Former Cyber Virgin has some questions

[Noor]

Back in early jan. when I was a cyber virgin, I got lots of help from this board. I am now happily cybering but I have wondered about something.

Several women told me that guys tend to be self centered when cybering and it usually wasn't a mutual exchange.

I have not found that to be true so far, but I have limited experince. What I have noticed is that most of the guys who approach me are married. I asked a friend who cybers a lot, she laughed and said "they're all married, at least the good ones" So I was wondering if that was true. Are the nice cyber guys all married and the single ones not as nice?

Except for my inital contact with cybering ( he is single and likely to remain so, I predict ), everyone has been very nice if not wonderful though most are admittedly married.

 

[sheath]

I don't have much experience with cyber, but I agree with your assumptions...each and every time, the man has been married. And each and every time, when the cyber turned into a friendship and he began to tell me about his life, he said he was just looking for a little 'spice' to add to his sex life.

Most men I have talked to do not believe that cyber is cheating in any way. And many of them had the explicit permission of their wives. But...a few of those times, the cyber turned to friendship which turned to DEEP friendship which turned to him questioning his marriage. So...if I were a wife, is giving permission to cyber a good idea? You never know where it might lead.

And in answer to your question...generally, in my experience, the nicest men you will meet online are the married ones. Perhaps it is because they aren't looking for a quick fix? Most men I have met online are married, and are looking for the attention and companionship that has died in their marriage, not to mention the spark.

Single men are looking for that companionship and attention, too. But they can go through the more 'conventional' ways of finding it...dates, for one. Most married men can't just run down to the local club and try to meet women to enjoy! So, they take what they have at their disposal...their internet connection.

I think I started rambling somewhere along the way and I might not have actually answered your question? Lack of sleep does that to me.

S.

 

[Waldo]

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[isshogai7]

hi,noor,nice to see you again.I just want to add my experience.I'm a single male,35.I've done cyber many times,always caring for my partners,,pleasing them,cuddling them ,and ,generally,try my best to make them enjoy the time we've spent together.I've always wondered about the compliments i did get, about being sweet and considerate(and i am just as i am in real world).It seems that most men are more preoccupied in coming than anything else,hence the compliments:Frankly, i don't understand being so selfish,it's so childish to do this.
I've done cyber with the same person more than once,to both our pleasure.And i've met many nice girls,with whom i can talk about everything,if we want to.Maybe i am an exception.In some occasions,i've also met some jealousy(go figure).I know that i seem to blow my own trumpet(no pun intended),i'm just telling you that good boys do exist ,even in cyberspace.
To answer to previous post,i'm not married,i 've received compliments,both in bed and cyberspace(that makes me a good one?),i like to do it,and i like to go out and meet new people.I'm not ugly(judging on girls comments),i'm nice,just like to do it.And i love pleasing my partner,and taking care of her,both in and out the cyberspace.I've done cyber,but not here.Good luck!I wish all the best to you and the forumites!

 

[English Lady]

I think it swings both ways, cybersex for some peole is just aided masturbation and I think both men and women can be equally selfish.

I have had my fair share of selfish men, men who only get off to one set sexual play, and those who just don't have the imagination to do anything but grunt. Thing is iI know my husband has experienced the exact same thing with many female cybersex partners.


It takes alot of work on both sides to make cyber sex great,and lets face it, we're not all brilliant at typing one handed

 

[MagicFingers]

Hands-Free

I think it swings both ways, cybersex for some peole is just aided masturbation and I think both men and women can be equally selfish.

I have had my fair share of selfish men, men who only get off to one set sexual play, and those who just don't have the imagination to do anything but grunt. Thing is iI know my husband has experienced the exact same thing with many female cybersex partners.


It takes alot of work on both sides to make cyber sex great,and lets face it, we're not all brilliant at typing one handed

You are truly a Lady, English. I'm sure you and your husband have a very good relationship, from what I have read here and elswhere. Keep it up!
I have done cyber with 3 or 4 women, some several times, but none since 9/11.... My most enjoyable was with my Australian friend. We used MSN Messenger with VOICE, hands-free. I loved her accent and her sexy thoughts. I recommend it.

Noor, I'm divorced, and a nice person, I think, especially since I got divorced! I never cheated when I was married in any way, which I would consider cyber a form of. UNLESS, as Ms.Lady says, they both know it and each do it. I don't know what other guys do, but I can imagine. I prefer to get to know someone and let it flow naturally, if it is meant to be. And I always take "her" feelings in consideration, because, If I can turn her on, that turns ME on.
It sounds like you are looking for more than cyber. Maybe someone who COULD be a lover or husband. Nothing wrong with that. Just ASK beforehand and find out more before you "Give" yourself to him, as you would in real life. Besides, It's All Good!

 

[welshman]

Mutually masturbating while typing, spelling correctly, thinking of something interesting to say....... etc. er, no that isn't my idea of fun! I'd much rather have prolonged cyber-foreplay with e-mails and arouse my muse like that. I really like to arouse women with my words, stories or e-mails. I like to think after we get to know each other that, with some thought, I can arouse her so she NEEDS to masturbate ~that excites me~ The same in real life, I would aim to arouse her as much as possible, that is what I like to do, THEN I have my pleasure after I enjoy seeing, hearing, her pleasure. Not always and not for some time now, IRL.

 

[Noor]

hi,noor,nice to see you again.I just want to add my experience.I'm a single male,35. ...I've always wondered about the compliments i did get, about being sweet and considerate(and i am just as i am in real world)...I've done cyber,but not here.Good luck!

A single guy with references ; ) Nice to see you again, isshogai7. It was your rant on my previous post that helped convince me that my original cyber prospect needed to disappear.
I get compliments too, which makes me wonder what other people do or don't do that makes me stand out.
What do you mean by jealousy?
I haven't had a one time cyber yet, in real life I haven't had any either, maybe I am just not cut out for them.
I don't cyber here either, where do you cyber?

 

[isshogai7]

hello,noor! It's nice to hear that my rant has helped you (in fact i'm blushing ).About jealousy:
Believe it or not,i've done cyber with some girls and they don't want to hear about me doing or having done cyber with someone else.Yesterday was a nice example.I was doing cyber with someone ,when all of a sudden,another girl has popped out;hearing that i was with someone else ,she has said "go to the OTHER person"(i quote) .I find this a bit strange.I've begin to do cyber out of curiosity,it's just happened and then i found it enjoyable,with the right people.
Usually,i go to a site called jackinchat.com (it qualifies!)or the free chat on the seczy.com,or use the yahoo messenger with someone i already know(it's also quieter).I've sent you a pm.Here i've met some nice people,both to talk and have cyber with.
Bsing on the comments i've heard ,most men are selfish and some girls i've met were too,but,it's easy to left out the bad apples. .
I wish you the best of the times to you and the people closer to your heart!
One kiss,
isshogai7

 

[Cyberguy]

Back in early jan. when I was a cyber virgin, I got lots of help from this board. I am now happily cybering but I have wondered about something.

Several women told me that guys tend to be self centered when cybering and it usually wasn't a mutual exchange.

I have not found that to be true so far, but I have limited experince. What I have noticed is that most of the guys who approach me are married. I asked a friend who cybers a lot, she laughed and said "they're all married, at least the good ones" So I was wondering if that was true. Are the nice cyber guys all married and the single ones not as nice?

Except for my inital contact with cybering ( he is single and likely to remain so, I predict ), everyone has been very nice if not wonderful though most are admittedly married.

I'm glad to hear that you got past that first experience and have found that not all guys are like that.

I like to think that I am a nice "cyber guy" and I am single (divorced). From my perspective, it isn't easy to find a woman to have a quality cyber session with. When I spent time in the Lit chat rooms, I tend to find that most of the women who aren't already engaged in a PM session are either looking for other women or not looking to cyber. Hence it can take a long time to find a partner in there sometimes when you don't know anyone.

I developed ongoing "things" though with the women I did connect with, so once I knew a couple of them, they received my full attention and I didn't waste time trying to meet others. These days I rarely go in the chat room and don't cyber very often.

Tell your friends that there are good single ones out here and not to settle for less. Also, there is a difference between ones that are bad because they are just looking to get themselves off and ones that are just clueless regarding how to arouse a woman. The latter at least can be taught if the women are willing to make an investment.

I would tell them the first point to get across is that good cyber is the same as good sex, it requires a substantial investment of time and attention. At least an hour or two, including lots of foreplay. If they tell a guy that and he still doesn't get it, then they should move on. We're out here, but if they spend their time laughing at his attempts to impress them with his 9-inch cock, they're not going to meet us!

 

[whatsinanameuk]

Thoughtful

Some really thoughtful and wise comments here. As a married member of the Lit. community I freely admit that I am here because I enjoy sex, chatting about it, reading, sharing, cyber and to an extent that my wife does not want, although she also uses chat and we have enjoyed some heightened fun through sharing what we've experienced here (we even have 2 computers in the house, networked and have cybered together - sad or mad LOL !!)

To me cybering is giving up time and offering to share pleasure with someone else and most of the fun for me is knowing that I am giving that pleasure. I have occasionally voice cybered and hearing each other orgasm after prolonged play is very very good.

Basically though it is giving and receiving, taking the time to get close and yes there are dangers in that, but who said life should be lived wrapped in cotton wool?

 

[whatsinanameuk]

Statistics

I was chatting on here to someone a few weeks ago who said, "of course there are statistics about chat rooms suggesting 75% of the 'women' are actually men"

Very worrying!!!!