Flash Fiction Challenge

[KillerMuffin]

Let's try something. Learning how to write with Flash. Yeah, yeah, Flesh Gordon was tons less cheezy than Flash Gordon, but hey.

Flash Fiction is defined based on the publication's standards. Generally speaking, though, it's fiction with less than 1,000 words in it. Some, like Lit, define it at 750, still others call it 200 or 300 words. It varies--always check writer's guidelines before submitting to any publication!

I'm going to give you a challenge with well defined parameters. The intent here, is to teach you at least two things about writing. The cool part is that you'll be teaching yourself. How great is that?

The challenge:

1. It must be a story. There are three things that define a story, down at its skeleton. It has a beginning. It has an end--that is, it feels complete when you're done reading it. Most importantly, though, the protagonist makes a change of some sort. There's an epiphany, a new knowledge, something that tells the reader that the protagonist learned something about the human condition.

2. The cap is 300 words. No more. Post word count with your flash.

3. Explain the old saw "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush." Don't use the proverb in your flash, but you can use it in the title. Explain means to show me what that phrase means. Conventional meaning, what it means to you, or whatever you dreamed up while writing this.

Sex is optional.

Please post your flash here!

*Muffie presses "Submit New Thread" to see how fast this bad boy sinks*

 

[BigTexan]

Okay, as one of the resident harpers against Flash Fiction I decided to take up this gauntlet and attempt to rise to the challenge.

The word count is 300 words exactly (according to my word processor: I didn't actually count them)

********************************
Carl glared at his companion. Teri’s smile only darkened his mood. Directing his gaze toward the dance floor, he ogled the women. They were prettier, he concluded.

“Do you want to dance?” Her sultry voice knifed through the din.

He nodded, but not with you. Repressing the thought, Carl led her to the floor. One of the women returned his smile. He turned to dance with her. When he turned back Teri was still there, but her smile had shrunk and her eyes screamed with hurt. He concentrated on her, but couldn’t maintain it. Another woman drew him away. When he looked back, Teri was gone.

Shrugging, Carl danced with the women, one after another, until the band quit playing. The night was over; the women gone, and he turned to find Teri. She was nowhere in sight. Vainly he searched for her, stopping only when an older man touched his shoulder.

“She’s gone, mister. Left two hours ago with some other feller.”

Gone? How could she be gone?

“She asked me to give this to you.” The man handed him a napkin with red lipstick writing.

“It’s over!”

A sick feeling rose up from his gut and his world swam. Over? How could it be over? They loved each other, didn’t they? He remembered being angry, wanting more than she was giving him, thinking that he would be better off with someone new.

Now he was alone. All the prettier women had left and he was alone. He collapsed into a chair and hung his head, tears brimming in his eyes.

“Shoulda minded your own store, young fella.” The old man continued sweeping. “It’s closing time. I gotta lock up.”

Carl staggered to his feet and stumbled out the door. It was going to be a long, lonely night.

***************************

I will say this. It was a better story at 360 words. To get down to 300 I had to remove a bunch of words that, I think, made the story better as well as paring down all the others that weren't needed. Also, if you notice, this "story" is barely more than a scene. It conforms to the rules set forth by KM (at least I think it does) to be a story, but because it is so short I didn't have room to get inside Teri's head at all or develop her character even a smidgeon. (I was able to go back and make her voice sultry because I found another word I liked less )

Anyway, here is my attempt. Feel free to tell me how bad or how good you think it was.

BigTexan

 

[Guest]

BT's fable

KM-

I was with you until you listed "the bird in the hand" maxim... all I could think about was really bad double entendres... masturbating in comfort is better than a threeway while camping...

Anyway, I think it's a great challenge, but as a mother of four small children reading lots of bedtime stories, I must say that the inclusion of the "moral" in the story made BT's, and I would predict others', stories read like my daughters' Aesop's Fables.

I will try to bend my brain around this one....

BT-

I would be interested in seeing which words you chose to discard. Her sultry voice didn't seem to match her smile or his annoyance. Perhaps the connection was lost with editing.

But, it was a good interpretaion of the exercise... and a great modern fable!

b

 

[TheEarl]

I think BT’s stolen the most obvious way of getting in the proverb. Damn, I was going to write like that. Thought this one was quite good though at 216 words. I am getting something of an education in flash after my initial comment that it couldn’t be written well. I still wouldn’t go out and seek it, but I think this makes a perfectly suitable story and I still had 84 words to play with.


Johnny turned the small red chip over and over in his hands. The silver 50 glinted in the artificial light of the casino. God only knew what time it was.

Making a decision, he thrust the chip down on the number 22, just as the croupier called last bets. As soon as he’d let go of it, he wanted to snatch it up again. Reality descended: He had no choice. He’d gambled away his plane ticket home and without a big win to buy it back, he wasn’t going anywhere. He prayed to God that this was the right number.

The croupier tossed the ball into the wheel and it stuttered and stumbled, clinking round the wheel until finally falling into hole number…22. He’d won! Johnny punched the air, a blessed sense of relief sweeping over him. He thanked God and collected his winnings, heading for the pawnshop where his ticket to freedom lay.

On the way was the change desk. Johnny eyed it warily. He couldn’t afford to lose any of this money. On the other hand, if he won…

Johnny stood over the roulette table, turning a small red chip over and over in his hands. He prayed to God to let him win just once more. Surely he wouldn’t be as stupid again.


The Earl

 

[BigTexan]

Re: BT's fable

BT-

I would be interested in seeing which words you chose to discard. Her sultry voice didn't seem to match her smile or his annoyance. Perhaps the connection was lost with editing.

But, it was a good interpretaion of the exercise... and a great modern fable!

b

BK, You are so right! Damn! I re-read the story just now and your right I shouldn't have put "sultry" back in. I forgot that I had taken out the sentence where she pouted at him and rubbed his leg under the table.

BigTexan

 

[Guest]

it's not sexy

Margaret turned the aisle in the warehouse store, scanning the check out lanes. Glancing at her watch she realized that she needed to get out quickly in order to have supper on the table by six. Everyone else in the store seemed to have the same thought; all the open lanes were packed.

Smiling at a fellow shopper as she slid her cart into a line in front of him, she tapped her fingernail on the shopping cart handle. Margaret kept scanning the store, hoping that a manager would realize that they needed to open more lanes.

The woman with three children and an overflowing cart in the next lane caught her eye and said, “It seems that everyone in town is here!”

Margaret gave a half-smile and a shrug with a non-committal “Uh-huh”. She was still watching the service desk closely. The person ahead of her was finishing placing their mountain of items on the conveyor belt.

Then she spotted it. A manager was walking with an employee toward an idle lane. Margaret judged that she could get out more quickly if she moved to the new lane now. Pulling her cart out of her lane and pushing it quickly toward the empty lane, she congratulated herself on her shrewdness. The inquisitive look from the gentleman behind her was greeted with her self-satisfied smile.

As she put her cart next to the belt, the manger and employee walked by her, toward a display that needed to be re-stacked.

The sinking sensation in her stomach only increased as she looked to the open lanes, all now three-deep with overflowing carts. The knowing looks passing among the witnesses of her misjudgment completed her humiliation.

A flushed Margaret abandoned her cart and walked out of the store empty-handed.

*********

Word counted 296 words.

KM-

Thanks for the fun assignment.

 

[BigTexan]

bridgetkeeney, okay so I was wrong. I actually enjoyed your little story. Sort of a Been there Done that reaction.

I guess I better go bake a crow, Since I'm eating it right now.

BigTexan

 

[Guest]

it's all about you

BT-

Thanks a bunch!

I think that KM set us up for success by requiring the use of the maxim... Smart cookie, that KM...

As I posted earlier, the Aesop's Fables model was the one I followed. All of the ones in my house use very common people and every day occurrences to reveal our own foibles. IMHO, it is the immediate, as you said, "been there, done that" that makes the format work.

I have been Margaret and I have watched Margaret... in the store with backed up check out lanes and on the highway when traffic goes down to one lane.

E-

I like the piece. It has nice symmetry and vivid imagery.

I would probably cut it down a little more

Surely he wouldn’t be as stupid again.

seems unnecessary to me.

b

 

[TheEarl]

Bridget: Liked that. V.original: I think BT's and mine were obvious topics for the maxim, losing women and money.

I actually went through my story seeing whether there was anything else I needed to put back in, as it ended up well inside the word limit. I kinda like the last sentence, it suggests that he may end up there again, even if he is that lucky again.

I'll be interested to see other people's take on the flash topic.

The Earl

 

[tenyari]

I've never seen a Flash fiction format that allowed more than 500 words, and rarely more than 300.

I tried to post one story to Lit when I first got here, and it was rejected for being too short. As such, I've kept my Flash fiction attempts away from this place.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Okay, as one of the resident harpers against Flash Fiction I decided to take up this gauntlet and attempt to rise to the challenge.

The word count is 300 words exactly (according to my word processor: I didn't actually count them)

********************************
Carl glared at his companion. Teri’s smile only darkened his mood. Directing his gaze toward the dance floor, he ogled the women. They were prettier, he concluded.

“Do you want to dance?” Her sultry voice knifed through the din.

He nodded, but not with you. Repressing the thought, Carl led her to the floor. One of the women returned his smile. He turned to dance with her. When he turned back Teri was still there, but her smile had shrunk and her eyes screamed with hurt. He concentrated on her, but couldn’t maintain it. Another woman drew him away. When he looked back, Teri was gone.

Shrugging, Carl danced with the women, one after another, until the band quit playing. The night was over; the women gone, and he turned to find Teri. She was nowhere in sight. Vainly he searched for her, stopping only when an older man touched his shoulder.

“She’s gone, mister. Left two hours ago with some other feller.”

Gone? How could she be gone?

“She asked me to give this to you.” The man handed him a napkin with red lipstick writing.

“It’s over!”

A sick feeling rose up from his gut and his world swam. Over? How could it be over? They loved each other, didn’t they? He remembered being angry, wanting more than she was giving him, thinking that he would be better off with someone new.

Now he was alone. All the prettier women had left and he was alone. He collapsed into a chair and hung his head, tears brimming in his eyes.

“Shoulda minded your own store, young fella.” The old man continued sweeping. “It’s closing time. I gotta lock up.”

Carl staggered to his feet and stumbled out the door. It was going to be a long, lonely night.

***************************

I will say this. It was a better story at 360 words. To get down to 300 I had to remove a bunch of words that, I think, made the story better as well as paring down all the others that weren't needed. Also, if you notice, this "story" is barely more than a scene. It conforms to the rules set forth by KM (at least I think it does) to be a story, but because it is so short I didn't have room to get inside Teri's head at all or develop her character even a smidgeon. (I was able to go back and make her voice sultry because I found another word I liked less )

Anyway, here is my attempt. Feel free to tell me how bad or how good you think it was.

BigTexan

I loved it. I just actually went through something very similer, so I found it very poinant (sp??). Of course with me, it didn't happen all in one scene like that, but its pretty much an allegory of what happed. (sob) shoulda been mindin my store.

 

[sweetnpetite]

I've never seen a Flash fiction format that allowed more than 500 words, and rarely more than 300.

I tried to post one story to Lit when I first got here, and it was rejected for being too short. As such, I've kept my Flash fiction attempts away from this place.

Wouldn't it be great if Literotica had a categorie for erotic shorts (not talking about boxers here!!) Sometimes when I'm reading my porn, I just want a quicky.

 

[jfinn]

I was going to post this earlier, but my computer decided to attempt suicide and I had to convince it to go on living. Anyway the story is 246 words and trust me something this short is a real first for me. Even my grocery lists are usuallly longer.

Jayne

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The young man was half asleep when it happened. He'd come
outside to study, or that's what he'd told the others.
Actually, he'd been hoping to catch a glimpse of the pretty
peasant girl who often picked flowers in the meadow beyond
the orchard. But she hadn't been there and the day was warm
and the shade under the tree cool, soon his eyes closed.

The apple hit him with a thwack. He felt the lump on his
head and swore. He picked up the offending fruit to throw
it, but suddenly realized how hungry he was. Then he saw
the big bruise where it had met with his head.

He looked up. It was early and few apples looked ripe. But
there was one high up, bright red and even shinier than the
one in his hand. Wouldn't it be better to have that one to eat?

It was an easy climb and he wasn't afraid of heights.
Higher and higher he went, balancing on always smaller
branches. There it was, just a few feet beyond. He
couldn't quite reach it and slid out further. His hand
wrapped around the cool red orb and tugged at it, but his
angle still wasn't quite right.

He edged forward and pulled. The fruit released an instant
to late. The branch he stood on bent and snapped. He
grabbed for another, dropping the apple. His hands found
nothing but air.

And as he fell a thought occured to Isaac.

 

[peterpan]

Wisdom and innocence

One charge left, in my rusted weapon pointed at her breast. She had not even raised hers. Would give her life for mine willingly.

Yet her threat to me was the greater.

‘An empire awaits you, All-Father. Take back your Throne.’ The girl was nothing if not determined.

She gestured to the small, silvered craft behind her on the beach. ‘A hundred ships like this one search the second spiral arm, for you…’

And perhaps a hundred maidens like this one, cloned to exacting specifications, to fly those strange craft.

‘…Only kind accident brought me here… surely that is fate, or even, your will?’ She ended almost shyly, knowing it was sin to speculate on the will of her god.

Her eyes were like Tuesday’s, bright with the quest for knowledge. She had Monday’s dancer grace, and Saturday’s satin skin and soft womanly curves. My favourite concubines, long dead, gene-spliced into a woman to tempt an emperor back from the grave. But I also perceived the slight swayed back and twisted smile of Mary Contrary, my chief assassin, a straggling thread in that perfect tapestry. So Mary had sent me this message. So she yet lived. I was glad.

‘All-Father,’ Mary’s bastard-spliced daughter persisted, “who named all things, who ruled a hundred galaxies, who would split his mind a thousand-fold to take a thousand fresh concubines every night, your lust for power is too great to be content with just this!’ She gestured to the empty land. ‘You must rule!’

I realized she spoke true. The pistol’s hungry red eye slid reluctantly from her breast.

“I will be your emperor.” I said. She threw herself to the sand in obeisance.

I sighted above her left shoulder, fired, and reduced her vessel to slag.

‘I think I will name you “Friday”’


-------
Word count was exactly 300 according to MS Word.

 

[TheEarl]

Jfinn: I like it. Sweet and petite with the allegory very nicely woven in. Love the twist. I sympathise with the struggle to write short: I often write more on post-it notes. Very locquacious usually.

The Earl

 

[BigTexan]

Okay, KM, you issued the challenge and we responded. At least tell us what you think or our attempts. Please don't just leave us here twisting in the wind!

BigTexan

 

[wildsweetone]

i don't even understand half of what's happening in here, and my pc is misbehaving again, but i need a little writing relief so here goes an effort...

***
298 words

Misfits?

The young misfit teenagers looked at each other.

“Where’s ya leg then?” Jonathan asked as he blew a smoke ring.

“It’s been amputated,” Harry answered.

“But where is it?” He watched another smoke ring form, then dissipate.

“I dunno, the doctor took it away.” Harry fidgeted, twisting his fingers.

“Hmm Geez, if it was my leg, I’d wanna know where the hell it went,” Jonathan said. “How long has it been gone then?”

“Since I was five.”

“Wow, long time.”

“Yeah.”

“How’d it happen?”

Jonathan breathed slow and deep. “I had a fight with a lawnmower. Bad. The doc couldn’t save my leg so he took it off.”

“Wow. Did it hurt?”

“Course it hurt.”

“Does it hurt now?”

“Sometimes.”

“Wow. Can I…?”

Harry looked across at him. “Can you what?”

“Nah, it doesn’t matter.”

“Ask, it’s okay.”

“All right then. Can I touch it?” Jonathan pointed at the stump.

Harry took another slow breath, answering “Yes, if you want,” on the exhalation.

Jonathan’s eyes darted around checking they were alone, then his hand moved. His fingers touched the scar tissue on Harry’s stump. He pulled his hand away, then shoved it deep into his jacket pocket.

“Yuck. It feels yuck.”

“I know.”

Silence.

“Well then. What d'ya wanna do?”

“I dunno. What’s there to do round here?”

Jonathan eyed the stump. “What can ya do with that thing?”

Harry smiled. “You’d be surprised.” He bent forward and within a few moments, the prosthesis was back in place.

“Come on dickhead, lets shoot some.” Harry grabbed the ball and ran for the goal.

Jonathan’s jaw dropped. “Wow.”

Harry laughed and made the shot.

Jonathan flicked the cigarette butt away then joined his friend for some one on one.

“Shit man you can move!”

“I know,” Harry grinned.

***

"A bird in hand is worth two in the bush."

perhaps it's a little too vague. i could have done with another hundred words, i am out of practice on 300 worders I am satisfied I did what I felt I needed to do with it. What do you think?

 

[Guest]

i'm slow

WSO!!!!!

Been missing you, chickie! Even PM'd DVS to check on you!

Liked the story , but thought the moral should be "No use crying over spilt milk."

b

 

[wildsweetone]

yeppers pc/kids/job/life permitting i is back - trying to keep a low profile tho

okay i wrote the other to get it out of my system. how about this one?

***

300 words

Greener Grass?

“I won’t be home for dinner. Sorry. No time to explain, gotta go.” The click of the dead phone line echoed as Hector hung up. Petula slammed the handset down, grabbed her keys, started the car then drove.

The smoky bar was crowded. She ordered a gin and tonic “With a twist please,” added as she smiled at the bartender. Within moments he had left the bar, guided her upstairs. The sparkle in his eye triggered her excitement.

Their lovemaking was enthusiastic. Bert, with his white shirt and sparkling nametag still on, showed her the moon and gave her stars to hold.

“I have to work, I’ll be back at the end of my shift if you want to hang around. You’re a great fuck honey.” Bert threw that over his shoulder as he left the room tugging his trousers up.

Petula lay back on the bed looking around the room. It was Bert’s room. Clothes lay draped over the chair and in piles across the dirty teal carpet.

She dressed, then went downstairs and looked across the crowded bar for Bert. He smiled through the smoky haze and winked at her. She made her way towards him, at least towards where she thought he was. He’d gone. Waiting, Petula figured he’d gone out the back to restock the bar. Glancing at her watch she was shocked to realise it was past nine o’clock. As she stepped out the front door, she looked back. Bert was walking down the stairs with a redhead draped over his arm.

Relieved, she drove home.

“Hi honey. You’re just in time.” Hector led her to the dining room. The table was laid and candlelit. Chinese steamed on the plates. He swung her around, kissing her saying ‘I missed you today.”

Hope flared.

***

okay did i get it this time?
it's not as easy as it looks, i'm having to actually WORK! lol

 

[jfinn]

Jfinn: I like it. Sweet and petite with the allegory very nicely woven in. Love the twist. I sympathise with the struggle to write short: I often write more on post-it notes. Very locquacious usually.

The Earl

Thanks! And I'm glad you liked the twist, I was wondering if it was too corny.

Jayne

 

[Guest]

Having her beefcake and being eaten too.

WSO-

You covered lots of ground in 300 words... but this time I would have guessed "While the cat's away the mice do play...."

b

 

[wildsweetone]

one very good reason to hate cliches or whatever they're called.

okay i'll go bury myself again lol

 

[Guest]

nooooooooooo

one very good reason to hate cliches or whatever they're called.

okay i'll go bury myself again lol

please don't....

 

[BigTexan]

WSO, I liked both your stories. They were great!

Oh and Welcome back! I missed you

BigTexan

 

[wildsweetone]

hiya BT, thank you

but were the pieces 'bird in the hand...' worthy do you think?