First submission experience...advice? Please?

[Commedia]

Sweetie, that is not a Dom you are talking to. That is a weirdo. Run like the devil is chasing you...because he is.

That has nothing to do with whether or not you are a sub. Being a sub does not mean you have to do exactly what someone claiming to be a dom tells you or you are not a sub... I flounder here because I cannot describe being a sub. I am not a sub. But there are many wonderful subs on here who can describe it for you. The situation you describe with this man is NOT IT and it does not make you any less sub.

Bottom line: do not let this man manipulate you into believing that you are not sub if you do not drop everything and follow him. He sounds more like the anti-christ than a Dom to me. Indeed--quit college? For a person you've never even met??? I think not!

I agree, though I don't know about calling him the anti-christ...that's my job

In all seriousness, this is not a Dom you have encountered. He sounds like he may have some rather severe psychological problems, and I would certainly advise you to not talk to this man anymore.

 

[enrapturedmoon]

I thought I was being safe.
I met him on Alt.com, where they have this "confirm id" thing where they cross check information on his passport with whats on his profile apparently.
He was more than willing to let me talk to his past and his other current subs.
I even talked to the one he lived with on the phone for a bit but it was casual conversation.

I thought that was enough to be safe.

Becoming "confirmed" in your ID just means that you have provided proof of being who you claim to be under that identity. You have quality fake ID, you are confirmed.

Just because someone is on a site such as Alt or Fet, doesn't mean that their intentions are pure.

When I first started on alt I was approached by a Dom to chat. For weeks we'd have innocent chats, books, art, share thoughts and perspectives each had on BDSM and D/s lifestyles. Nothing forward, nothing to make me think he had more than a caring way about him.

Then I met with a Dom (yes again from Alt) who at a "safe" public meeting (in a park seated near the road with a walking path used by many) he dislocated my finger as punishment for "fiddling" as he spoke, tried to choke me and it ended with him using a modified taser upon me after I expressly said "STOP" and was leaving. This all happened in quick succession before I had the chance to move from his grasp.

I of course was upset and angry about this jerk and myself for putting myself in the position where I was treated as such. This Dom is a qualified pschologist, former public figure and a teacher of BDSM methodologies around the world.....someone you would think first off you could trust.

A few days later I was at the computer, the other Dom came online and when I was not my chatty self he asked why. After discussing what had happened and how distraught I was, he become extremely solicitous about my well being, telling me if I was his sub then he would protect me and ensure I wasn't hurt like that. The next few days he would pop on regularly to check on me.

One week later whilst chatting he complimented me on my looks, saying I could make a lot of money as men enjoy spending time with women such as myself (oh yes the alarm bells started ringing loud and clear here). He asked whether I'd like to visit him where he lived ( a community about an hour and a half from me) for a weekend. Told me he had a sub and they lived a polyamorous lifestyle. That I should come up and he would take me where she worked and let me see how I would get on. That they would put an advertisement in the local paper, gave me the rates I could charge etc.....yes pyls/PYLs you guessed it, he was recruiting me. He desired a stable of submissives and slaves who would work for him.

I wanted to flee but got so angry and thought of the ones who could be sucked into his web. So I kept acting like I was interested. Got a rough address from him by subtle discussion of his surrounds..it's a semi rural area with distinct landmarks. I wrote down every detail. I then saved his conversation online, picked up the phone. He wasn't on alt for over a year, but I see he is back there under a new name.

After that long preamble, my message is.........don't take risks, don't assume people are who or what they say they are. It doesn't mean you can't enjoy and establish strong relationships/friendships, it just means being alert and keeping your bullshit meter on full strength. Those who are true will understand.

Being submissive doesn't mean you have to give up thinking. You do not have to do anything a Dom/me requests that you are not comfortable with or is against your personal morals, values and ethics. If you have a hard limit, it is just that, any Dom/me who tries to manipulate you around it after it is told as a hard limit is out of order and only has their self interests at heart. A hard limit is just that, no crossing it. Soft limits, well they are open for extending with consent and mutual exploration.

Before entering into communication beyond "hello" with a Dom/me, ask if he/she ascribes to Safe, Sane and Consensual ethics of play. If not, be wary. It can then be something you both research, discuss and agree to incorporate within your further contact.

But that is just my rambling take on things. Sorry for the lengthy response, but I just wanted to make a strong point on your worrying statement of his "confirmed ID" making him a safe choice.

 

[boundtoHimalways]

Run as fast as you can and don't look back..............love and trust takes months and sometimes years to develop in any relationship, long distance or face-to-face. If it sounds too good to be true it usually is. Be careful in your choices................

 

[Mistress_Sheli]

I agree, though I don't know about calling him the anti-christ...that's my job

In all seriousness, this is not a Dom you have encountered. He sounds like he may have some rather severe psychological problems, and I would certainly advise you to not talk to this man anymore.

point taken LOL

 

[Chgris]

As the others have said, and hopefully by now you have done: cut off all communication with this person. Hopefully you haven't given any information on your address or anything else of that nature.

In future, remember what has been suggested here: public places, with lots of people. Safe calls, where you check in with a friend by a certain time and they know where you are and where you are going. Follow your instincts. They warned you about this guy, listen to them.

Stay safe and sane, and you can still have fun learning and exploring.