First time writing from a female POV

[NewMountain80]

This is the first story I've published here that is (partially) told from a female point of view.

https://www.literotica.com/s/his-turn-her-turn

An excerpt:

 ----
You know he would stop in a heartbeat if you asked him to; you had even agreed on a safe word, but you don't want him to stop.

The cold stone feels good against your flushed skin, and you whimper, your voice breaking even as your hips rock back to meet him. The pain, the shame, and the thrill tangle together into something so raw it nearly shatters you.

Every brutal thrust drives that feeling deeper into your cunt, your spine, your mind. You're not supposed to want this. Women fear this. YOU fear this. The sheer wrongness of it, the danger, and the helplessness, itched a dark part of your psyche that even now made you feel ashamed to explore.
----

I like to think I was able to realistically convey the feelings and emotions the character was experiencing in the scene as a whole but of course, being a man, I'm not sure if I did an adequate job expressing the mind of a woman.

I would really appreciate some feedback on this, as I am currently working on several more stories that include female points of view and I want them to seem as real as possible.

So, how did I do?

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

First thing to notice (as a man), you are using 2nd person POV. Very challenging. I am working on a story that also happens to be CNC and 2nd person pov.

 

[NewMountain80]

First thing to notice (as a man), you are using 2nd person POV. Very challenging. I am working on a story that also happens to be CNC and 2nd person pov.

My original idea for the story was for it to be told in 1st person viewpoints. Somewhere along the way, as I delved into what the characters were feeling, it seemed natural to switch to using 2nd person. A challenge? Certainly, but a fulfilling one.

Did you find it convincing?

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

I was surprised how little it added. It takes the chance away to go into an internal dialogue. In true 2nd person pov you would have to rely 100% on show, not tell, when it comes to the state of the protagonist. So a sentence like "Your body feels split open" is not properly 2 pov, because the narrator observing the protagonist cannot know what "you feel".
And if you stick to that, then your original question answers itself.- You do not tell the pov of the woman, but observe how she acts/reacts and guess the emotional state. So it could be written as "You close your legs as if you want to heal from a split body." But congrats few try this, and your text is strong and amazingly consistent.

 

[NewMountain80]

I was surprised how little it added. It takes the chance away to go into an internal dialogue. In true 2nd person pov you would have to rely 100% on show, not tell, when it comes to the state of the protagonist. So a sentence like "Your body feels split open" is not properly 2 pov, because the narrator observing the protagonist cannot know what "you feel".
And if you stick to that, then your original question answers itself.- You do not tell the pov of the woman, but observe how she acts/reacts and guess the emotional state.

That's not the soul of 2nd person as I understand it. The reader is meant to immerse themselves into the story. The narration builds an emotional framework for the reader to inhabit.

2nd isn't meant to tell the reader what they feel and why. It is about giving the reader a role to play where they fill in their own "why".

The reader brings their own emotional texture into the story. That to me, is the soul of 2nd person.

What you are describing seems like you're expecting the same kind of experience from 2nd person as you get with 1st, and that's simply not how it is supposed to work.

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

I agree, that your approach is also popular. One leans more towards 1st Person pov, the other more towards 3rd person pov.

 

[NewMountain80]

I agree, that your approach is also popular. One leans more towards 1st Person pov, the other more towards 3rd person pov.

I don't exactly understand the point you're making. I am confident in my correct usage of 2nd person narrative, and how it is functionally different from 1st and 3rd. My original question pertains to the gender of the character.

 

[AlinaX]

I suppose. But you need to pay closer attention to tense.

 

[NewMountain80]

I suppose. But you need to pay closer attention to tense.

Yeah. I read through it again after it was published and started spotting them. Most are artifacts from when I converted to 2nd person when fleshing out from my outline. I will pay closer attention to that in the future.