First story published! Would love constructive criticism.

[MotherNotMommy]

Hi everyone!
My first story was just published, Neighbour Catches Me. It's a pretty short read, with mutual masturbation.

This is my firat attempt at erotica and I would love any constructive criticism you may have, especially regarding repetitive language, any gaps in the story, or where things could have been elaborated on.

I hope you enjoy it!

 

[UncleJunior]

I quite enjoyed it. The conversational, stream-of-consciousness flow works where it works and enhances the feel of your text. The internal dialogue of someone startled out of one private moment and into the next comes across.

It can be jarring around spoken dialogue, where I have to reset between the internal and external conversations, but not enough to lose me.

Good restraint, not giving the reader too much all at once. I look forward to the next one.

 

[AdeptOralist]

Hi everyone!
My first story was just published, Neighbour Catches Me. It's a pretty short read, with mutual masturbation.

This is my firat attempt at erotica and I would love any constructive criticism you may have, especially regarding repetitive language, any gaps in the story, or where things could have been elaborated on.

I hope you enjoy it!

I enjoyed your story very much. just the right length for a quick read and stroke. I hope that you write more!