First time with Dominatrix

[saintcero]

My first session with a Dominatrix is coming in a couple of weeks. I would welcome any thoughts and recommendations that anyone cares to give

 

[Dearelliot]

I usually give my Mistress, on our first meeting a short laundry list of what I hope for, the rest is up to her.

 

[cubbyfire04]

I'm going to try to answer this! Sorry if it's scatterbrained, I could porbably talk about this for hours and still not come out with a fully coherent suggestion.

I've had generally good experiences with first session with new doms! I would recommend going with a positive realistic mindset. The first session is always a get to know you type of thing. Even if the dom was someone you knew for years playing or doing scenes together is different. I'm also a very cautious sub so I maybe a bit conservative but I think regardless safety should be the first concern.

You will both be feeling each other out. I don't know what activities you're doing but it should be a very mild session of it with either very low or no risk activites. You need to r ealise you will probably have a good time and learn alot about the person but most likely won't get fully into your subspace.

You should expect to get to know each other in the context of what you're doing and building trust. So it should mostly be kinda talking, learning, and establishing trust. Something that I have taken to doing that helps me establish trust more quickly (and I do kinda find sexy) is defining exactly what we're going to do, then ask them to literally verbally say everything they're doing and looking at while they do it and then I'll ask questions during it. I'll use rope bondage as an example:

D: I'm going to tie your wrists together infront of you.
Me: Ok cool! What kind of knot is this?
D: This is a larks head double column tie. I want to make sure its tight enough that it won't slip around on you but not tight enough to be uncomfortable or cut off the circulation.
Me: Awesome, I tend to like tighter ties but I'll let you know if it gets too tight.
D: So now I'm checking to see if any of the rope has twisted and is distributing pressure evenly or if it's digging into you one spot.... etc. etc.

This helps me evaluate how well the dom knows their stuff and what they're focusing on. Even if they are still learning thats ok, it just helps me to know that they're trying to focus on safety.

Other tips:
- As a sub you have to ensure your own safety, trusting strangers is a bad idea. I have even had a friend come to watch before just because I was worried.
- Remeber you can always as questions
- If you get uncomfortable at any point you need to talk about that with your dom.
- Tell your dom what you like and don't, they can't read your mind
- Don't forget a change of clothes, makeup, deodorant, etc.
- Be on time, wasting peoples time is rude and makes you look bad before you even start.
- You can stop the scene at anytime.
- You can leave if you feel unsafe.
- Make sure you follow any prep instructions your dom gave beforehand.
- Remember to have fun!!! Thats why you're there!

This is excellent. Wish I would've had this top of mine prior to my first professional dominatrix session (assuming that is the case here, still applies if not). But I will say an experienced dominatrix enjoys the orientation talk, and a good one is excellent at defining the process.

One thing I always tell people... Regardless of her experience, you MUST know your hard limits and have them CLEARLY DEFINED in your own mind. More importantly, you have got to be able to clearly verbalize those to your domme. A mischievous one will often times approach that boundary, but never cross it as long as she knows exactly what it is.

 

[Subsy]

Consider offering pics of what you’ve been thinking about experiencing. Your off limits is also vital of course. Ask also what you are expected to supply such as new dildo unopened, ready for penetration prep……all according to your wishes.

 

[Dearelliot]

I've had Pro Dommes on the first meet, bring handcuffs, which I refused...My Domme, who I've known for years, okay.

 

[PaxNurgle]

I would recommend, if possible, a "meet and greet" session prior to the first play time (paid for, as it's her time too) to discuss what your needs, wants, expectations, and kinks are, and also what SHE's about or what SHE's into, and basically get to know her first.

Maybe meet at a public place, a quiet coffee shop or restaurant with a private booth, that's quiet enough where you two can talk without other people eavesdropping. Or, if not, have this kind of talk as part of the first session before just launching into "play time." This will also allow her to get a feel for you.

The pro-domme I was seeing a couple years ago (prior to lock down) did this with me; basically it was like a paid-for "mini-session" where we shared scene ideas, expectations, kinks, and general get-to you you chit chat, and it made our sessions that much more fulfilling. I've also found that getting to know her as a person as well as a domme, her likes, hobbies, dislikes, musical tastes, and so on- makes submitting to Her that much more fulfilling because it feels like submitting to a real person, rather than just getting off on random kinks.

Hope this is helpful.