Magic Merlin
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2000
- Posts
- 1,013
I saw these the other day and thought it might be fun if by using the rules as laid out below, you create your own blues song. Here are the guidelines for pursuing a career in the blues music world:
1. Many blues begin with "woke up this mornin'..." This is to differentiate blues musicians from most other musicians, who sleep past noon.
2. The nice thing about the blues is that once you've written the first line, you're pretty much done with the second line too.
3. Chevys and Cadillacs are blues cars. Other acceptable blues modes of transportation are as follows:
a. Greyhound bus
b. southbound train
c. walkin'
Unacceptable modes of transportation for the blues:
a. any non- U.S car (Volvo, Fiat, Honda, etc)
b. touring bike
c. cruise ship
d. motor scooter
e. roller blades
4. Teenagers shouldn't sing the blues until they're old enough to get the electric chair if they shoot a man in Memphis.
5. You can have the blues in New York City. St. Louis, Chicago and Kansas City are other good blues towns. You cannot have the blues in Vail, The Hamptons, or any town whose name ends in "Beach".
6. Shot in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair. It is not a blues death if you die during liposuction surgery.
7. You have the right to sing the blues if:
a. you're blind
b. you shot a man in Memphis
c. you can't be satisfied
but not if:
a. you once were blind but now can see
b. you shot an 85 at golf
c. your Dad left you a trust fund
8. Good places for the blues:
a. a highway
b. a jailhouse
c. an empty bed
d. a freight train
9. Bad places for the blues:
a. Yellowstone National Park
b. the country club
c. gallery openings
d. indoor tennis courts
10. If you ask for water and yo' baby give you gasoline, that's the blues. Other blues drinks include:
a. wine
b. whiskey
c. muddy water
Blues beverages do not include:
a. any drink with a little umbrella
b. any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
d. Jello shots
e. Evian or other expensive bottled water
11. Picking a blues name:
a. start with an infirmity (Blind, Li'l, Fat, Lame, Clubfoot)
b. add Willie, Johnny or Joe
c. pick a U.S. President (Washington, Johnson, Fillmore,
Roosevelt)
d. Persons with names like Ashley, Brittney, Chad, Kimberly, Cissy, Brad or Skip may not sing the blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
[Edited by Magic Merlin on 09-29-2000 at 04:04 PM]
1. Many blues begin with "woke up this mornin'..." This is to differentiate blues musicians from most other musicians, who sleep past noon.
2. The nice thing about the blues is that once you've written the first line, you're pretty much done with the second line too.
3. Chevys and Cadillacs are blues cars. Other acceptable blues modes of transportation are as follows:
a. Greyhound bus
b. southbound train
c. walkin'
Unacceptable modes of transportation for the blues:
a. any non- U.S car (Volvo, Fiat, Honda, etc)
b. touring bike
c. cruise ship
d. motor scooter
e. roller blades
4. Teenagers shouldn't sing the blues until they're old enough to get the electric chair if they shoot a man in Memphis.
5. You can have the blues in New York City. St. Louis, Chicago and Kansas City are other good blues towns. You cannot have the blues in Vail, The Hamptons, or any town whose name ends in "Beach".
6. Shot in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair. It is not a blues death if you die during liposuction surgery.
7. You have the right to sing the blues if:
a. you're blind
b. you shot a man in Memphis
c. you can't be satisfied
but not if:
a. you once were blind but now can see
b. you shot an 85 at golf
c. your Dad left you a trust fund
8. Good places for the blues:
a. a highway
b. a jailhouse
c. an empty bed
d. a freight train
9. Bad places for the blues:
a. Yellowstone National Park
b. the country club
c. gallery openings
d. indoor tennis courts
10. If you ask for water and yo' baby give you gasoline, that's the blues. Other blues drinks include:
a. wine
b. whiskey
c. muddy water
Blues beverages do not include:
a. any drink with a little umbrella
b. any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
d. Jello shots
e. Evian or other expensive bottled water
11. Picking a blues name:
a. start with an infirmity (Blind, Li'l, Fat, Lame, Clubfoot)
b. add Willie, Johnny or Joe
c. pick a U.S. President (Washington, Johnson, Fillmore,
Roosevelt)
d. Persons with names like Ashley, Brittney, Chad, Kimberly, Cissy, Brad or Skip may not sing the blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
[Edited by Magic Merlin on 09-29-2000 at 04:04 PM]
