Forever changed and lost

[Lukie]

start slowly and you are!

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through...I read and wanted to repeat...some break-ups lead to better things. So, it is done now - and it sounds like you can find yourself again. Do something you never thought you would do...you will learn something new about yourself! Should be refreshing...force yourself to do it!

 

[TigerClaw]

......

 

[kitty4ever]

I feel like this post has become something of a journal, to write how I feel and how I am doing. Thinking about it, if another going through my pain can use this as a measure of hope or a tool, then I'm willing to share my thoughts and keep it updated.

Well, to update, because many of you have been concerned, this has been an up and down week. I was doing all right, despite him trying to IM to talk to me a couple of times at the beginning of the week.

Then, Thursday came which was his birthday. I found myself more depressed than I had been in awhile. I figured it would hit me, but not as hard as it did. My friends though were amazing. One of them was counting down the minutes until midnight, as proof that I was surviving it. Another three were going out of their way to be incredibly silly and keep me laughing.

Then, I woke up on Friday and felt better, like I'd survived a trial. I guess, in a way, that's what it was. Next Thursday is my birthday, and I haven't been very optimistic. A friend and I are going shopping tomorrow, and my birthday dinner with my family is tonight. Next week is the first week of the month, so it will be crazy at work. My friend that I'm going shopping with on Sunday also posts on Lit, and came up with something funny for us to do on my birthday on the boards, so I'm finally looking forward to that day. MistressPak (if you know her from the GB) is an absolute dear.

Another interesting thing this week is finding myself intrigued and interested in men. <blushes> I'm guessing that is a good sign. In a way it excites me and yet, terrifies me. I'm so scared of being hurt again and have kept myself very reserved. I'm still reserved, but the thoughts have started. I don't think this will mean that I'll begin romantically dating any time soon, but at least I hope it means that I will heal. For the first time in weeks, I do have hope.

<hugs everyone> Thank you to those that have read my ramblings over these weeks.