first loves....

[I_Matey]

Hi all. New here, but have a problem bugging me for friggin YEARS!
Anyone else still in love with there ex even after say 15 years? I have a wife and kids and still cannot shake her. BAd split up and all. Maybe the trauma of a bad split-up, I don't know. I guess I was young and dumb and threw it away, but every friggin song still brings back her damn memory. Nothing I would react on, but enough to baffle me. I am a man and this shit should NOT bother me the way it does. If the family knew I felt this way I would be shot, but I finally started talking to her to get some closure, but what a trip in between...
OK, enough rant for a FIRST post. I want to contribute more!

 

[Miss Dizzy]

You're a man, and you have every RIGHT to feel that way.

This may (or may not) come as a shock... but...

Men have emotions too!

 

[koalabear]

No one forgets their first "love"....good or bad.

 

[razorsedge]

Koala's right, no one forgets their first love. I was on/off again with this guy for years, starting when I was about sixteen. Deep down I always thought we would end up together and get married, once we'd had a chance to grow up a little, and adjust to living in the real world. So even though I've been with my current guy for years, when my ex got married last year I was jealous. Ridiculously jealous under the circumstances. I think a lot of people want the one person they can't have, and I'm honest enough with myself to admit that what I miss the most is the sex.

When I'm missing that wonderful ex of mine I just start listing reasons why I'm lucky to have the guy I have, and poof, problem solved, at least for a little while.

 

[I_Matey]

Razorsedge, you hit the nail on the head! I love my life now, but I guess it is the "what if" that still gets me.

 

[janeyl]

leave the what ifs behind if you can....along with the i wishes and the if only's....that way madness lies

 

[NoLeafClover7]

Hey. Welcome! You seem like you're off to a good start here! I think just about every person remembers their first love and some people feel more strongly about it than others. I am with someone now who is great and who I wouldn't trade for the world and I honestly personally don't even wonder "what-if" anymore. My thing is that I dealt with a lot of things with my first love(and subsequent ones too) and so now if I fear a situation could turn into something like one of my past ones, I immediately try to stop it and correct it. Sometimes I fear I overreact, but its just a self-defense mechanism I guess. So I at least understand the trauma of a bad break-up and its after-effects. I might suggest talking to your wife, although I wouldn't say I'm in love with the other girl, (and to be honest, I don't know if its true love or just a deep longing to know what could have been...be careful what you call love).

You might find a way to breach it to her and tell her that its just something that bothers you now and then, you just think about the past too much. If you and your wife have a good relationship she will take it better than you think. When I explained how I am, why I sometimes get antsy when certain things happen and why I try to act to fix them or get her to fix them, my special someone understood and didn't treat me like I was a horrible person for thinking what I do. She understands even if I were to at times have a fear over something that really is a non-issue, its because of some of the bad things I had to deal with in the past. It might make you feel better and help you move on, if your wife supports you through it, and it will show you just how much you A)love your wife, B)how much she loves you, and maybe make it easier to make peace with the past, for lack of a better way to put it. Its your call but if it were still bothering me 15 years later, I don't think I'd just be able to stay silent and not tell my wife/girlfriend that its bothering me. And if not, you're more than welcome to just post on here. As you can see, plenty of us are willing to offer advice and such.

 

[elizabeth22673]

same thing happened to me and my first love. he was perfect and i was in deep. *sigh..wonder what he's doing these days

 

[chelleb]

Men have emotions too!

Yes they do!

 

[I_Matey]

Thanks everyone! Understand I am no weirdo or anything like that. I am in my 30's, beautiful family and successful in my work. I just feel weird that all those songs take me back to the days of my late teens/early 20's when I probably should be trhinking of my current situation and then I feel guilty! Long story short... I was 18, 19, 20 and messed up sometimes like youngins do, and she was a couple of years younger. Thought things were good and out of the blue, then she leaves me for my best friend who she always hated! So there is some trauma involved!

 

[koalabear]

Thanks everyone! Understand I am no weirdo or anything like that. I am in my 30's, beautiful family and successful in my work. I just feel weird that all those songs take me back to the days of my late teens/early 20's when I probably should be trhinking of my current situation and then I feel guilty! Long story short... I was 18, 19, 20 and messed up sometimes like youngins do, and she was a couple of years younger. Thought things were good and out of the blue, then she leaves me for my best friend who she always hated! So there is some trauma involved!

first of many broken hearts no doubt.......such is life.......just get out and have fun.