First Time Anal, Last Time Anal?

[Volomon]

Seems to be a good deal of women on this forum, so this question is mostly for them but if any guys have had this situation chime in.

Me and my girlfriend recently tried anal sex, she continuely pronounced pain through the whole thing, but she ussually does that during vaginal sex as well or at least at the start of it, or when it starts to get raw.

Now before you say anything about lube I had massive amounts, there was as little friction as possible. I think maybe I was ramming a great deal of air all the way into her gut and was making her feel probably sick to her stomach.

So whats the deal what did I do wrong what can I improve, and most importantly what can I do to convince her to try it again. Besides making her drunk!!

 

[soapstar]

Im not sure you can DO anything. I have done it once and lived, but it is not my thing. Not for lack of trying I assure you.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm guessing there are three problems (and this applies to vaginal as well):
1) She's not relaxed from the start. You need to take lots of time and foreplay to get her excited and comfortable. Start with a well lubed finger, and work up slowly from there. Make sure this is something she wants to do and isn't uncomfortable with...if it is, she'll never relax enough for it not to hurt. It may help if she is being stimulated in other ways at the same time...for example, she could use a vibe on her clit, and you could try entering her just before or during orgasm.

2) You're going too fast and too hard. If what you're doing could even be mildly described as "ramming," you're way off track (unless she indicates she likes it that fast and hard). Go incredibly slow, and be extremely gentle. Even if you use multiple fingers or a larger toy to help her warm up, she's probably going to need a fair amount of time to become accustomed to your penis. For a lot of people, it's more difficult to relax with a penis than an inanimate object or fingers, so take that into consideration as well.

3) If she doesn't like it or is giving the slightest hint that it hurts, STOP! Encourage her to give you constant feedback, and make sure she knows it's no problem to stop either temporarily or altogether. That's really important because it's tempting to just endure the pain, which often results in a negative mental association and not wanting to try it again (of course that's okay too). Her pain is a good guide, so if it hurts, you're doing something wrong and may be doing serious damage. If you stop, go back to something that feels good, like going down on her, and give her plenty of love and reassurance.

You can't convince her to do something she doesn't want to, and I don't think you ought to try unless you're prepared to have it destroy your relationship. You can suggest other things and exploring together or ask if she'd be willing to give it another go once you two learn more, but if she says no, you need to respect that.

 

[Mr.L.J.M]

dude, take it easy. sex isnt always like it is in the movies... sounds like you are going at this ll wrong... hard and fast (and that includes vaginal sex).
if she doesnt want to do it. dont force her to do it. its not worth it. if something hurts, its not meant to be. and im afraid to say after a bad first experience, she will undoubtably find it even harder to relax a second time.

maybe you should start at the basics.... work on vaginal sex, until it doesnt hurt her, then go from there. get back to us.

 

[lisasmurf]

both are right above me, A lot Guys are in for yourself!

My question, just how big is your penis?
if you hung like a horse, good lucky with Life!

 

[SueJ]

Ummmm...I just have to ask....How old are you?

 

[Mr.L.J.M]

Ummmm...I just have to ask....How old are you?

good question

 

[Eilan]

I really hope you're joking about "making her drunk," because while a small amount of alcohol can help her relax, too much more than that and you walk a very, VERY fine line between consent and nonconsent.

Furthermore, if the ENTIRE experience hurt her, why the hell didn't you stop? Is trying a new activity THAT important to you? I love anal, but I guaran-fucking-tee you that if my husband had hurt me through the entire first experience, he'd never be allowed anywhere near my ass again!

SweetErika has pretty much said it all. Even if you're using a TON of lube, she'll likely still feel pain if she's not relaxed.

You can't "convince" her to do something that she doesn't want to do, particularly if she had such a negative experience the first time around. If she doesn't want to do it again, drop it for now. If you continue to pressure her, she'll continue to resist.

If you decide that you HAVE to keep bringing this up, I suggest that first you let her do YOU with a dildo that's about the size of your dick. Then perhaps you can get a sense of what she's feeling. Seriously.

 

[Volomon]

Well thanks for the tips, but as far as vaginal she likes it hard and fast usually so I probably attempt to start out like that to fast, though then again it might be her meat curtains are unlubed and they tend to get in the way a bit. There not huge but there not lubed either their like magically unwetable in the sense of just turning her on. I'm sure I could rub it around a bit to solve that issue. Which actually is what she ussually does herself with my penis as the tool.

I probably went at it like it was vaginal sex.

I'm not worried about consent she lives with me and has giving me approval for freaky sex while drunk while asleep ect ect. Though while asleep I can only manage fingers, I think its hilarious the sounds she makes and how easy it is to do without her waking up. Then moments latter shes like I gotta go to the bathroom, then comes back and says I guess not.

LOL donno about the dildo thing, but I'll give her time away.

 

[Kassandra13]

Maybe it's just not for her?

 

[SweetErika]

Well thanks for the tips, but as far as vaginal she likes it hard and fast usually so I probably attempt to start out like that to fast, though then again it might be her meat curtains are unlubed and they tend to get in the way a bit. There not huge but there not lubed either their like magically unwetable in the sense of just turning her on. I'm sure I could rub it around a bit to solve that issue. Which actually is what she ussually does herself with my penis as the tool.

I probably went at it like it was vaginal sex.

I'm not worried about consent she lives with me and has giving me approval for freaky sex while drunk while asleep ect ect. Though while asleep I can only manage fingers, I think its hilarious the sounds she makes and how easy it is to do without her waking up. Then moments latter shes like I gotta go to the bathroom, then comes back and says I guess not.

LOL donno about the dildo thing, but I'll give her time away.

You know you've been spending far too much time with porn when you...
refer to part of a woman as 'meat curtains.'

It doesn't really matter if she's given you consent now to do what you wish when she's drunk or asleep. What's important is that she's able to give full consent at the time, and having sex with someone who is incapacitated or not capable of giving that consent is rape in most areas. Living arrangements and marital status don't invalidate that, and it only takes once. Think about it.

 

[Eilan]

Well thanks for the tips, but as far as vaginal she likes it hard and fast usually so I probably attempt to start out like that to fast, though then again it might be her meat curtains are unlubed and they tend to get in the way a bit. There not huge but there not lubed either their like magically unwetable in the sense of just turning her on. I'm sure I could rub it around a bit to solve that issue. Which actually is what she ussually does herself with my penis as the tool.

Meat curtains?!?!?! How eloquent. You mentioned in your first post that she often has problems with some pain at the start of intercourse. What exactly are you doing (or not) in terms of foreplay?

I'm not worried about consent she lives with me and has giving me approval for freaky sex while drunk while asleep ect ect.

While there might be a certain amount of "implied consent" that accompanies a relationship, I still think that you're walking quite a tightrope here. And besides, what's the point in doing stuff like that if she's asleep or passed out and therefore not getting any pleasure (that she's AWARE of) from it? Sounds awfully selfish to me.

Though while asleep I can only manage fingers, I think its hilarious the sounds she makes and how easy it is to do without her waking up.

Tell me, in your relationship, does the "consent" work both ways? If so, perhaps she can shove her fingers (or that dildo) up your ass while you're sleeping. I'm sure that the noises you make would also be "hilarious."

 

[Exciteher]

...LOL donno about the dildo thing, but I'll give her time away.

I thought the "dildo thing" was great suggestion, seems to me that if you are into this, what better way to see for yourself what feels good and what doesn't?

My question is, just what is it exactly that you "donno" about the dildo thing?

I am wonderng if the answers you seek are contained within the answer to that question? IMAGINE for a moment YOU ARE HER... what would you want from your partner?

Not sure just "giving her time" is going to cut it. Tell me, maybe there is something else could you give? Hint: It's not your cock, but it does start with a "c"... has an "o" and some s's in it and ends with an "n"...has a "p" and an "m" in it too..and a few vowels...

 

[Eilan]

Exciteher, I see that you registered some time back, but since you have a low post count--Welcome!

My question is, just what is it exactly that you "donno" about the dildo thing?

My guess is that reaming the holy hell out of someone's ass like they do in the movies is perfectly fine as long as you're giving and not receiving. But then, I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't do to someone else what you aren't willing to have done to yourself. At least be open to the possibility.

I am wonderng if the answers you seek are contained within the answer to that question? IMAGINE for a moment YOU ARE HER... what would you want from your partner?

A most excellent point.

Not sure just "giving her time" is going to cut it. Tell me, maybe there is something else could you give? Hint: It's not your cock, but it does start with a "c"... has an "o" and some s's in it and ends with an "n"...has a "p" and an "m" in it too..and a few vowels...

Ooh--I like that. I was thinking "communication," but that works, too!

 

[Exciteher]

Exciteher, I see that you registered some time back, but since you have a low post count--Welcome! ........

Thank you! I follow some writers on this site...some good ones here!.. don't usually have the time for the forums, but got laid up and have some extra time Should have known better though, these forums are fun and a bit addictive...lol!

On topic again... Presented for your consideration: The biggest part of being able to really enjoy...anything.. is attitude... and from experience I have found that some attitudes lead down an increasingly confining path... and others can lead to totally unlimited horny bliss...

'To do with someone.." is unlimited... No matter what you are into, with this attitude, a bit of empathy, a dash of authenticity, a peck of honesty and the balls to talk about it all, one will always find someone that wants to share

"To do to someone.."....well, one will soom run out of not only "someones" to do... one will be trapped by their own objectifications and labels and run out of things to do... it is a way numbness invented to hunt people down.

There is another way... and all the great advice on this thread points to it...

 

[Brinnie]

you mentioned getting her drunk.

While it might now be best to "con" her into it, alcohol can relax her. I know a little red wine relaxes me.

All in all, you should prolly let it go. Anal is boring and it's FREAKY when guys want it so bad.

 

[Guest]

you mentioned getting her drunk.

While it might now be best to "con" her into it, alcohol can relax her. I know a little red wine relaxes me.

All in all, you should prolly let it go. Anal is boring and it's FREAKY when guys want it so bad.

DO NOT LISTEN TO A WORD SHE JUST SAID. Every woman is different, and anal (properly done) is anything but boring for most of them. Anal sex gives me some of the most intense orgasms I've ever had, and the sensation can be much more intense for the guy.

A glass or two of red wine may help her relax, but getting her drunk is just stupid. Plus, it makes her responses slower and makes it more likely that you'll injure her in the process before she feels it. Limit it to a glass or two.

That said, the suggestion that you be the recipient of some anal play might be a good idea. Your sexual script as a male may totally conflict with the very idea, but give it a shot. If not a dildo, have her give two fingers a try. It may give you some idea how to best go about it with her. Besides, you have a prostate, which she doesn't. Prostate milking can yield incredibly intense orgasms for a man, and anal play even more pleasurable for you than her. It could give you both some much-needed experience to help guide you in anal sex with her.

 

[turboguy]

DO NOT LISTEN TO A WORD SHE JUST SAID. Every woman is different, and anal (properly done) is anything but boring for most of them. Anal sex gives me some of the most intense orgasms I've ever had, and the sensation can be much more intense for the guy.

A glass or two of red wine may help her relax, but getting her drunk is just stupid. Plus, it makes her responses slower and makes it more likely that you'll injure her in the process before she feels it. Limit it to a glass or two.

That said, the suggestion that you be the recipient of some anal play might be a good idea. Your sexual script as a male may totally conflict with the very idea, but give it a shot. If not a dildo, have her give two fingers a try. It may give you some idea how to best go about it with her. Besides, you have a prostate, which she doesn't. Prostate milking can yield incredibly intense orgasms for a man, and anal play even more pleasurable for you than her. It could give you both some much-needed experience to help guide you in anal sex with her.

Think I just feel in Lust!!! Your wording is awesome!! T

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Both of you should probably read this...

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=327313

 

[sxylegs]

Seems to be a good deal of women on this forum, so this question is mostly for them but if any guys have had this situation chime in.

Me and my girlfriend recently tried anal sex, she continuely pronounced pain through the whole thing, but she ussually does that during vaginal sex as well or at least at the start of it, or when it starts to get raw.

Now before you say anything about lube I had massive amounts, there was as little friction as possible. I think maybe I was ramming a great deal of air all the way into her gut and was making her feel probably sick to her stomach.

So whats the deal what did I do wrong what can I improve, and most importantly what can I do to convince her to try it again. Besides making her drunk!!

It almost sounds like you are large and you might be hurting her......especially if she is doing that vaginally too......maybe try different positions where she can control how fast and how deep......then she can get enjoyment too......sitting on top is great for that.......maybe if you you are open minded you can get a dildo and let her use it in your ass and see what you think......I think if more people had that happen they would realize what it felt like and what they should and shouldnt do....

 

[miss_kate]

Anal takes a while to get past the pain. If vaginal sex is hurting your gal- maybe she has thrust or an infection of some kind because sex doesnt hurt unless your 'over rubbing'.