First Story Feedback

[Aelfwyn]

I realise there are many similar messages on the board below, but feedback is always appreciated. Check out 'The Sultan's Slave' and please tell me what you think.

My thanks to those 'anonymous feedbacks' who've left messages for me - I was overwhelmed by the positive response! - to all of you, fear not, the Sultan will be back soon!

 

[English Lady]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=80455



that is a link to your story Aelfwyn you get more replies if you put an actual link in your first post, so people can go straight to your story.


I really enjoyed it, I didn't notice anything particularly awful with the spelling or the grammar and i think you put plenty of description into your tale.

Lets be blunt here, it did the job for me *wg*

I just found the last lines a bit weak, but otherwise i thought it was a well written story

 

[honeysucklerose]

I'm usually not much for tales that include girl on girl type of sensuality but this one did make me wet.

It even distracted me away from the mispunctuation that made me frown in the beginning. No offense meant but I'm picky about punctuation (though not perfect myself) and I found the apostrophes used instead quotes and some misplaced commas a little annoying.

The last line was a little lackluster. I think a comment about her anticipation at his promise of more might have been more appropriate.

Overall nice storytelling. I gave you a four.

 

[Aelfwyn]

Commas, commas, commas...

Thanks to both of you for taking the time to track the tale down and read it; constructive feedback is always helpful - and always welcome.

I'm terrible with commas - I'm a writer by trade and my Editor despairs of me. Trust me when I say I'm better than I was!!

Glad you both enjoyed it; more will be coming.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=80455