For Gauche - an author-thread!

[Svenskaflicka]

Someone, I think it was Gauche, complained about the lack of Author-related threads in the Author's Hangout. So, let's have a little writing-exercise.

Write a short description of a character, without using many adjectives, and without telling if it's a man or a woman. Let his/her actions do the talking, and tell us who this person is.

 

[Guest]

Cool exercise, but bloody tough to do! The adjective bit was ok, but it was not being able to use any gender identifiers that got me.

Anyway, I gave it a shot. Here's my effort...


This individual was rare among the group; they stood out. The rest were the usual office types, in looks and mannerisms. But, this person wanted to be noticed. The general appearance was smart, but the footwear portrayed an individualistic mind. Nobody else in the office wore slippers to work. Bunions, apparently.

The flamboyant way in which stories were told caught the attention of the entire office. Hands gesticulated and arms flailed wildly as they re-told the events of the weekend. Apparently some “silly young bint” at the store had cut in the queue in front of the tale-teller, leaving them cursing under their breath, and tutting in annoyance.


Lou

 

[lewdandlicentious]

Oh yes, to be noticed was all. That was the motivational factor in those deliberate acts. That all others were enamoured, was the highest accolade. To be respected as an equal, was everything. The glide, with swagger but not swank, the skilled use of speech, that while hiding nothing, hid everything. Everything suggested yet nothing told. Yes, this was personality in person.

 

[Guest]

Blimey, Lew! I'm impressed, hon. That's strong stuff.

Very, very good. Puts my effort to shame.

Lou

P.S. I'm guessing it's a woman.

 

[lewdandlicentious]

Beneath it all was a softer side. Vulnerable but not a weak edge to the blade that was the sharp wit of reverie. In all of this, the looks of defiance and anger, of humour and ridicule, lay those of compassion, sadness and love, for all of these were there too, just below the surface that was the hard veneered exterior.

 

[Guest]

Bloody hell, you can *really* write!

(I knew that already, just for the record. )

Very moving stuff, Lew.

Katie-Lou

 

[CharleyH]

Lips meshed furiously across lips. Hips rised, faded. My hands tugged through hair, ripped. Perfection. That's the only word that ran through my mind. Blond perfection and blue. I remember the ocean as my own eyes tried to savour through a blind glance. Eyes that misted from no where, like an apparition, onto me from the darkness, and into me wantingly, intensely. My legs entwined over the length of anothers. Our arms embraced. My hand drifted across Jess's chest. That's all I knew, a name, not a sex. My lips lowered to a nipple. Hardness hit my lips, I sucked, flicked, twirled my tongue, then swarmed my mouth across ribs, over navel, lower and lower, kissing to the beautiful crease of a groin just before . . . before diving in and over, as my hands grazed a strong thigh, as my hips swung forward to my own pleasure and pulsed. I came right then, not even knowing anything but a name I whispered over and over, and over again.


Jesus CHRIST! All I recall of adjectives comes from watching Commander Tom and grammar rock on Saturday morning cartoons!!!!

Well that's the best I can do off the cuff, if you gave me more time? I'd get rid of any adjectives, but decided to write - right now

 

[SadieRose]

Tha's GOOOD Lewd. Way to go. Could be a guy, mind you.


Here goes...


"What the fuck! Look at the time? What does the fuckin' clock say? Half past fuckin' two! Little shit should'a been here a half hour ago! There's a fuckin' job ridin on this unit workin' as a team and that lowdown, shabby piece of crap rolls in here like the sun's shinin' out between those rosy cheeks! Like Christmas came fuckin' early! Well, I guess 'somethin'' had to!"


And that was my introduction to Tourai. We would be working together on this project for the next six months and the success of the company relied on it being a perfect union. Nothing less.

I couldn't see it lasting six hours.

 

[gauchecritic]

All along and along. Standing, waiting. Every day for two whole weeks. 18 hours of every day, eyes wide. 6 hours every night eyes closed. Just the one dream in all those nights. Finding them safe and well. Ringlets, wet plastered to skull, fading colour.

Another day: stand in the shadow of the next building, out of the sun, hazel eyes scan the street, people, cars, waiting, watching.

And another day; screaming agony running invisible scars from hip to knee. Too long standing. Too many years bending to hold tiny hands, scurrying feet toddling. Not enough years shared. Still waiting.

Memories of other days fill the hours. Whoosh her into the sky, light as a feather. Fear and sudden laughter at the too long fall from flying, freeze-frame her angel face.

Tears unbidden and un-ashamed fall like rain to drip from nose and chin. Ringlets dry, throat wet. Staring eyes capture each and every passing face, discarding, dismissing but above all and everything that last from Pandora's box persists.

Gauche (yeah, yeah, yeah. Adjectives. I know,)

 

[Boxlicker101]

Pat was known by other members of the club to be something of a character. Tall and skinny, with short, blonde hair and blue eyes, Pat had often complained about bad luck with members of the opposite sex. Then, one evening, Pat came in to the club, smiling beatifically. "I have found my soul mate," Pat said. "Chris and I are fated for each other."

The rest of us smiled sceptically. We had all seen and heard Pat say the same thing. Usually, these relationships lasted less than two weeks and then the "soul mate" was gone, to be replaced by another within a month.

 

[Carl East]

Those eyes were beautiful, that mouth a delight to behold. The figure walking a few yards away kept my head turning as the individual passed by. Other heads turned so as to make it a certainty that I wasn't alone in my belief that this person was unique. Our eyes met and the smile that broke through was meant for me and me alone.

Man or woman could not hold my smile as this wonderful creature passed by. The enormity of this self projecting was of great importance, knowing that a smile might make their head turn once more and spot that look deep within the eyes.

Carl

I found that hard. lol

 

[Colleen Thomas]

The hero of the hour. Though crippled, standing tall, surrogate for a nation, in it's darkest hour. Words rolled from the podium, intoning somberly of treachery, bloodshed and villany. Applause rang out, a nation united, and the world did tremble at their rage or sigh in unabashed relief at their arrival.

-Colly

 

[Guest]

Professor Brunty leaned back in a new languor against the doorway to the classroom, watching Rebecca Pomfret stroll down the hall, her Irish-linen frock titillating as it wafted to and fro in the rhythm of each step. Brunty’s height and slightness belied a sexual arrogance just now spurned by the undergraduate, who at first found the teacher sensually compelling in an androgyny coupled with a romantic consumptive air, but the severe halitosis and too old coating of dandruff on worn tweed shoulders put her off. Brunty scratched at a growing facial rash and sniffed loud enough to create a quickening of the girl’s flight.
----------

Gauche, your prose is exquisitely evocative; it resonates with me (as a girl), can't explain why. It's the only piece here that causes me to want more.

Perdita

 

[Boxlicker101]

Cool exercise, but bloody tough to do! The adjective bit was ok, but it was not being able to use any gender identifiers that got me.

Anyway, I gave it a shot. Here's my effort...


This individual was rare among the group; they stood out. The rest were the usual office types, in looks and mannerisms. But, this person wanted to be noticed. The general appearance was smart, but the footwear portrayed an individualistic mind. Nobody else in the office wore slippers to work. Bunions, apparently.

The flamboyant way in which stories were told caught the attention of the entire office. Hands gesticulated and arms flailed wildly as they re-told the events of the weekend. Apparently some “silly young bint” at the store had cut in the queue in front of the tale-teller, leaving them cursing under their breath, and tutting in annoyance.


Lou

This doesn't seem hard. Just use an androgynous name and avoid third person, singular except pronouns that aren't neutral. I can't get by without adjectives, though.

 

[Wills]

Of course I wanted to make an impression, slipping as I came through the bloody door was not part of the game plan, still it garnered their attention. I took a deep breath, stood at the end of the board room table with my fingers bridged on the polished cherrywood surface and smiled across the table to the assembled suits.

"Good morning, for those of you that do not know me, I am the Performance Director. Just who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to lower the vibration speed on our best selling dildo."

Eyes lowered or glanced across the table at others. Not Mickey's, as usual I could feel him sizing me, measuring. His natural arrogance bourne on a breath taking physique. His eyes locked with mine and conveyed that special message that had me tingling down my spine.

"Complaining are we?" Mickey asked.

Edited following mis-understanding of the 'rules'.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Lou: Good work. Personally, I was a little in two minds at first about "the individual", but it's acceptable. Very nice.

Lewd: The first one is impressive. Excellent work. The second has too many adjectives.

CharleyH: Tricky, using a both-gender-name like that! But it was carried out brilliantly, all the time focusing on what could be done to both a man and a woman. Very good.

Sadie: Same thing as with CharleyH, a name you can't tell what gender it belongs to. Nicely done. My prejudices about men's behaviour and the tradition of companies tells me this is a guy, am I right?

Gauche: Apart from the adjectives, very good. It sure captures the reader's interest. I get a vision of a jewish father in a concentration camp during WW2.

Carl East: Great. Only 2 adjectives in total. A lot of subtle action, that tells it all. Very, very good!

Colleen: This is good, but I'd like to see a little less adjectives. And the word "hero" is a little too masculine to hide the person's gender, isn't it?

Perdita: Watch the adjectives! But it's good. The professor is a nicely shady person, and the phrase "Brunty scratched at a growing facial rash" made me shudder! Excellent way of showing a person's un-likeability by just one little action.

Wills: A true masterpiece, except for the last line, which gives away the person's gender. This is my favourite.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Just a little note to explain that since I've got Boxlicker on Ignore, I can't read nor comment those posts.

 

[Icingsugar]

A tux, a top hat, a stance, a smirk, those white silk gloves, and that curve of a raised eyebrow. That was all it took, the burly crowd fell silent, and stared in disbelief at the bizarre character that walked up to them, linedancer steps, cane swinging. Whoever it was, behind that sway and impeccable mask of cool, didn't matter. Style was approaching, turn-of-the-century urban cliché style. It was 1997, it was bloody snowing, and it was in the middle of bloody nowhere, a parking lot outside of a shabby roadside diner just left of Hillbillieville, Backwater, Somestate, America. What the hell was going on?

 

[Icingsugar]

Oh, and what's the beef with adjectives? Sure, one should not overuse them, but things are very likely to suck without them too.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

That's part of the exercise, Ice. To see if you can make a person's actions speak for themselves, without using adjectives.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

The whole suitcase was turned inside out. Underwear, wool socks, a newspaper, and a pair of reading glasses, were stacked upon the bench. People on the way by slowed down and turned their heads to watch the show. The ticket inspector sighed and stared up into the ceiling. A small bottle of medicine, a paper-back novel, and a bag of fruit joined the other items on the bench.
Finally, the tickets jumped out of the sleeve of a sweater at the bottom of the suitcase. The ticket inspector read what they said, punched two holes in them, made a gesture towards the cap, a gesture that perhaps was supposed to be a salute, and walked away. A train conductor called out for all passengers to board the 7.40 train to Amsterdam, and there was a rush to pack all the items back into the suitcase again.

I challenge you to find ONE adjective in this!

 

[minsue]

The whole suitcase was turned inside out. Underwear, wool socks, a newspaper, and a pair of reading glasses, were stacked upon the bench. People on the way by slowed down and turned their heads to watch the show. The ticket inspector sighed and stared up into the ceiling. A small bottle of medicine, a paper-back novel, and a bag of fruit joined the other items on the bench.
Finally, the tickets jumped out of the sleeve of a sweater at the bottom of the suitcase. The ticket inspector read what they said, punched two holes in them, made a gesture towards the cap, a gesture that perhaps was supposed to be a salute, and walked away. A train conductor called out for all passengers to board the 7.40 train to Amsterdam, and there was a rush to pack all the items back into the suitcase again.

I challenge you to find ONE adjective in this!

At first glance I see only one.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Shit! I missd that one! Good spotting, min!

 

[Boxlicker101]

The WHOLE suitcase was turned inside out. Underwear, WOOL socks, a newspaper, and a pair of reading glasses, were stacked upon the bench. People on the way by slowed down and turned their heads to watch the show. The ticket inspector sighed and stared up into the ceiling. A SMALL bottle of medicine, a paper-back novel, and a bag of fruit joined the other items on the bench.
Finally, the tickets jumped out of the sleeve of a sweater at the bottom of the suitcase. The ticket inspector read what they said, punched TWO holes in them, made a gesture towards the cap, a gesture that perhaps was supposed to be a salute, and walked away. A train conductor called out for ALL passengers to board the 7.40 train to Amsterdam, and there was a rush to pack ALL the items back into the suitcase again.

I challenge you to find ONE adjective in this!

I found five adjectives here including one that was used twice, for a total of six. That's besides the articles, which are also adjectives, and the possessive pronouns which are also modifiers.

 

[Guest]

Write a short description of a character, without using many adjectives

Flicka, I did not take this for a typo. P.