Flogging/Beatings - Need some help

[Deeply_Twisted]

Good evening all.

I'm in the process of writing a story for someone that is 'exploring BDSM' in the story with her character and she is approaching the part where she is going to take her first flogging/beating.

The problem is that I've never received one of these myself and I have no way to describe this in a story as I have no point of reference. (Male top here, writing a story for a female sub. And no, I've never switched.)

Is there anyone out there that would like to share some of their flogging/beating/percussion stories and reactions with me? I would certainly appreciate it, and the more accurate I can make the story, the better the person I am writing it for will appreciate it as well.

Her character will be starting out with light to moderate flogging and spanking and she may graduate to more severe punishment later. Any descriptions, stories, personal experiences that you can share with me would be of great help.

(FYI - I need to know what is going on in the headspace as well. What are you generally thinking when you're being flogged? What was it like the first time?)

Thanks in advance for any assistance anyone can offer. If you'd rather be private, please PM me.

DT

 

[Redkate]

Why don't you ask the sub you're writing it for? Have I misunderstood the reason youre writing the story?

 

[Deeply_Twisted]

I am asking because...

a) She has never taking a flogging, spanking or percussion of any kind.

b) She's unsure that she would even be willing to try this for real. (Not an assessment I'm inclined to argue with.)

c) She is located in another part of the country, and even if she were inclined to try, I'm not available or nearby to provide it and then interrogate her afterwards.



DT

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Trying to write about a topic on which one has no knowledge is an Augean task, and one almost certainly doomed to fail.

Good luck.

 

[Netzach]

Have you ever flogged anyone else other than her?

If not, why are you even trying to get turned on by something so far out of either of your worlds? Use stuff you know.

Suggestion: Whack yourself on the thigh with a bath brush. Picture Charlize Theron kissing the hot spot and licking your inseam with lots of wet tongue and going "there there, that will make it all better" in your ear.

This should give you some idea of WHY anyone would do this.

 

[Deeply_Twisted]

Have you ever flogged anyone else other than her?

If not, why are you even trying to get turned on by something so far out of either of your worlds? Use stuff you know.

Suggestion: Whack yourself on the thigh with a bath brush. Picture Charlize Theron kissing the hot spot and licking your inseam with lots of wet tongue and going "there there, that will make it all better" in your ear.

This should give you some idea of WHY anyone would do this.

Best answer so far, but still not quite what I'm looking for.

And as for why I'm trying to do this, it's all being written from her perspective, so I'm doing my best to put myself into her headspace. Difficult and challenging and possibly impossible, yes.... but I'm trying it anyways.

And yes I've done this to others before, but sadly I am not on speaking terms with either partner at the moment.

Thank you for the suggestion. I'll give that a shot.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

...

And yes I've done this to others before, but sadly I am not on speaking terms with either partner at the moment....

Did you discuss with those others how they felt, what their reactions were, what they were thinking while it was happening?

If not, that may be a part of why you're no longer on speaking terms with them. We preach and preach and preach here that one of THE most important facets of a BDSM relationship - or damn near *any* relationship - is to communicate with one another... to relate to one another. That is, after all, a major portion of the definition of relationship, is it not?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Go ask for a flogging from someone. Put aside your great big Domly ego and do some hands-on research. It's not going to hurt you. hehe...

You'll see that it feels like a massage, mostly. If you're in a sex state of mind a massage can feel sexy, but it doesn't have to. Anyway, what is most important when you write erotica is not the actions, but the context. The emotions, the reasons, the expectations, the satisfactions.

I gotta say, I don't like hitting people when I have not experienced that type of hit. And I don't much bottom for people who tell me they never ever bottom. I think it takes three times as long to learn what you're doing as a strict top. I don't see why they should learn on me.

 

[Deeply_Twisted]

Did you discuss with those others how they felt, what their reactions were, what they were thinking while it was happening?

If not, that may be a part of why you're no longer on speaking terms with them. We preach and preach and preach here that one of THE most important facets of a BDSM relationship - or damn near *any* relationship - is to communicate with one another... to relate to one another. That is, after all, a major portion of the definition of relationship, is it not?

I agree that I should have done a better job of communicating when I was in those relationships, but in my defense, I was a fumbling, bumbling idiot at the time. Anyone here that hasn't thought 'Goddammit, I wish I knew then what I knew now' please raise your hand.

I was a selfish, stubborn unemotional dick when I was in those relationships and I know now that I was playing the role that I thought I was supposed to be playing as opposed to actually being a dominant and just selfishly taking what I wanted. (That's badly phrased, I know.)

The relationships blew up, like they should have, (And looking back I'm surprised that they lasted as long as they did.) and it was mostly my fault.

So, yeah. Been there, done that, fucked it up massively. Asking for advice on how it should be feel when it's done right. That's all.

 

[Deeply_Twisted]

Go ask for a flogging from someone. Put aside your great big Domly ego and do some hands-on research. It's not going to hurt you. hehe...

You'll see that it feels like a massage, mostly. If you're in a sex state of mind a massage can feel sexy, but it doesn't have to. Anyway, what is most important when you write erotica is not the actions, but the context. The emotions, the reasons, the expectations, the satisfactions.

I gotta say, I don't like hitting people when I have not experienced that type of hit. And I don't much bottom for people who tell me they never ever bottom. I think it takes three times as long to learn what you're doing as a strict top. I don't see why they should learn on me.

Ummm... No.

It's not going to happen. Ever. And it has nothing to do with ego.

Thank you for the advice, but I'll pass on that one.

 

[Netzach]

I agree that I should have done a better job of communicating when I was in those relationships, but in my defense, I was a fumbling, bumbling idiot at the time. Anyone here that hasn't thought 'Goddammit, I wish I knew then what I knew now' please raise your hand.

I was a selfish, stubborn unemotional dick when I was in those relationships and I know now that I was playing the role that I thought I was supposed to be playing as opposed to actually being a dominant and just selfishly taking what I wanted. (That's badly phrased, I know.)

The relationships blew up, like they should have, (And looking back I'm surprised that they lasted as long as they did.) and it was mostly my fault.

So, yeah. Been there, done that, fucked it up massively. Asking for advice on how it should be feel when it's done right. That's all.

LOL love it. I'm glad to see you out here on the board. No sarcasm, really.

And yes, my hand is down.

 

[Redkate]

Ummm... No.

It's not going to happen. Ever. And it has nothing to do with ego.

Thank you for the advice, but I'll pass on that one.

The lady (gentleman) doth protest too much, methinks

 

[Netzach]

Look, some people have honest to god life trauma that does not allow them to trust anyone like that ever. I get it.

Thing is, a lot of the time we are so proud of our submissives when they overcome a shitty past thing to grow and etc.

But I think it's no easier then. I don't understand why just because someone wants something more urgently we lose touch with the idea that it can be very very hard and nigh on impossible.

 

[Redkate]

I get that.

A guy said the same thing to me. "I will never be submissive, ever. It's just not in me." I made the same joke to him, its me at my brattiest. And he wasn't impressed

 

[Stella_Omega]

My suggestion then, is to look for BDSM fiction written by women, see how they describe it. Here's a good place to start; Archive Of Our Own
I was nice and specified hetero situations only.

 

[ananda23]

Anyway, what is most important when you write erotica is not the actions, but the context. The emotions, the reasons, the expectations, the satisfactions.

I gotta say, I don't like hitting people when I have not experienced that type of hit. And I don't much bottom for people who tell me they never ever bottom. I think it takes three times as long to learn what you're doing as a strict top. I don't see why they should learn on me.

I agree 100% - I've never let anyone lay a hand on me that wasn't willing to experience it first hand. They didn't have to like it, but they needed to understand what they were dishing out.

Context is everything. Collecting someone else's experiences doesn't mean you'll get it or be able to write it convincingly.

 

[Deeply_Twisted]

My suggestion then, is to look for BDSM fiction written by women, see how they describe it. Here's a good place to start; Archive Of Our Own
I was nice and specified hetero situations only.

Perfect. Thank you for pointing me that way.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Perfect. Thank you for pointing me that way.

Glad to be of help!

Of course, you'll have to skim through the dross to find the gold, but that's always true

 

[Deeply_Twisted]

Glad to be of help!

Of course, you'll have to skim through the dross to find the gold, but that's always true

While I may be shit as a Dominant, I am in fact a world class data skimmer/miner. So that gold.... she's mine!

 

[Stella_Omega]

While I may be shit as a Dominant, I am in fact a world class data skimmer/miner. So that gold.... she's mine!

You're being a passive aggressive dominant, just saying...

Which isn't all that unusual. Personally, I suffer the death of a thousand misgivings whenever anyone challenges me. Which is one reason why I don't call myself a Dom.

 

[SimplySZQ]

I agree that I should have done a better job of communicating when I was in those relationships, but in my defense, I was a fumbling, bumbling idiot at the time. Anyone here that hasn't thought 'Goddammit, I wish I knew then what I knew now' please raise your hand.

I was a selfish, stubborn unemotional dick when I was in those relationships and I know now that I was playing the role that I thought I was supposed to be playing as opposed to actually being a dominant and just selfishly taking what I wanted. (That's badly phrased, I know.)

The relationships blew up, like they should have, (And looking back I'm surprised that they lasted as long as they did.) and it was mostly my fault.

So, yeah. Been there, done that, fucked it up massively. Asking for advice on how it should be feel when it's done right. That's all.

What a great honest post....refreshing.

Suzy

 

[Stella_Omega]

What a great honest post....refreshing.

Suzy

We get a lot of honest posts in this forum, it's one of the things that makes it worth coming back to over and over...

 

[Deeply_Twisted]

You're being a passive aggressive dominant, just saying...

Which isn't all that unusual. Personally, I suffer the death of a thousand misgivings whenever anyone challenges me. Which is one reason why I don't call myself a Dom.

Meh. I just call them like I see them, and I don't consider myself a fantastic top or dominant. I have issues that I'm working on, I'm too competitive about things that don't require competition and I'm literally an emotional mess.

Shit happens, I'm attempting to deal.

I have gotten a lot of really good advice from people in this forum on mindset, subspace, sensation and resources on giving what could charitably be called an erotic flogging and I think that chapter is up next after the current one. I might post it here for reactions once it's done if it doesn't break any forum rules. (If it does, I'll post it in the proper area, then drop a link to it here.) Primarily because I'd love to get the feedback from everyone that's taken an interest in the conversation thus far.

DT

 

[Deeply_Twisted]

My suggestion then, is to look for BDSM fiction written by women, see how they describe it. Here's a good place to start; Archive Of Our Own
I was nice and specified hetero situations only.

Sweet jesus, someone wrote an Invader Zim sex story.

...


I'm gonna need some brain bleach.

DT

 

[ananda23]

Sweet jesus, someone wrote an Invader Zim sex story.

...


I'm gonna need some brain bleach.

DT

Hah! That's so disgustingly awesome I could squee!