First time author seeking editor for a story with gay, incest, game show theme

[NjStefano]

Love reading these stories and came up with an idea where a wife watches an x-rated game show and then pushes her husband and adult son to compete for a huge prize. I have never written dialogue and need some feedback on that and just about everything else. It’s long—17,600 or so words.

 

[AlinaX]

I'm a fan of game show stories, but I like when the humanity of the contestants is not sacrificed. It sounds like you're thinking it through, which is good, but if they all know going in that father-son incest is a certainty (or even highly likely) then the real story is in why they would ever consider playing.

Dialogue is so important. Writing it can be frightening at first, but really the best thing to do is dive straight in. It can be a good exercise to choose a scene and see if you can write it purely as dialogue.

An editor can help tidy up grammar and tagging, but as an author you should be diving in to explore character through dialogue.

"Honey?" she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. "I've been thinking."

Brian glanced curiously at his wife, and was struck by the unfamiliar flush of embarrassment enflaming her cheeks. "What is it, dear?" he asked carefully.

For a minute it seemed she would say nothing at all, but even as he shrugged to dismiss whatever had gone unspoken, she spoke: "You know that game show?"

Brian frowned. There were a dozen different game shows they watched together, depending on time and day... but there was only one that could cause such hesitancy. "Family Fortune?"

Caty nodded. "I think" - she paused to breathe, almost hyperventilating - "maybe you and Ray" - her cheeks were so brightly red she seemed on the point of combustion - "should enter."

He could hardly believe what he was hearing. She continued in a rush: "It would solve all our problems with the bank."

That it likely would, but: "What the fuck, Caty? I'm not going to suck my son's cock live on national TV."

 

[NjStefano]

Thanks. Very helpful!

 

[AlinaX]

Really not my thing, so I've not read more than half a page, but nicely done all the same.