First time author here (category: incest/taboo) would love feedback :)

[legally_non_blonde]

Greetings fellow literoticians...if that is a word

Inspired by some of the awesome stories I have read here, I wrote one and it just got published. Would love feedback and constructive criticism so I get better Writing is such a release and being able to share that intimacy, broadens the perspective and emotion so much more! Looking forward to hearing from those kind enough to indulge this chica!

http://www.literotica.com/s/deannas-delight

 

[walkerlong]

I think you generally write well here. You might add a section break or something when you switch point of view. Like ***** or such. Or even consider not switching point of view at all. You can accomplish a lot with just one POV character.

 

[legally_non_blonde]

I think you generally write well here. You might add a section break or something when you switch point of view. Like ***** or such. Or even consider not switching point of view at all. You can accomplish a lot with just one POV character.

Thanks walkerlong good point and will do breaks when I switch povs in the future

 

[Bert_Fegg]

I quite liked it. I think some of the phrasing was a bit awkward and there were some typos which ought to have been picked up. I thought tying her arms to the end of the bed might have been a bit much for a first time, but it was a lovely story nonetheless. Good start

 

[lovecraft68]

Okay so.....

I have three major kinks.

Incest (although dad/daughter is not my fav it depends on the story)

Bondage-tossed that in there.

Feet-I even got some of that here.

So this one hit all the sweet spots for me, excellent job, especially for a debut.

The only thing I'll say is the POV was a bit of a distraction in a two person story this length I think it would have worked with one.

But overall really enjoyed it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

So!

You use SO a lot.

Your spelling is WEEK.

Work on the punctuation.

Get rid of the static verbs.

If this were a pretty girl she'd have a piece of green meat between her teeth, and a raw cold sore on her lip.

2 starz

 

[legally_non_blonde]

thanks

Thanks James ...will work on it though I believe you meant "weak" when you wrote "week" and I will take your 2 star(z) as motivation thanks.. Will help me get better.

So!

You use SO a lot.

Your spelling is WEEK.

Work on the punctuation.

Get rid of the static verbs.

If this were a pretty girl she'd have a piece of green meat between her teeth, and a raw cold sore on her lip.

2 starz

 

[blksoldier]

good to go

great job, just let go and let it flow....