First post - how can man compete with my imagination?

[RoseLeaf]

new here, constantly daydreaming of sub life, or my limited view of it. married, older and should know better but want forced, hard sex, dirty words. Sex drive of a nasty young thing, my imagination often is good enough but curious if any man could compete with what I dream up ...

RoseLeaf

 

[Stella_Omega]

Nope.

The man of your dreams forces you to have exactly the sex you want, he says brutal, humiliating things at the perfect moment-- the guy is a mind reader. He doesn't sweat, doesn't smell, doesn't forget your birthday. And you never have to make him a sammich. Or clean the ring out of the bathtub.

As wonderful as a perfect-because-imaginary lover can be, you'll have to accept less-than-perfect for the real thing, unless you let some of those perfections go away.

By "older" I'm guessing forties/fifties? It's a topic of constant surprise and astonishment to the world, but middle aged women are hornier than they ever were as pretty young things. Not to mention a sort of societal embarrassment-- how dare old ladies sport the horn? (But the sex toys industry knows the truth. Suddenly, and for the first time ever, the dildo stores are all about the sisters. )

Anyway, there are some ways to deal with this life change, One: if you are otherwise happy with your married life, to get over the desire for ROMANCE (I'm sorry, I know how awful that is) and learn to totally pleasure yourself. If you're not brave enough to face the kids behind the counter of your local Romantix store, buy from Babeland.com

Two, please take a look at the "fetish and sexuality" forum. You will be astonished at how many MEN show up there to say that they would love to change up their sex lives, but are afraid to say anything to their wives-- and vice versa. Your perfect lover might actually be hiding under your husband's skin-- but that takes a hella lot of courage and patience to address.

Three, if it doesn't trigger homophobia in you, look for another woman to become your lover. Women of our age are more likely to read each other's minds, and also-- longer orgasms, more often. Women often can't imagine having rough sex with other women, but I'm here to tell you-- more of us want that than any of us think. Check out fetlife.com to see if any ladies are around in your area.

And ask more questions!

 

[desertslave]

I want to give a resounding Bravo! to Stella's post.

One thing I'll add is that there really are men out there who just might match your fantasies. The big trick is to talk to them, write to them, hell, even charades sometimes, but for gods sake communicate what turns you on. It's unfair to expect either-gendered partner to just read your mind because you gave them what you think is 'the look.' They also enjoy feedback as much as we do.

I might also add that a slight decrease in their stamina can be a blessing in disguise. A little downtime, a lot of teasing, can be a splendid thing.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

new here, constantly daydreaming of sub life, or my limited view of it. married, older and should know better but want forced, hard sex, dirty words. Sex drive of a nasty young thing, my imagination often is good enough but curious if any man could compete with what I dream up ...

RoseLeaf

Hah! Is there any woman who could - or WOULD - live up to the imaginations/dreams of most men? Fantasy is not restricted to the "gentler sex," you know...

 

[Licia]

Questions you could ask yourself:

Can you be honest and own your fantasies?

Why don't you ask him if he is up for the challenge?

Are you able to share those fantasies with your husband?

Why or why not?

Why do you care about what other people think about your age?

Does society at large dictate the use of your body, or do you get a say?

 

[Kurokami]

The cool thing about real live men as opposed to fantasy is that real men are physically extant. Maybe they don't know exactly what you want right away (so why not share your fantasies? That process itself can actually be pretty hot, you know!) and maybe they can't give you precisely what your mind can produce, but they're actually good for kind of a lot. Might even surprise you with some things you've never thought of.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Questions you could ask yourself:

Can you be honest and own your fantasies?

Why don't you ask him if he is up for the challenge?

Are you able to share those fantasies with your husband?

Why or why not?

Why do you care about what other people think about your age?

Does society at large dictate the use of your body, or do you get a say?

Um, yeah. You try being a woman over fifty some day.

 

[desertslave]

Um, yeah. You try being a woman over fifty some day.

I resemble that remark! LOL Master seems to manage me just fine, for a cradle robber.

 

[Licia]

Um, yeah. You try being a woman over fifty some day.

*chuckles*

I hear ya.

I'm over thirty, so I may still be categorized as a whipper-snapper.

I have asked myself those exact same questions, and posed them to my own mom who is over fifty and married.

Impertinent was not the intent, but 'tis what was received. Meh, that is to be expected with internet communications.

I think most of us gals understand what it means to live a life of repression, and even though I may come off as abrasive--stand here with my hand out to others in the same sort of situation.

The Beatles said it better than I could.

 

[njlauren]

My answer is probably not, in that it is a lot easier to fantasize things then actually do them. Read adult stories and you have women in the story who can take on several men all night long and not get tired, or feature men who can come 4 and 5 times a night without a problem, in their 40s...I read BD/SM stories that make me howl, like a newbie sub who the dominant is doing things like 20 good hits with a cane or edge play with things like breath control and it is like it is nothing.......or someone getting 10 hits with a bull whip and barely having marks, right.....

Fantasies are wonderful things, they can help us get through a dry spell and have some hot fun with ourselves and explore things we otherwise were afraid of..it is grew to fantasize about being a total slave to someone else, but living that is not as nice and easy as it comes off as in a fantasy.

But there is another side, hot fantasies are great, and you can get off on them, but the reality is that when you actually do things, even if not on the same level as your fantasies, it is going to often be a hell of a lot more intense and hotter then fantasy ever was, even though in fantasy you were doing things much more advanced. I have fantasized about some pretty out there things in BD/SM or in sex, but even relatively gentle scene play or simple sex generally is a lot hotter for me because it is real.

I agree with others, have you even tried to talk to your H about your fantasies? He may not be willing to do all the things you dream up, but I would be willing to be that if you and he tried out even a subset of the you would find it pretty damn hot.

 

[desertslave]

I apologize to the OP for turning this into a 'broads over 50' thread.

Gotta say, I remember when my mom was in her 50s and going through 'the change.' Her personal bible was The Hite Report, by Shere Hite. I haven't gotten it yet, but I get the impression that it's still quite timely. I treasure my 'been there done that' friends who keep me grounded and sympathize or bitch slap me, as needed.

I bless my Master for putting up with me. If he happens to read this, thank you, thank you, Sir, from the bottom of my heart! There are things neither of us thought that we were signing up for when you seduced me (you know you did!) but here we are. All hail Kismet for bringing us together!

 

[graceanne]

Man is way better than fantasy, because I'm in control of my fantasy, and not being in control is what gets me off. I'm multi orgasmic with a man, and only singly orgasmic with fantasy.

Plus, man has a real penis and my fantasy man only has a pretend penis.

 

[Stella_Omega]

*chuckles*

I hear ya.

I'm over thirty, so I may still be categorized as a whipper-snapper.

I have asked myself those exact same questions, and posed them to my own mom who is over fifty and married.

Impertinent was not the intent, but 'tis what was received. Meh, that is to be expected with internet communications.

I think most of us gals understand what it means to live a life of repression, and even though I may come off as abrasive--stand here with my hand out to others in the same sort of situation.

The Beatles said it better than I could.

See- some of those questions, the answer is not in any one woman's hands. Some of them, the answer is: BECAUSE SOCIETY IS A MOUNTAIN WITH MORE MASS THAN ONE WOMAN'S FORCE CAN MOVE.

Here's hoping that THAT answer will be different for you in twenty years.

 

[Licia]

See- some of those questions, the answer is not in any one woman's hands. Some of them, the answer is: BECAUSE SOCIETY IS A MOUNTAIN WITH MORE MASS THAN ONE WOMAN'S FORCE CAN MOVE.

Here's hoping that THAT answer will be different for you in twenty years.

Ripples affect even the smallest puddle.

...

plink.

Thanks for the hope post-it.

I'd offer the OP more encouragement about the reality of a man fulfilling her fantasy, but others have already given eloquent example.

 

[ecstaticsub]

The surprise I got years and years ago when I started sharing my fantasies with my husband was that his fantasies were really hot, too. They were very different than mine. Sometimes the first time I heard them they shocked me. Not because they were so extreme but because they didn't seem to fit him. Which was pretty hot for just that reason.

Over the course of the next decade or so we have fully embraced the opportunities that sharing fantasies have brought us.

Sharing fantasies is the first bit of advice I give to any of my friends in a married sex rut.

 

[RoseLeaf]

He tells me he doesn't need fantasies to get off (is that a dis?). He doesn't want to talk dirty as its disrespectful, then when I don't accept his advances he says I should be happy that he still finds me attractive after all these years ... most women would be happy with that ...

It's all a head trip anyway, right?

 

[Zanna77]

He tells me he doesn't need fantasies to get off (is that a dis?). He doesn't want to talk dirty as its disrespectful, then when I don't accept his advances he says I should be happy that he still finds me attractive after all these years ... most women would be happy with that ...

It's all a head trip anyway, right?

My hubby is like that too - I know he likes having sex but it is pretty vanilla. He won't tell me any fantasies and can't do the dirty talk either. The only time i get a reaction resembling passion is if I turn my attention elsewhere and that person responds to me. Which would e great if he'd own up to it. But it's very hard finding a button to push if someone won't talk.

Your last bit there would make me pretty angry if my hubby said that - but I know he finds me attractive, he is just bottled up about sex. He also doesn't want to be "disrespectful" to me in bed.

 

[Stella_Omega]

He tells me he doesn't need fantasies to get off (is that a dis?). He doesn't want to talk dirty as its disrespectful, then when I don't accept his advances he says I should be happy that he still finds me attractive after all these years ... most women would be happy with that ...

It's all a head trip anyway, right?

Men(speaking generally) get so bewildered by change. And women (speaking generally) change SO much.

I'll be back later today with some resources for "talking to your dumbass husband"

 

[ecstaticsub]

He tells me he doesn't need fantasies to get off (is that a dis?). He doesn't want to talk dirty as its disrespectful, then when I don't accept his advances he says I should be happy that he still finds me attractive after all these years ... most women would be happy with that ...

It's all a head trip anyway, right?

My hubby is like that too - I know he likes having sex but it is pretty vanilla. He won't tell me any fantasies and can't do the dirty talk either. The only time i get a reaction resembling passion is if I turn my attention elsewhere and that person responds to me. Which would e great if he'd own up to it. But it's very hard finding a button to push if someone won't talk.

Your last bit there would make me pretty angry if my hubby said that - but I know he finds me attractive, he is just bottled up about sex. He also doesn't want to be "disrespectful" to me in bed.

Men who don't have fantasies? Men who don't like at least a little dirty talk..especially in a long term relationship/marriage?

I'm speechless. I can't even imagine that.

Sorry...I can't help

 

[Stella_Omega]

Men who don't have fantasies? Men who don't like at least a little dirty talk..especially in a long term relationship/marriage?

I'm speechless. I can't even imagine that.

Sorry...I can't help

Maybe it's a generational thing.

 

[Primalex]

Men who don't have fantasies? Men who don't like at least a little dirty talk..especially in a long term relationship/marriage?

I'm speechless. I can't even imagine that.

We can't phone and watch TV at the same time, unlike women. Why should we be able to fuck and talk at the same time?

 

[ecstaticsub]

Maybe it's a generational thing.

My husband is almost 50, my dominant a little older than that...they both LOVE when I talk dirty and share my fantasies. Are you saying the younger generation doesn't get into it? (they both share their fantasies with me, too)

 

[ecstaticsub]

We can't phone and watch TV at the same time, unlike women. Why should we be able to fuck and talk at the same time?

Speak for yourself. Thankfully my men can fuck and talk at that same time, also their dicks love listening to me when I talk..I can feel their reactions

 

[Primalex]

Speak for yourself. Thankfully my men can fuck and talk at that same time, also their dicks love listening to me when I talk..I can feel their reactions

Oh please, our dicks react to nearly everything.

 

[whisperinginthegrass]

new here, constantly daydreaming of sub life, or my limited view of it. married, older and should know better but want forced, hard sex, dirty words. Sex drive of a nasty young thing, my imagination often is good enough but curious if any man could compete with what I dream up ...

RoseLeaf

I think maybe NOT, however, with the right partner maybe (like stella indicated, that person maybe inside your husband) he may become what you dream about and not the other way around.