fluctuating pain thresholds?

[the captians wench]

My warm ups tend to be more of a very short formality, especially when Mistress is involved. Which is a good thing, because usually after 3 or 4 moderate hits I'm ready to call Beige. Every once in awhile, though, we have to slow it down - which also means there's more skin on skin contact... because it's an emotional warm up, for lack of a better term, that's needed instead of physical... And that would be why the pain tolerance has changed since the triad has grow and become closer...

Huh. Now that correlation never occurred to me or to my People, I'm sure. Well, fuck. Now there's an epiphany I wasn't expecting. *wanders off to think and write an email*

Thank you, btw. This one has been stumping us for a couple of months now.

*giggles* Glad to help.

This whole concept just really puzzles me though, but maybe that's because my happy place doesn't involve me.

No matter what activity is going on, I tend to loose myself in his pleasure, not mine. It's kind of an out of body experience. My body is there to be used, and becomes an object of his delight.

I think it's when I am given a lot of skin to skin contact imbetween that my head doesn't go as far into "object space" and I can come down with a bang. But that's only happened a few times, and it was directly after I left a bad playmate. *shrug*

The deeper into this headspace I can go, the longer I can last. But the way I feel the pain can be different. I push myself way beyond my limits, so he can get full enjoyment out of me. I get disapointed in myself if I feel like he didn't get as much out of me as he wanted to.

 

[Etoile]

I just want to add that being sick can really affect your tolerances, too. Even if you're not quite sick yet, if your body is already on that path, then your pain tolerance is likely to be lower. Pain tolerance is partly chemical - that is, you can't alter it at will, your body will do what it will do. (You might be able to mentally get through something that is past your tolerance, but the level is still what it is.) So when you're sick, your body is already busy being sick, and when pain comes, it's likely to say "okay look I am dealing with a whole lot of shit right now, so WTF are you doing?!" And you won't be able to take as much pain.

 

[cromsgirl]

Just to offer a different view:
I enjoy being tied up and having all manner of things slapped across my backside. I can take varying levels at different times. I am not a pain slut and His pleasure (and mine ) is to find and ride that line between pleasure and pain. Once or twice I have tried to deal with the pain because it went too far over the line, but He doesn't like that.

 

[where]

heh... yes... another one who can't tolerate pain just before or during a period. I don't even much like to be touched.

I find that a long slow arousal with pain becoming more intensive helps me to up my threashold but like cromsgirl, we prefer to get that very fine line between pleasure and pain.

 

[chy_girl]

*giggles* Glad to help.

This whole concept just really puzzles me though, but maybe that's because my happy place doesn't involve me.

No matter what activity is going on, I tend to loose myself in his pleasure, not mine. It's kind of an out of body experience. My body is there to be used, and becomes an object of his delight.

I think it's when I am given a lot of skin to skin contact imbetween that my head doesn't go as far into "object space" and I can come down with a bang. But that's only happened a few times, and it was directly after I left a bad playmate. *shrug*

The deeper into this headspace I can go, the longer I can last. But the way I feel the pain can be different. I push myself way beyond my limits, so he can get full enjoyment out of me. I get disapointed in myself if I feel like he didn't get as much out of me as he wanted to.

Their pleasure is a priority to mine and my ability to go farther is tied very closely to them. But in this particular relationship they receive pleasure from my pleasure/acceptance of the pain and become very unhappy if I just take it (think BDSM version of lay back and think of the Queen). It's all very cyclical and hard for me to explain.

For me, the skin contact isn't necessarily needed throughout - just before hand and at the beginning. I think that's more to create the emotional connection and help establish a physical dominance. It might also have something to do with the fact that there's not a lot of physical contact in my daily life and it can make me very jumpy. If it's done before or at the beginning the spastic/PTSD part of my brain has time to ease into it, ease into releasing that control with the reassurance that they'll treat it appropriately and not use it to hurt me. Hell, I can get halfway to subspace simply by how they touch me - no impact required.

Once that emotional mooring is set, they can take me damned near anyplace and I'll whine about wanting more when they're done. I can also take more from them than an outside play partner. By no means was I a lightweight when another member beat on me with the flogger from hell, but my People's energy was missing. It made it harder to take the hit, even though Mistress was the one telling him he could hit harder. Their presence was removed and it fucked with me hard.

The hardest part about play is that I tend to want to delve into it and take it all right now. To take it further. I don't know if it's the show off part of me or the soul deep desire to be the very best for them, but I hit this mindset where I want to be the biggest pain slut in the room - I want to take so much that anyone watching will see my acceptance of the pain as a positive reflection of their abilities and their having earned that level of devotion from me. Gah! I can't make that part make sense.

Anyhow, I do get what you're saying and I think there are a lot of similarities... just from different directions with different methods.

 

[the captians wench]

Their pleasure is a priority to mine and my ability to go farther is tied very closely to them. But in this particular relationship they receive pleasure from my pleasure/acceptance of the pain and become very unhappy if I just take it (think BDSM version of lay back and think of the Queen). It's all very cyclical and hard for me to explain.

For me, the skin contact isn't necessarily needed throughout - just before hand and at the beginning. I think that's more to create the emotional connection and help establish a physical dominance. It might also have something to do with the fact that there's not a lot of physical contact in my daily life and it can make me very jumpy. If it's done before or at the beginning the spastic/PTSD part of my brain has time to ease into it, ease into releasing that control with the reassurance that they'll treat it appropriately and not use it to hurt me. Hell, I can get halfway to subspace simply by how they touch me - no impact required.

Once that emotional mooring is set, they can take me damned near anyplace and I'll whine about wanting more when they're done. I can also take more from them than an outside play partner. By no means was I a lightweight when another member beat on me with the flogger from hell, but my People's energy was missing. It made it harder to take the hit, even though Mistress was the one telling him he could hit harder. Their presence was removed and it fucked with me hard.

The hardest part about play is that I tend to want to delve into it and take it all right now. To take it further. I don't know if it's the show off part of me or the soul deep desire to be the very best for them, but I hit this mindset where I want to be the biggest pain slut in the room - I want to take so much that anyone watching will see my acceptance of the pain as a positive reflection of their abilities and their having earned that level of devotion from me. Gah! I can't make that part make sense.

Anyhow, I do get what you're saying and I think there are a lot of similarities... just from different directions with different methods.

I think I understand what you mean.

I think maybe the major difference here is that I've played mostly with sadists who just want to cause pain, and whether I enjoy it or not is kind of a moot point. I've only experienced that pleasure/pain balance a few times in my experience. For the most part, my interactions have been either or.

There have been a few exceptions, but the exceptions are from men who did not really identify as sadistic.

You have given me some more to think about, and questions to ask.

 

[chy_girl]

I think I understand what you mean.

I think maybe the major difference here is that I've played mostly with sadists who just want to cause pain, and whether I enjoy it or not is kind of a moot point. I've only experienced that pleasure/pain balance a few times in my experience. For the most part, my interactions have been either or.

There have been a few exceptions, but the exceptions are from men who did not really identify as sadistic.

You have given me some more to think about, and questions to ask.

LOL - thinking and questioning are good things, IMO.

My people are sadists, Mistress is more physically oriented (she hits really fucking hard) while Sir is very much more of a mental sadist. They each have different components that need fulfilled, but pain is a very large factor in that as is my submitting to the pain.

From what I've been able to gather, it's different for them when playing with me than it is for them to play with others - the needs get met and the pain is there, but they also acknowledge the emotional component that comes from having me under collar. It seems important to them, that emotional component, and it's important for me to be able to take more and more and more. No matter how service oriented I might be on a particular day, they get that energy first, and it's very... different... to serve another, to serve someone else when it's their pleasure that's at the forefront. Perhaps it would be different if they made it clear that it was their desire for me to submit to another PYL's pain and to somehow be with me in that, at least visually. I don't know... Perhaps it's something I should talk to them about trying. I hear the flogger from hell is going to be at the kink camping trip... I'd love another chance at conquering that one.

RJMaster's thread "Delving the Psyche of Sadists helped me understand the emotional factor from the Top, which I hadn't been able to do. Specifically post #79 and 80.

 

[NomadLady]

I'm with

Most of the other folks on this one as well. When I am pissed, angry, frustrated, etc....no warm up necessary, just grab the paddle, switch, crop or whatever because I am in need to an attitude adjustment for sure.

However when things are going smoothly, it takes a building up for my pain tolerance to "be there". Don't know about the period thing as I'm currently undergoing hormone replacement therapy and aren't having periods right now, but with the therapy I pretty much stay "in the mood" 24/7.

 

[callinectes2]

Do you mind a couple follow up questions, then? I'm really curious.

1st. You do not live the lifestyle but it is his way or the highway? Could you maybe explain the dynamic a little more clearly? I confess that I'm -very- curious as to how you two navigate things because, in general, I wonder if it relates, at all, to how my partner and I sometimes operate.

2nd. If he does not allow you "a day off" is it impossible for you to take one? I'm going to go ahead and assume that your partner is more than just a sexually assertive individual for you. I would guess that he knows your needs and sees to them. You seem very happy! But, I am curious, what if his judgement is off one night?

Our dynamic is not one full of rituals and protocol which I how normally (wrongly perhaps) think of lifestyle BDSM. My Dominant has only a couple of standing rules.. the rest of our relationship is based on my deferring to him on an ad-hoc basis. Example: If he says he wants Chinese food for dinner, then we are having Chinese. There is no discussion, there is no "I don't want Chinese". However, if he asks me what I want for dinner I am expected to give a real answer not dance around it by saying "I don't care, whatever you want" or choosing a place just because I think it is what he wants. Along those lines, there is a particular restaurant in town that he loves and I don't care for at all. Sometimes he really wants to go there and I have to get over it and go with him. However, because he knows I don't like the place it is very rare that he will take me there. He will instead go with his guy friends or co-workers. I love sushi...him... not so much. But every 4-5 weeks he will take me to my favorite sushi place. It is something he does solely to make me happy.

This describes our relationship in a nutshell. You can replace the restaurant theme with a sex act or any other non-sex act but it will pretty much boil down to the same thing.

The more deferential I am, the more motivated he is to be mindful of my needs and happiness which makes me more motivated to defer...

Does that help at all??

Oh to directly answer your last question..if his judgment is off one night, no biggie. I might not be thrilled but I will get over it quickly. If were to be off every night then we'd have a serious problem.

 

[Light Ice]

That was a tremendously insightful answer. Thank you for taking the time.

 

[callinectes2]

That was a tremendously insightful answer. Thank you for taking the time.

It was my pleasure. Your question made me think about how to concisely define our relationship. It was an interesting exercise ...and one he refused to help me with because he wanted to see what I would come up with.