whim moves me. I get interested in the people who also post. Certain people, for whatever reason or no reason at all, seem more interesting than others, and I think I'd like to talk to them.

However, I'm also very conscious of the tricky nature of these virtual environs. It is quite easy to be misinterpreted. For someone with my tendency to overthink everything, trying to open a conversation via private message with someone who has not really addressed or been addressed within a forum thread is is tantamount to asking the popular, beautiful stranger at the bar to go on a a date AND loan you money when you KNOW there's a giant zit on your face. It's just not done.

Just wondering about someone and pondering what fascinating stuff might roll out of a conversation is tormenting. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. I mean, I could learn something, I could make a friend, I could have a lot of online fun, I might even make a connection. It's hard to pass by that kind of potential

My motives are (more or less) pure. I'm married and monogamous, my husband knows I'm here (he's around here, too) and I'm quite aware of the difference between words on a screen and actions away from a computer. Yet if I succumb to the temptation to send a PM to someone who has no idea who I am or what I'm about, it feels like creepy stalker behavior. I've gotten a few messages out of the blue like that, and it always feels a little odd to me -- I reply politely and try not to assume anything, but I still wonder what that person wants (few actually say). I post this here because I've found that I'm only good with other people if I'm very direct. The subtle clues of social interaction pass me by on my own. I always need someone who has a clue to help me along.

There's bound to be some manner of unspoken or "just understood" rules about this. Yes, I know about being polite and respectful. It might be that it just takes time, but I'm still interested in knowing how other people handle both sides of this little equation.

So, here's the actual question, directed at those of long forum experience. Is there a forum etiquette for contacting people you think are interesting from their forum posts? How do you handle messages sent to you from people you don't know? How do you make contact with people you think might be interesting but don't know you?

Welcome to the AH.

My idea: you never know unless you do. So zit or not, ask away.

 

[English Lady]

Well, it doesn't HAVE to die. There's bound to be another question to be asked.

For example, suppose one DOES send a PM and the particular recipient responds in a a reasonably positive way, and you respond, but then the other person delays or does not respond...how many days should go by before before you send another PM? Or should you?

Is it like the telephone morning after rules?

Leave it a couple of days, especially if you don't see them posting, it probably means they've not received it yet

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

LOL...I PM people or they PM me and then we go a round or two ~ depends on if you click with that person or not I guess...

As long as it's not a round of boxing. A round of flirting or cybering...... I have nothing against boxing, but there are plenty of other things I would like to do with ladies instead of that.

 

[English Lady]

As long as it's not a round of boxing. A round of flirting or cybering...... I have nothing against boxing, but there are plenty of other things I would like to do with ladies instead of that.

And I can vouch for you being very good at flirting

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

And I can vouch for you being very good at flirting

Thanks, sweetie. You too.

 

[Guest]

And I can vouch for you being very good at flirting

I will take that as a piece of high praise for the gentleman in question...and an intriguing bit of information for a shy but curious soul like me.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I will take that as a piece of high praise for the gentleman in question...and an intriguing bit of information for a shy but curious soul like me.

Okay, now I'm blushing.....and I don't do that often....Hey, I used to be shy, too, believe it or not.

 

[Guest]

I PM a few people... those that I call friend know that my box is always open to them a few have my email addy that they can get ahold of me if they want that way and another few have my home phone number....

We grow as people when our comfort zones are pushed outwards some...

go ahead and PM them... the worst that can happen is they don't answer

 

[English Lady]

I will take that as a piece of high praise for the gentleman in question...and an intriguing bit of information for a shy but curious soul like me.

Oh it is! The art of flirting is one that (sadly) seems to be dying out.

I've got to say the men round here seem to be exceptionally good at it, mind you.

 

[Guest]

Okay, now I'm blushing.....and I don't do that often....Hey, I used to be shy, too, believe it or not.

I believe I should save that admission like a prize ribbon or a trophy, or a bit of lovely crystal to be displayed proudly on a chain around my neck.